* Posts by Zog_but_not_the_first

1818 posts • joined 18 Feb 2014

Start Me Up: 25 years ago this week, Windows 95 launched and, for a brief moment, Microsoft was almost cool

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Start me up!

You make a grown man cry.

Couldn't resist.

Someone made an AI that predicted gender from email addresses, usernames. It went about as well as expected

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Re: @gnasher729 - Define gender!

Isn't sex something to do with chromosomes and stuff, and gender, to a greater or lesser degree, dressing up?

It's been five years since Windows 10 hit: So... how's that working out for you all?

Zog_but_not_the_first
IT Angle

Re: Nope

The test for me is when I return from using Windows 10 on someone else's machine to Windows 7 on mine, it feels so much faster, smoother and intuitive. But what do I know?

Smoke on the Tyne: Blaze at BT exchange causes major outages across North East England

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Smoke on the Tyne?

Fog, Shirley?

After banning Chinese comms bogeyman, UK asks: Huawei in this mess? It was a failure of capitalism, MPs told

Zog_but_not_the_first
Devil

Re: Obvious

Why bother doing anything else when you can launder criminals' money?

You're testing them wrong: Whiteboard coding interviews are 'anti-women psychological stress examinations'

Zog_but_not_the_first

If the Solar System's 'Planet Nine' is actually a small black hole, here's how we could detect it... wait, what?

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Sleep easy, it's not a problem

It'll be safely settled in a stable orbit.

Unless a deep space probe or two happened to pass by, and perturb its orbit just enough to send it spiralling into the inner solar system....

When a deleted primary device file only takes 20 mins out of your maintenance window, but a whole year off your lifespan

Zog_but_not_the_first
Headmaster

Did you really say...

"A master device file"?

It's six of the best and off to PC reeducation camp for you.

Three UK: We're sending you this SMS to warn you not to pay attention to unsolicited texts

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Care to guess...

How many people would just follow the instruction and click on the link?

Well bork me sideways: A railway ticket machine lies down for a little Windoze

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Victorian computing

Did you know that Isambard Kingdom Brunel developed an operating system for station signage based on Babbage's engine and powered by cast iron flakes and leather shavings?

Actually, he didn't.

After 84 years, Japan's Olympus shutters its camera biz, flogs it to private equity – smartphones are just too good

Zog_but_not_the_first
Unhappy

Sorry to see them go...

Some brands have a special resonance, and it's sad to see them go. Despite my never owing an Olympus camera, this is one of them. Saab was another.

Google isn't even trying to not be creepy: 'Continuous Match Mode' in Assistant will listen to everything until it's disabled

Zog_but_not_the_first
Unhappy

Oh mighty one...

If they want to be omnipresent and all powerful, why don't they just change their name to God?

Splunk to junk masters and slaves once a committee figures out replacements

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Male and female connectors..

Male and female connectors! Sexist.

Support the trans-sisters.

June's Patch Tuesday reveals 23 ways to remotely pwn Windows – and over 100 more bugs that could ruin your day

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Re: Patch Tuesday for My Asus Router also

I wonder how many people check and install updates for their router?

No need to reply....

BoJo looks to jumpstart UK economy with £6k taxpayer-funded incentive for Brits to buy electric cars – report

Zog_but_not_the_first
Headmaster

Re: Free parking for electric cars

"The party that paid Beeching to kill the railways..."

Pedant point - Beeching was a civil servant charged with formulating the plan under instructions from his boss, the Transport Minister Ernest Marples, the co-founder of Marples Ridgway and Partners, the road building company.

Smart fridges are cool, but after a few short years you could be stuck with a big frosty brick in the kitchen

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

If you're looking for the dumb component...

... they have their hand on the 'fridge door handle.

You're 3 billion years too late to see Mars' impressive ring system. The next one will be along in 40 million years or so

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Shocked, shocked I tell you...

I thought Mars and rings were only encountered in A&E.

Laughing UK health secretary launches COVID-19 Test and Trace programme with glitchy website and no phone app

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

C'mon...

Where are Crapita? They have to be in there somewhere, Shirley?

Samsung to launch debit card and financial-health-as-a-service service

Zog_but_not_the_first
Devil

Eh? EH?

"...financial regulation regimes that silently protect all of us from expensive fraud".

Be still my aching sides.

Quick Q: Er, why is the Moon emitting carbon? And does this mean it wasn't formed from Theia hitting Earth?

Zog_but_not_the_first
Alien

Perhaps......

Loonies are pursuing a low-carbon economy?

Vodafone chief speaks out after 5G conspiracy nuts torch phone mast serving Nightingale Hospital in Brum

Zog_but_not_the_first
Unhappy

But....

If we can't turn to our celebrities, how we know what to think?

NASA mulls restoring Saturn V to service as SLS delays and costs mount

Zog_but_not_the_first
Boffin

So....

All those tales about the Saturn V plans being lost/thrown away etc., were just that - tales.

Good luck pitching a tent on exoplanet WASP-76b, the bloody raindrops here are made out of molten iron

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Shame...

With just a nudge along the first row transition elements we could have a chorus of "It's raining Mn".

Can you hear me now? Roadtesting Anker's first Bluetooth speakerphone

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Anker

I like Anker stuff. Their eufy cameras are great.

Not a shill, er I mean influencer, just a satisfied customer.

Windows 7 goes dual screen to shriek at passersby: Please, just upgrade me or let me die

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

And Windows 10?

"Windows 7 is like that arthritic old cat who lives with an elderly relation. It smells a bit, is a pain to look after and demands near constant attention".

Let the metaphors cascade...

Like a dog raised on a puppy farm without proper attention and training that is likely to bite you when you least expect it...

No Huawei gear in vital 5G project to bring virtual-reality Robin Hood to Sherwood Forest

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Robin Hood?

I thought it was come Huawei with William Tell.

{Who's old enough to get that reference?}

Instagram influencer fools followers into thinking Ikea photoshoot was Bali holiday

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Ah!

Stupidity. The gift that keeps on giving.

Curse of Boeing continues: Now a telly satellite it built may explode, will be pushed up to 500km from geo orbit

Zog_but_not_the_first
Devil

But did the bean counters get their bonuses?

Yes?

All is well then.

The time PC Tools spared an aerospace techie the blushes

Zog_but_not_the_first
Alert

A mistake is one thing...

I used to work with a misanthrope who would deliberately format any floppy disk that was unlabelled, but evidently in use, to "Teach 'em some discipline".

UK cops lost nearly twice as much of their own tech kit this year, says thinktank

Zog_but_not_the_first
Joke

Probably pinched...

... by the Peaky Fookin' Blinders.

Capita lights One Revenues and Benefits bug bonfire: ALL reports older than 12 months to be ignored

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Crapita again.....

And still they get the contracts. Who's getting the bungs?

Apple tipped to go full wireless by 2021, and you're all still grumbling about a headphone jack

Zog_but_not_the_first
Flame

My goose is cooked

So, I'm going to be slowly cooked by a plethora of inductive charging in public places.

Forget sharks with lasers, NASA kits out an elephant seal with a sensor-studded skullcap

Zog_but_not_the_first
WTF?

Whatever next?

Armoured bears?

Pentagon's $10bn JEDI decision 'risky for the country and democracy,' says AWS CEO Jassy

Zog_but_not_the_first
Devil

Re: A Close-Run Thing

"Seems odd to sue over NOT being awarded a contract. Do such people think they are owed ?"

Richard Branson does it all the time.

UK parcel firm Yodel plugs tracking app's random yaps about where on map to snap up strangers' tat

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Re: Oopsie

I've loved Yodel ever since I opened the door on an unsuspecting delivery guy and gently took the "we called but you were out" card from his hand.

I'll give you my Windows 7 installation when you pry it from my cold, dead hands (and other tales)

Zog_but_not_the_first
IT Angle

Refined OS or chocolate teapot?

With the number of patches that Windows 7 has received over the years, has it become more refined and secure, or is it just a chocolate teapot that will never be fit for purpose?

UK political parties fall over themselves to win tech contractor vote by pledging to review IR35

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Re: Politicians' promises

Once again, I'm forced to invoke Groucho...

"These are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others..."

Talking a Blue Streak: The ambitious, quiet waste of the Spadeadam Rocket Establishment

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Re: Dear Alun...

I'll echo that. A cracking addition to anyone's, er, "downstairs library".

I've had it with these motherflipping eggs on this motherflipping train

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Eggs on a train?

Perhaps her fellow passengers had had en oeuf?

'That roar is terrific... look at that rocket go!' It's been 52 years since first Saturn V left the pad

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Re: Poor filing practice?

Thanks rg287. Brilliant and informative explanation.

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Poor filing practice?

But is it true that the plans for the Saturn V have been lost, or thrown away?

What's that, Skippy? A sad-faced Microsoft engineer has arrived with an axe? Skippy?

Zog_but_not_the_first
IT Angle

Skippy-speak

As an aside it should be noted that skippy-speak employs the most efficient compression algorithm known.

Four kangaroo voicebox clicks unpacks to "you say the doc's truck has crashed into the ravine and he's hurt real bad with a broken arm and leg. Petrol's pouring out of the truck and a couple of snakes are closing in. The sun is going down, etc."

Enjoy a tipple or five? You might need this AI system to tell you when it's time for a new liver

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

But...

there's always the Rowley Birkin defence.

Tech and mobile companies want to monetise your data ... but are scared of GDPR

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Re: Quite...

"You go in for a tin of beans and come out with a car jack."

You too, eh? Gotta love the magic wonderland of random shit.

Zog_but_not_the_first
Devil

And there you have it...

"...monetise your data". My data, not theirs.

Like the Death Star on Endor, JEDI created a ton of fallout and stormy weather in cloud market

Zog_but_not_the_first
Alien

The avalanche has already started

It is too late for the pebbles to vote.

Zog_but_not_the_first
Alien

Jump!

Jump NOW!

Slow down, ice-on-Mars fans: Those 'streams' on Red Planet may be caused by landslides

Zog_but_not_the_first
Alien

Easily resolved...

"Get your arse to Mars".

Not LibreOffice too? Beloved open-source suite latest to fall victim to the curse of Catalina

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Just another...

... manifestation of Apple's corporate policy? "Do it our way and nobody gets hurt".

Japanese hotel chain sorry that hackers may have watched guests through bedside robots

Zog_but_not_the_first
WTF?

Bedside robots???

What!? WHAT!?

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