* Posts by Chozo

367 posts • joined 17 Jun 2013

Page:

Russia admits, yup, the Americans are right: One of our rocket's tanks just disintegrated in Earth's orbit

Chozo
Coat

Musings from the group W bench...

I appreciate that a Kessler cascade event == bad, the thing is is though if we want to build the next generation of orbital infrastructure such as global wifi, orbital power generation, moon mining and ships to beyond then the present crud whizzing about needs to be cleared. So rather than try and grab every piece manually with nets, harpoons and suicide drones etc Instead break out the space cannon tech, deliberately trigger then accelerate the chaos. After a while the debris should grind itself down into particles that can be caught with disposable 'soft' satellites made of something like play-doh launched into degrading polar orbits.

Mines the one with script for the next James Bond film

Iran military manages to keep a straight face while waggling miracle widget that 'can detect coronavirus from 100m away'

Chozo

Re: Incredible!

Gertrude, have you got into the cider again?

Chozo

Incredible!

I haven't been this impressed since Jebidiah Greenfield unveiled the "Possum Whistle"

Vodafone chief speaks out after 5G conspiracy nuts torch phone mast serving Nightingale Hospital in Brum

Chozo
Joke

Calm down people...

and drink your fluoridated water. The Illuminati know it blocks high frequency 5G radiation,

want proof then put your phone in a sink full of the stuff and watch the signal strength drop.

French pensioner ejected from fighter jet after accidentally grabbing bang seat* handle

Chozo
Coffee/keyboard

Merde! that was my favourite keyboard

Watch out, everyone, here come the Coronavirus Cops, enjoying their little slice of power way too much

Chozo
Big Brother

The fist within the velevet glove

I am concerned about the addicts, with the illegal drug supply & distribution essentially broken things must be starting to hurt about this week and chaos does love a junkie tamping at the bit. All it's going to take is government declaring alcohol & tobacco as non-essential items with lock down becoming smoke free & sober, possibly even sugar free and we are all going to feel the pain of a fist presently wearing a velvet glove.

From Amanda Holden to petrol-filled water guns: It has been a weird week for 5G

Chozo
Alert

Re: average

and half of them are stupider than that

Do you want to be an astronaut when you grow up? Yeah, you and 12,000 others: NASA flooded with folks hoping to visit Moon, Mars

Chozo
Gimp

Re: Road trip for two to the moon...

I'm told she is a harsh mistress

Announcing the official Reg-approved measure of social distancing: The Osman

Chozo
Coat

The Emperor Protects!

so long as you use imperial measurements

UK enters almost-lockdown: Brits urged to keep calm and carry on – as long as it doesn't involve leaving the house

Chozo
Black Helicopters

Paranoid Rant

If history is any yardstick to measure by then this coronavirus outbreak is not going to be a 'comfortable catastrophe' where the enlightened prepared ones can simply bug out drinking beer in the woods for a month while the government returns things to normal. Now some say the rules here for the next three weeks are ambiguous, I suggest we are being given the message of a choice: Behave & shop responsibly lest harsher rules be enforced. It's probably worth mentioning that one of the biggest boosts to the general health of the UK was food rationing during WWII and if reintroduced as an emergency measure you can bet they will include a photo ID this time around. Plus under the guise of health 'screening', well that's a swab of everybody's DNA on file.

BT's Wi-Fi Disc ads banned because there's no evidence the things work

Chozo
Alien

Parallel evolution

You remember the episode of Deep Space Nine where chief O'Brian is convinced the stations Cardassian computer has an attitude and doesn't like him. BT hubs are exactly the same when you try to tinker with them.

In case you want to flee this wretched Earth, 139 minor planets were spotted at the outer reaches of our Solar System. Just an FYI...

Chozo
Coat

God does not play dice

the omnipotent one is clearly a fan of marbles

Flat Earther and wannabe astronaut killed in homemade rocket

Chozo
Pirate

We who are about to play Kerbal salute you!

and wish we were as mad

Tech can endure the most inhospitable environments: Space, underwater, down t'pit... even hairdressers

Chozo

Vapor Rediffusion

14 inch TV from a chipshop, the old-school ones. You know the type, mechanical tuner switches, the faint whiff of ozone, weighing like a crate of beer. Ten years it had hovered above the counter slowly condensing layers of culinary history. Were not talking some wimpy conformal coating spray covering, nay full on potted in solid fat with just the top of high voltage coil poking out. Two days with a hot a air paint stripper later we got down to bare board and eventually replacing a duff power transistor. Neil went vegan shortly afterwards, me I still gag uncontrollably at the smell of warm grease.

Everyone loves our new desktop web search design so much – the one with ads that look like links – that we're tweaking it, says Google

Chozo
Terminator

Curious, hardly a week goes by in the Adsense support forums where some newbie gets their account nuked just prior to payout for pulling this exact same stunt.

Love T-shirts, but can't be bothered to wash them? We've seen just the thing!

Chozo
Devil

We've seen just the thing!

Aw bless Richard, what rock have you been hiding under? EverDry demonstrated its hydrophobic spray back in 2012, that video has over 17 million views on Youtube alone and for pretty much the same cost as three t-shirts I can buy enough of it to cover every piece of clothing in my wardrobe.

A cheery New Year tale: How the Dundee Satellite Receiving Station might rise once more

Chozo
Childcatcher

For a moment had this vision of eccentric Scottish boffins and plucky young students in a truck chase with a huge sat dish through the streets of Dundee pursued by evil accountants and scrap dealers.

Mae Culpa - watched to much Disney last week

Irish eyes aren't smiling after govt blows €1m on mega-printer too big for parliament's doors

Chozo

Re: This May be Apocryphal...

A similar farce could often be seen at Dowty with upwards of five blokes hanging off the back of small forklift when they needed to lift bed off one of the big Dixi jig borers for servicing. The real coup-de grace came however when the hydraulics division moved offsite. Everything was going well until they moved the big flow rigs...That's when they rediscovered the concealed staircases in the floor to the old air raid shelters.

Dead or alive, you're camming with me, says RoboPup: Bomb squad hires Boston Dynamics Spot to snoop on suspects, packages

Chozo

Re: Dog from hell

Wait till you see the Fox take on War of the Worlds and it's attack dog robots. Replacing the projectile weapon with a captive bolt gun was a stroke of sick genius

Beware the trainee with time on his hands and an Acorn manual on his desk

Chozo

Gloucester IteC

GItec was a weird experience for me to start with as the "campus" was my former infants school but the shock of students being shown the computer room for the first time was universal. In the days when most schools computer clubs had three maybe four machines and a waiting list of years to even get near one seeing twenty BBC-b's with all the toys was mind blowing. I wonder where all those PFY's are now. I know Errol runs his own electronics business, JHR does upgrades for Aston Martin's, Proff disappeared inside the MOD and I got myself a little server farm.

UK Home Office: We will register thousands of deactivated firearms with no database

Chozo
Facepalm

Why?

Given that a Filipino gunsmith working with scrap steel & only basic tools can make a Colt 1911 in two weeks. Armed with a cheap CNC milling machine a complete engineering novice could probably bang one out in half that time. Detailed blueprints are out there and not hard to find for most firearms. Yet the govt is worried about people attempting to reactivate some knock-off victorian flintlock or Granddads welded solid Luger.. go figure...

Pentagon beams down $10bn JEDI contract to Microsoft: Windows giant beats off Bezos

Chozo
Devil

Article about JEDI shows picture of Spock

Don't change it :)

It'll drive them mad all weekend

Slow down, ice-on-Mars fans: Those 'streams' on Red Planet may be caused by landslides

Chozo

Fascinatingly plausable

I wonder if UCL could run the same analysis for the curious erosion around the Sphinx enclosure.

Reaction Engines' precooler tech demo chills 1,000°C air in less than 1/20th of a second

Chozo
Alien

Miss Miss!

What is it Daniel?

When I grow up I want to fly a spaceship!

One day I think you may young master Dare

Rocket Lab plans to send small satellites to the Moon with Photon

Chozo
Black Helicopters

I wonder..

What happens when somebody launches a crowd-funded spy satellite?

BOFH: The company survived the disaster recovery test. Just. The Director's car, however...

Chozo

Our company DR plan is a spare kettle and stash of biscuits security think they have hidden

Well, well, well. Fancy that. UK.gov shelves planned pr0n block

Chozo
Unhappy

Victory?

So people being "randomly" called in for a chat with a govt agent holding a printout of their entire surfing history it is then

US games company Blizzard kowtows to Beijing by banning gamer who dared to bring up Hong Kong

Chozo
Big Brother

See the world in a spit of land

Been reading snippets from HKmap.live and it's giving a fascinating insight into how a surveillance state operates. The use of masks by protesters for instance is apparently being weakened by the Police/Gov by throwing manpower at all restaurant cctv in the area. Rioting being hungry work after all, then using this additional evidence to make pre-emptive arrests inside the eatery's before people mask up for another nights mayhem.

EU's top court sees no problem with telling Facebook to take content down globally

Chozo
Mushroom

Go for it

The world will still know that free people stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many, and before this battle was over, even a god-king can bleed.

The mod firing squad: Stack Exchange embroiled in 'he said, she said, they said' row

Chozo
Devil

Cease & Desist

Honoured members of The Register it has been brought to my attention that some of you are rendering my words on screen using the default font settings of your web browser. I find this behaviour highly distressing and request henceforth all readers use of Comic Sans to display my posts.

Behold the perils of trying to turn the family and friends support line into a sideline

Chozo
Facepalm

Phone Support Hell

The red light is flashing and it's making a beeping sound...

Um..Ok Sir, can you press the reset button then give it a minute before you try to connect to the internet again

Hang on while I get a step ladder...

Remember that security probe that ended with a sheriff cuffing the pen testers? The contract is now public so you can decide who screwed up

Chozo
Pirate

Sour grapes of wrath?

Appears the duo also successfully planted an unspecified 'device' inside the Polk County Courthouse on Sept 9th.

source APnews https://www.apnews.com/88df1bce5dd5491083af761758b74554

From pen-test to penitentiary: Infosec duo cuffed after physically breaking into courthouse during IT security assessment

Chozo
Pirate

UPDATE:

Appears the duo also successfully planted an unspecified 'device' inside the Polk County Courthouse on Sept 9th

source APnews https://www.apnews.com/88df1bce5dd5491083af761758b74554

Chozo

The fog of embarrassment is already strong with this story. Though most news outlets keep repeating "Dallas County Courthouse" along with images of the historic property, the building they apparently attempted to enter was a much bleaker looking county office around the corner at 908 Court St.

Big bang theory: Was mystery explosion over New York caused by a meteor? Dunno. By a military jet? Maybe...

Chozo
Joke

Re: Booms

Safer than an Ikea pig hunt

https://youtu.be/w4t652Usg10

NATO sharpens its cyber-lances, prepares for war games with virtual jousting tournament

Chozo

14. Zero-hour - Jimenez cuts the cable, Franko cuts the phone

Sadly deep down we all know it will be a sabre rattling sham. Red team will be under orders to "play fair" (and basically let Blue win).

We will hack back if you tamper with our shiz, NATO declares to world's black hats

Chozo
Pirate

Is this about me allegedly cracking the base WiFi password again?

Russian spacebot stranded outside the ISS as Soyuz fails to dock

Chozo
Terminator

SciFi trivia teaser...

Name one movie where having a giant robot on board went well for the crew...

Brit couch potatoes increasingly switching off telly boxes in favour of YouTube and Netflix

Chozo

Re: I have switched completely and so do I still need a TV license ?

Been clean a couple of years now. One visit, he saw the Puppy Linux desktop on the TV we had a quick chat about what online content providers I used and that was it.

It's Black Hat and DEF CON in Vegas this week. And yup, you know what that means. Hotel room searches for guns

Chozo

Don't care...

I would still rather be at DEFCON than work

Our hero returns home £500 richer thanks to senior dev's appalling security hygiene

Chozo
Pirate

Bad habits == hours of fun

Throughout the eighties and well past Y2K there was an industry wide bad habit of setting the engineers override pin code on all commercial intruder & fire alarms the same as the last 4-6 digits of the installation company's phone number. This doesn't sound too bad till you realise that often the company name and contact number is stuck to the box... Go on push the buttons, you know you want to

Low Barr: Don't give me that crap about security, just put the backdoors in the encryption, roars US Attorney General

Chozo
Black Helicopters

Language is a form of encryption....

Will the US gov be mandating all communication be in English as well? Language after all is a form of encryption and there's a lot of them in use, far more than the paltry few on Google translate particularly in the great melting pot of the US.

Blackburn ain't big enough for the both of us: Mr Creamy and Mr Whippy at the centre of new ice-cream war

Chozo
Joke

Never having strawberry sauce again

https://youtu.be/jvI2WCmjuOk

Will that old Vulcan's engines run? Bluebird jet boat team turn to Cold War bomber

Chozo
Pint

Re: Looks knackered

Never underestimate British boffinry, especially the retired ones.

A Register reader turns the computer room into a socialist paradise

Chozo
Devil

Happy days at GITeC

Five minutes before the end of a programmers exam, miscreants over in the electronics lab were drawing straws to see who got to trip the site breakers.

Alexa, am I having a heart attack? Here's how smart speakers could detect their masters spluttering to death

Chozo

Just out of curiosity...

Over here in the UK ambulance response times can be a tad variable with patient in need of urgent attention sometimes waiting hours for help, so what's the situation like elsewhere around the globe?

UK.gov whacks export ban on 'grotesque' crab made by famous Brit potter bros

Chozo

Re: wow!

Definitely worth a look

Fans of the scifi movie Forbidden Planet may find this little guy familiar

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a5/8c/1f/a58c1fb0d61c48e108a674160f629b1f.jpg

These boffins' deepfake AI vids are next-gen. But don't take our word for it. Why not ask Zuck or Kim Kardashian...

Chozo
Devil

Re: This is a good thing...

After a few years of embarrassment?

Spitting Image ran for over a decade and all they had to work with was latex caricatures

She's just a Cosmic Girl but UK.gov is dangling £20m to have Beardy Branson's 747 launch satellites from Cornwall

Chozo

Is there a pilot in the house?

Quick look on google earth measures the runway length at about 2600m/5300', isn't that a little short for a fully laden 747?

Amazon Alexa: 'Pre-wakeword' patent application suggests plans to process more of your speech

Chozo
Joke

Re: welcome to the future of voice assistants

Frosty Freddy the fridge full of fun & frivolity stared at the battered remains of a Talkie Toaster on the table... whirred & blinked... So your a Soy kinda guy! why didn't you say?

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