* Posts by Fruit and Nutcase

2582 posts • joined 10 Jul 2013

UK puts £200m on table for dynamic purchasing system to supply public sector with AI

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Holmes

Re: hype

ElementaryFaculty my dear Watson

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Facepalm

Re: What's the betting

The problem is the members of this government suffer from rampant itchy backs, so they need to indulge in some “mutual back-scratching” with friends and relatives

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/aug/07/its-taken-just-12-months-for-boris-johnson-to-create-a-government-of-sleaze

First alligators, then dogs, now Basil Fawlty is trying to standardise social distancing measures

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Re: Standards

"what is a standard rose"?

Well, it's bit different to a "Bog Standard Rose", which would be a "Standard Rose" that originates from a Bog

EY to outsource compute function, sending 800 staff into the loving arms of... IBM

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Facepalm

IBM

At first I did think it was a bit unusual that EY didn't palm off the function to one of the Indian outfits like Tata, HCL, et al.

Then I realised it's India Business Machines..

USA decides to cleanse local networks of anything Chinese under new five-point national data security plan

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Joke

Data Cleanse?

Perhaps the local "Chinese Laundry" can help

Google to pull plug on Play Music, its streaming service that couldn't beat Spotify, in favour of YouTube Music

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+1

That's the method I use to remove all the FB crap which otherwise hangs around like a wart

https://forums.theregister.com/forum/all/2019/01/25/facebook_messenger_whatsapp_instagram_merger/#c_3703912

Doctor, doctor, got some sad news, there's been a bad case of hacking you: UK govt investigates email fail

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Burn baby burn, plastic inferno! Infosec researchers turn 3D printers into self-immolating suicide machines

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Re: Hardware failsafes?

a module on engineering ethics

Boeing 737 Max MCAS taking input from a single AOA sensor...?

Virgin Galactic pals up with Rolls-Royce to work on Mach 3 Concorde-style private jet that can carry up to 19 people

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Joke

Re: "Do we REALLY need this?"

I want one! Says Boris.

An ideal showcase project for my Brexit Research Agency says Dom.

We could nod it through under the Covid 19 emergency legislation without any scrutiny says someone from the Cabinet Office

Microsoft confirms pursuit of TikTok after Satya Nadella chats to Donald Trump

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Joke

Ding Dong

Microsoft could purchase and then rename it to "Ding Dong" - with permission from Leslie Phillips/he could front the ads for them

Legendary Li-ion battery boffin John Goodenough to develop gel power packs with South Korea's SK Innovation

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Joke

The Charge is not Goodenough

The world is not enough

Bond thwarts plans by a megalomanic automotive manufacturer to steal Professor Goodenough's blueprints for his new battery technology.

Reprising her role as Mary Goodnight will be Britt Eckland. A cameo by Elon Musk driving the Lotus Esprit from the Spy Who Loved Me.

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Joke

Re: So which is it?

That is correct.

Gel. Donald Trump Jnr's Hair

Solid. Donald Trump's Hair

And it's off! NASA launches nuke-powered, laser-shooting, tank Perseverance to Mars to search for signs of life

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Re: RIMFAX

And we have the likes of PBS and other foreign broadcasters to thank for help preserving some programmes as the BBC used to wipe and reuse tape...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/archive/bbc-archives--wiped-missing-and-lost/z4nkvk7

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/501607/wipe-out-when-bbc-kept-erasing-its-own-history

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2016/08/time-bbc-deleted-like-100-episodes-doctor-forever/

Virgin Galactic reveals giant mirror feature in cabin design for Beardy Branson's space bus

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Re: Mirrors for selfies.

In the case of the latter, TITSUP

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Mirror Mirror

on the Wall, Who’s the Fairest of Them All?

Oh dear, the mirror just cracked.

Now we'll never know

Chinese ambassador to UK threatens to withdraw Huawei, £3bn investment if comms giant banned from building 5G

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Re: Not the optics Huawei needs right now

With Blighty getting ready to do some gun-boat diplomacy before long with Big Lizzie sailing through the South China Sea, wonder if we will see an equivalent of the Yangtze Incident before long

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Re: Oh come on El Reg!

Who are weHuawei to say

When to say goodbye

Or to wonder why we two must part

With thanks to Sigmund Romberg and Gus Kahn

ref: https://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107859133474/

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Re: Oh come on El Reg!

HollywoodHuawei or Bust

I did it My wayWe did it Huawei

Nobody remove the Huawei kit, or the Dog and Bone gets it!

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(Translated) Operating Procedures

I do sincerely hope that the UK Office for Nuclear Regulation (ONR) will employ their own people for translation and critically and technically assess the relevant documents to a higher level of assurance than they would otherwise. Can't afford a FAA/Boeing 737Max type relationship/certification regime, and the readership here are no stranger to "interesting" translations of operating instructions from Chinese dialects to other languages.

And by employing their own people, let's hope they don't retain the services of Homer J Simpson either.

What the duck? Bloke keeps getting sent bathtime toys in the post – and Amazon won't say who's responsible

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Re: I don't even have a bath

F + NC both say affirmative

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Re: Yellow Duck? Part anagram: dell.co.uk!

Lemon ChickenDuck

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Coat

Re: Streisand effect

"'I don't even have a bath'"

Perhaps Reg readers could crowd fund the price of a bath and get one delivered to him from Amazon

Intel couldn't shrink to 7nm on time – but it was able to reduce one thing: Its chief engineer's employment

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Re: Mean while...

A smiling Murphy quipped "you just can't make this shite up."

He hasn't stopped smiling...

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/shrewsbury-maternity-scandal/shrewsbury-maternity-nhs-hospital-safety-virginia-mason-simon-wright-a9629736.html

EU orders Airbus A350 operators to install anti-coffee spillage covers in airliner cockpits

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Joke

Re: Amateur design and construction.

And all those years terrorists who wanted to down an airliner had to find ways to smuggle nefarious devices onboard an aircraft, when all they needed to do was once airborne, ask for a coffee and go and pour it over the cockpit instruments. I do of course mean pre 9/11

It's a Meow-nixed system, I know this: Purr-fect storm of 3,000+ insecure databases – and a data-wiping bot

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Joke

Mrs Slocombe says

"Naughty Pussy!"

SpaceX pulls off an incredible catch, netting both halves of its Falcon fairing as they fell Earthwards after latest launch

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Happy

Re: ...or

Goodness only knows what the leftpondians are making of this thread - or what it has to do with SpaceX...

The cricket theme is valid - catching an object moving through the air

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You Don't Fly Once

You Only Live Twice

Can they land the first stage in an inactive volcano?

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That reminds me...

"The Bowler’s Holding, the Batsman’s Willey"

Butterfingers who don't bother with phone cases, rejoice: New Gorilla Glass 'Victus' tipped to survive 6ft drops

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Can the Reg Standards Bureau verify these claims by knocking off examples of Victus Gorilla Glass off the head of a standing Richard Osman? Can they really survive falling through an Osman? And for good measure, can they survive a falling Richard Osman?

Alexander Armstrong. Osman is also one of the tallest men in recorded human history British TV, at 6 foot 7" (2.0066m), and is regularly teased by other telly personalities on programmes such as Have I Got News For You for his ability to let the rest of us know when it's about to rain.

https://www.theregister.com/2020/03/27/reg_standards_soviet_social_distancing_measure/

Cabinet Office takes over control of UK government data: Mundane machinery or Machiavellian manoeuvrings?

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Re: With Dominic Cummings in charge ...

I see that the Barnard Castle Eye Test™ revealed that DC needed new spectacles

'First ever' snap emerges of something vaguely resembling our solar system 300 ly away. We'll take 10 tickets

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Alert

They'd better switch off before a letter arrives from the BBC/Crapita TV Licence crowd making demands with menaces for receiving TV signals, followed by their "Enforcement Operatives" in one of their TV Licence Detector vans who will try to door-step them and come in without invitation

Germany bans Tesla from claiming its Autopilot software is potentially autonomous

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Re: But...

And Tesla will finally do a coast to coast (USA) trip

Cannonball Run?

Oh deer! Scotland needs some tech smarts to help monitor its rampant herbivore populations

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Holmes

Dung Beetles!

Can we count dung beetles instead and correlate from that population?

-->Deer Stalker

Trump gloats, telcos weep, and China is furious: How things stand following UK's decision to rip out Huawei

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Alert

We have all the justifications we need to hit them hard in the wallet.

Well, Cinia, in the guise of CGN do have us over a barrel with respect to the new nuclear power stations - Hinkley Point C, Sizewell C and Bradwell B. In the case of the latter, the agreement being to deploy CGN's HPR1000 design. As it is, IIRC, the Sizewell C deal gives a premium on the generation tariff.

Cornish drinkers catch a different kind of buzz as pub installs electric fence at bar

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The Jolly Volt

The StarSpark Inn

Rip and replace is such a long Huawei to go, UK telcos plead, citing 'blackouts' and 'billion pound' costs: Are Vodafone and BT playing 'Project Fear'?

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Re: If it involves Boris and/or Donald

The genuine Bovine stuff is actually quite useful stuff. As for these two...

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Cooperate?

"...will result in multi-day mobile signal losses for some customers."

Any reason why they can't work with the regulator and the other mobile network providers to allow automatic roaming to another uneffected network in the locality of an upgrade during the work? Perhaps give some nominal compensation for providing the fallback.

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Joke

Trade Deal - Boris drives a hard bargain

Trump: Precondition - No Huawei in your telecoms infrastructure.

Boris: We take your Chlorinated Chicken and keep Huawei

Trump; Deal

Trump's Make Space Great Again video pulled after former 'naut says: Nope

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Thumb Up

Re: That's a cheap-ass looking hat he's hawking.

Posting this now, 4 weeks later for the record...

British Transport Police have apologised to the woman:

"Now Flynn has received a letter of apology on behalf of the chief constable of British Transport Police (BTP), which says the instruction to cover her T-shirt and the brief detention to give that direction were unlawful. It apologises for any distress caused and gives an undertaking that “the wearing of the T-shirt alone will not lead to her arrest or any direction to cover it”"

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/jul/10/police-apologise-woman-told-cover-up-anti-boris-johnson-t-shirt

LibreOffice community protests at promotion of paid-for editions, board says: 'LibreOffice will always be free software'

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Me too.

WinZip, being an essential utility, it was the right thing to do. And as a software developer it was even more important to do the right thing.

We'll pay £400k for a depth charge-proof robot submarine, says UK's Ministry of Defence

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They also want to ensure the autonomous vehicle makes an effort to get back in contact with humans to finish its duties after losing touch,

Will it be listening in for Radio 4 Long Wave to see if it is worth betting back in contact with humans? I read somewhere that with the UK Nuclear Sub fleet, in the event of Blighty being a waste-ground, they are to try to make contact with Australia, Canada or New Zealand

When a deleted primary device file only takes 20 mins out of your maintenance window, but a whole year off your lifespan

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Happy

"and accidentally deleted the Sybase master device file while it was running."

I did something similar on a DB/2 for OS/2 installation on a customer site ironically whilst doing a roll-forward recovery after a database corruption. Some quick thinking got me out of a hole - connected to another of the customer's sites and copied the relevant file off that server, as the builds were identical. The connection... Lan Netview Managment Utilities to remote server at 9600baud

Boffins baffled as supergiant star just vanishes – either it partially blew itself apart or quietly turned into a black hole

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Re: Holiday season

Costa del Sol still in lockdown?

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Meanwhile closer to Earth...

NASA have released "A Decade of Sun", images captures by the Solar Dynamics Observatory.

This 10-year time lapse showcases photos taken at a wavelength of 17.1 nanometers, which is an extreme ultraviolet wavelength that shows the Sun’s outermost atmospheric layer — the corona.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3QQQu7QLoM

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Holmes

Professor Moriarty

As I was skimming through the article, I read "Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society " as "Moriarty..."

Scala contributor: Open source and diversity key to tackling dev skills shortage

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Unhappy

or just trying random guesses until the errors went away.

The sounds like one of my "programmers"

One does not simply repurpose an entire internet constellation for sat-nav, but UK might have a go anyway

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Trollface

Re: slapping the Union Jack on the side of OneWeb's birds

Well, I wouldn't be surprised (though I don't want to know) if Boris wears Union Jack boxer shorts.

And at the next Conservative Party Conference, whenever that may be, they'll no doubt sell knickers with Boris' mug on the front and a Union Jack at the back.

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Thumb Down

Ku-(ng)-FU Band

Ku-Fuck Up again by the (HM) Government.

I use the term "HM" with reluctance, as I do think the Queen may be somewhat embarrassed by the quality of "Her" Government

White elephants in the mist: Google's upcoming Pixel 4A may ship without Soli motion recognition, per FCC filing

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Zits!

Blackheads and Whiteheads. Unloved by all.

It's now safe to turn off your computer shop: Microsoft to shutter its bricks-and-mortar retail locations worldwide

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No idea if the numbers scale up, and chronologically, this is later, but the non-exclusive MS-DOS deal with IBM was to bring in a lot of cash

https://www.ozy.com/true-and-stories/the-agreement-that-catapulted-microsoft-over-ibm/94437/

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