Posts by Chris Seiter

Ancient tulip-like stomach-onna-stick creatures found in Rockies

Model for future organizations

"an ovoid lower tract near the base of the calyx, grading into a bulbous mid-gut, then tapering into a straight and thin upper intestine projecting upwards to a central terminal anus"

Sounds a lot like government.

Toads predict earthquakes: Official

Mass Exodus Name

So with all the toads running(hopping) away instead of mating, would it be called a "Freundian Slip?"

San Diego Baywatch rules out exploding dead whale

PETA?

Where's PETA in all of this? Maybe since the animal is already dead or it wasn't that cute when it was alive they don't care?

Boffin bothers frogs until they spill super power secrets

Frog Experiments

This reminds me of that old frog experiment joke. Take a frog and blow a whistle to make it jump. A frog with 4 legs jumped 4 feet. Cut of one of the legs and blow the whistle again. A frog with 3 legs jumps 3 feet. Cut off another leg. A frog with 2 legs jumps 2 feet. Cut off another. A 1-legged frog jumps only one foot. Cut off the final leg. A frog with no legs is deaf.

Naked vegans target Prince Harry over meaty 12-incher

I'm a vagatarian. Is that close enough for them?

Common brain parasite 'can affect host's actions'

We have three cats in a house of four people. If it's not the parasite telling me what to do then it's the ring on my finger. Although, sometimes they feel interchangable.

Man 'drinks 2 pizzas' before skidding off road

I have a new pickup line now. "How about a nice thick beef shake?"

Vegas man begs web for $1m to fix gigantic scrotum

Surgical music

I wonder if they'll have any AC/DC playing during the procedure?

Truck nuts swing onto US freedom of speech agenda

All over the place here

in Kentucky. She wouldn't have been breaking a bumper sticker law if she lightly powdered them first.

Mexican narco attempts suitcase jailbreak

Jail Cell Combination

12345 perhaps?

Moderatrix kisses the Reg goodbye

Who has learned more?

A few weeks ago I was looking at all my posts(self-importance moment) and was looking over the ones that were blocked and noticed that my cynicism of the world was showing through. Hopefully the blocked comments have not made you cynical to the world at large like I am. I'm sure you have your favorite commentors, both on the good side and bad.

May your future path be a good one and hopefully your time here will be remembered for the times you laughed at the general humor of the comments and not for the times you had to cringe at the general sexism/stupidity. DietyOfChoice-speed, Ms. Bee. Your next adventure awaits.

Drunken bust-up woman sprays cops with breast milk

C&C Laws

Her Conceal and Carry id number is 3OO3IES.

Woman dies of heart attack at own funeral

True Love

Her husband...said: "Her eyes fluttered...before she died again, this time for good."

This time for good? I'm cynical, but wow. I hope that was a mistranslation or it sounds like he was glad to be rid of her.

Mink coat thief conceals booty down knickers

re: wow

or Beaver Tail.

Muffception

A muff within a muff. I am not going deeper.

The KILLER MUTANT FUNGUS in YOUR DISHWASHER

They have feelings too

Just leave the dishwasher door open; they have lovely flowers. They like to be taken care of. We must water them daily. Don't use the hot dry cycle; we don't like it. Please understand us; we mean you know harm. We just want to live among you. You brought this upon yourselves.

Cornish cow plucked from jaws of death by Navy chopper

familiar sounding

I have an ex-wife like that; also of the bovine family. And again, who also has been exploited by many of the townsfolk around here.

how did it get there?

-lowered down to where the cow had become trapped with assistance from the Port Isaac Cliff Rescue Team-

Did they put the cow there in the first place?

Student geeks build Rubik’s cube solving bot

Same Pattern

I keep watching the video over and over again and the guy just keeps mixing the cube up the same way. I think they just programmed one solution into the robot.

Rapture postponed as world inexplicably fails to end

We were saved!!

Macho Man Randy Savage died for us. He stopped the rapture from happening by dropping an elbow from the top ropes onto Jesus. In the name of the tassles, the sparkles, and the glasses; OH YEAH!!

XXX domain names go live

Giggity

Just watched the rerun of Family Guy last night where Quagmire discovers internet porn. His left arm looked like a sequoia tree trunk compared to his right.

One-armed Maine residents whip out switchblades

Discrimination Lawsuits

And now there will be cases where a 2-armed or no-armed person could have defended themselve if only they had the ability to carry a switchblade. No-armed like Raiden in MGS4.

Dell samples shrooms for server shipping

alternative to the alternative

"In 5 - 7 days, in the dark, with no watering, and no petrochemical inputs, the mycelium envelops the by-products, binding them into a strong and beautiful packaging part."

They could have just used ground up Emos. Same growing process and probably more eco friendly.

George Lucas 'very happy' with 3D Phantom Menace

Christmas Special

Any chance on a 3D Christmas Special?

FBI asks for help to crack mystery code in 12-year-old murder case

foreign spoken language

Going on the spoken language and it's not actually a code, could it just be a language he had heard on TV and written his own bad phonetics for it as a kid? Speak it and run it through a ????<>English translator and see what comes out.

Take-Two talent call betrays Grand Theft Auto V

Recommendations

The male voices could all be done by either Tom Cruise or John Travolta at various stages throughout their lives.

Marshall Islands prez 'legalises cocaine'

Vacation of the Stars

I guess we now know where Charlie, Lindsay, Courtney, and Amy are going for their vacations. Cocaine has a 1% import tax but straight razors get a 5000% hike. Gillette just found a new trick to an old game.

BA jihadist relied on Jesus-era encryption

But Microsoft uses it...

http://www.personal-computer-tutor.com/abc3/v29/vic29.htm The website looks like a kid with a template made it, but interesting that the registry uses that type of letter change to obscure some keys.

Launcher Pro

Home++

Downloaded Home++ a while back. 7 home screens instead of five, loops to the first screen after the last, customizable dock, it cleans up the notification bar at the etop, and does landscape change as well.

Kentucky man denies drunk driving, blames blow job

keeping it in the family

Incest is best, put your sister to the test; nuthin's says luvin' like a cousin!

"Your sister's hot!" "She's your sister too!"

We play the dulcimer with our toes

It's called a toothbrush because we only have one tooth (between the three of us)

I'm about as far north in Kentucky without being in Ohio so I've heard them all. This doesn't shock me one bit.

Nine per cent of gamer kids are 'addicted'

shared interests

In some of those cases it's the parents that are adicted, not the kids.

'Blitzer' railgun already 'tactically relevant', boasts maker

always about size

Would a telescopic barrel work? I should probably leave the thinking to the smart ones.

Electric forcefield space sailing-ship tech gets EU funding

Just answered my own question

1 minute of research on their website talked about it not being a straight flight but more of a spiral.

overshoot

How do you stop it, and what about the return trip; are you supposed to tack the whole way back or will they have a trailing tow line?

If it's one way like the other trips, then no worries.

Leslie Nielsen dead at 84

Even earlier series

Don't forget about "Swamp Fox" from Disney! We watched it in high School. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Swamp_Fox_(TV_series)

North Carolina to raise army of Microsofties

Power Outage

So instead of learning how to read from a book, write with pen and paper(cursive), and solve math problems without a calculator, they'll churn out students that have no clue what to do if there is a power failure? Technology is supposed to help, not be a crutch,

Scarlett Johansson unleashes voracious sexuality in steamy alien film

Little Green Bag

Can't quite figure out how they're going to make the game "Unde the Skin" into a movie with her; unless she is going to be Princess Cleo.

Monkey squad sent in to secure Commonwealth Games

The monkey stole the title

I have a new idea for physically securing server rooms now.

'Toothed' condom hits rapists where it hurts

Sounds like a Chinese Todger Trap

"As he pulls it gets tighter" Why doesn't the he just stick something in the other end of the trap, push, and then he can get out?

Lightning bolt smites 60ft Jesus statue

Resurrection

It'll be back in a few days anyway...

Steve Jobs – Apple's not business, it's personal

Semaphore cracked in 2007

http://www.adobe.ca/aboutadobe/philanthropy/sjsemaphore/

Everything should be encrypted, right?

Almost Everything

I've had posts rejected before and I just chalked it up to my poor choice of words/it wasn't funny/it was crude, and didn't lose any sleep over it. Sometimes I try to put something in it just to have the honor of getting Ms. Bee to reply to a post of mine.

We encrypt everything that leaves our office possible; laptops full disk encryption, USB sticks, email with key words, phones,... The only thing that doesn't get encrypted on a regulare basis is CDs that go to the client.

Salacious smut soaks 12% of web

Definition of Porn

I heard there were two definitions for the difference between porn and art:

a government grant.

or

if you take a midget and put it in the scene and it doesn't look out of place, it's porn.

F*ck you, thunders disgruntled fanboi Apple user

Poor finish

"have a family at home that loves me." The penguin and the Windows lUser respond with the same, and they all look at each other knowing that no one will volunteer.

The pilot comes out of the cockpit and checks to see if they have made a decision.

"No one wants to jump, sir." the penguin tells him. The pilot walks to the back of the plane and grabs the only parchute. He opens the door, and as the wind is rushing in they hear him yell to the fanboi, "F*ck you, Kevin Smith. Lose the weight!" and the pilot parachutes safely to the ground as the plane crashes into the mountainside.

Facebook starts random application shutdown

"*", I choose you!

I pick * and all password maskers are now going to be told to pay royalties to me.

DARPA, US Marines team on proper flying car project

Toyota design?

Seriously? Do they not want it to stop?

Man coughs to sex with donkey and horse

Classy, at least

"On the same dates". At least he took them out to dinner first!

DIMENSIONAL PORTAL INCURSION AT THE LHC!

Whip Stich

Maybe my string theorist brother-in-law can just whip stich the hole closed with a quantum needle.

Legless Lithuanian attacks copper with todger

it's worth a try

There was a Lithuanian male

Who drank way too much ale

He stood on his stub

pulled out his nub

and now he's going to be in jail

US kiddies treated to Playboy TV

no update to equipment

the tech probably had an analog set.