Posts by Yugguy

Yeah, that '50bn IoT devices by 2020' claim is a load of dog toffee

Who's buying all this IoT stuff?

It certainly isn't me.

Unless you count things like chromecasts, which I don't.

Toblerone's Brexit trim should be applied to bloatware

Of course you twats would blame Brexit

Because no chocolate or crisp manufacturer has ever made smaller bags or bars for the same price before now.

A British phone you're not embarrassed to carry? You heard that right

I have a Swift

It's FUCKING SUPERB.

It cost me 120 quid, it does everything I want, the privacy settings are fantastic, fuck off random application you don't need my contacts.

I'll never contract again and I'll NEVER pay hundreds of pounds for a bloated locked-down handset again either.

Five-a-day energy drink habit turned chap's eyes yellow, urine dark, caused anorexia

daft twats

Unless you are ill, climbing everest or staying awake for 48 hours straight you do NOT need these things.

And the mongs who drink redbull and vodka and wonder why they feel shite crack me up, one's a stimulant, one's a depressant you morons.

Chaos Monkey 2.0

Chaos Monkey? Or as we call them

Project staff.

Mysterious algorithms, black-box AI recruiters are binning our résumés

PHEW!!! I'm safe!

I don't have one of these American resumes.

I have a good old British CV.

Brexit? No impact at all, chuckles reseller juggernaut

Get on with it!

That's what we need to do.

Either can the idea, or declare Article 50 now and start making deals.

Uncertainty kills financial markets because they run on greed and fear.

Who killed Cyanogen?

Dammit I love Cyanogen

I love the privacy settings. I love the way you can grant permissions at the App level for those wretched apps that want your Contacts for no good reason and won't work without that app permissions, but then you can go to Privacy and block it at that level.

OK Google, Alexa, why can't I choose my own safe, er, wake word?

Re: Voice, gesture recognition, no thanks

Well I don't know about your car son but mine doesnt actually GLUE me into the seat.

And I have steering wheel controls for all major functions and most minor ones.

Voice, gesture recognition, no thanks

It's all crap. Instead of gibbering "oh ay ooh ooh" like a chimp, then hoping it will understand your accent, it's far easier AND quicker to type it in.

As for gesture control, read this for the best description ever of how pointless that is.

http://sniffpetrol.com/2016/08/05/a-week-with-a-bmw-740ld

"It also has something called ‘gesture control’ by which you can adjust certain functions simply by making prescribed hand movements with your arm in mid-air. The most obvious one is a twirling motion to turn the stereo volume up or down. It works, but only some of the time. Too often, it doesn’t and you find yourself frantically twirling your hand about like a shit wizard. In half the time you could have adjusted the volume using the dashboard knob and saved yourself looking like a dashboard knob. Gesture control is a £160 option. I wouldn’t bother. The rest of the interior is terrific and doesn’t need such gimmickry."

Someone tell me why the buggering fuck I would want to twirl my hand in the air in a futile manner instead of reaching a further 2 inches and actually just turning the volume control?

Astronauts on long-haul space flights risk getting 'space brains'

Re: Get Real..

Hilary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.

I have three questions," he says.

"1st -- whatever happened in Benghazi?

2nd -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?

And, 3rd -- whatever happened to the missing six-billion-dollars while you were Secretary of State?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.

Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is. "Johnny," he says.

"And what is your question, Johnny?" she asks.

"I have five questions," he says.

"1st -- whatever happened in Benghazi?

2nd -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?

3rd -- whatever happened to the missing six-billion dollars while you were Secretary of State?

4th -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?"

And 5th -- where's Kenneth?

Linus Torvalds admits 'buggy crap' made it into Linux 4.8

Waxy buildup

That's some Father Jack levels of ear wax there.

A year living with the Nexus 5X – the good, the bad, and the Nougat

I feel the same about my Wileyfox Swift

Pretty unbloated, customisable, does all I want.

Mastercard rolls out pay-by-selfie across Europe

Round of applause

For the first person to try using a picture of their dick.

Gaming apps, mugging and bad case of bruised Pokéballs

Naaaah!

Memory is hazy as I am quite old, but I don't remember it being "Runaround - Go"

It was:

"RANARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHND! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOW!

ZX Spectrum Vega+ will ship on time, developer claims amid doubts

Re: You can't go back

Me too - Galaxians, Phoenix, Moon Cresta, these are what I play on MAME.

Plus Contra and Super Contra as they remind of the student union bar and tuna and sweetcorn relish pizzas.

I'd have one of these Vegas if it got down to 50 quid.

Brit loan firm gets comeuppance for 7.7 million spam texts

Goodbye

I had a hilarious spam call the other day.

Silence, then a recorded voice said "goodbye" and the call cut off.

I was so amused I forgot to be annoyed.

Brain plague or estate agents? I know which I'd prefer in Virtual Reality

Re: "2D porn just wouldn’t cut it any more"

My brain does not like it when what my eyes see and my inner ear feels are not the same.

I don't think VR will ever get past that until they can bypass the physical send signals directly to my nerves.

Which I would NEVER want to have done to me.

You fancied Wesley Crusher????

You must have been the only person in the world who didn't want to flush him down a jeffries tube.

UK copyright troll weeps, starts 20-week stretch in the cooler for beating up Uber driver

This will destroy my life

Good.

Greybeards beware: Hair dye for blokes outfit Just For Men served trojan

I'm happily going gray, albeit fairly slowly.

I absolutely do NOT want to look like the cliche bloke with haggard old face and jet black hair.

Google: There are three certainties in life – death, taxes and IPv6

IPV6 for why?

We don't have enough devices to even remotely worry about running out of internal IPv4 addresses.

And we have 4, count em, 4, external IP addresses.

Audi works with Chinese technology companies to develop intelligent cars

Tampon cars

White Audis are like tampons round my way.

Nothing shows your financial superiority better than having exactly the same car as your neighbour.

Ransomware scum infect Comic Relief server: Internal systems taken down

Meh again. Last night I attended an event that supported Coventry food banks. We raised over a grand. I feel good about that.

@Jemma Yeah whatever.

I will be donating and on the night I will be working to support one of the call centres.

I can't do anything to solve global issues of starvation, displacement, but I can do something to help individuals.

Idris Elba thrashes Night Manager Hiddleston for James Bond job vacancy

Re: Let's keep in mind you need someone who does bad things OHMSS

In that case you need to cast Vin Diesel.

So he can repeat that immortal line from XXX:

"The things I'm gonna do for my country."

Re: for all the 'PC' fucks out there, i'll do you a deal.....

And me.

Fanbois iVaporate: Smallest Apple iPhone queues ever

Re: Hmm

Have a BADUMTISH!!

Re: Maybe some people already own nice headphones or earphones...

Flobby disk drive? Were Bill and Ben actually pioneers in portable storage?

I know Steven's surname!

It's MUG.

Great British Great Bake Off gets new judge

Re: From a week or so ago

No you patronising tosser, we all got it.

Brexit makes life harder for an Internet of Things startup

Re: From a Yank

You'll get a billion downvotes for any post that isn't rabidly Remain on here.

But have an upvote from me.

Re: Brexit makes life harder.

Not for me it doesn't son.

Delete Google Maps? Go ahead, says Google, we'll still track you

@Chris 125 You miss the point.

I dont really care if google knows where I am.

I do care if it switches on my gps without permission and all of a sudden my battery is dead.

CyanogenOS kids!!!

How many times do I have to tell you? Sack off android and get cynagenos.

Then happily lock down every aspect of every app.

Google can't turn on my GPS.

Star Trek's Enterprise turns 50 and still no sign of a warp drive. Sigh

Never mind FTL

The concept of intertial dampeners always got me - that really WAS an unscientific plot device.

Forget Khan and Klingons, Star Trek's greatest trick was simply surviving

Lensman series

Never mind Skylark, Lensman novels had it all.

$329 for a MacBook? Well, really a 'HacBook' built on an old HP

Cross youR fingers

Proof-read please.

New booze guidelines: We'd rather you didn't enjoy yourselves

Re: What happened to the "coffee causes cancer" WHO recommendation?

There was a recommendation for coffee to cause cancer????

I do like the more relaxed continental attitude to drinking. And kids and alcohol.

Re: because you can't enjoy yourself without a drink?

As I'm fucking 46 I'll call it fucking pre-loading. Thanks.

Re: because you can't enjoy yourself without a drink?

"because you can't have a drink. If you can't enjoy yourself or stand to be in the company of your friends without being constantly tanked then you need to seriously re-think your life."

what you describe is NOT having a drink - it is being DRUNK.

There is a MASSIVE difference.

Yes, there is a culture in the UK of pre-loading and drinking to excess, but for me I am far more interested in what I'm drinking than how much. A nice soft Malbec, a liquoricy Shiraz, a fruity ale, a smokey, peaty single-malt. I like a drink but I have no interest in drinking any old crap just to get drunk.

Re: The temperance movement? Is that still a thing??

I got it - but then I am down wid de kidz.

WhatsApp is to hand your phone number to Facebook

CyanogenOS kids

It has its faults but the privacy settings are very good.

I do use Facefuck but I lock it down COMPLETELY - it cannot access contacts, or media, or wifi settings or anything else that it doesn't need and shouldn't have access to.

Brexit Britain: HP Sauce vs BBC.co.uk – choices that defined voters

It's "HAVE!!!" HAVE HAVE HAVE HAVE. NOT "OF".

It is a conjugation of the verb "to be"

You would not say "I of been a winner". Yet you're happy to say "I could of been a winner."

"I of had my dinner". "I could of had my dinner".

The way I know is this is because I was taught proper grammar at a proper fucking English grammar school. The type the gibbering chimps in Labour and LibDems want to get rid of.

Re: hard vs soft graduates.

All I know is that my liking of and friendship with said people does NOT depend on the way they voted.

Re: hard vs soft graduates.

I live in a quite affluent midlands suburb - 4+bed houses, lots of shiny new leased white Audis, full of professional couples with kids earning well above average, aged 40+. Of those I know personally it was around 70/30 towards Leave. Yes it's anecdotal.

The mindless labelling of Leavers as stupid simply shows up the stupidity of the people doing the labelling.

Both Leavers AND Remainers came from all sides.

I'll give you wine

But I'll take a Hobgoblin and a good farm shop British sausage any day thanks.

Italian MP threatens parents forcing veggie diets on kids with jail

Re: Knuckle dragging bigots out in force, I see

Ooga booga.

https://youtu.be/z0O_VYcsIk8

Re: A luxury life-style first-world choice

My lifestyle choices have no bearing on my original comment. Which is completely valid. It is a luxury choice.

Now where was I?

Oh yes.

Smug cunts.