Posts by Geoff Mackenzie

Microsoft ga ga over Goo-Hoo! deal

Metamonopoly

Nobody can have a monopoly but MS!

Competition is against the Mafia ethic.

Foldable sports plane gives Everyman a chance at crashing

Terrible idea for other people

...but I'll have one, thanks. :)

Ransomware Trojan code break 'impractical'

And then comes the version with the 2048 bit key

The other day I was walking down the street with a gun and a shifty looking guy I didn't know came up to me and said "Hey, point that thing straight down and pull the trigger." I did, of course, as anyone would, and seriously injured my foot. Obviously this is not on.

I have contacted Browning, the manufacturer of my gun, and asked why they don't follow me around and give me a second opinion with reference to any advice I receive from untrusted strangers about what target I ought to fire upon, but they seem totally disinterested (typical of Browning!).

So thankfully Kaspersky Firearm Security Co. are investigating the possibility of developing a device which could be fitted to a handgun which could determine, when the trigger is pulled, whether the weapon is trained on the user's foot. Obviously this involves some pretty heavy image analysis but it's totally worthwhile. A lot of people use Browning firearms so this problem urgently needs to be solved, and a few million machine years of computation has got to be worthwhile.

Biggles battles Yanks for right to sport tash

@Peyton

Drag.

IBM 'advises' staff to opt for a Microsoft Office-free world

Open formats

I will not send MS Office files, even (especially?) where they are specifically requested.

I don't open MS Office files either - if someone really wants to communicate with me they should be happy enough to send me a Postscript, PDF, plain text, HTML, DVI, ODF (or virtually any other format) file, surely?

Unfortunately I do have to make an exception at work because everyone uses MS Office here and I don't want to be an awkward bastard...

British pilot makes first supersonic stealth jumpjet flight

Re: dumping weapons ...

Or, alternatively, just fly the plane into the net and haul it aboard.

Or another idea - when you're out for a routine patrol, if you don't find a target, find the most militaristic looking school or hospital you can and 'dump' the weapons there.

Gamers not social misfits, after all

You know, that matches up with my experience

I play no games, and am totally antisocial.

UK watchdog barks at MPs' expenses

@Thad

You've got to be kidding me. Some arse takes my money under duress and spends it on himself, and it's 'prudish' to object?

I agree with the fixed salary suggestion. It could be quite a high fixed salary, but absolutely no perks and absolutely no other employment. And a revision of the electoral system would be welcome too.

ASA slaps down Vodafone 'unlimited' data claims

Weird, I also agree with Vodafone this time

If they'd said all websites, all the time it would have been misleading. If they'd suggested the web access was unlimited, that would have been misleading. But as far as I can see all they suggested was that, with their service, I could at a time of my choice access a website of my choice.

Unless I'm much mistaken their service would provide me with exactly that facility.

Delayed SQL Server 2008 hits release phase

Milestone?

Or millstone, perhaps. Sticking with Postgres.

Trend withdraws from 'irrelevant' VB100 anti-virus test

A wanker writes

Actually I use no anti-malware and am not cautious about what sites I visit or attachments I open. I'm on Linux and I've never had a problem as a result of this wanker behaviour. As a regular wanker, I would like to assert that having a half-decent OS does seem to help.

Any other wankers have similar experiences? Or am I just a lucky wanker?

Climate supremo deploys knitwear in war on patio heaters

Running lights? Why stop there?

I love my running horn. Nobody pulls out in front of me since I replaced that silly push-to-make, release-to-break button with a (simpler, more reliable) length of wire.

Oh, and by the way, if your 4x40W car stereo is really using more power than your headlights, turn it down before you perforate your ear drums...

Phoenix Mars website invaded by hackers

The answer is

Taint Mode, obviously.

Microsoft seeds HP PCs with Live Search

@Ian Ferguson

"even Linux comes with bundles of free applications - you could argue that the authors are getting wads of free advertising from Linux installations and Linux distros should be completely unbranded and not come with anything bundled"

That's a little different. Linux actually comes with nothing bundled - it's just a kernel. Red Hat, Canonical et al provide 'distributions' - these are innately 'bundles' so it's hard to object to the bundling. Even the default shell is not 'part of Linux' but a sort of bundled application (you can run Linux boxes entirely without bash if you want).

Since the bundled applications are provided for free by their developer communities and often not advertised in any way other than this bundling (and in the majority of cases, not actually installed by default anyway, just made available), it's hard to see how the Linux situation parallels Microsoft's habitual strategic injection of second-rate content into Windows systems.

UK cops arrest six alleged BitTorrent music uploaders

Re: there's a Cleveland in the UK?

That's nothing. There's a Moscow.

Bonce-antenna education downloads foreseen in 30 years

Short route.

Hmm. Yes.

I'd hazard a guess the interface would be fairly simple in his case.

City anti-Scientology protestor avoids court summons

El Reg is a cult!

Anyway, I thought that Scientology's delusional conman founder said it would all be over after the cult's 'technology' became publically available. Having read it I can see why. So how come they're still here?

Mozilla guns for Guinness world record with Firefox 3.0

I'll be downloading it ...

... on all 3 of my machines that run FF. It's not only inaccurate to say that 99% of XP boxes have FF, but to say all Linux boxes have it is also wrong by the way - why would you install it on a server? Or an embedded system?

Japanese customs reunited with lost dope

Well, I'm relieved ...

... that all 25g were recovered safely.

Vista on your iPhone - almost 'perfection'

@Jeff

Waiting for a list? Google for it.

I'll get you started though:

http://secunia.com/advisories/29458/

Not aware of any other OS that has this problem. I've been breaking into the occasional Windows box via CD autorun since '95.

@Jeff some more

Sorry for the double-post, but I should have included this in the first one:

http://secunia.com/search/?search=vista

There's yer list.

Climate profs 'can't recommend' enormo-space-parasol

Stop ironing our clothes?

What's 'ironing'?

Finally, a carbon-emission related excuse for the state of my shirts.

Microsoft pays people to use its search engine

Maybe ...

... this would work for Vista, too?

Microsoft to ODF, PDF - let's get it on together

Warnings while saving ...

"Saving this file as ODF may cause the loss of formatting information, rainforests and endangered species. Click No to save in Microsoft's universally approved standard OXML, or Yes to save in the Communist ODF format and help fund terrorism, people trafficking and child pornography rings."

Can Microsoft 'do' open source by 2015?

PHP developers deploying on Linux?

Imagine if that happened! What a weird world that would be!

Microsoft slides out second HPC Windows 2008 beta

I'd like to buy ...

... 1000 Windows 2008 Server licenses please.

How much?

Screw it, I'll stick with Beowulf.

BitTorrent tracker Mininova faces legal action

BREIN just made my list

I didn't have a Dutch one yet.

BSA dubs Manchester second worst for piracy

@Stu Reeves

I've heard that argument so many times. Very little of software developers' pay comes from the sale value of the software they write. I'm paid to develop software that has zero sale value because my employer wants to use it. If it was open source and distributed freely it wouldn't impact its use value and wouldn't hurt my salary.

Most software developers employed in the UK and worldwide are paid based on the use value of the software, not its sale value. Most of us are working on systems that are not really worth distributing, because they are quite exactly matched to the requirements of a particular business.

Well, anyway, I'm not going to write the whole argument out again. Eric S. Raymond said it best anyway. I recommend reading some of his essays.

Apple will please missile makers by backing PA Semi's chip

I'm waiting for the iBomb Nano

Mine's not the bulky one ...

Xbox 360 'eaten' by alligator

That's nothing

I modded my alligator to look like an Xbox 360.

Activist coders aim to deafen Phorm with white noise

Non-BT Copper ISP

PlusNet aren't involved in the Phorm thing, last I heard. I assumed they would be, so as they're my ISP I sent a few emails and got an assurance that PlusNet ADSL customers are in the clear.

They are shite though.

Government orders data retention by ISPs

What Phorm are doing is illegal

Let's do the same.

RIAA ordered to shell out $100k for P2P witch hunt

A suggestion

Reclaim the total value of music and video that everyone involved in the case could have illegally downloaded had they not been involved. Compensation for lost piracy opportunities.

Mine's the one stuffed with cassettes.

How ComScore can track your mouse clicks

Re: Why doesn't the AV folks include these apps in their virus scanners??

Hmm, I suspect they do. Only not the way you mean. :)

MS whips lens cap off WorldWide Telescope

"Nearly everything new is straight from Vista"

At best, from MacOS via Vista... and anyway, most of that chrome isn't all that new.

In fairness ...

... if it did work, it would be breathtakingly unoriginal.

UK's tallest bovine soars to 6ft 6in

I'm the tallest man

at this particular address. Can I get a record, too?

Mine's the red one.

QXL.co.uk shuts up shop

Noooo!

As their one remaining user, I'm mildly inconvenienced.

Oz cops sound iPod road cross death warning

I don't know.

I have to say that despite being more often a driver than a pedestrian, though, I have some *thump* sympathy for the ped - oh, shit, sorry!

Stamping on the spam or wading through it?

Lol ...

Stop spam! Enter your details here, use this product. :)

Phorm in phormulaic logo phorm storm

I'm skint ...

... but I'd throw in a tenner.

MS misses restart button on desktop auto-updates

Anyone else ...

... not reading "Microsoft's POS software" as "Point Of Sale"?

Frustration and joy - Microsoft's CTP in action

Yay!

Badly patched Sybase reissue grinding along on a reworked GUI shell for a CP/M rip-off.

Ballmer's board broaches beefier bid

@SpitefulGOD

Your assumption that 'everyone' will be driven into not using Yahoo seems to be based on the assumption that anyone uses it now.

I'm off to vomit some crud. Fair and accurate crud, but apparently I'm vomiting it. Vista is great, because you can talk to your computer.

Yeaaah.

MS pulls plugs on XP SP3 mass launch

@Eddie Priest

No problem with Vista SP1; nobody's running Vista anyway... :)

OK, tha'ts not entirely fair, but safe to say nobody's running it on Retail Management (or other important) systems.

Men could have kids with chimpanzees - gov must act

I had a solution

But then it dawned on me that this guy might be self-aware. Ah well.

Spy regs used against dogs, litterbugs

Serves 'em right

Finally, someone's taking action against these irresponsible dog owners. Stray faeces funds terrorism and international crime. It's good to see the powers that be are losing their fear of multinational canine excretia corporations.

OLPC sweet talks Microsoft

@muvaffak gozaydin

We don't all choose Windows. Fewer and fewer of us do.

And I can honestly say, having worked in a couple of computer shops (in a sales/tech role) before getting a 'real' IT job, that virtually no customer actually asks for Windows. They just get it (and pay for it) by default.

Although fortunately where I worked we had no cosy special relationship with Microsoft so on the rare occasions when someone asked for Linux, we were happy to install it, support it, and give them a discount.

Spread your database connections with PHP PDO

PDO, Zend, CakePHP ...

Never mind this half-baked stuff. Wait 'till you see my framework framework, which allows you to develop in a way that's portable across all the many frameworks. It's going to be truly revolutionary.

I'm using it now, to build my price comparison site comparison site.

Honda harness to take the strain out of strolling

Damn

I guess walking's patented too now then.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a software developer. I never walk anyway.