* Posts by AbeSapian

113 posts • joined 9 Jan 2014

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What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you

AbeSapian

What's in a Name

My preferred handle is Microshaft.

"He Who Must Not Be Named" was taken. Besides, it's too wordy.

Land Where Ideas Go To Die

Not A Bug It's A Feature.

Smithfield for Software

There's a black hole lurking within 1,000 light years of Earth – and you can see stars circling it with the naked eye

AbeSapian

No Planetary Nebula

I'm not an astronomer, but I think the lack of a planetary nebula suggests the black hole is very old. It's either been swallowed by the black hole, or the companion stars leaving nothing visible.

AbeSapian

Re: Starman on his way...?

Now we know why Elon launched that Tesla. So Tom Cruise could have a cool car to save us from the black hole in.

Get in the lake, Sparky: Databricks touts new ingestion file sources

AbeSapian

They Missed a Bet

Instead of data lakes, they should have called it Pensieve.

Good news, everyone: The US military says it will be ethically minded about how it develops AI

AbeSapian

Success Stories Every One

Colossus: The Forbin Project

HAL 9000

Sky Net

I feel safer already. What could possibly go wrong?

Come on baby light me on fire: McDonald's to sell 'Quarter Pounder' scented candles

AbeSapian

Which Is Worse

Which is worse, Goop Lab's vagina scented candle or a McDonald's Quarter Pounder scented candle.

We report, you decide.

Fed-up air safety bods ban A350 pilots from enjoying cockpit coffees

AbeSapian

Fate is the Hunter

Apparently they've never seen the movie Fate is the Hunter.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fate_Is_the_Hunter_(film)

Is everything OK over there, Britain? Have you tried turning the UK off and on again? ISPs, financial orgs fall over in Freaky Friday of outages

AbeSapian

Is Brexit BrokesIt?

It's all in the title. Of course, being in Ameirka, I can't talk too much. We're still Trumped.

Head of Apple's insider trading program charged with… you guessed it... insider trading

AbeSapian

Irony?

I would say this is dripping with irony were it not for the fact that this is just another day in the life.

Fraudster convicted of online banking thefts using… whatever the hell this thing is

AbeSapian

A Good Christian

I like the fact that his thievery device came complete with a picture of the holy family. It shows the right attitude towards his faith.

US govt confirms FCC's broadband speeds and feeds stats are garbage

AbeSapian

Telecommunications Ghetto

If you live in rural America you are forgotten. Only the lowest level of service from AT&T that can still be called DSL (speeds less than 1M) is available to me. My alleged other provider is Charter Communications, a cable company that can't be bothered to string a wire to my house. And a complaint to the FCC yielded a raft of phone calls and excuses and not results. And that was before Ajit (pronounced idiot) Pai made things worse.

4G found on Moon

AbeSapian

Telecommunication Ghettos

How about bringing some high speed service to the telecommunication ghettos, like where I live.

Survey: Tech workers are terrified they will be sacked for being too old

AbeSapian

Inexorable

What Zuk et. al. fail to realize is that they too are inexorably heading towards old stale fartdom themselves.

Cancel the farewell party. Get back to work. That asteroid isn't going to hit Earth in October

AbeSapian

Damn!

I was so looking forward to watching Mar-a-Lago go sput.

Blocking peeps on social media? That's a paddlin' for governors, senators, house reps

AbeSapian

Re: The more i read about America...

We fought a war on that topic.

AbeSapian

Re: Meh!

The point being that this use of social media constitutes official communication from an elected official. Every one of their constituents has the right to access that information. And if comments are allowed, every one of their constituents has the right to weigh in whether they agree or not, whether they like the official or not.

Microsoft dumps mobility from its Vision

AbeSapian

Oooh - So Close and Yet So Far

I guess this means that we can look forward to a Windows 11 that fails to grasp basic computing requirements at a higher level.

Microsoft! I didn't need a bigger tablet. And I don't need a walky-talky that doesn't understand what I need.

Fake Newspaper steals Reg design to spruik storage upstart

AbeSapian

Imitation?

While imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, money is the sincerest form of apology.

President Donald Trump taken on by unlikely foe: Badass park rangers

AbeSapian

In Another Interesting Turn of Events

Wednesday, the entire senior staff of the Department of State resigned. With Trump's incompetence and total failure to have his own people ready to step into these positions, the State Department is going to be stripped of it's institutional memory of how to conduct it's business. When Tillerson is confirmed (almost a certainty) he's going to be a party of one prowling empty, echoing halls trying to pick up the pieces.

That's going to slow his Putin ass kissing down for a while.

The Washington Post: The State Department’s entire senior administrative team just resigned

AbeSapian

Re: Less than a week in the position...

Sadly, remember these are Republicans. The first commandment of being a Republican is "Thou shalt not speak ill of another Republican." These are also most of the same yahoos that tolerated Bush / Cheney for eight years. I'm not holding out much hope for any measure of actual patriotism.from the Republicans, and the Democrats don't have the votes.

So while impeachment or the 25th Amendment is a possibility, it's not a very likely one.

Boffins explain why it takes your Wi-Fi so long to connect

AbeSapian

Great! So Maybe We Get A Faster Connection Time

But most of the time is spent in actual communications of actual useful data. How much will that really improve throughput?

We've found a ‘vaccine’ for fake news. Wait! No, we really are Cambridge researchers

AbeSapian

Re: So, fight propaganda with propganda, then

Didn't George Orwell have something to say about this?

Make America, wait, what again? US Army may need foreign weapons to keep up

AbeSapian

Re: Military-industrial 101

Military spending is the most wasteful spending there is. Built for destruction, once it is used all you have to show for it is a hole in the ground.

Our military budget is greater than the next 10 highest military budgets combined. Yet the sad fact is our performance is not ten times greater than any of those countries. The case might be made for some that we perform worse.

I know it will never happen, but we need a complete, top to bottom overhaul of our military budget. More importantly, we need a complete, top to bottom overhaul of our foreign policy, both political and economic.

I'm not holding my breath or giving up sex in the mean time.

AbeSapian

Re: F-35 Su-35

With Trump as Putin's sock puppet, I don't think we'll be opposing Russia for at least the next four years.

Terry Pratchett's self-written documentary to be broadcast in 2017

AbeSapian

Don't leave out "Where's My Cow".

Russia to convicted criminal hackers: 'Work with us or jail?'

AbeSapian

Siberian President

I don't believe it is going to be the case that Russia will be kicked to the curb. For one thing Trump has too many assets in Russia and is subject to economic blackmail as he is in many countries.

No, Russia has very effectively installed a puppet in the White House. On January 20th, the U.S. will be demoted from superpower to Russian satellite state.

#nyetmypresident

Analysts apply Occam's razor to Tesco Bank breach

AbeSapian

Hey, At Least Tesco Refunded The Money

U.S. banks would have simply hoisted the jolly roger to their customers. (c.f. Wells Fargo)

Experts to Congress: You must act on IoT security. Congress: Encourage industry to develop best practices, you say?

AbeSapian

Starting with the fact ...

that the IoT is the solution to the problem nobody had. It was then followed by "Oops, we forgot to consider security." It's like bolting a birdcage onto a Chevy and then being surprised that budgie was a little strained on arrival.

Fake election news meltdown vortex sucks in Google

AbeSapian

Re: Age-old propaganda trick ....

Karl Rove: Perception is reality. (I'm sure he didn't think that up, but he used it to terrible effect.)

AbeSapian

Re: Google vs Wikipedia

So what's left? So called legitimate news sources don't fact check either. It's all one big echo chamber with news sources repeating the same garbage under the disclaimer, "It has been reported that...", which is newspeak for, "we didn't check this out but we like it so we're reporting it anyway."

Tech Trump: Silicon Valley steps into the valley of unhappiness

AbeSapian

The Big Loser

As Silicon Valley begins the exodus to friendlier countries, the big loser will be all the towns that built all that infrastructure to support the soon to be empty homes and facilities of SV. SV will be a big shiny ghost town without even a Walmart to blame.

AbeSapian

Never to Fear

Business will do what business has always done: Move to another country where they can get what they want at the price they want.

Top smut site stops Flashing, adopts HTML5

AbeSapian

Butt, Butt, Butt ...

I thought the whole point of a porn site was to infect your computer.

Sex is bad for older men, and even worse when it's good

AbeSapian

My Hope ...

was always to die in bed - shot by a jealous husband.

Bees bring down US stealth fighter

AbeSapian

Snake Bit

Is there anything that doesn't go wrong with this gold plated turd?

Forget infrasound, now it's ultrasound that's making you ill (allegedly)

AbeSapian

So, in summary:

We don't know if this is anything but we thought we'd throw this scare around because ...

1) it seemed like a good idea at the time?

2) we can?

3) we plan to make some money off this down the road?

Stephen Hawking reckons he's cracked the black hole paradox

AbeSapian

Critical Asininity

Here on earth, we're more familiar with the process known as Critical Asininity. That's where your body is sucked up by your rectum and you become a point in space with hair around it. See: Congress.

VW floats catalytic converter as fix for fibbing diesels

AbeSapian

This Is No Fix

If the engine software causes it to cheat when hooked up to an emissions analyzer then how can you trust the results just because they slapped a catalytic converter on the car?

Fans demand 'Lemmium' periodic table tribute

AbeSapian

Honor Terry Pratchett

Name one of them Narrativium.

UK digital minister asks for input on strategy, lauds 'sharing economy' biz success

AbeSapian

Dear Mr. Vaizey

How about setting up an email account to receive all the ideas on how to become more digital.

Death Stars are a waste of time – here's the best way to take over the galaxy

AbeSapian

Always Smashing and Bashing

With recursive manufacturing you don't need missiles. Just drop the recursive manufacturing robots on the planet and let them consume all the resources building robot manufacturing factories.

This was explored in the series Stargate. SG1 in the form of the replicators.

Big Brother is born. And we find out 15 years too late to stop him

AbeSapian

When You're In The System

When the helicopter flew over, I could feel their eyes- wet, like peaches.

When you're in the system, they switch the flip and then you're done: cell phones, satellites, the Internet ...

- Red

Let's shut down the internet: Republicans vacate their mind bowels

AbeSapian

George W. Bush- 2007. Need I say more about the damage these people can do?

AbeSapian

Re: A quick guide to US politics

What is most appalling is the complete disconnect in voters minds (as small as they are) between what is said in the primary and what is said in the general election. It's as though the past never happened.

AbeSapian

Re: Fucking appalling

If I recall correctly it was either Egypt or Syria that tried this very thing during the Arab Spring uprising. In the end, it failed miserably because people used technology to bypass the shutdown routers and send their messages to countries that were still open.

AbeSapian

No it merely suggests that anyone that wants the job should be disqualified from having it.

The unfortunate trend in America of late has been to hire people whose stated goal is to sabotage the job. They've been doing a very good job of it too.

AbeSapian

It is true that the 1st amendment allows you to say whatever foolishness comes into your mind. It does not, however, protect you from being ridiculed for it or from consequences that stem from your speech.

AbeSapian

Re: None of you morons

I didn't.need this article to tell me that the GOP had long ago crossed the Rubicon into the land of tin hats and drooling. That was most eloquently demonstrated by the Tea Party and its almost complete takeover of right wing thinking (if thinking is the appropriate word for what's been going on in the GOP).

Help! What does 'personal conduct unrelated to operations or financials' mean?

AbeSapian

Sexual Harassment

Chasing the ladies around the conference table is the usual unspoken secret for these dismissals.

Scary Trans-Pacific Partnership trade treaty signed off

AbeSapian

Of All The Things...

Republicans have made an eight year career out of blocking everything Obama has tried to do, and this obscenity they're going to pass without so much as a glance. If I only had a flame thrower.

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