Posts by hi_robb

$100 credit for Note 7 owners

Hmm

So Samsung owners could end up with another 100 notes burning a hole in their pockets...

Samsung: And for my next trick – exploding WASHING MACHINES

Good on Samsung

Buy a washing machine, get a free tumble drier.

Naughty Zuck: Facebook fudged its video ad numbers

Oh dear

I'll bet the admen won't LIKE this....

Behold the fruit of your techie utopia: A $43 San Francisco fog-infused martini

Re: Fog-infused martini is quite good

the fanny beer was cheaper earlier, but they've stuck it up since.....

And for 10 grand you can send your beloved other half over to Poland or Germany to have her minge mince scraped out and turned in to a wonderful aperitif!

Lets hope it doesn't have aperitif when they try to interfere with her!

I reckon they sample it before making it in to your dream drink!

"Na Nigel this one's a bit yeasty..."

WTF ... makes mobile phone batteries explode?

Re: In the phablet, the silent phablet, the LiOn sleeps tonight

Just remember,

The temptation to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is never more than a whim away!

A whim away, a whim away...

Pramworld admits mailing list breach

Oh dear

Hacking Pramworld was childsplay then..

/Sorry - gets dragged stage left.

BOFH: The case of the suspicious red icon

Quality

Just quality.

Fanbois iVaporate: Smallest Apple iPhone queues ever

Hmm

Apple fans have a smaller iQueue than normal then?

Hacker and chums jailed over gold bullion hack, track 'n' grab scam

Oh Dear

Did the judge identify who was number one and number two in the gang?

/Gets coat

UK nuke warhead builders shift IT gear into public cloud

Well...

Whoever the cloud providor is, I hope business is not booming....

Or that they try to upgrade Flash....

Fake Twitter accounts, coup plots ... Wacky Hyperloop One lawsuit turns it up to 11

Thanks El-Reg

For keeping us in the loop....

What wedding cake would an engineer make? A LEGO one

Hmm

I thought this would end in tiers...

'Second Earth' exoplanet found right under our noses – just four light years away

May I

Be the first to welcome our new Proxima b dwelling overlords!

False Northern Lights alert issued to entire UK because of a lawnmower

Hmm

So I guess the alert isn't valid any mower...

Church organist nabbed for playing glory hole in excelsis

Hmmm

I hope he never tried to do here comes the bride!

Kepler's K2 mission confirms 104 Earth-like planets

Ahem

May I be the first to welcome our new M dwarf K2-72 system dwelling overlords.

Alleged Aussie plum plucker pleads guilty to motel tissue swipe

Well....

I've heard the guy thought he might get in to the club for people who's lost their bollocks in stupid ways.

But it's members only....

By Jove! NASA's Juno prepares to slip into orbit around Jupiter

Hmm

Any ideas what NASA's jupiter probe is called?

"Juno!"

No, I woudln't be asking if I did...

Visiting America? US border agents want your Twitter, Facebook URLs

All I can say is.

#Fuckoff

Forget Game of Thrones as Android ransomware infects TVs

It locks the screen,,,

Tha'll still be better to watch than an episode of Jeremy Kyle

'Massive great big' vulture goes AWOL in Somerset

hmm.

If you see it, carrion...

/Gets dragged stage left

CIA says it 'accidentally' nuked torture report hard drive

Hmmm.

An organisation that wants to know everything about us, doesn't want us knowing everything about them.

Who says the CIA doesn't do irony.

Electric Babel Fish swims into crowdfunding

Questions!

Is it's inventor paranoid and do they have abrain the size of a planet?

Phishing scam targets ... actual fishermen in eastern Ukraine

Poor fishermen

I'll bet they're reeling....

HSBC swinging axe on UK IT department, 840 heads to roll

HSBC management...

putting the "Huge Shower (of) Bloody Cnuts" in to HSBC management.

Huge embarrassment over fisting site data breach

Now folks.

If you ever used this site, put your hand up....

French duck-crushing device sells for €40k

Wow

This is in the press everywhere...

'Bitcoin creator' Craig Yeah Wright in meltdown

Re: Just a thought.

Excellent and informative answer, thanks.

D

Just a thought.

This guy's invovled in some sort of tax thing at the minute isn't he?

So could it be possible that the sudden backtrack of proving he's one of Bitcoins founding fathers have something to do with the fact that he realises his 450 million quids worth of bitcoins could be taxed to?

Personally I don't think he's Satoshi, that Japanese-American who got pointed at a while ago, now he did seem like a much more likely candidate.

D

Barclays.net Bank Holiday outage leaves firms unable to process payments

Re: Erm

It was supposed to be a joke!

:-(

Erm

Dear Barclays,

To check if your service is up ping it...

RIP Prince: You were the soundtrack of my youth

Re: I've

He wasn't the Messiah, he was just a very naughty musician...

Uninstall QuickTime for Windows: Apple will not patch its security bugs

Oh dear...

I better get it uninstalled quicktime.......

BT hauled into Old Bailey after engineer's 7-metre fall broke both his ankles

He couldn't call for help!

Can you imagine the conversation if he'd managed to get his phone out his pocket and call his bosses.

BT Guy: "I'd like to be put through to someone with a ladder please, be quick!!"

Operator: "Ok Sir, please hang on...."

Prof Hawking to mail postage-stamp space craft to Alpha Centauri using frickin' lasers

Hmm.

This is a first class idea.....

/Hails taxi

German lodges todger in 13 steel rings

This article reminds me....

That I haven't spoken to my German friend for ages!

I think I'll give him a ring.....

New Monopoly version features an Automatic Teller Machine

There's a learning Monopoly class in town today.

I've just got to go...

Back to the Future's DeLorean is coming back to the future

Re: A couple points ...

You mentioned huge ass behind a beautiful body and didn't use the Paris icon?

What were you thinking man!

Medical data experiment goes horribly wrong: 950,000 records lost

Hmm

reading this article makes me sick...

Five reasons why the Google tax deal is imploding

"Google - search doesn't to be taxing."

US rapper slams Earth is Round conspiracy in Twitter marathon

Hmm

For someone who thinks the earth is flat, this guy sure gets around....

Apple buys mood sniffer AI firm Emotient. Stop rolling your eyes at me, user

Err

Siri - "your wife's calling Dave, she looks angry"

Foetuses offered vaginal music streaming service

hmmm...

At least it's not just a product to be enjoyed by stuck up cnuts...

Day 2: Millions of HSBC customers still locked out of online banking

HSBC =

Huge Shower Bloody Clowns.

Here – here is that 'hoverboard' you've wanted so much. Look at it. Look. at. it.

FFS

Just take my money.

City of London cops in Christmas karaoke crackdown shocker

Talking of I will survive...

I woke up last night and thought the ghost of Gloria Gaynor was at the foot of my bed!

At first I was afraid, I was terrified...

/Gets coat

Cheque, mate? Barclays Bank borked as website, apps take cheeky siesta

Dear Barclays

To check if your service is up....

Pingit...

D

Millions of families hit in toymaker VTech hack – including 200,000+ kids

Oh dear...

Apparently gaining personal info via hacking nowadays is child play..

D

What the world needs now is Pi, sweet $5 Raspberry Pi Zero

DOH

4 quid?

What idiot didn't think to price it at £3.14

/gets coat

Jokes of no more than 2 lines

Boxers

I was pulling my boxers off in bed last night when the wife said to me...

"You spoil those dogs."