I'm happy....
Especially if they also bring back the ashtrays and the smokers.
Posts by Malagabay
55 publicly visible posts • joined 29 May 2013
Music lovers move to block Phil Collins' rebirth
Windows 10 growth stalls during October
Tuesday 3rd November 2015 06:39 GMT
Re: 50% old codgers
Many of those "old codgers" [with decades of MS experience] realise the MS "upgrade" cycle is a treadmill to nowhere.
After Windows 2000 the patient [aka Windows] suffered a mid-life crisis which resulted in middle age spread [bloating] and a loss of meaningful direction.
The patient [aka Windows] has continued to deteriorate and has now reached the point of senile dementia. The deterioration can be traced through several stages: dumbing down, happy primary school colours, nursery school user interface and [finally] advanced paranoia [aka telemetry].
Windows 10 is the final stage before the patient becomes comatose and is placed on life support.
This will be a slow, lingering, painful death.
You are advised to say your "goodbyes" now and prepare for life after Windows.
BOOM! Stephen Elop shuffled out of Microsoft door
HP beats the street on earnings, misses on revenue in Q2
Friday 22nd May 2015 07:09 GMT
No - Its just bad with added share buy backs
There is a difference between the Non-GAAP results usually reported by the media and reality [aka GAAP results]
<quote>
If you are the Hewlett-Packard CFO and you know you are about to miss badly on your revenue, which incidentally at $25.5 billion will not only be a 7% drop from the prior year's topline and below the $25.7 billion expected, but will also be the worst revenue since July 2007 and on top of that, your Q2 GAAP EPS of $0.55 will will miss lower end of the previously provided range of $0.57 -$0.61, what do you do?
Why you fudge your non-GAAP EPS as much as you possibly can.
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2015-05-21/hewlett-packard-just-reported-its-worst-revenue-2007-and-how-it-just-beat-earnings
<unquote>
New Windows 10 Mobile build brings Universal Office Apps to phones
Friday 15th May 2015 05:35 GMT 
The Writing is on the Wall
“release Windows 10 on different devices and customers at different times”
“what you’re seeing with phone builds today is that work in progress to tailor Windows 10 to be great on phones”
“we'll definitely have to wait until after Windows 10 launches for PCs”
This has all the hallmarks of one huge rolling cross platform SNAFU As A Service
And one huge marketing SNAFU where “Mobile First” means “Mobile Phones Last” [provided they can actually tailor the latest updates to be “great on phones”] and “Universal Apps” will be a real winner if it degenerates into “Lowest Common Denominator Functionality”…
Perhaps MS should just concentrate on adding a touch of Citrix for their corporate customers:
Citrix Receiver for Android
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou3KUriuCVo
Citrix Receiver for iPhone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeUm_O79ojQ
Welcome to Spartan, Microsoft's persuasive argument for... Chrome
Monday 26th January 2015 12:32 GMT 
Minutes of Redmond Strategy Meeting
You put your left arm in,
Your left arm out:
In, out, in, out.
You shake it all about.
You do the hokey cokey,
And you turn around.
That's what it's all about!
Whoa, hokey cokey, cokey
Whoa, hokey cokey, cokey
Whoa, hokey cokey, cokey
Knees bent arms stretch,
Ra! ra! ra!
Microsoft shareholders wave through CEO Satya Nadella's massive pay package
Thursday 4th December 2014 13:30 GMT
Re: Future with Nadella
Question : ... what exactly is required of a man for whom the shareholders are prepared to pay almost $2 million per week ?
Answer: Probably just keep the share buyback scheme rolling.
Share Buyback First - Share Options Second
Cloud Third - Mobile Third - Diversity Third - Windows 10 Third.....
...
Lost in the discussion of Microsoft's dividend is its share buyback program.
That's unfortunate, because its buyback program has been impressive in its own right.
Microsoft has returned nearly $73 billion to investors in the last five years:
$40 billion in share buybacks and $32.5 billion in common dividends.
http://www.fool.com/investing/general/2014/09/23/3-reasons-why-microsoft-is-a-top-dividend-stock.aspx
...
*MICROSOFT SETS $40 BILLION BUYBACK, BOOSTS DIVIDEND 22%
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-09-17/microsoft-renews-stock-buyback-program-raises-dividend-5-cents
Microsoft: Cloud-o-bile still only small slice of softening revenue pie
Friday 24th October 2014 11:24 GMT 
How on earth can the share price continue to rise?
Seems to be through share buybacks and higher dividends...
= = = =
When the half life on your stock boost from dumping your CEO is measured in days (especially when coupled with less than brilliant M&A transactions) what do you do? Why... resort to the oldest trick in the book: dividend and buyback (most likely leveraged)
*MICROSOFT SETS $40 BILLION BUYBACK, BOOSTS DIVIDEND 22%
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-09-17/microsoft-renews-stock-buyback-program-raises-dividend-5-cents
= = = =
And it looks like MS are just following IBM down the rabbit hole....
= = = =
With this chart, incidentally, we also explained why IBM's ridiculous stock repurchasing strategy, which had seen $37.7 billion in stock buybacks since 2012, or more than the total debt issuance of $33.6 billion during the same period...
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-10-20/blood-red-big-blue-why-ibm-crashing-charts
= = = =
Windows 10's 'built-in keylogger'? Ha ha, says Microsoft – no, it just monitors your typing
Microsoft staff brace for next round of layoffs – expected Thursday
Wednesday 17th September 2014 07:01 GMT
So why is Microsoft firing so many people?
Remember GIGO....
The old-guard hired lots of yes-men...
That's called the PEOPLE-LIKE-US recruitment model
And they produced TOYS-ARE-US software...
So [obviously] its all the fault of the "acquired" employees who weren't hired via the PEOPLE-LIKE-US process... plus there are always the "mistakes" who got through the PEOPLE-LIKE-US process... and don't forget that retired products means "retired" personnel.
REMEMBER: Your career is safe until it isn't.
WARNING: Staff number may increase or decrease to reflect stock market valuation.
Wednesday 17th September 2014 06:01 GMT 
Embrace – Extend – Extinguish
Having blown another load… this time on Minecraft… the HR spreadsheet has been updated with the $2.5bn purchase price [plus a couple of bucks for the clean-up tissues]… and the computer says: PINK SLIPS.
The strange world of Redmond seems to be retreating into fantasyland.
They acquire NOKIA and then pay for the company again by issuing pink slips to NOK-HERE anymore employees…
No doubt we can look forward to some PINK LEGO-BRICKS this time next year as the latest saviour becomes the latest embarrassment and is deemed NOT-MINE-CRUFF…
Then there is the latest preview of BSOD Version 9 which simply confirms they are extinguishing the Windows desktop by making it indistinguishable from freeware…
So we can look forward to:
SKYPE being re-branded SCARPERED
BING being re-branded GOING-GOING-GONG
WIN-PHONE being re-branded PHONED-HOME-AND-WENT HOME
WIN-RT being re-branded THROWN-UNDER-AR-TIC-ULATED-LORRY
And millions more being “invested” in the share buyback scheme to give the illusion that fantasyland is fantastic as the CLOUD starts to RAIN-ON-THE-RICHMOND-PARADE…
Will FISHER-PRICE be the next acquisition?
Microsoft KILLS Windows 8.1 Update 2 and Patch Tuesday
Wednesday 6th August 2014 19:16 GMT 
"release windows for free and everyone would still complain"
For many "free" isn't cheap enough when it comes to the Great Eight and Ridiculous Ribbons...
Perhaps they will move to "Suffering As A Service"....
Where they pay people to "suffer in silence" each month...
Would still only be attractive to masochists...
But then there are a lot off them about [in the corporate environment]...
CHORUS [you know you really want to join in]
The Deadwood Redmond stage is coming on over the hill...
Whip crack away, whip crack away, whip crack away
Doesn't that feel better???
Microsoft adds wireless industry legend John Stanton to its board
Thursday 31st July 2014 12:11 GMT 
More re-arranging chairs on the Titanic….
At least the last guy did something with the chairs…. like throwing them about.
Personally, I think they have a “no strategy first” strategy.
Typical corporate canteen fare: “waffle first” and “flounder later”.
I hope someone has a secure back up of all their old strategies because they are going to need the old one that has “corporate windows” written [in gold] on the cover.
If this goes on much longer they will have to re-brand to the “Groundhog First Day Disaster Corporation”.
Nadella: Yes I can put 2 THINGS FIRST. I will say them at the same time – CLOUDOBILE
Wednesday 16th July 2014 16:45 GMT
I hear what he is saying…
Microsoft wants to make trendy tablets like Apple.
Microsoft wants to make marvelous mobiles like Samsung.
Microsoft wants to make connoisseur consoles like Sony.
Microsoft wants to provide superior search [and advertising] like Google.
Microsoft wants to provide cloud computing like Amazon.
Microsoft wants to provide divine databases like Oracle.
Microsoft wants to provide software services like Adobe.
Microsoft wants to diversify away from [their slowly dying] cash cows like IBM.
Microsoft wants to be loved like the American Dream.
Microsoft wants to make lots of money like the good old days.
Microsoft wants to have happy customers like the good old days.
Microsoft wants to have ripping relationships with the spooks like the good old days.
But most of all:
ME-TO-Microsoft doesn’t want to be Microsoft anymore!
Can't blame them really...
Satya Nadella: Microsoft's new man presses all the old buttons in LONG memo
Sunday 13th July 2014 09:48 GMT
Re: "Wheels of change are in motion at Microsoft. "
Guess we can look forward to more wheels with square corners [aka tiles].
Marketing will promote it internally as "product differentiation".
Externally it will be perceived as more corporate inbreeding and "degenerate evolution".
After Windows 8 CE [Circle-Jerk Edition]
Expect Windows 9 DE [Degenerate Edition].
Get ready for LAYOFFS: Nadella's coma-inducing memo, with subtitles
Friday 11th July 2014 07:13 GMT
More of the same...
“The day I took on my new role I said that our industry does not respect tradition – it only respects innovation.”
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella
TRANSLATION:
The day I took on my new role I said that Microsoft does not respect our customers who have invested time and money into the old versions of our products.
The day I took on my new role I said that Microsoft thrives by introducing spurious changes that continually extract a tithe from our customers by frightening them into implementing the latest set of retrograde [but supported] features.
Surface Mini fondleslab farewelled
Microsoft hopes for FONDLESLAB FRENZY as Surface Pro 3 debuts
Saturday 21st June 2014 11:13 GMT
"I know you're going to love this new device" said the Bishop to the actress....
Just like they "know" you're going to love: W8.
Just like they "know" you're going to love: RT.
Just like they "know" you're going to love: WP.
Just like they "know" you're going to love: Ribbons.
Just like they "know" you're going to love: Bending over again and again and again.
Just like they "know" you're going to love: A company that "knows" everything and learns nothing.
Just like they "know" you're going to love: Whats his name? The Invisible Man?
The Guy with the Invisible Strategy?
The New Guy Picked By the Old Dead Wood?
The Guy In The Post Formerly Held By The Chair Thrower?
Anyone remember?
Does it matter anymore?
Thought not.
Whitehall and Microsoft negotiate NHS Windows XP hacker survival plan
Wednesday 12th February 2014 13:24 GMT
Outrage...
Many people would be outraged if VW didn't service [or supply spares] for the Golf Mk5 [2004–2008].
If you are investing in "infrastructure" you are looking for a long term return on your investment.
If you are investing in "durable goods" you are looking for a medium term return on your investment.
If you are spending on "nondurable goods" then you are just consuming goods with a lifespan of less than three years.
Vista - 2006, W7 - 2009, W8 - 2012.
Microsoft Windows is [therefore] a "nondurable good".
This makes Windows a "nondurable bad" in the context of IT infrastructure and as an IT durable.
Therefore, there is only a negative "Return on Capital" when you "upgrade" from XP to W7/W8.
It appears [within the context of Microsoft Windows] that the phase "IT Professional" is an oxymoron [and should be replaced with the handle of "IT Consumer"].
Replacing one set of [unknown] XP vulnerabilities with another set of [unknown] W7/W8 vulnerabilities doesn't make you more secure... the chances are it will make you less secure in the short term... and it will definitely make you poorer in the short term.
The maturing IT market seems to be moving towards free software with affordable support costs... the big money is being made via the volume licensing of patents...
The real world is slowly changing... unless [of course] you are one of those "IT Professionals".
Inside Steve Ballmer’s fondleslab rear-guard action
Friday 6th December 2013 14:40 GMT
Re Bollocks!
Back in the day... the old 3270 days...
I would type in my code and compile...
Then along came MicroFocus [if I remember correctly] with a PC editor/checker...
My productivity plummeted...
I thought THIS WILL NEVER CATCH ON...
Great for code monkeys... but useless for coders...
But the code monkeys were cheap...
And management couldn't differentiate anyway...
So everyone [at that site] moved over to Microfocus...
And I moved on.
Back in the day... when ASP was new...
I coded in NOTEPAD...
Then along came VisualStudio...
My productivity plummeted
Great for code monkeys... but useless for coders...
But the code monkeys were cheap...
And management couldn't differentiate anyway...
So everyone [at that site] moved over to VisualStudio...
And I moved on.
The lessons:
Never underestimate the ability of cheapskate management to dumb down a profession.
Never underestimate the ability of code monkeys to dumb down computing...
Beside...
The kids soon won't know how to use a keyboard.. or what one is...
or how to use their fingers to touch type...
Same for the mouse with buttons and a wheel...
Both need a level of co-ordination that just isn't going to be there...
Welcome to dumbing down...
We are dinosaurs: DINO-SAU-R-US
Welcome to downsizing / more time with the family / new career / retirement and extinction.
Now there's a happy thought for the weekend :-)
Julie Larson-Green: Yes, MICROSOFT is going to KILL WINDOWS
New NSA leak reveals invasion of the management consultants
Gates chokes up, WEEPS to Microsoft shareholders amid talk of CEO hunt
Wednesday 20th November 2013 07:54 GMT
Re: Just... let... it go
But that would spoil all the fun...
Also doubtful whether there are any "young leaders" wanting to go into "battle" with the antique weapons in the MS arsenal of turds which are poorly designed, insecure, vulnerable, high maintenance anachronisms that continually misfire, lock-up and crash...
MS is legacy... like IBM mainframes... the world has moved on... the "young leaders" are busy polishing a new generation of products that are poorly designed, insecure, vulnerable, high maintenance turds that are destined to be anachronisms.
Seems the only option is to ride the "cash cow" into the ground... and I think they know that - hence the tears... so unbuckle your belt... drop your pants... bend over... and be prepared to be shafted... again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
Basically, IT is good at two things:
1) Continually reinventing the "square wheel".
2) Extracting as much cash as possible before the "square wheels" fall off.
Investors on Microsoft: What, Ballmer, leaving? Hand me my wallet
Microsoft's Nokia plan: WHACK APPLE AND GOOGLE
Microsoft buys Nokia's mobile business
Microsoft cans three 'pinnacle' certifications, sparking user fury
Sunday 1st September 2013 09:53 GMT 
Get the LUBE out…
Microshaft has a long history of bringing forward “bulk” sales so that they can claim the best ever launch for a new product – like WTF 8.
This Ponzi strategy worked to their advance when the PC market was expanding.
However, this Ponzi strategy turns [seriously] sour [very quickly] when the market goes into decline.
The string of announcements [recently] from Microshaft strongly suggest that the latest [real] numbers are truly disastrous and the crew of the USS Ponzi are in panic mode as they quickly rearrange the seating to avoid looking like the RMS Titanic.
Hence the new corporate structure and the search for a new corporate saviour.
Throwing the Treadmill Certification program overboard clearly indicates that Microshaft doesn’t want any third party competition that could undermine their corporate support and consultancy revenues.
This is only just the beginning.
Customers are advised to purchase plenty of lube before bending over.
Microsoft's world channel overlord kicked sideways
Hey, Bill Gates! We've found 14 IT HOTSHOTS to be the next Steve Ballmer
Thursday 29th August 2013 09:46 GMT
We've found 14 IT HOTSHOTS
But are there 14 “hotshots” who want the job?
The Board [bored] has been dozing at the wheel for a decade or more… but it seems to have suddenly woken up [too late] when the company has come off the rails.
So the questions are:
Do the Bored know what they want?
Do the Bored know what they need?
Do the Bored know what they can do?
Do the Bored know what will make investors feel secure?
The last decade tells us that the answer is NO on all counts.
Given the Bored and the total lack of company coherence, cooperation and cohesion one has to assume that only a “snake oil salesmen” would want the job [whatever it might be].
Therefore, choosing the “new leader” will rely entirely upon serendipity.
Personally, I wouldn’t look for a “new leader”.
Just break up the company into separate business units… sink or swim.
However, I guess the Bored will look for someone who “loves the company” and can tell the Bored [with a straight face] that he will “restore their former glory”.
So please welcome: Stephen Elop [and please hand that man a chair and his three envelopes].
Thought the PC market couldn't get any worse? HAH! Think again
Wednesday 28th August 2013 17:04 GMT
Re: the Beast from Redmond and their camp followers
That STILL doesn't make WTF 8 "fit for purpose" in the consumer market.
Punto :-)
The NUMBERS speak for themselves in the consumer market...
Their voice is even being heard in the Ivory Towers of Redmond.
The bi-annual upgrade has moved onto the phone market...
and should get established in the fondle slab market...
Contract renewal offers [and trade-ins for the old kit] have changed the volume market.
Away from a high price WTF 8 "durable" investment...
Towards a low price disposable market.
At that price point people are willing to tolerate some crap...
And they know its only temporary because they will have a new one next year.
Wednesday 28th August 2013 15:38 GMT
"Never mind a rebound, what PC makers need is for the market to stop declining,"
"Windows 8" was the final "killer" blow that pushed the consumer market right over the cliff... the retail monopoly enjoyed by Redmond never meant the consumer liked Windows... it was just the only option.
The average punter struggled to control [or even understand] the pre-installed crapware... they struggled to overcome the deluge of viruses, malware and pop-up that infested their systems... they struggled as the performance of their systems quickly cratered [or ground to a halt]... they struggled to reconcile their experiences with the happy smiley faces seen in the adverts.
Basically, WTF XP, WTF Vista, WTF 7, WTF 8 [or any other version of WTF]
WAS NEVER FIT FOR PURPOSE in the CONSUMER MARKET.
Period.
Now the consumer has a choice.
Now the consumer can fondle and play with their phones.
Now the consumer can tap and text on their shiny slabs.
Now the consumer can "disengage mind" and "enjoy" using the technology.
The consumer doesn't care what its called - they just want it to work.
The consumer train has left the station... and WTF 8 is NOT on the train.
A story with a very happy ending for the consumer...
A story with a sting in the tail for the Beast from Redmond and their camp followers.
What Surface RT flop? Nokia said to be readying WinRT slab for September
Tuesday 27th August 2013 10:01 GMT
I think the main problem is calling it Windows....
For Redmond fans: "It sets expectations of being able to be used just like an x86 Windows laptop"
For Consumer: It sets expectations of being just as unusable and unfriendly as a Windows laptop.
Thus "Windows" has become a technical and marketing liability with purely negative associations.
Top 10 Steve Ballmer quotes: '%#&@!!' and so much more
Sunday 25th August 2013 13:41 GMT
Re: iPhone, iRight
He might have been right BUT he didn’t learn any lessons.
Apple had a new product with latent demand and a good margin so they could afford “price discovery” in the market place. Good product and good marketing – a winning combination.
Microsoft had a new product with the Surface RT… with no latent demand… and with no margin… so no “price discovery”… just lots of “land fill” stacked up in warehouses around the world. Bad product and bad marketing – a deadly combination.
In other words: All mouth and no trousers… a simple case of Apple Envy.
PS: Eric Schmidt must be chuckling as we watches “Ballmer Buries Ballmer”.
Sunday 25th August 2013 11:56 GMT
Re: 2005: The Kodak Moment
The older builds need a lot of modernising…
The newer builds need a lot of cleansing…
Where to draw the line?
Not an easy call.
Personally, I wouldn’t risk trying to unravel 20 years of bloat, wrappers, kludges, fudges, bolt-ons, rip-outs, bright ideas, fads, fancies and technical incompetence.
The practical choice is between XP and W7.
The pragmatic choice depends upon the size of the user base that will pay for support.
Personally, I work in Classic Mode and have just watched the basic product degenerate with each new release… Office has exactly the same problems… and just about every other product… it’s a tragic list of epic proportions!
Pass the popcorn…
Biting the hand that feeds IT
