* Posts by ChunkyMonkey

30 posts • joined 6 Dec 2013

When Capita job ads go BAD


Re: Needs to be saved for posteriority...

The job advert is no longer accepting applications, so many must want to work in Hertfordshite.

The house prices must be low

'I am not a lizard' Zuckerberg proclaims in public Q&A

This post has been deleted by a moderator

If The Register made reality music TV, this is what it would look like


What happened to the morning?

I can honestly say that after reading all of the original posts, the morning has disappeared.

I must stop looking at the user comments!

MUST DO SOME WORK (repeat 10 times)

You've got a patch, you've got a patch ... almost every Android device has a patch

Thumb Down

Re: Where are those monthly updates?

Have a down vote..

You must be one of those who just must have the latest bit of crap just to look cool. Why change hardware every 12-18months? They last much longer and we really don’t need to be any more wasteful than we already are.

Goats boost solar power


They Love to Climb

I wonder if they have realised that goats love to climb and jump on things. Better get a couple of old ones or I see those expensive solar panels being used as a play park.

Wayne Rooney razzles in X-Men: Apocalypse plug


That's just ridiculous, I mean how would he learn his lines??

Being an IT trainer is like performing the bullet-catching trick


Re: Reminds me...

@AC But it is funny :)

Cars to run ... on Android


The plan is to create "powerful nagging bastard" to continually try and sell you stuff you just don’t want or need.....There, fixed it for you

We're calling it: World hits peak Namey McNameface



You're all Sheepy McSheepFaces. Stop following the flock.

TalkTalk customers decide to StayStay after £3m in free upgrades



"There has never been a clearer space for a trusted value champion"

Hahahahahah,hahahahah,hahahaha....gasp,gasp,ha,ha,hhaa...falls of chair

Brits who live in 'smart cities' don't really know or care


I'm sick of smart

Why don’t we just go with the dumb stuff. I mean, it works, it lasts longer, it's cheaper...

These people that insist on every sodding thing connected need to have a connected devices shoved up their arse to monitor which end produces the most shit!

There's a product, just there..

A Brit cloud biz and an angry customer wanting a refund: A Love Story


"I'm sorry, did you want our help or did you think this was somewhere you could just be abusive?"

A true dick! Good news is this person will most likely lose their job and hopefully earn a life lesson. I expect this will be the start of the end for Monster Dicks and the whole support team.

People just don’t know how to communicate these days. If people stopped trying to point score with every email/txt and all the rest of the social media things, the world would be a better place. And Monster Dicks mights not be facing another black mark to their name.

Adware from French runs away and hides on 12M machines


Surely, criminal charges can be brought against the company for this type of activity with jail time for the management team.

But I somehow doubt it....Grrr

Europe's Earth-watching sat rides Soyuz to orbit

Thumb Up

Ha, North Korea

That's how it's done

Dutch students serve up world's first 'drone café'



If my local brings these in I'm off. Part of the pleasure is getting served by the buxom blonde behind the bar :)

Official: EU goes after Google, alleges it uses Android to kill competition


Re: Google not so astute

I'm not sure about that. It's a waiting game. This will go on for many, many years. The whole of Europe will have changed (hopefully for the better) by then and in the meantime, there is 10 years of revenue coming in. Unlikely any fine will create a dent in that, and plenty of time for the Google Car to come online and drive you around continually asking for your life story and offing to sell you sh*t on route.

Unfortunately I think they are very astute and EVIL!

TalkTalk broadband customers continue to flee


You just cant help some people...

"the biz was successful in attracting more customers across its range of broadband, fixed landline and paid television for the quarter"

Some folks just rely on the "it couldn't happen again, not to me! Not to lovely dildo, we are all safe with this new 2p cheaper package

UK cops trial £250k drone squadron


I so wish that they were like the helmet chopper in the picture.

Furious English villagers force council climbdown over Satan's stone booty


Technically the stone is an obstruction in the public highway

Let's face it idiots crash into things all of the time. It's in a village, on a corner and a junction. All of these are reason to go slow and be observant!

If we have to start taking stuff down because some idiot bumps into it, we will all be in fields.

I'd take the license and keys from the muppet that hit it and not give them back until they learn how to drive.

Let’s re-invent small phones! Small screens! And rubber buttons!



Another great read Dabbs. Now, off to google "Data Managers' Wives 6"

What to call a £200m 15,000-tonne polar vessel – how about Boaty McBoatface?


Whatever you think

"Boaty McBoatface" does have a certain poetry to it.

I personally voted for Henry Worsley, his obituary describes a remarkable man.


Cyber-terror: How real is the threat? Squirrels are more of a danger


Oh my God. We are all Doomed!!!

What happens if they start to radicalise the squirrels? I see only darkness.....

Remember Windows 1.0? It's been 30 years (and you're officially old)


Embarrassed for Mr B

I just can't watch those videos of Mr B, I get embarrassed for him. The man is just such a dick.

Kids' tech skills go backwards thanks to tablets and smartmobes


Re: The "shrink wrap" era?

The best decision I ever made with regard to teaching my son about computers was to ditch windows and all paid for software. Not because I particularly hated MS, back then I actually really liked Visual Studio. But it's all too easy, clickerty, clickerty and it's all done.

The same can be said for linux, but once you start installing all the little extras and trying out the free software you end up having to dig under the hood a lot more than windows.

Another reason why the RaspberryPie is great for kids. Every child should be issued with one and all home work and project work can be done on that.

Storm in a teacup: Wileyfox does Android cheapie, British style


low or zero margin business models

The "low or zero margin business model" is really the only way anyone other than a multi-nation corporation can get a foot in the door, particularly as the big boys don’t really pay much in the way of tax as profits are shipped around the globe until they find a suitable low rate.

I wonder how long it is before the big boys pursue them with very lengthy court battles "coz you nicked our round corners!!" just to put them out of business.

Today is not the day to search for a beautician in Russia


Noscript and a linux VM on a linux host

So even if I do decide to get a Russian Beautician, I think I'm more likely to get robbed from the so called beautician rather than the ransomware.

Not impossible, but the risk is at an acceptable level

Caption this: WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg


TalkTalk's new super-super-fast fibre optic transceiver was sure to get their customers back....

Oh dear, Microsoft: UK.gov signs deal with LibreOffice



Glad to see that we are contributing to community software rather than just SatNad/BallSacks bonus.

Lets hope this continues.

Martians yet to retaliate after Curiosity's 100,000th laser strike


Re: 100,000 strikes!

Suppressing fire! Keeps their little green heads down


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