* Posts by Graham Marsden

6899 publicly visible posts • joined 19 Jan 2007

NASA plots interplanetary cubesat swarms

Graham Marsden

@cray74 - Re: Cube swarms in space...

Apparently Shatner wrote a story that described how V'Ger met the Borg.

That's why we had "We are V'Ger of Borg" and why the Borg had those incredibly powerful plasma globes and massive ships that...

... err... well...

Mobiles at school could be MAKING YOUR KID MORE DUMBER

Graham Marsden

Re: They actually allow phones to be switched on during class?

Allegedly they use versions of those "mosquito" devices as the notification tone because they can hear pitches that high whereas most adults can't.

Although I've also seen it said that kids can be spotted using their phones because most people don't tend to look down at their crotches and smile...

Manchester car park lock hack leads to horn-blare hoo-ha

Graham Marsden

Re: This was in Manchester?

Can't be Manchester, it still has all its wheels...

Graham Marsden
FAIL

This was in Manchester?

Manchester England, yes?

And were any cars were on fire? No?

So, El Reg, what the FUCK does a picture of American Firefighters attacking a burning American car with axes have to do with this story?

Please stop with this "Hero Image" bullshit, it's getting really stupid now.

US Air Force launches not-so-secret space plane. Thanks Russia

Graham Marsden

"it will be testing out a new ion drive for military satellites"

Satellites? Oh, yeah, sure, satellites...

Virtual reality pr0n on the Rift? 'Why not?' says Oculus founder

Graham Marsden
Meh

Re: The Red Dress

Now if El Reg *really* wanted to do something clever with their silly Hero Images, they could have it switch from the Woman in the Red Dress to Agent Smith if you moused over it...

Twitter CRAWLS to Google ON ITS KNEES, starts blowing content

Graham Marsden
Facepalm

Re: Adding '-twitter.com' to search query string will work, right?

> if I really wanted to know twaddlers' opinions about $topic, I'd just hit myself over the head until I stopped thinking that way!

FTFY :-)

Uncle Sam spanks PayPal for credit scheme cockup

Graham Marsden
Holmes

So...

... PayPay *is* acting like a bank, then...!

YouTube Kids 'showed nippers how to make nooses, play with fire'

Graham Marsden
Unhappy

Re: What's noose?

And I had to learn how to tie one when I was at school aged about 11.

Damn, kids these days just don't know they've been born...

AI pioneer reckons China's where the Rise of the Machines will start

Graham Marsden
Coat

Re: I , for one...

Can I have Prawn Crackers with that, please...

We caught Chinese technology spies RED-HANDED, claims US government

Graham Marsden
Coat

High Horse?

Apropos of another article on El Reg, is that found at http://www.high.horse ?

Are we looking at the first domain name meme? Neigh

Graham Marsden
Coat

What they need...

... is a domain .horseyourodeinon

Then you could direct people to http://www.fuckyouandthe.horseyourodeinon

Russia will fork Sailfish OS to shut out pesky Western spooks

Graham Marsden
Big Brother

Reminds me of...

... an old joke about Russians using dial up.

"We have a three line modem, one for me, one for you and one for the KGB."

Graham Marsden
Facepalm

@AC - Regime change of dictators is ALWAYS good.

Sure, because it never leads to civil war, ethnic battles, religious wars, the rise of local "warlords" and huge numbers of innocent people being slaughtered or forced out of their homes because those who undertake said "Regime Change" have no idea of the underlying tensions or don't give a damn about them because they're more interested in trying to force their own ideology on the people (or just grab the mineral rights) and have no strategy other than "well, it's got to be better than what's before"...

Redmond promises even MORE cloudy crypto

Graham Marsden
Boffin

The only way...

... I'd upload any data to Cloud Storage is if it was *already* encrypted!

Robots.txt tells hackers the places you don't want them to look

Graham Marsden
Holmes

See icon...

for details...!

Welsh police force fined £160,000 after losing sensitive video interview

Graham Marsden
Holmes

Re: It's not the first time

> South Wales Police "lost" crucial evidence which led to the collapse of a trial of eight former South Wales Police officers

Here, let me put the quotes in the right place...

Attack of the dinky drones! US military creates ROBOTIC CARRIER PIGEON

Graham Marsden
Happy

Can I just say...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sj6-LG5VpGk

Hmm, Vulture Squadron...

Lightbulbs of the future will come with wireless extenders and speakers

Graham Marsden

Re: And unless the security is up to scratch...

> I don't get the problem with going and opening the door personally....

What? And make people miss fifteen seconds of Brittains got the X Factor Coming Strictly Through a Hole in the Wall on Ice?

Graham Marsden
Facepalm

And unless the security is up to scratch...

"A smart thermostat knows when you are out". "Smartlocks mean you can let people into your house without having to physically open the door"

And they will also let n'er do wells know when you're out and mean that they can let themselves into your house without the keys...

Law changed to allow GCHQ hacking ... just as GCHQ hauled into court for hacking

Graham Marsden

Re: Well, what a surprise!

> Then why make it party specific in the first place?

Because they were the ones I was thinking of at the time, for instance with IDS getting the law retroactively changed to stop people sueing the Government for illegallly forcing them to work for free at Poundland etc.

Graham Marsden

Re: Well, what a surprise!

I should point out that I have no love for Labour and I'm entirely sure they would have come up with their own way of weaselling out of this...

Graham Marsden
Big Brother

Well, what a surprise!

The Tories have a track record of changing the law when they look to be on the losing side of an argument.

Now our broken electoral system has given them another five years, expect to see plenty more of this.

Penn State University network sacked by China malware blitz

Graham Marsden
Boffin

Re: it's much harder for them to bribe politicians to look away from the problems.

> It kind'a made sense until I came across this sentence. At that point I stopped thinking

FTFY

"Hello, Mr Politician, we would like to make a large contribution to your election fund. By the way, there's this piece of legislation we would find very helpful to our business if it were enacted..."

America, the country that gave us the saying: "An honest politician is one that stays bought"!

Microsoft: Free Windows 10 for THIEVES and PIRATES? They can GET STUFFED

Graham Marsden
Holmes

"Non-Genuine Windows...

"...has a high risk of malware, fraud, public exposure of your personal information, and a higher risk for poor performance or feature malfunctions," Myserson said.

"The normal risks of malware, fraud, public exposure of your personal information, poor performance and feature malfunctions should be enough of anyone" he (should have) added!

Facebook is VIOLATING your SEXUAL privacy, warn Belgian data cops

Graham Marsden
Meh

And Facebook replied...

... Meh! Who gives a Zuck?

You're going to have stop calling people 'cold fish': THIS one is HOT-BLOODED

Graham Marsden
Coat

And I thought...

... that sub-headline was a typo for Oprah...

Polygraph.com owner pleads guilty to helping others beat lie detector

Graham Marsden
Alert

Re: Bloody replicants getting everywhere

I am *so* not going to ask about your mother...!

Look out, law abiding folk: UK’s Counter-Extremism Bill slithers into view

Graham Marsden
Big Brother

Organisations who seek to undermine democracy

TRY LOOKING IN THE FUCKING MIRROR, DAVID!

You have the right to be forgotten 41.3 per cent of the time says Google

Graham Marsden
Boffin

Re: This is not right...

> think how much cash I'll cost me sueing you 50 times instead of once! Bankruptcy here I come...

FTFY

Graham Marsden
Facepalm

Re: This is not right...

> If they refuse then sue them.

Brilliant idea! I'll post libellous content about Pen-y-gors on fifty different websites hosted in various countries around the world saying that he's a peedo-druggie-terrerist and then we can see how many will correct the data.

After that, Pen-y-gors can try suing the ones that don't.

Meanwhile anyone who searches for Pen-y-gors name (such as a potential new employer, girlfriend etc) will find that content and can draw their own conclusions...

Drone penetrates Virgin's shapely space arse

Graham Marsden
Gimp

Re: Slightly worrying

You are obviously looking at it wrong!

Self-STOPPING cars are A Good Thing, say motor safety bods

Graham Marsden
Alert

How about...

... just having a recorded voice that shouts "STOP FUCKING TAILGATING!"

Too many drivers seem to have no clue about how far back they should be from the vehicle in front to be able to stop safely if it suddenly brakes and, even worse, think that there's no difference between the stopping distance when it's clear and dry and when it's pissing down with rain on a slippery road surface.

This is the sort of idiocy that causes mass pile-ups.

Election? Pah. Here's the REAL question: Who’s the SEXIEST MP?

Graham Marsden
Devil

"To better the world"

Translation: Do what I say, how I say, like everything I like and ban everything I don't. That will make the world better!

Mozilla flings teddy out of pram over France's 'Patriot Act'

Graham Marsden
Big Brother

Re: Je suis....

... hypocrite!

- French Government.

BARMY bio-boffins are growing DINOSAUR SNOUTS on CHICKENS

Graham Marsden
Facepalm

Re: Geese Speculating....

Followed by "Hold my beer and watch this...!"

$19 billion made from dumped e-waste every year, says UN

Graham Marsden
Trollface

Tim...

... is that you?

UK safety app keeping lorries on the right side of cyclists

Graham Marsden
Thumb Down

And here we go with anti-cyclist bingo...

Cross off the following in the comments to win a prize!

* It's the cyclists own fault.

* Cyclists should pay tax and have licences

* They all jump red lights

* They should get out of the way of traffic

* They all wear black and don't have lights

* They all wear lycra and ride like idiots

* They should pay to use the road like cars and vans and lorries do

* Why should we waste money on them which is better spent elsewhere

* Add your own here for a bonus...

Door keys are an option. It's just a matter of time

Graham Marsden
Boffin

Shouldn't that be in the "Send Corrections" link above?

Elon Musk: I'm neither a samurai nor a bastard

Graham Marsden
Thumb Up

@Sgt_Oddball - Re: The fallacy of "productivity"

Of course, as the Russians used to say "As long as they pretend to pay us, we'll pretend to work".

Chill, luvvies. The ‘unsustainable’ BBC Telly Tax stays – for now

Graham Marsden
Thumb Up

Re: Am I the only person...

No, you're not the only one.

Yes, Netflix is cheaper, but you get much less content. Yes, Sky has lots of content, but you end up subsidising the huge amounts they pay for sporting events, even when you're not willing to pay the massive extra fees to actually see those events.

And, I'm sorry, Andrew, but an extra £145 a year or £2.78 a week for most people isn't going to make much of a difference. Try getting the Tories to increase the Minimum Wage and get rid of spiteful benefit sanctions, these would do a lot more good to the poorest in society.

PS Oh, and as for the comment that the Tories had "a smashing democratic endorsement", no, Andrew, they only got about 600,000 more votes than last time, it's only because of our broken electoral system that they got a "majority" with only 36.4% of the votes.

Lies, damn lies and election polls: Why GE2015 pundits fluffed the numbers so badly

Graham Marsden
Unhappy

The problem is not the polls...

... the problem is the fudamentally broken electoral system which is First Past the Post.

With FPTP it doesn't matter if 80% of the people voted for other candidates if one person gets 20% and the rest get 19%, 19%, 19%, 19% and 4%, the one with the 20% "wins".

One way to fix this would be to keep FPTP for electing your local candidate, but having the Lords elected with, for example, an Alternative Vote or Proportional Representation system such that the "Revising House" is not automatically under the control of whoever manages to stuff it with more of their cronies.

Of course such a system is not of benefit to the Tories or Labour...

Snoopers' Charter queen Theresa May returns to Home Office brief

Graham Marsden
IT Angle

Ah, Out Run!

One of my all time favourite arcade games.

They had it at the Students Union and once, for the fun of it, I completed it by doing *all* the possible routes and held all the high scores!

What has this to do with the article? Well, about as much as a picture of the arcade machine does with it...

NASA plans electrolysis-powered ROBOT EEL for Europa's oceans

Graham Marsden
Facepalm

Such a great image...

Not only did we get it at the top of the page, we got it embedded in the article too!

Mildly successful flying car crashes - in mildly successful test flight

Graham Marsden
Happy

As the old pilots used to say...

... any landing you can walk away from is a good one!

Theresa May: Right, THIS time we're getting the Snoopers' Charter in

Graham Marsden
Facepalm

Re: Marsbarbrain @Matt Bryant - Willfully-dim Godfrey

> Labour luvvies

Oh dear, Matt, we don't like the Tories, so we must be "Labour luvvies"? Ye gods, I loathe them almost as much and my politics are a long way away from theirs.

See http://www.politicalcompass.org my politics are -0.3 on the Left/ Right scale and -7.75 on the Authoritarian Scale.

Where are yours?

BILLION YEAR SECRETS of baking hellworld Mercury UNLOCKED by NASA probe crash

Graham Marsden
Happy

Re: Mercury's ancient magnetic field

Possibly, but it might be slightly damaged...

So what would the economic effect of leaving the EU be?

Graham Marsden
Facepalm

"The effect of actually leaving is nothing.

"...What matters is what policies are followed afterwards."

A fatuous statement akin to "The effectof jumping off a cliff is nothing, what matters is what follows after."

Does Tim really think that "best practice in the rest of the world" is a good thing? Fewer workers rights, less protection, TTIP which will "harmonise" regulation with the lowest common denominator...?

Sure, all that is going to be great news for those at the top, lower costs, easier to dump workers which will drive down wage bills, fewer pesky regulations which mean that they don't have to observe such stringent safety precautions in production and product quality, bigger bonuses and trebles all round!

But, as always, cui bono? Not the poor bloody infantry who will see more money going up the tree and less going into their pockets...

Ding-dong, the cloud calling: The Ring Video Doorbell

Graham Marsden
Meh

Well at least...

... You'll be able to see when the Yodel driver decides he can't be bothered to wait around and just rocks up to your door without ringing the bell or knocking, sticks a "You were out" (I wasn't) card through the letter box and then dumps your parcel in the recycling wheelie bin before fucking off again as happened to me a few days ago.

It's a good job he didn't do that the day before, otherwise the parcel would have gone out with the recycling which was picked up that morning...

Astroboffins eyeball MONSTER GAS HALO hugging Andromeda Galaxy

Graham Marsden
Coat

It's probably just...

... the Energy Barrier which surrounds the galaxy. In which case, it's the same as the one that surrounds ours...