* Posts by DwarfPants

77 posts • joined 6 Jun 2013


It's always DNS, especially when a sysadmin makes a hash of their semicolons


Re: Anyone who ever dabbles in vi

Searches for crib sheet on another computer/desk because I cannot touch keyboard for fear of doing something and not realizing it has been done or knowing how to undo it.

q! dammit, escape, q! q!

Zoom strong-armed by US watchdog to beef up security after boasting of end-to-end encryption that didn't exist



I have some tidyness concerns about people seeing my office.

IBM manager had to make one person redundant from choice of two, still bungled it and got firm done for unfair dismissal


Re: One day, out of the blue...

Have your HR been on the sympathy and empathy course? Without having taken the authenticity and truthfulness modules they are a waste of time.

What a Hancock-up: Excel spreadsheet blunder blamed after England under-reports 16,000 COVID-19 cases


If MS did increase the number of columns, it would not make a lot of difference to the worst use of Excel I get to experience every week.

Whoever decided putting an error report in Excel where two or three fields are shown on each tab and it takes two or more tabs per record was a good idea needs some percussive reeducation. I truly appreciate the 2000 sheet monstrosity they have created. I hate you even more as you forced me to dust off my VBA skills to turn it into a single readable tab, I thought I had moved on.

What price your home delivery? Amazon accused of hiding real injury rate in its overworked warehouses


Re: *Sobs Openly*

Absolutely truthful if "Nothing" is considered to be a thing,

"Nothing" is more important than health and safety.

and profits are way more important than "Nothing"

Microsoft leaks 6.5TB in Bing search data via unsecured Elastic server. *Insert 'Wow... that much?' joke here*

Big Brother

Valuable data

It is obviously very valuable to MS seeing as it periodically just said Meow and nobody noticed.

Or it is usually full of cat picture searches and it saying Meow was not out of the ordinary

Google bans stalkerware apps from Android store. Which is cool but... why were they allowed in the first place?


Re: Great they are doing this...

I also missed the sarcasm.

I trust my children to be doing all the things I did as a youth that you would not want your parents to know about.

As a parent rather than use an app to track them, I fall back to the tried and tested methodology of imparting wisdom that you can see being ignored at the time of delivery and concern/worry/alarm (situation dependent). If all else fails I try to ignore, retire to the shed, and purge real life from my head.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... a pair of black holes coalesced resulting in largest gravitational wave we've seen


Re: How small can you go?

Err, I recognize the words but not the order they are in, and I am pretty sure the problem is at my end. ERROR: INT512 overflow

Ink tanks park themselves all over the lawns of Western Europe as orders flood in


Reading the branding guide lines you would have thought biblical floods and droughts are not a problem merely an inconvenience, relative to the colours being wrong and don't even think about cropping the white space so it fits on the statutory documents.

Icon, real world consequences, obviously

Repair store faces hefty legal bill after losing David and Goliath fight with Apple over replacement iPhone screens


This guy gave evidence in one of these cases

Louis Rossmann gave evidence in one of these cases and posted a follow up video where he clarified the problem as not being refurbished screens but 3rd party replacements where the manufacturer had helpfully added an apple logo "for their domestic market".


Campaign groups warn GCHQ can re-identify UK's phones from COVID-19 contact-tracing app data


Re: Numpties!

its just a zip file containing a bunch of xmls

Square peg of modem won't fit into round hole of PC? I saw to it, bloke tells horrified mate


Hardware designers have a sense of humor

If you have ever had the pleasure of a LIF processor socket you have experienced it. The L stands for low and can only be considered such if assembling train wheels on to axles is you baseline.

NASA to launch 247 petabytes of data into AWS – but forgot about eye-watering cloudy egress costs before lift-off


Re: Just wondering

I have been in a cloud it was cold and wet.

Attention! Very important science: Tapping a can of fizzy beer does... absolutely nothing


Re: This theory always puzzles me

I am inclined to down vote but have't due to it only being an illustration of gas solubility in water, but Carbonated Tea! all my ancestors are simultaneously turning in their graves.

LightAnchors array: LEDs in routers, power strips, and more, can sneakily ship data to this smartphone app


Re: Why on earth

My wife is not allowed to use super glue for this very reason. Though I don't think adding an LED would help her.

RuneScape bloke was wrongly sacked after reading veep's salary details on office printer


Re: This is why...

My experience of this is "we are so busy/efficient we do not have the time wait (even walking across the the room will reduce our utilization to unacceptable levels) for the print so must be able release the document from the web portal" creating the problem scenario all over again. Strangely there still appears to be time for a gossip and an extended tea break.


Re: Odd But

Its a power thing. It allows all sorts of backroom deals and favorites. If I ruled the world this would be transparent.

Welcome to the World Of Tomorrow, where fridges suffer certificate errors. Just like everything else


RFID tags are not the answer

The teenagers will have eaten all the content leaving the packing and RFID tags to provide invalid data to the inventory function.

Audible hasn't even launched its AI-powered book subtitles and publishers have already fired off a sueball


Re: Reinventing the wheel

Whats the point? (apart from circumventing some legal restriction). The reason you are using an audio book is because you cannot or don't want to read the text. It just sounds like putting a book through google translate a couple of times, which could result in some interesting/confusing plot deviations.

Minecraft's my Nirvana. I found it hard, it's hard to find. Oh well, whatever... Never Mined


"Countryside/rural areas, especially in poor internet coverage regions, will be just mapped as 'here be dragons', 'enter at your own risk' etc."

And long may it stay that way

Blighty: We spent £1bn on Galileo and all we got was this lousy T-shirt


Re: "Can we have the heads of Farage, Boris and Davis on a post outside Parliament?"

And revenge for daddies humiliation

LastPass? More like lost pass. Or where the fsck has it gone pass. Five-hour outage drives netizens bonkers



Clouds are cold and wet. I have walked through a few, so know from personal experience.

Why are sat-nav walking directions always so hopeless?


Re: Tea with milk

And always Lipton Tea. Is it even sold in the UK, I suspect not as the only way to get you to drink it is to be in a place with no alternatives.

Solid password practice on Capital One's site? Don't bank on it


Re: Single figure entry

<sarc>They probably store a hash of each individual character. That will keep it secure.</sarc>

Official: Google Chrome 69 kills off the World Wide Web (in URLs)


Re: The layers keep piling up

Get a person with a computer gismo to tell the ECU it has a new injector and that it should be friends with it, so it can stop complaining like the world is about to end.

Budget hotel chain, UK political party, Monzo Bank, Patreon caught in Typeform database hack


If you google TypeForm

You get the tag line "Typeform: Turn data collection into an experience"

Possibly one where you need to visit a clinic in the near future


Re: Dates of birth

Surely you need 2/4/69

Headless man found in lava’s embrace


No body else has so I will

Tis but a flesh wound

even so, its going to smart.

Mines the one with the hat, but you can keep the hat

Admin needed server fast, skipped factory config … then bricked it


LIF Sockets, I guess the Low is relative

I once had the pleasure of adding a math co-processor in a LIF socket. I ended up taking the board out putting it on a pile of paper and leaning on it with all my weight. It worked but something I decided I would never do again. Hurrar for ZIF sockets.

Mailsploit: It's 2017, and you can spoof the 'from' in email to fool filters


Why are the headers so painful to access in many clients?

Why are the headers so painful to access in many clients?

I know the great unwashed don't understand them so they must be hidden to keep the illusion that its all simple and magic, but they hold the closest thing to the truth and I want to be able to read them. Not to have to do the computing equivalent to searching in the basement with no stairs, in a filing cabinet, behind a sign saying beware of the leopard. Hurmph

Forget Sesame Street, scientists pretty much watched Big Bird evolve on Galápagos island


Re: I was taught...

And there will always be those that rebel against the natural order of things. A 15pin subD will fit in a 9pin serial if you push hard enough, but damage to your end is enviable.

San Franciscans unite to smite alt-right with minefield of doggy shite


It does not go white any more as it is in a sented bag hung in the nearest tree. If you are going to bother bagging it, have the decency to bin it.

Britons ambivalent about driverless car tech, survey finds


Re: Sunday (autonomous) driving

35 mph are you sure that is correct. I have always experienced this phenomenon as 40 on dual carriageway, 40 on A roads, 40 on B roads, 40 in 30 zones, 40 in 20 zones, 40 past the school, hospital, old people home. Its almost like there is only one speed, or the driver is too lazy to do any thinking.

Auto gearboxes, I am sure there must be good ones out there, but I have only experienced ones that wanted me to be sure the acceleration was what I really, really wanted. By the time it decided I did and and changed down, a nice safe gap turned into a clean trousers requirement.

CMD.EXE gets first makeover in 20 years in new Windows 10 build


Re: Fucking Heresy

El Reg should dev a button to insert the regularly occurring "When I were a lad" Monty Python sketch. Or implement additional points for the individual who gets back to; when I were a lad we only had Hydrogen and had to craft our own heavy elements, bare foot in the snow.

Just noticed there is another on in https://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2017/08/04/on_call/

Tape lives! The tape archive bit bucket is becoming bottomless


Re: I have a new 1PB+ storage option.

Is the compression algorithm something like this. Processed in binary, remove all zeros as this is just wasted space and dedupe the ones. By my reckoning you have invented infinite compression. Well done, if you will excuse me now I need to go an oil my perpetual motion machine.

Tesco Online IT meltdown: Fails to deliver thousands of grocery orders


Irritating if it impacts my annual order

I use deliver once a year to do the food order for a Scout camp, I will be peeved if I have to visit a store and do it manually as I have many other tasks to do in the time between the order arriving and camp starting.

Hard-pressed Juicero boss defends $400 IoT juicer after squeezing $120m from investors


Re: Easy juice? Sounds good to me.

"are you really trying to argue that there isn't evidence of useful nutrients being contained in vegetables?"

No, that would be insane. It was intended as more of a comment on the media, as I am recommended to eat one thing one day and not the next, but wait until tomorrow it will be ok again.


Re: Easy juice? Sounds good to me.

I believe we have made it to a 10-a-day recommendation. Probably followed by another piece of research that is either paid for by a vested interest or taken out of context by the press that says fruit and veg is bad and we should only eat moon rock if we want a long life.

All things in moderation and try to get out of the chair long enough to raise the heart rate.

Apple wets its pants over Swatch ad tagline


Its looking quite choppy in my tea cup today.

This AI stuff is all talk! Bots invent their own language to natter away behind humans' backs


An infinite number of bots with typewriters

I await the sonnets.

Trump signs 'no privacy for non-Americans' order – what does that mean for rest of us?


Re: Trump has become more deranged

"How exactly does one 'prepare' for a third world war? :("

A) Make peace with your maker

B) Spend quality time with family and loved ones

C) Do the things you have always wanted to do

D) Invest in hedonistic pleasures (I have just looked up hedonistic to make sure I was spelling it correctly and It appears I have just written : Invest in investing in pleasures pleasures. Probably should have just written hedonism)

Pick any combination that appeals to you and does not make anyone else preparation harder - be nice to one another.

Blue sky basic income thinking is b****cks


Alternative lifestyle

There was a time when I watched the Discovery channel and wondered what drives the offgird'ers to live 20 miles from their nearest neighbor. Now I find myself with a increasing collection of outdoor tools and looking longingly at woodlands for sale.

The purpose of a business is to provide a mechanism for people to support their families, they do this by providing goods or services others consider to have value.

Mine is the checkered one with the Davy Crockett style hat.

UK.gov was warned of smart meter debacle by Cabinet Office in 2012


3 Phase Supply!

That just means you can have 3 smart meters instead of the just the one.

WTF ... makes mobile phone batteries explode?


Lots of technical detail

Whilst the http://batteryuniversity.com/ is produced by a battery charging company, with a vested interest is flogging expensive battery chargers, it does have a lot of interesting information about batteries, charging, chemistry etc.

NASA's free research trove may have broken arms trafficking rules


Re: NASA: past its sell-by date

Locking blade! not without a good reason sonny. Oh! in a non-public location, carry on as you were

Excel hell messes up ~20 per cent of genetic science papers


For your own sanity don't look at Excels handling of Boolean values

Enter True or false in a cell Excel will treat it as a Boolean value, try the same thing via code and enter a whole world incorrect types. The source of this particular pain is the auto conversion of the cell to Boolean type and there being no way of specifying a cell is a Boolean value.

I caveat this with "That I have manged to find", "I quickly got bored and just used integers", "Life's to short for messing around with this", "Really FFS"

Drowning Dalek commands Siri in voice-rec hack attack


Techno Anyone

It sounds like you could happily include it in a techno track and it would not sound out of place. Now to get my brand of techno in to the play list for a public place, a railway station for example. No wait, announcers already sound like this, may be someone has beaten me to it. Another plan for world domination thwarted.

White hat banned for revealing vulns in news sites used by London councillors


RE: My eyes!!

It just appears to be missing flashing text and a few more fonts.

I thought it was also missing sound effects,but unplugging the head phones reveals I was mistaken.

Parliament takes axe to 2nd EU referendum petition


Best of 3?

They don't even settle sporting events without a couple of goes.


More indicative / venting than any real chance

Looking at the json only about a 100k are not associated with the UK

"name" : "United Kingdom",

"code" : "GB",

"signature_count" : 3549478

I do appreciate that this probably indicates there is a lot of other rubbish in the data. Yes I am sure that the real people who sign the petition would like the country the think again, but are realistic that this won't happen. But they would like the petty inbred retrogrades that appear to run the country that we pretty P***** about their squabbling, one upmanship, and vested interests that have created a whole load of pain for us and the next generation which we don't really need.



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