* Posts by Spasticus Autisticus

165 posts • joined 11 Jan 2014


The lights go off, broadband drops out, the TV freezes … and nobody knows why (spooky music)

Spasticus Autisticus

'He is a floating sports fan ... '

SailGP and the America's Cup are great floating sports, although with the foils it's now closer to flying. Available for free on Youtube and more exciting than F1

If HAL did digital signage. I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that...

Spasticus Autisticus
Thumb Up

Brilliant, Richard

'My God! It's full of Bork!' and 'A black oblong of purest Bork glares balefully over shoppers...' - both made me laugh out loud.

Thank you

Prince Philip, inadvertent father of the Computer Misuse Act, dies aged 99

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: No TV


Easily distracted by too many apps, too many meetings, and too much asparagus

Spasticus Autisticus

Agreed - see name.

I also enjoy Gil Scott-Heron as a singer/songwriter/poet

US state AGs: How can Facebook, Google, Twitter say they tackle misinformation when *gestures wildly at COVID-19 BS everywhere*

Spasticus Autisticus


'Google’s Sundar Pichai explained the same: “This past year we’ve also focused on providing quality information during the pandemic.'

The word quality without a quantifier is meaningless. If something really is top/high/good quality the quantifying word will be used. If I see 'quality' on its own I then put the required quantifying word, low/poor/rubbish, in myself.

Chairman, CEO of Nominet ousted as member rebellion drives .uk registry back to non-commercial roots

Spasticus Autisticus

My preferred registrar/host are EX Networks/Express Hosting - they voted YES

The Great Borkish Breakfast: I'll have a cup of tea, a sausage roll and a side of bork, please

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: A coffee, sausage roll and a Windows license please

Links or search terms please - I've not found any so far but have to believe there are a few.

Splunk junks 'hanging' processes, suggests you don't 'hit' a key: More peaceful words now preferred in docs

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: How about them black holes ?

... and White Dwarves.

Trump fires cybersecurity boss Chris Krebs for doing his job: Securing the election and telling the truth about it

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: The Truth?

@SD3 - hopefully you mean Kayleigh 'Trailer-trash' McEnany? She's supposedly a clever girl but the things she says to defend the Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief are sometimes indeed hilarious :-)

UK, Canada could rethink the whole 'ban Huawei' thing post-Trump, whispers Huawei

Spasticus Autisticus

B Movie

"What has happened is that in the last 20 years

America has changed from a producer to a consumer

And all consumers know that when the producer names the tune...

The consumer has got to dance

That's the way it is. We used to be a producer – very inflexible at that

And now we are consumers and, finding it difficult to understand"

Some lyrics from B Movie by Gil Scott-Heron, 1983.

Change the names for some in the current administration and the whole song/poem is still relevant.

I tried to not have the lyrics double spaced but I failed :-(

KDE maintainers speak on why it is worth looking beyond GNOME

Spasticus Autisticus

Sorry KDE, 3.5.10 was the last good KDE in my books. Used on SuSE something or other (11?). I thought KDE 4 was pretty awful so they lost me, I did try it again a few years later but still disliked it compared to whatever I was using - might have been Mint Gloria and GNOME or Xfce. Still a happy Mint user with either MATE or Cinnamon depending on GPU power.

123 Bork? Six-day DNS record-edit outage at domain name flinger 123 Reg enrages users

Spasticus Autisticus

Pay peanuts, get monkeys - 123Reg, GoDaddy, 1and1 (Ionos), Fasthosts - when things go wrong all these are shite.

Famous last words - never had a problem with Express Hosting

GitHub warns devs face ban if they fork DMCA'd YouTube download tool... while hinting how to beat the RIAA

Spasticus Autisticus

That horse has not only bolted but been shot and turned in to dog food that has been eaten by dogs that have themselves shuffled off this mortal coil.

China’s UK embassy calls for probe into 'hack of Ambassador’s Twitter account'

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: haha

Unfortunately any person of Chinese descent is vulnerable to the CCP, no matter for how many generations they may have lived outside China. If there are relatives back in China then pressure can be exerted - 'it would be a shame if Uncle Ying and Aunt Tong lost their house, think of poor little cousins Tiddle, Aye and Po'.

We can only hope that whatever catastrophe China has to suffer again doesn't effect the rest of the globe too much.

Facebook sort-of blocks anti-quarantine events – how many folks are actually behind these 'massive' protests online?

Spasticus Autisticus

The bunker is/was in Mistley, the ground site has been developed in to housing recently (haven't looked for a few months to see if its finished yet). I'm not sure the the Secret Bunker signs are there as the 'attraction' isn't open any more. As I live in the third of 'The Three Parishes', I don't know, because I don't 'see' the local signage.

Remember that clinical trial, promoted by President Trump, of a possible COVID-19 cure? So, so, so many questions...

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: Quinone

So that's why there are no lemons in the supermarkets! I wanted to use some in cakes and scones I plan to bake.

Broadcom sues Netflix for its success: You’re stopping us making a fortune from set-top boxes, moans chip designer

Spasticus Autisticus

Hopefully Netflix will use Private Eye's response ....

"We refer you to the reply given in the case of Arkell v. Pressdram."

Drones must be constantly connected to the internet to give Feds real-time location data – new US govt proposal

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: Turn it around

That's good Jake, you are a responsible gun owner.

Maybe our gun cases should have a tracker on them too? That way it is possible to 'see' the weapon(s) being moved from safe to case, 'see' case as it travels, then 'see' guns being used at gun club or other shooting locations. The guns 'disappear' back in to case with tracker that then travels back to safe at the registered location, guns or case disappear in to safe - all beautifully logged by the powers that regulates guns.

So easy with today's technology :-)

I fly model aircraft and the new drone laws are threatening my hobby. I also shoot at a local gun club.

Indie VPN WireGuard gets the Torvalds seal of approval with inclusion in Linux kernel 5.6

Spasticus Autisticus

Baby seal

Unlike Serge the Seal of Death


Bollaux - don't seem to be able to make a link, what am I doing wrong?

Space Force is go, go, go! Because we have a child as President of the United States

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: Wow.

I have a picture in my mind that this happens, but Trump just puts his hand up to his head and goes OW - despite half his head being shot away.

Am I bad?

Join us on our new journey, says Wunderlist – as it vanishes down the Microsoft plughole

Spasticus Autisticus

Qunts - absolute and unredeemable qunts.

Questions hang over Gatwick Airport after low level drone near-miss report

Spasticus Autisticus

Having an offensive person on your weapon

Conspiracy loons claim victory in Brighton and Hove as council rejects plans to build 5G masts

Spasticus Autisticus

May be worried for the gay frogs more like

Here we go again: US govt tells Facebook to kill end-to-end encryption for the sake of the children

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: Forget the kiddies

I was slightly bullied at school, in two cases I remember I retaliated to the surprise of the bully - one who found himself held by the throat backed over a table, the other* kicked hard on the knee so he couldn't catch me as I ran :-) - attack is the best form of defence against bullying.

* I was told he joined the Met. Police, where I suspect he continued to be an arsehole.

Wake me up before you Gogo ... so I can jump out: Kenyan MP takes on aeroplane flatulence

Spasticus Autisticus

The solution

How about emergency pairs of Shreddies kept on board? - https://www.myshreddies.com/

Spasticus - aka Johnny Fart Pants

Are you who you say you are, sir? You are? That's all fine then

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: A funny thing happened to me in July

If the service is working our ISPs don't care about the infrastructure, if its Openreach's kit then contact them direct - search for openreach damage.

I did this when some trees got removed near a new development and our line was hanging down to around 10', I could see a lorry tearing the line down at any moment so called Openreach. Within the hour 2 vans and 3 guys turned up, one went up the pole and gathered the excess cable up. Sorted.

Friends, it's fine. Don't worry about randomers listening to your Skype convos. Microsoft has tweaked an FAQ a bit

Spasticus Autisticus

Feed all these voice things some Professor Stanley Unwin.

Pi in the sky as ESA starts testing encrypted comms on International Space Station

Spasticus Autisticus

I hope they'll be putting a backdoor in for law enforcement

UK PM Johnson spins revolving doors, new digital minister falls through

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: Starting a sweep-

'The worst part of the whole situation with Ms Priti Vacant?

She's the MP for Colchester'

Nope - Will Quince is. Priti Patel is MP for Witham (wit-am, not with-am)

Remainers - getting it wrong a lot :-)

Chill a bit @Jemma

We knew it was coming: Bureaucratic cockup triggers '6-month' delay of age verification block on porno in the UK

Spasticus Autisticus

Hilfuckinglarious! What a bunch of useless counts.

Why is there a red line across the screen? Its even a bit wavy.

Blame Canada! Zuckerberg subpoenaed to face Cambridge Anal. probe from Canucks

Spasticus Autisticus

I did ask nicely before but you still want to show the 'borg's face when perhaps Beaker off the Muppets would be better. I don't know if this link will work but maybe this is a reasonable likeness to replace the 'borg's boat - https://browse.startpage.com/do/show_picture.pl?l=english&rais=1&oiu=https%3A%2F%2Fstatic.independent.co.uk%2Fs3fs-public%2Fthumbnails%2Fimage%2F2018%2F05%2F04%2F15%2Fthe-muppets-2.jpg&sp=bc8c9b3de4615b0ede6371dbed8ee081&t=default

Watch Toyota's huge basketball robot shoot a hoop, and read up on how you should think about AI and, erm, Jesus

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: banner image

image from here - https://www.shutterstock.com/g/Mike_Kiev

area screen grab and tineye.com is your friend when wanting to find an image.

Two Arkansas dipsticks nicked after allegedly taking turns to shoot each other while wearing bulletproof vests

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: Ferris and Hicks?


I hear a pair of banjos

diddle, ding, ding, dinggg.

Ex-Mozilla CTO: US border cops demanded I unlock my phone, laptop at SF airport – and I'm an American citizen

Spasticus Autisticus
Black Helicopters

Michael Portillo did a program about the best/nicest to do away with people. He experienced hypoxia in an RAF (I think) testing facility used to train pilots to recognise the signs and would have happily died if the instructor hadn't put his mask back on.

A telling part of the program was when he told an American that being executed via hypoxia would be painless and you go out on a high, the American spat out something along the lines of 'I don't want murderers and rapists to die happy, I want them to suffer.'

America! The New World, a developing nation, peopled by Europe's religious nutters, rouges and chancers - with a few good people too no doubt :)

UK Ministry of Justice: Surprise! We tested out biometric tech in prisons and 'visitors' with drugs up their bums ran away

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: Is it just me ?

Common misconception - the lovelies were chasing Benny.

Had to go watch few Benny Hill chases on yt - now my face aches :)

Correction: Last month, we called Zuckerberg a moron. We apologize. In fact, he and Facebook are a fscking disgrace

Spasticus Autisticus

I would be grateful if El Reg would stop using a photo of the Facebook head chunt in your stories about the company. We know what the chunt looks like and I try desperately to avoid looking at the ugly muthaf*cker's fisog whenever it is shown. I know its easy to skip past the top image but there's often a side story box where for a few seconds that smug-looking arseh*les face is showing. Surely there is a derogatory fb meme that could be used instead?

Many thanks


MPs tear 'naive' British Army a new one over Capita recruitment farce

Spasticus Autisticus

No need for recruitment campaigns.

Aged 18 - 25? Not got a job? National Service for you then.

Friendly reminder to Drupal admins: Secure your sh!t before latest RCE-holes get you

Spasticus Autisticus

just to say

'Versions of Drupal 8 prior to 8.5.x are end-of-life and do not receive security coverage.'

Version 7.x - 'Supported until November 2021'

Password managers may leave your online crown jewels 'exposed in RAM' to malware – but hey, they're still better than the alternative

Spasticus Autisticus

Stopped reading at ....

.... on a Windows machine ..... - sorry.

Icon for Windows in its current POS form -------------------->

Facebook didn't care if your kids ran up gigantic credit card bills – lawsuit

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: This is similar...

Stevie, like it. Cunts is also one of the few single words that sum up Fuckbook, and in the singular - Fuckerberg.

Did I read somewhere that US companies have rights like a person or something similar? Well, if found guilty, jail FB for 20 years. Owners, directors, management, working from the top down do 1 month each of stir - and not in a cushy executive prison, but not necessarily in a top security hell hole, just a normal mid-range offender prison. A month of that is enough to get people's attention.

Icon for what can't happen soon enough to FB

Google-whisperers beat reCaptcha voice challenge with 90% success rate

Spasticus Autisticus

Slightly OT

When using the wise monkeys it would be great to use all of them - all 4 - https://crissov.github.io/unicode-proposals/fourth-monkey.html - especially when its El Goog that is the subject of the story :-)

TripTank Stump the Goog - https://vimeo.com/96767671 - NSFW

Hole-y ship: ISS 'nauts take a wander to crack Soyuz driller whodunnit

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: New old song

Get fuel, dear Henry, dear Henry

Get fuel, dear Henry, dear Henry, get fuel

How to get fuel dear Lisa, dear Lisa

How to get fuel dear Lisa, dear Lisa, how?

With a Soyuz dear Henry, dear Henry

With a Soyuz dear Henry, dear Henry, a Soyuz

There’s a hole in my Soyuz ……..

Just had to finish the loop off.

Apologies for change in title too - the 'dead rats' is automatically inserted in my replies and I forgot to change it. Might be something to do with NoScript.

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: "as much value as a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory"

Well, warm it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,

Well, warm it, dear Henry, dear Henry, and hope!

Taylor's gonna spy, spy, spy, spy, spy... fans can't shake cam off, shake cam off

Spasticus Autisticus

Much prefer get schwifty - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ctK1aoWuqY - not particularly NSFW

Supreme Court raises eyebrows at Google's cozy $8.5m legal deal

Spasticus Autisticus
Paris Hilton

Psst - Kieren, your bias is showing. Tuck it back in out of sight like good journalists do.

Paris, as she likes to let it all hang out too :-)

Congrats from 123-Reg! You can now pay us an extra £6 or £12 a year for basically nothing

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: I want to move away

Express Hosting

Facebook: Up to 90 million addicts' accounts slurped by hackers, no thanks to crappy code

Spasticus Autisticus

To my shame, I have a FB account. I haven't used it for ages and haven't agreed to the new terms post GDPR, so its sort of dormant.

What I'd like to do is delete my FB account but first have FB give me ALL the info they have on me. I've never given them my mobile number but suspect they have it. FB is almost certain to have more info about me then shows on my account which I can delete (deletefacebook).

Is there somewhere that details how to go about getting FB to tell me everything they hold on me? I know it would be pretty much impossible to know they have complied but I would at least like to try.

Oldest swinger in town, Slackware, notches up a quarter of a century

Spasticus Autisticus

I looked out my February 1996 PCW Interactive CD that has Slackware Professional Linux on it (v2.0 I think), the CD still runs but I doubt I'll try to make two install floppies to try and install it. This was my introduction to Linux and the start of my move away from Windows, which is at least 99% complete.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a giant alien space cigar? Whatever it is, boffins are baffled

Spasticus Autisticus

Werepires - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE80Mdv7eTs

Not particularly NSFW - depends where you work :-)

Norwegian tourist board says it can't a-fjord the bad publicity from 'Land of Chlamydia' posters

Spasticus Autisticus

Re: "Norwegians are not good at using condoms."


giggity :-)



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