* Posts by Hero Protagonist

239 posts • joined 17 Aug 2013

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Exsparko-destructus! What happens when wand waving meets extremely poor wiring

Hero Protagonist
Pint

Tip of the hat

for working in references to three different movie franchises in the headline, subhead, and first paragraph – tip back one of these as reward!

Hubble, Hubble, toil and trouble: NASA pores over moth-eaten manuals ahead of switch to backup hardware

Hero Protagonist
Holmes

Step 1

“Turn it off and back on”

(Presumably they’ve already tried that…on to step 2 then)

Imagine a world where Apple shacked up with Xerox in the '80s: How might it look today?

Hero Protagonist
Joke

Re: a quantum leap is very, very, very small

Not to an electron

Where's the boss? Ah right, thorough deep-dive audit. On the boardroom table. Gotcha

Hero Protagonist

Re: Going out for a curry...

From Scott Adams (Dilbert). Don’t recall if he came up with it himself, or a reader suggested it.

BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

Hero Protagonist

Re: People do need to be told

Now don’t get greedy, that’s how you get caught. Limit yourself to £5 and people won’t notice, or if they do, the amount is too small to to be worth enduring their bank’s automated customer service to report it.

Realizing this is getting out of hand, Coq mulls new name for programming language

Hero Protagonist

Re: Just call it ...

“It's all in the context ... If you are talking about a programming language, what kind of dirty minded twit automatically assumes it has to do with a penis? ”

Judging by the many coq jokes, puns, and single-entendres in these comments, the answer to that question might be “an El Reg commenter”. Which kind of proves the point, to the extent that El Reg readership is representative of the IT community at large.

Excuse me, what just happened? Resilience is tough when your failure is due to a 'sequence of events that was almost impossible to foresee'

Hero Protagonist
Devil

When it comes to imagining failure modes…

…remember that Murphy has a better imagination than you

Blessed are the cryptographers, labelling them criminal enablers is just foolish

Hero Protagonist

Re: @Jake

“Hey, where’s my phone??”

“Oh, it was pining for the fjords”

Rust 2021 edition to arrive in October with 'more consistent panic' and other new features

Hero Protagonist
Alert

'more consistent panic'

I dunno, feels like more of a 2020 feature tbh

Visual Basic 6 returns: You've been a good developer all year. You have social distanced, you have helped your mom. Here's your reward

Hero Protagonist

Re: Too true

The difference between rock as tool and rock as building material

Apple patches iOS, macOS, iPadOS, watchOS, kitchen-sinkOS bugs said to be exploited in the wild

Hero Protagonist
Coat

Re: if you write your code so that it is resistant to timing attacks, you'll be fine

Minority Bug Report

Traffic lights, who needs 'em? Lucky Kentucky residents up in arms over first roundabout

Hero Protagonist

Re: Check out Freakonomics episode 454

“ Better luck getting them to give back Toledo”

But would you want it if they offered?

There’s a DDI near me in Naperville IL and it works great, not at all difficult to use and has greatly improved traffic flow.

Coincidentally, I am an Oakland University alum, and my father was a design engineer for MDOT (40 years ago).

Easily distracted by too many apps, too many meetings, and too much asparagus

Hero Protagonist

Re: ...nobody has been panic-buying multipacks of Corona...

Well that’s Friday night sorted anyway

Talk about a Blue Monday: OVH outlines recovery plan as French data centres smoulder

Hero Protagonist
Coat

That’s ok, we’ll have forgotten by tomorrow

'No' does not mean 'yes'... unless you are a scriptwriter for software user interfaces

Hero Protagonist
Trollface

Re: Yes/No/Cancel

Shirley you mean “a great deal fewer of *those*”

€121,000 YOGA Book Android is 'priced right' says Lenovo

Hero Protagonist
Paris Hilton

Re: bugger-off data

Let me guess - they’re currently using a date of 21/21/21?

We know it's hard to get your kicks at work – just do it away from a wall switch powering anything important

Hero Protagonist

Re: Uses of Radar

Not for no reason was the first microwave oven called the Radarange, sold by Amana, a subsidiary of Raytheon where the heating effect was discovered

Samsung floats autonomous ships as ready to sail in 2022

Hero Protagonist
Joke

Castaway

But who would have rescued Tom Hanks if that container ship had been autonomous?

The killing of CentOS Linux: 'The CentOS board doesn't get to decide what Red Hat engineering teams do'

Hero Protagonist
Flame

Re: Thanks for the Root Map, Brian. It's beautifully comprehensive.

“[Definitely something wrong with the comments UI, El Reg. A lot of dead space suddenly appearing”

They’re now inserting ads in the middle of the comment stream

Loser Trump's last financial disclosure docs reveal Tim Cook gave him $5,999 Mac Pro, the 'first' made in Texas

Hero Protagonist
Alert

Can he keep it?

Maybe I’m wrong, but I was under the impression that presidents can’t keep any gifts they’re given, they become the property of the government? (Not that Trump would allow himself to be constrained by silly thing like laws)

Roma, we've had un problema: When every flight's final destination is a date with Windows Boot Manager

Hero Protagonist
Alert

Re: You should try a proper airport

As long as it’s not you having to go to the bar to get the pilot when it’s time to leave...

BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM!

Hero Protagonist
Coat

Re: Asset Record Audit

Only if it’s for something which is now or soon will be under the building.

Q: How does hydrogen turn into a metal? A: Hang on a second, I need to train my AI supercomputer first

Hero Protagonist
Pint

Re: Another possible niggle

“ And where do we get mercury from? H.G. Wells”

Holy cats, I never realized H. G. Wells’ Mercury Theater was a pun on his initials until just now!

Sounds like the black helicopters have come for us. Oh, just another swarm of FAA-approved Amazon delivery drones

Hero Protagonist
Black Helicopters

Re: 3 ways to troll with delivery drones...

If you attempt #3 with the White House, expect to be visited by some nice gentlemen in black suits and sunglasses.

You *bang* will never *smash* humiliate me *whack* in front of *clang* the teen computer whizz *crunch* EVER AGAIN

Hero Protagonist
Thumb Down

Nope, not even the best one this week:

https://www.theregister.com/2020/08/19/new_blackberry_qwerty_phones/

We've reached the endgame: Bezos 'in talks' to turn shuttered department stores into Amazon warehouses

Hero Protagonist
Holmes

Re: Coming soon

And here I was thinking that boxes could be manufactured in a variety of sizes. Today I learned that all boxes start life as Proliant server boxes, and smaller boxes are “recycled” from those.

(Edit: rereading the post I replied to, I can’t tell now whether the the OP was joking or serious.)

You had one job... Just two lines of code, and now the customer's Inventory Master File has bitten the biscuit

Hero Protagonist

Re: @werdsmith

“ Since then yours truly my friend always does a second COMMIT before closing the DB sessIon in case the first one was forgotton...“

But what if you forget to do the second one too? Best to do a third COMMIT just in case, etc.

It’s COMMITs all the way down...

Oh sure, we'll just make a tiny little change in every source file without letting anyone know. What could go wrong?

Hero Protagonist
Pint

Re: A harmless case

“ they managed to stop it after just four rounds.”

Then off to the pub for another four rounds! (see icon)

Living up to its 'un-carrier' slogan, T-Mobile US stops carrying incoming calls, data in nationwide outage

Hero Protagonist
FAIL

Re: What's an "un-carrier"?

In this case it means they will “uncarry” your calls and data connections.

There's a black hole lurking within 1,000 light years of Earth – and you can see stars circling it with the naked eye

Hero Protagonist
WTF?

Re: Side track for a mo'

To quote Pauli, “that’s not even wrong”

Square peg of modem won't fit into round hole of PC? I saw to it, bloke tells horrified mate

Hero Protagonist
Mushroom

Re: Packard Hell

a.k.a. DWEP: Disassembly With Extreme Prejudice

OK brainiacs, we've got an IT cold case for you: Fatal disk errors on an Amiga 4000 with 600MB external SCSI unless the clock app is... just so

Hero Protagonist
Trollface

Re: The real mystery is how Paula discovered the clock work around ...

A good start?

Astroboffin gets magnets stuck up his schnozz trying and failing to invent anti-face-touching coronavirus gizmo

Hero Protagonist
Coat

Dabbling in fields

“We're assuming that the astrophysicist will cease to dabble in fields away from his area of expertise.”

Specifically, magnetic fields

That awful moment when what you thought was a number 1 turned out to be a number 2

Hero Protagonist
Trollface

I hate to break it to you all, but I did a few minutes of research on the etymology and found that apparently the “cheque” spelling only dates to 1828...you know, 50ish years AFTER we threw you lot off. Before that it was spelled “check”. So don’t blame us or Mr. Webster if you decided to invent a new spelling and we ignored it.

Not exactly the kind of housekeeping you want when it means the hotel's server uptime is scrubbed clean

Hero Protagonist
FAIL

Re: There's a Terry Pratchett Quote for That...

There’s a photo (can’t be arsed to look up a link) of our illustrious Vice President Mike Pence touring some NASA facility (I think building the next Mars rover), lovingly stroking a piece of hardware prominently labeled CRITICAL FLIGHT HARDWARE - DO NOT TOUCH

After 16 years of hype, graphene finally delivers on its promise – with a cosmetic face mask

Hero Protagonist

Tinny, no question about it

Your McDonald's demo has expired. For full functionality, please purchase a licence or try another fast-food joint

Hero Protagonist

Re: I think we need a new acronym... POS is doubly accurate...

Also The Original Series, in the context of a Star Trek discussion

Social media notifications of the future: Ranger tagged you in a photo with Tessadora, Wrenlow, Faelina and Graylen

Hero Protagonist
Trollface

Re: Vanity names?

“the opposite of a Boy Named Sue”

A Sue named Boy?

Wham, bam, thank you scram button: Now we have to go all MacGyver on the server room

Hero Protagonist

Re: Dont have your machine room at the top of a building

“A queue of bins? Where were they going?”

Waiting to be emptied, Shirley

BOFH: I'd like introduce you to a groovy little web log I call 'That's Boss'

Hero Protagonist
Devil

A commenturd is what you’re reading right now

Hero Protagonist
Coat

Re: Work

“The curse of the drinking classes.”

Drinking classes? Never needed ‘em, it’s always just come naturally to me.

Found on Mars: Alien insects... or whatever the hell this smudge is supposed to be, anyway

Hero Protagonist

Re: Use the historical documentary evidence

Renamed as Five Million Years to Earth in the US. Loved that movie!

BOFH: Trying to go after IT's budget again?

Hero Protagonist
Devil

Re: I dunno...

Are red shirts unusually popular in Midsomer?

We're late and we're unreliable but we won't invalidate your warranty: We're engineers!

Hero Protagonist
Alert

Re: I need an electrician

If the OP was competent enough to wire up the door handle without electrocuting himself in the process, he wouldn’t need an electrician

Linky revisited: How the evil French smart meter escaped Hell to taunt me

Hero Protagonist

Re: Guest column

Shorn Connerie was the best James Bond

Behold the perils of trying to turn the family and friends support line into a sideline

Hero Protagonist

Re: Twas ever thus

“Oh for the days of punched cards”

...says the person who never dropped a deck of punched cards

That time Windows got blindsided by a ball of plasma, 150 million kilometres away

Hero Protagonist

Re: Sticky backed plastic

“People think they're hilarious, don't they?”

People don’t realize that the failure mode of “clever” is “asshole”.

Clutching at its Perl 6, developer community ponders language name with less baggage

Hero Protagonist

Re: Why exactly is Perl any worse than Python?

Oh great, Bob’s learned to use bold in addition to uppercase.

WTF is Boeing on? Not just customer databases lying around on the web. 787 jetliner code, too, security bugs and all

Hero Protagonist

Re: certification

But who shall self-certify the self-certifiers?

BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet

Hero Protagonist
Alert

Re: Tracking...

Just pray the transaction is not backed out...

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