* Posts by Dave

132 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2007


BSA urges London companies to check for pirate software

Jobs Horns


Errr actually, No I'm not. So how can the BSA, with no enforcement abilities (AFAIK), persuade companies to do auditing, to condemn themselves.

Silly people

Israeli TV star ordered execs beaten up


Israel's got Talent?

Send him along to see Simon Cowell

Blog homeopathy horror hammers hippy herbalists

Paris Hilton

If it looks like a duck

And has a water-tight arse, what is the noise that it is most likely to make???

E-cars are a dangerous myth, says top boffin


@Happy Skeptic

And a Hat-Tip to Jake as well.

When I were a lad, 30 odd years ago, the average lifespan of most vehicles *Was* about 10 years. Mainly down to the poor corrosion resistance of the time, also allied with metallurgy that was adequate, but not brilliant, and lube technology that certainly wasn't as advanced as now.

The average 20 year old car has loads of life left in it, provided you can get spares, and are prepared to do repairs. I take the fact that I use vehicles, none of which are under 15 years old, as regular transport, as a indication that it is truly better to Reduce (Keeping it in good condition) Re-use (Breakers are good sources of bits), and recycle (Worn bits are recycled, reconditioned etc, and when the vehicle is truly end of life, the good bits go to keep the rest of the fleet going, and the rest is smelted)

Currently driving a 15yr old Discovery, which replaced a 22year old Nissan, which is being used to keep others on the road as above, and we don't mention the other Landrover built in '73, which by judicious replacement of the engine with a cutting edge unit will quite happily cruise at the legal limit and return 30-40Mpg.

Don't get me started on the 10year old scrapping scheme, which requires the vehicle to have a MOT to get pennies off a badly made piece of import either!

Microsoft: Windows 7 release in August '09


OK then Microsoft

When is this coming out as a service pack for us poor so and so's who have had to tolerate original Vista for the last couple of years then?

Plod called in on MPs' expenses leak

Black Helicopters

The only criminals here

are the 600+ residents of the palace of westminster

2060: Humvee-sized, bulletproof meat-eating spiders attack


Someone had a Liquid lunch

And an afternoon of watching cheesy 50's B movies.

And it wasn't even Friday!

Kebabs pose 'no danger whatsoever', Russians claim

Paris Hilton

@ Dennis

"Rubenesque : a pear-shaped woman of ample bust, plump cheeks, soft-full lips, and a healthy profile of alluring curves and crevasses."

Yes, think Nigella Lawson, Kirsty Allsop, and thats nice and healthy....err and excuse me for a few minutes.

Right Ok, think Jaqui Smiff, and all I think of is the film clip in the original Reggie Perrin when the mother in law is mentioned.

....err excuse me for a few minutes, I need to examine the inside of the toilet bowl

'Miracle' bra saves Detroit woman from robber's bullet


Austin Powers anyone

She needs towear a fembot bra, then she could return fire!

US parkies in 'burrow-buster' marmot detonation campaign


Theres only one way to get rid of a mole.. Blow its bloody head off!

For those who have never experienced the wit of a certain Jasper Carrott, I give you this youtube link


US mums sue anti-sexting crusader

Thumb Down

At least the judge has reservations about the DA

Latest update on this sorry saga


Wacky Jacqui spanked by husband


Clair Lewis says it perfectly

But I would also add.

Jacqui, that Karma is a Bitch!

Jacqui Smith pulls in another TV psych in violence probe

Thumb Down

@AC Online survey

The results so far are here: http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/keepwomensafe/survey/results.php?showresults=true

Though to be honest the way the questions were phrased, IMHO, the results were never in doubt.

Still Jacqui, not long before you are booted out you sexist, ignorant, pig thick POS

Sacked French Sony workers hold chief exec hostage

Black Helicopters

I've got a job for them

There are 600 odd wastes of space in London that need dealing with. Easy to find, just look for the building with the really big clock tower

Texting peer released from prison


4 weeks for Manslaughter

I hope the toerag* (Very censored language on my part*) has nighmares for the rest of his life.

Probably not. Consciences are for the proles

Brit nuke subs exposed on Google Earth

Black Helicopters

These places are signposted anyway

I used to live in Wiltshire.

The Military bases round there weren't hidden from view. RAF Lynham being a case in point.

I've driven along the M4 past there numerous times. You can tell you are close as the Hercules transport planes use the motorway to remind them where they are. Cue a fat albert coming in low, then veering off at the last minute.

Couple that with tanks being a bloody hazard on Salisbury plain, you don't need Google old chap

Three months on, you still can't get off the DNA database

Black Helicopters

Don't hold your breath

This bunch of fascists and the chief piggie Jakky, will hold out till they are dragged kicking and squealing from the trough in which they sit

BOFH: Aspie no questions


He lives a sheltered life in there

"I mean who the hell keeps lighter fluid and a box of matches on their desk..."

What you mean you don't?

I prefer the RPG and a flamethrower myself


GM Volt to get regular software-style updates


Aluminium bodied vehicles

Aren't new in the slightest. Hell Landrover has been making them for the last 60 years FFS.

And before anyone starts going on about how great the material is, it doesn't handle salt that well, and dents and work hardens easily. You can also forget trying to weld it with home equipment.

And once you start seeing the white fungus, cleaning and repainting like you would with steel is pretty futile

'Interfering' BT Vision attracts campaigner glares



Are quick enough to pounce if a licenced amateur causes TV interference, but it appears that companies are exempt.

No change there then

Peter Mandelson exerts party discipline in cyberspace

Black Helicopters

Second life

The forum for Cybersex, and dodgy transactions from people pretending to be who they are not in real life.

Peter Fondlesbum should fit in well then, odious little creep that he is.

Online crime maps go live

Black Helicopters

West Midlands Plod

Seem to be quite on the ball with this, lots of clicking required, but it appears to work, and was found from the front page quite easily


Photography: Yes, you have rights


A few more points

for the hard of thinking:

Shaun, Do you actually believe what you are saying, or are you just trolling for effect.

AC 20:32 Loser length: Fail

UK.gov to push Obama for tougher rules online



Lest we not forget the last attempt at censorship that self appointed moral net guardians tried.....

Andy Burnham=FAIL

Chinese automaker launches plug-in hybrid


Looks nice on the surface

"Also not yet known is what modifications, if any, that the F3DM will need to pass the relatively stringent US safety regulations - relative to those in China, that is - and whether any additional range-limiting weight gain will occur due to any needed safety upgrades."

Would that be a reference to crash test video's hosted on your favourite Video sharing site perchance


US nuclear bomb lab develops 'self-warming' hand cream


Hmmm Hot Hot Hot!

Not that novel, self heating stuff (Usually based on anhydrous formulations has been around for a while. They either use shedloads of glycols (Glycerine, Butylene Glycol etc) that warm up when water is added, or the other method is tiny zeolite particles that generate heat when they take up water.

So how is this nuke powered version different?

Toaster used to recharge gadgets


Hmm Cooked batteries

My toaster sets fire to bread as well


Man trademarks ;-) emoticon

Paris Hilton

Pillarbox Red

You'll find that the post office has trademarked a particular pantone reference, and tint of Red, Other companies and brands have done the same for the shade they like to be associated with.

I wouldn't surprised for instance if a certain Telecoms provider named after a certain citrus fruit which is also a colour, has trademarked that as well.

Now what would Paris trademark, hmmmm?

World's first 'thought images' seen on screen

Paris Hilton

Good use / Bad use

Good Use: Letting the immobile or disabled communicate easily (Think Stephen Hawking, and what he could do with this)

Aversion therapy. Giving up smoking? Think Cigarette, See Jacqui Spliff naked on a trampoline

Bad use:Pretty much everything else involving the government

Though I'd like to thank AC above for giving me the thought about transcranial Magnetic stimulation. Combine that with pr0n of your choice and you never need leave the house again

Is filming someone in the street a breach of privacy?


She has a point

As noted above, if it was a crowd shot, hey what the hell, but as she was targeted and ridiculed for commercial gain, thats something else completely.

Bring it on

Doctor amputates boy's arm using SMS instructions



From other news reports the instructions were by SMS, as the signal was too poor to get a proper connection. The surgeon involved was operating in the back end of nowhere in an African Village. These sort of places are not known for mobile signals. Then again you could say the same for a lot of remote places in the UK

130,000 inflatable jubs missing at sea

Paris Hilton

To the theme to Jaws

Jub jub Jub jub Jub jub Jub jub Jub jub.....

Third ex-NASA Ames worker jailed for child porn

Black Helicopters

Just how stupid do you have to be

Rocket scientists they may be, but they surely rate low on the smart scale?

Gov beta test for grid-friendly, carbon-saving smart fridges

Paris Hilton

Isn't this an old idea

Remember "Economy 7" using cheap off peak 'leccy for high power appliances like water heaters and storeage heaters, to mop up the spare grid capacity at night

What have we learned about managing outsourcing?


Not just IT

If you outsource your technical resource and your supply chain, the poor sods in the trenches will be the ones firefighting continuously to keep your company afloat whilst the subcontractor just walks away leaving you in the shite.

This applies to a company I work for. Instead of helping build the business me and my colleagues have spent 3 years of our time sorting this shit out, and still the bosses witter on about what a good idea it is.

Police probe Baby P text messages and websites


@ Julian

The worry about angry lynch mobs isn't relevant ATM. They need to worry about fellow cons. There are absolutely no secrets in prison, and child murderers and nonces are the most reviled of all the cons.

There will be more than a few inside wishing to discuss the moral implications of the case when the screws aren't around, as a certain Mr Sutcliffe has found out to his cost on more than one occasion

These scum are going to be on the beast wing for the whole of their sentences, which hopefully will be at the maximum. In theory this will only become an issue in 14 years time (max sentence for this offence)


Stable door looking at the horse

The Police are on a hiding to nothing here. At best they can be seen to be "doing" something.

This is an emotive case, and the mothers details are out there, not just in relation to the trial, but to when this odious threesome were first arrested. If you care to Google, the information will turn up, with a modicum of effort.

To actually get takedowns on all of the information currently in the wild will be impossible. Even if they did, the names are now known in common currency, and blogsites are free to post on as are forums.

I really cannot see why the courts wish to continue with the naming ban. The guilty parties are worthless baby murderers, and the poor mite who was on the recieving end is past caring.

Judge says tech-addled jurors undermine justice

Black Helicopters

I can see his point

However I will point out that the legal system, and barristers in particular, have been seen to be telling blatent lies about the accuracy of technical evidence in the past, and many miscarriages of justice have had to be sorted out years down the line. The statistics of DNA matches springs to mind.

This is also the same legal system that wants to ban jury trials for complex fraud cases where the evidence will go well over the head of the average gang of 12?

There is somewhat of a disconnect here

Drug dealing sysadmin cops to hacking and burglary offences

Gates Horns

The real life


Net pharmacies raided in nine countries

Paris Hilton

@AC 19:29

The corner pharmacy is restricted to what they can sell you without a prescription from a registered medical practitioner. Remember that the drugs being sold won't be a few tubes of prescription bum cream, or a course of antibiotics, they will be the more "Interesting" stuff like Viagra, High power painkillers like Oxycontin (Hillbilly Heroin) and things like steroids. Also they mentioned fakes. This is a huge problem, even in the fully regulated system that we have in the UK.

In case anyone thinks I'm standing up for the rights of "Big Farmer" I'm not. I think there is a big argument for generics being available in countries where the brand name drug cannot be afforded, but I've also seen some of the crap masquerading as the real thing. This isn't the same as a knockoff DVD, or a copied version of Fista. This stuff can do real physical harm.

Oh and if it has the side effect of stopping my inbox being full of ads for little blue pills to make me into a stiff, all the better.

BTW I don't need them, I'm a fine upstanding citizen already!

(Thinking of Paris here)

McCain 'dead' email ruse punts penis pills


More Honesty

Send links to Sarah Palin's "Private photo collection".

They'll sell loads of little blue pills then

Passport and ID card price hike laundered via private sector

Black Helicopters

One piece of Biometric I'll happily show

For an ID card I'll happily photocopy my arse. Just for the sheer joy of proving my ID to any of Jakkky's stasi.

"Mr Goatse, you are required to prove who you say you are"

OK, Unbuckle, ziiiiip!

Just as long as its not a cold day

(In Jacqui's case, on 50% reduction she should just about manage it on a sheet of A1)

Black Helicopters

Every little Helps

To completely ruin your business?

Our Supermarket overlords won't touch this with a bargepole unless they have a very big incentive to overcome the lack of goodwill.

People being herded there by the stasi (Sorry Jackkky Schmidts, helpful public servants who can be recognised by their brown shi(r)ts ) might do it!

Nasty Toryboy bloggers ate my politics, claims Blears


Dear Hazel

Coming from the party that started a war or two, have taken bungs, and who still consider JacKKKKie Schmidt sane, I think you need to shut up now before you make yourself look even more stupid than the carrot topped shortarse you already are

Man cops to $1m phony bar code shoplifting scheme


This sort of thing

Is why places like Toys-R-Us will sell you a piece of card for £299, then direct you to a counter where you can swop it for the laptop PC you actually wanted, which is in a secure area with a single employee checking all the details, against the receipt and signing the goods out.

Supermarkets do similar by selling empty DVD or CD cases which you can have filled on the way out at customer services.

These stores must have been pretty clueless to allow people to walk out with TV's and other high value goods without even a cursory check

Fisker prevails in Tesla tech theft claim fight


No Case to Answer

The Q drive system sounds exactly like the powertrain of Deisel electric locomotives the world over. A stonking big engine running an electric transmission system via a generator. The only "Innovation" is to hang a battery on there as a buffer.

I might be wrong, but the way the Tesla works is pure high tech plug and play milk float.

So what are they getting in a tizzy about? Competition perhaps?

Berlin bans handy iPhone metro app

Paris Hilton


They are willing to pay 1000's of Euro to print timetables which they then give away free, gratis and for nowt, 99% of which end up as litter.

Unfortunately for this English person it just confirms the Daily Mail stereotypes I hold about both nations.

Paris, Natch. They have a Metro system too

Drunken paedo commie exposed on internet

Paris Hilton

@AC 16:58 GMT

What in the name of all thats holy are those things?

I know the Chinese have a less restrictive view of what goes on the plate, but really!

Paris, 'cos I think she'd really like the first one

Windows 7 borrows from OS X, avoids Vista

Paris Hilton

All the average user wants

As a home user who really doesn't give a flying screw about OS, ( Microshaft, or Crapple ) Can someone just tell me this.

Will Windows 7 boot faster than Fista?

Will it actually allow me to use my current hardware and peripherals without me going on hunt the driver, or "This hardware is old, be a good little consumer and upgrade"?

Will it run at a reasonable speed? on average hardware

Is it secure, robust, and reliable?

If not, I ain't interested.

I want a Ronseal OS. "It just does what it says on the tin" , that doesn't get in the way

Paris 'cos she knows a co*k when she sees one

York council gets sniffy with Street View


So.....If I read this right

York Council are telling people (Illegally) that they can't take photographs in York.

A Popular Tourist Destination, with lots of Viking exhibits.

Way to go cockmunchers, you've just killed the tourist industry.

And yes, I am of the opinion that NONE of these self oppointed idiots will interfere with my LEGAL RIGHT to carry a camera and photograph what the hell I like*

*With the exception of certain obvious areas that are laid down in law, such as prisons