Posts by Ralph the Wonder Llama

'Extra-supermoon' to appear next week

Re: How about "Hypermoon"

I was thinking "Super-duper Moon". But yes, it will be cloudy and snowing.

What should the Red Arrows' new aircraft be?

Lockheed Blackbird SR-71

What?

Hm, is that a minefield? Let me just throw my magic bomb-sniffing spinach over there

Like the man said...

...job done.

iPhone fatigue and fading Samsung. This planet is bored with big brand phones

Wherefore the Wasp T12 Speechtool?

Well weapon.

Microsoft goes back to the drawing board – literally, with 28" tablet and hockey puck knob

"Promised" 3D in Powerpoint?

Shouldn't that be "threatened"?

Will AI spell the end of humanity? The tech industry wants you to think so

So, are smart machines more likely to kill us, save us, or simply drive us to work?

They will drive us to work. With whips. Until we die.

Oh joy. You can now buy a gold plated quadcopter drone

Re: More then 20 large

I have always been given to understand that £1000 was a "Gorilla". Maybe I watched too much Minder as a child.

Narcissist Heidi Powell wants her dot-com and she wants it now, now, NOW!

Re: I'm Heidi Powell

I'm Heidi Powell, and so's my wife!

Cosmology is safe and the Universe is one giant version of the Barbican

re: The Universe:

(and Life, and Everything) - with apologies to the late DNA, "I think the problem such as it was, was too broadly based. You never actually stated what the question was."

She cannae take it, Captain Kirk! USS Zumwalt breaks down

Nominative determinism

My favourite example of this was in Twickenham where I used to work (hello Unep Eurobats), where there was an undertaker called Wake and Paine.

Rise of the Machines at Sea: The British firm building robot boats

Roboats?

No? Oh, ok...

Amazon pops up more shops

Re: Deliver same day?

"I was amazed to discover though that people order books from the local bookshop rather than Amazon"

Really? Believe it or not, there are people who do this so that their local bookshop doesn't disappear, as the vast majority have already done. Not everyone is solely price-driven.

Brave idea: Ex Mozilla man punts Bitcoin adblocking browser

Nice to see...

...everyone's retained their sense of humour.

*sigh*

So what's the difference...

...between this and, say, a protection racket?

USBee stings air-gapped PCs: Wirelessly leak secrets with a file write

Not a bee

That is not a picture of a bee. Pfft.

NASA dangles ONE MILLION DOLLARS for virtual Mars robots

Shouldn't that be...

...one MEEEEELION dollars?

'Acts of war in a combat zone are not covered by your laptop warranty'

Re: Act of Allah

I(C)BM?

Flying Spaghetti Monster is not God, rules mortal judge

"poof of faith"

Ah, but, as the late Douglas Adams pointed out, proof denies faith, and without faith God doesn't exist.

Careful on those zebra crossings.

Is Microsoft's chatty bot platform just Clippy Mark 2?

While reading this...

...I had a terrifying vision of a dystopian future where humankind, such as remains of it, lives in permanent fear of an army of near-indestructible Terminator-like Clippy-bots, sent from the future by the vengeful and bitter descendant of a once-powerful and super-rich Microsoft MD.

Fortunately, it will soon be time to go to the pub.

Govt: Citizens, we know you want 10Mbps. This is the last broadband scheme for that

No wonder it's rubbish...

...they're trying to use hosepipes.

US chap sharpens paradigm-busting scissors

Now...

...if only someone had thought of a name for those ;)

Turkish hacker pleads guilty to $55m maniac global ATM heist

Re: Sighs

Pledant.

What would happen if Earth fell into a black hole?

For the Pastafarians among us...

...this is tantamount to The Rapture.

Facebook Messenger: All your numbers are belong to us

Errrrrrmmmmmm...

...no.

Reg reader achieves bronze badge, goes directly to jail

Re: You can get badges?

Does seem like a long time ago, in a galaxy far away, but yes indeed :)

Re: You can get badges?

With a username like that, were you once one of the Finest Minds in Twickenham, or is it just a wild coincidence?

That's gotta hurt: NASA suffers attack of the lame Orionids

Re: The Orionids are not a major shower

If it's a major shower you want to see, look no further than The Palace of Westminster, any day of the week.

Prognosticator, for one, welcomes our new robot work colleagues

"shiny metal bastards"

Arf.

Boffins: The universe is DOOMED and there's nothing to be done

"All through my life...

...I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was."

"No," said the old man, "that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that.”

- DNA

Spamquake subsides: less than half of email is now processed pork

portk?

Is that like Spatm?

WHAT ARE the 'WEIRD' SPOTS seen on far-flung PLUTO?

Re: It's and it's

"isn't English marvelous?"

No. It's marvellous. Pfft.

GIGANTIC galaxy-chomping black hole rips boffins a new one

There's something heartening...

...about seeing an astro-boffin use the word "ginormous".

DOUGHNUT (donut?) and whale FOUND ON PLUTO

Misinformation

"Ralph has a wife, Alice"

Lies. All lies.

Dormant ALIEN SLIME LIFE frozen in SPEEDING comet will AWAKEN - boffins

I, for one, welcome our slimy alien overlords...

...and so on and so forth.

Oil & gas? Pah. We’ve got a MASSIVE 3D printer, beams Dubai

Hmm

It seems the "future" looks an awful - and I use the word advisedly - lot like 1973.

Cops turn Download Festival into an ORWELLIAN SPY PARADISE

RIP Customers?

Is Hendrix on then?

Using leather in 'leccy cars is 'unTesla', rages vegan shareholder

Careful choice of words

"Farrell Peters, who confirmed she “grew up” on a veal farm"

She's hardly likely to say she was raised on one, is she?

Tesco tries to talk Tesco Mobile up from 'Value' to 'Finest' ahead of sale

Re: overstreched

Grocery's apostrophes. Obv.

Saudis go ape, detain Swedish monkeys at border

Finally...

...a decent use of the enormo-picture box at the top of an article.

Secret Bezos delivery helicopters operate from mystery Canadian base to evade US regulators

Somewhere in the world...

...it is always tomorrow.

Atomic keyring's eerie blue glow lights SPB lab

Re: UV blue

Surely UV is violet, only more so. Hence the name.

I'll get me coat...

El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

Re: White

To show, despite my colleagues' insistence, that I am not a complete curmudgeon, thanks for this. If there was one tweak I could wish for above all others, it would be this. By comparison most other issues, for me, are relatively meh.

Re: Designed by the monster behind this site.....

lol - what's a COUNRTY?

Re: A design suggestion

"Incidentally, I'm probably not the only one to have gone from about 15 articles a day to 2 since this change was made."

You're not. That's about the scale of my reduction in use. After ten years. After a few days, I still don't like most of the most-cited (things that we perceive as) problems - especially the pointlessly large main image, the banner menu images, the followed link style, the timestamp (yes, really). The main problem for me, however, and it seems for many others, and the thing that prevents me from staying long (long enough to get used to the new design?) is the sheer bright whiteness. It hurts my eyeses.

Ow my eyes :|

I look at El Reg several times a day, but crucially first thing in the morning. I had to shut my eyes to stop my retinas making a bid for freedom. Agree with most of the above, particularly and especially the first post, the one about the Grauniad (which has likewise ruined itself lately) and the menus. It's all flat, I can't find anything as effortlessly as I used to be able to, and it's just so bloody much like every other horrid "makeover" I've seen lately. Everyone else can be wrong, you know.

I'm going to take some Nurofen and lie down.

Amazon DROPS next day delivery amid Cyber Monday MADNESS

Yodel?

"Say you have tried or do not. There is no do."

Post-Microsoft, post-PC programming: The portable REVOLUTION

Re: Que?

According to El Reg, they "count" ;)

Que?

ount?

The Nokia ENIGMA THING and its SECRET, TERRIBLE purpose

It's got a cat in it...

...or has it?

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The MIGHTY Scotch egg

Re: Is it too easy?

Fish finger sandwiches are awesome. Although I once nearly burned my kitchen down making one at the end of a somewhat indulgent evening. Simple fare, yes, but one does at least need to be awake :|