Posts by Ralph the Wonder Llama

Apple's revamped iPad beams a workhorse in from Planet Ludicrous

"pholdables"

Please don't.

Yer a solicitor, 'arry! Indian uni takes cues from 'Potterverse' to teach students law

Re: Let's hope they got permission from JK...

Ralph gets an 'F'.

Let's hope they got permission from JK...

...otherwise they're going to be learning a great deal about copyright law.

Huawei's Watch GT snubs Google for homegrown OS

"urban explorers"

People lost in cities, then.

LG G7 ThinkQ: Ropey AI, but a feast for sore eyes and ears

Re: May we please stop calling them phones?

Wasp T12 Speechtool. Well weapon.

You wanna be an alpha... tester of The Register's redesign? Step this way

Oh yes. We all remember the Last War *shudder*

Geoboffins spot hundreds of ghost dunes on Mars

That's no dune

What?

Vodafone emits new wearable ... kid-trackers

"The latter claims to alert you when you've been in a serious collision"

That'll be handy if and when you emerge from your coma.

Tech firms, come to Blighty! Everything is brill! Brexit schmexit, Galileo schmalileo

Hmm

"The government has also bet big on artificial intelligence"

Might as well, they don't display any real intelligence.

This HTC U12+ review page is left intentionally blank

"mindshare"?

Speechtool well weapon.

watchOS 5 hints at new Apple wearables and life beyond the Watch

Re: "yes, they still make Teasmades"

Machines cannot make tea properly, as the late, lamented DNA so eloquently described.

Don't read this, Oracle... It's the rise of the open-source data strategies

"...the only database in the planet..."

in?

There will be blood: BT to axe 13,000 employees

Re: 106,000??

Holes in the ground won't stare at themselves you know.

‘I broke The Pentagon’s secure messaging system – and won an award for it!’

Welcome once a

^ I found these old letters down the back of the copy editor's sofa. It's ok, I don't think I woke him up.

Are meta, self-referential or recursive science-fiction films doomed?

Re: Wade Owen Watts

I think perhaps the initials are relevant here. Maybe.

User fired IT support company for a 'typo' that was actually a real word

Is that how you spell...

...veterinarian?

India: Yeah, we would like to 3D-print igloos on the Moon

Re: Problem?

Not really. We'd have a planet of Wangers, and we've already got one of those.

Fermi famously asked: 'Where is everybody?' Probably dead, says renewed Drake equation

More Obligatory DNA

"Universe, The

Some information to help you live in it.

5. Monetary Units: none.

In fact there are three freely convertible currencies in the Galaxy, but none of them count. The Altairian Dollar has recently collapsed, the Flainian Pobble Bead is only exchangeable for other Flainian Pobble Beads, and the Triganic Pu has its own very special problems. Its exchange rate of eight Ningis to one Pu is simple enough, but since a Ningi is a triangular rubber coin six thousand eight hundred miles along each side, no one has ever collected enough to own one Pu. Ningis are not negotiable currency, because the Galactibanks refuse to deal in fiddling small change. From this basic premise it is very simple to prove that the Galactibanks are also the product of a deranged imagination."

Obligatory DNA

“It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.”

Developers dread Visual Basic 6, IBM Db2, SharePoint - survey

I don't believe you.

'A sledgehammer to crack a nut': Charities slam UK voter ID trials

Vote early...

...vote often.

Apple's new 'spaceship' HQ brings the pane for unobservant workers

The building is fine...

...they're using it wrongly.

Huawei's Not Hot Dog is possibly the Worst Tech Promo Ever

FTFY

We'll know how good AI is the day a tech exec puts a person themselves in front of the car.

Arrrgh! Put down the crisps! 'Ultra-processed' foods linked to cancer!

"Their interesting results require ... further refinement."

lol

Magic Leap's staggering VR goggle technology just got even better!

It's, like, snake oil.

Go away, silly person.

Here's why online social networks are bad for humanity, the nerds who helped build them tut-tut

"Google design ethicist"

Erm, lol?

Heathrow's air traffic radio set for shiny digital upgrade from Northrop

air gapped

I see what you did there ;)

"It is also capable of generating ACARS messages, which is a sort of text-messages-for-airliners system that displays messages in an airliner's cockpit for pilots to read."

U R 2 LO GO UP LOL

Maybe not...

FBI says it can't unlock 8,000 encrypted devices, demands backdoors for America's 'public safety'

Re: 8000 Devices?

Mimes have phones - they just use FaceMime.

Microsoft's 'Surface Phone' is the ghost of Courier laughing mockingly at fanbois

Erm...

...lol?

NASA says New Horizons' next stop might have a moon

That's no moon...

...sorry.

Trump to NASA: Fly me (or some other guys) to the Moon

Alternative destination

I would like to see the Orange Vulgarian given the tanning session of his life by setting the controls for the heart of the Sun:

'"What," said Trillian in a small quiet voice, "does sundive mean?"

"It means," said Marvin, "that the ship is going to dive into the sun. Sun ... Dive. It's very simple to understand. What do you expect if you steal Hotblack Desiato's stunt ship?"

"How do you know ..." said Zaphod in a voice that would make a Vegan snow lizard feel chilly, "that this is Hotblack Desiato's stuntship?"

"Simple," said Marvin, "I parked it for him."'

If only.

HMS Queen Lizzie formally joins the Royal Navy

Re: Hangar?

Well, it's not quite finished, obv. They haven't put the wings on yet.

User dialled his PC into a permanent state of 'Brown Alert'

Re: Not the brightest.....

Dim. Dimmer. Dimmest.

Night before Xmas and all through American Airlines, not a pilot was flying, thanks to this bug

How I wish...

...that they used this system where I work :(

Level 5 driverless cars by 2021 can be done, say Brit industry folk

Hmm...

...my inclination is to treat with a great deal of scepticism a statement about driverless cars from the chancellor of a rudderless ship.

Inside Internet Archive: 10PB+ of storage in a church... oh, and a little fight to preserve truth

More of this sort of thing

I love it when formerly religious buildings are purposed (I was going to say repurposed, but the prefix seems redundant to me) into something useful, like this. Or, say, pubs.

Sean Parker: I helped destroy humanity with Facebook

$7.8 BEEEEEELLION?

Yeah, he must be absolutely gutted.

Harry Potter to get the Pokémon GO treatment

Harry Potter and...

...the Samsung of Fire.

Re: patronus

People called Roman they go to the 'ouse?

Stop worrying and let the machines take our jobs – report

A machine wants my job?

Srsly, it can fucking well have it.

Post-Brexit economy SAVED: Posh-nosh truffle thrives in Wales

"there are always unknowns"

How do they know?

Hells door-bells! Ring pieces paralyzed in horror during Halloween trick-or-treat rush

Re: Your device may be criticised by some...

...but there will always be knockers.

Bored 'drivers' pushed Google Waymo into ditching autopilot tech

Well, that's a relief

"Google decided that its human-invention system was unsafe"

See title.

Smart? Don't ThinQ so! Hacked robo-vacuum could spy on your home

"IoT hackers might be able to gain control of the LG Hom-Bot vacuum cleaner's video camera."

Well, that sucks.

HAHAHAHAHA.

BT agrees to cream off less profit from landline-only customers

Re: "Why can't telecoms providers just be nice and fair"

lol - nice one Centurion ;)

Knock, knock? Oh, no one there? No problem, Amazon will let itself in via your IoT smart lock

Chicken/egg

The real problem here, I think, and one that no-one has mentioned thus far is: how in the name of the FSM are they going to deliver the "Amazon Key In-Home Kit"? Hmm? Hmmmm?

Canucks have beef with Soylent as to whether or not it's a real meal deal

Re: Does Poutine count as real food?

Yes. Oh yes.

Sick burn, yo: Google's latest Pixel 2 XL suffers old-skool screen singe

Pfft.

What do you expect for a mere $849? Cheapskates.