* Posts by Zog_but_not_the_first

1801 posts • joined 18 Feb 2014

Laughing UK health secretary launches COVID-19 Test and Trace programme with glitchy website and no phone app

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

C'mon...

Where are Crapita? They have to be in there somewhere, Shirley?

Samsung to launch debit card and financial-health-as-a-service service

Zog_but_not_the_first
Devil

Eh? EH?

"...financial regulation regimes that silently protect all of us from expensive fraud".

Be still my aching sides.

Quick Q: Er, why is the Moon emitting carbon? And does this mean it wasn't formed from Theia hitting Earth?

Zog_but_not_the_first
Alien

Perhaps......

Loonies are pursuing a low-carbon economy?

Vodafone chief speaks out after 5G conspiracy nuts torch phone mast serving Nightingale Hospital in Brum

Zog_but_not_the_first
Unhappy

But....

If we can't turn to our celebrities, how we know what to think?

NASA mulls restoring Saturn V to service as SLS delays and costs mount

Zog_but_not_the_first
Boffin

So....

All those tales about the Saturn V plans being lost/thrown away etc., were just that - tales.

Good luck pitching a tent on exoplanet WASP-76b, the bloody raindrops here are made out of molten iron

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Shame...

With just a nudge along the first row transition elements we could have a chorus of "It's raining Mn".

Can you hear me now? Roadtesting Anker's first Bluetooth speakerphone

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Anker

I like Anker stuff. Their eufy cameras are great.

Not a shill, er I mean influencer, just a satisfied customer.

Windows 7 goes dual screen to shriek at passersby: Please, just upgrade me or let me die

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

And Windows 10?

"Windows 7 is like that arthritic old cat who lives with an elderly relation. It smells a bit, is a pain to look after and demands near constant attention".

Let the metaphors cascade...

Like a dog raised on a puppy farm without proper attention and training that is likely to bite you when you least expect it...

No Huawei gear in vital 5G project to bring virtual-reality Robin Hood to Sherwood Forest

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Robin Hood?

I thought it was come Huawei with William Tell.

{Who's old enough to get that reference?}

Instagram influencer fools followers into thinking Ikea photoshoot was Bali holiday

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Ah!

Stupidity. The gift that keeps on giving.

Curse of Boeing continues: Now a telly satellite it built may explode, will be pushed up to 500km from geo orbit

Zog_but_not_the_first
Devil

But did the bean counters get their bonuses?

Yes?

All is well then.

The time PC Tools spared an aerospace techie the blushes

Zog_but_not_the_first
Alert

A mistake is one thing...

I used to work with a misanthrope who would deliberately format any floppy disk that was unlabelled, but evidently in use, to "Teach 'em some discipline".

UK cops lost nearly twice as much of their own tech kit this year, says thinktank

Zog_but_not_the_first
Joke

Probably pinched...

... by the Peaky Fookin' Blinders.

Capita lights One Revenues and Benefits bug bonfire: ALL reports older than 12 months to be ignored

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Crapita again.....

And still they get the contracts. Who's getting the bungs?

Apple tipped to go full wireless by 2021, and you're all still grumbling about a headphone jack

Zog_but_not_the_first
Flame

My goose is cooked

So, I'm going to be slowly cooked by a plethora of inductive charging in public places.

Forget sharks with lasers, NASA kits out an elephant seal with a sensor-studded skullcap

Zog_but_not_the_first
WTF?

Whatever next?

Armoured bears?

Pentagon's $10bn JEDI decision 'risky for the country and democracy,' says AWS CEO Jassy

Zog_but_not_the_first
Devil

Re: A Close-Run Thing

"Seems odd to sue over NOT being awarded a contract. Do such people think they are owed ?"

Richard Branson does it all the time.

UK parcel firm Yodel plugs tracking app's random yaps about where on map to snap up strangers' tat

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Re: Oopsie

I've loved Yodel ever since I opened the door on an unsuspecting delivery guy and gently took the "we called but you were out" card from his hand.

I'll give you my Windows 7 installation when you pry it from my cold, dead hands (and other tales)

Zog_but_not_the_first
IT Angle

Refined OS or chocolate teapot?

With the number of patches that Windows 7 has received over the years, has it become more refined and secure, or is it just a chocolate teapot that will never be fit for purpose?

UK political parties fall over themselves to win tech contractor vote by pledging to review IR35

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Re: Politicians' promises

Once again, I'm forced to invoke Groucho...

"These are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others..."

Talking a Blue Streak: The ambitious, quiet waste of the Spadeadam Rocket Establishment

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Re: Dear Alun...

I'll echo that. A cracking addition to anyone's, er, "downstairs library".

I've had it with these motherflipping eggs on this motherflipping train

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Eggs on a train?

Perhaps her fellow passengers had had en oeuf?

'That roar is terrific... look at that rocket go!' It's been 52 years since first Saturn V left the pad

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Re: Poor filing practice?

Thanks rg287. Brilliant and informative explanation.

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Poor filing practice?

But is it true that the plans for the Saturn V have been lost, or thrown away?

What's that, Skippy? A sad-faced Microsoft engineer has arrived with an axe? Skippy?

Zog_but_not_the_first
IT Angle

Skippy-speak

As an aside it should be noted that skippy-speak employs the most efficient compression algorithm known.

Four kangaroo voicebox clicks unpacks to "you say the doc's truck has crashed into the ravine and he's hurt real bad with a broken arm and leg. Petrol's pouring out of the truck and a couple of snakes are closing in. The sun is going down, etc."

Enjoy a tipple or five? You might need this AI system to tell you when it's time for a new liver

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

But...

there's always the Rowley Birkin defence.

Tech and mobile companies want to monetise your data ... but are scared of GDPR

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Re: Quite...

"You go in for a tin of beans and come out with a car jack."

You too, eh? Gotta love the magic wonderland of random shit.

Zog_but_not_the_first
Devil

And there you have it...

"...monetise your data". My data, not theirs.

Like the Death Star on Endor, JEDI created a ton of fallout and stormy weather in cloud market

Zog_but_not_the_first
Alien

The avalanche has already started

It is too late for the pebbles to vote.

Zog_but_not_the_first
Alien

Jump!

Jump NOW!

Slow down, ice-on-Mars fans: Those 'streams' on Red Planet may be caused by landslides

Zog_but_not_the_first
Alien

Easily resolved...

"Get your arse to Mars".

Not LibreOffice too? Beloved open-source suite latest to fall victim to the curse of Catalina

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Just another...

... manifestation of Apple's corporate policy? "Do it our way and nobody gets hurt".

Japanese hotel chain sorry that hackers may have watched guests through bedside robots

Zog_but_not_the_first
WTF?

Bedside robots???

What!? WHAT!?

The sound of silence is actually the sound of a malicious smart speaker app listening in on you

Zog_but_not_the_first
IT Angle

Alternative?

I echo (ha! ha!) the wise comments here on the unfathomable trend to have one of these things, BUT there is a real utility to be had in the case of, for example, an elderly relative. Are there viable alternatives (are you listening Pi crowd?) that listen out for a key phrase then pass the recognised query to an appropriate recipient (search engine, phone call etc.?

We read the Brexit copyright notices so you don't have to… No more IP freely, ta very much

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Yum...

This Brexit thing sounds lovely. Can we have some more of it?

{Sarcasm, obviously}

UK culture sec hints at replacing TV licence fee, defends encryption ban proposals and her boss in Hacker House inquiry

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Re: "I still use the phrase 2025"

Zager and Evans might disagree

Well, almost.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a Ramblin' Man or Woman? Maybe brush up on your cartography

Zog_but_not_the_first
Happy

On a more positive comment...

If you want OS maps and a tag to show you where you are I can recommend the Rambler's Pathwatch app. Designed to let you report problems with rights of way, it's a lovely little piece of work.

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Huh!

I've experienced this with a few apps recently. New "clean modern design" but important functions no longer work. Probably turned out by "agile" teams so pleased with the look that they forgot to check if the f*ck*ng thing still worked.

Grumpy because a stupid "upgrade" to an app left me unable to pay using my phone and I didn't have enough cash on me.

So, what's fashion going to look like on the Moon in 2024? NASA's ready to show you the goods

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Re: Orange is ...

Purple wigs and silver mini-skirts!

Welcome to the World Of Tomorrow, where fridges suffer certificate errors. Just like everything else

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Well, yep. That's it really.

Her Majesty opens UK Parliament with fantastic tales of gigabit-capable broadband for everyone

Zog_but_not_the_first
Unhappy

Re: Really?

Yep. I blame those who support them. They're the Universal Soldiers voters and they really are to blame.

Oh dear... AI models used to flag hate speech online are, er, racist against black people

Zog_but_not_the_first
Boffin

Re: Walking on eggshells

Exactly. I recently enjoyed watching "Blazing Saddles" with its fine critique of attitudes. But if I recall the scene where the new sheriff gets out of a tricky situation with "Don't shoot or the nigger gets it" I'm accused of being a racist..

Grow up.

You know the deal: October 2019. Pwned by a spreadsheet. Patch your Microsoft stuff

Zog_but_not_the_first
IT Angle

Er....

As older software has been patched and patched again over time isn't it getting more and more secure?

Asking because I genuinely don't know.

The immovable object versus the unstoppable force: How the tech boys club remains exclusive

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Re: vive la difference

Yes indeed. The current fad for identity politics where you are defined by your "group" and whether you are oppressed or oppressor seems to bring more problems than solutions. Not least the reductio ad absurdum if taken to the limit.

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

Re: Misguided

A slap followed by a bow? Not very respectful IMHO.

Zog_but_not_the_first
Meh

Hmmm...

Complicated issue.

Encourage, remove barriers, mentor etc., but I like to think that the person doing the job is the best person for the job.

Why aren't there more female bricklayers? Do the same impediments apply? Told you it was complicated.

Remember Windows 8? Microsoft is still trying to reunify the API it split for the touchy OS's benefit

Zog_but_not_the_first
Thumb Up

Actually...

I use Windows 8 with Stardock Start8 so I never the horrible and confusing Fisher Price interface and it's very nice. Windows 7 SP3 really.

We're all doooooomed: Gloomy Brit workforce really isn't coping well with impending Brexit

Zog_but_not_the_first
Trollface

The people have spoken!

Boaty McBoatface.

Amusing jape, but sensibly overruled.

Cue - "Just gert owt!!!!!!"

Hinkley Point nuclear power station will be late and £2bn over budget

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Jeez

Haven't the guys who signed off on this ever "had the builders in"?

It's ace that UK.gov 'in 2030 will be joined up, trusted and responsive' – but what about now?

Zog_but_not_the_first
Facepalm

Huh!

Are they going to be "agile" too?

Now where did I put my "Wank Word Bingo" card?

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