Posts by Nathanael Bastone

BOFH: Trussssst in me

Nice to see the BOFH is still up to the useual...

May he continue to 'trust users to trust him' for many more years!

Bubbly-belly-bugging boffins battle bovine belch peril

I have been considoring this problem for some time

I think that perhaps one of the best ways to cut emissions is whenever cows are inside buildings, to make these buildings sealed in such a way that methane will collect at the top of the roof, where it can be periodically burnt off or even collected for use in cars or methane power plants. Outside, large polythene tents [to allow the light in] stretched over fields could serve a similar purpose. Obviously this would increase the temperature inside the tent, which would decrease the amount of food the cows need because the ambient temperature would be closer to body temperature lessening the energy needed to be expended on heat. THis would decrease the amount of gas produced and an equilibrium would quickly be reached.

Futurama back from dead again

Finally!

'Bout time!

Microsoft's Google challenger is not a search engine

Run, run for the hills!

The Microsoft-Bing-Decision-Engine™ is rolling into town!!!

soon the MBDE-police will be breaking down your doors and ripping out your googles and replacing them with bings!

KZRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT

To make a Bing-Decision-Engine stew you will need;

* 5 cups of BING! - (the soap you can believe in!)

* One monkey brain (if this is not available an Android[oops, careful!] I mean... cybernetic life-form Decision-Engine will suffice)

* A bag of bollocks so large it will leave the entire population of Munich as Eunuchs!

Mix it together and what have you got? bippity, boppity boo! A BING! Decision-Engine for you!

Yes, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but then neither does Microsoft....

BOFH: Snout, meet trough

@Tony Barnes

you said it! I would like to know from Simon why we have only had 7 BOFHs in 5 months, would be nice to see one every other week at least.... *hint hint*.... not that I want to press his writing talents too hard..

T-Mobile lays ground for embedded SIMs

"...even if it means handing more power to the operators."

You want to give the BOFH MORE power? Madness, madness I tell you. That guy has been haunting my life for far too long. I just hope and pray that he doesn't see me writi-

[BOFH-DOS: This luser has performed an illegal operation and has been terminated.]

BOFH: Defiling the profile

First class!

Brilliant stuff from the BOFH. Obviously missing a good "fatal user error" although maybe one will result when the Director finds out...

Well done, another solid and amusing BOFH tale :)

Polish Spitfire shoots down BNP

I love this country

To be British today is to embrace the multicultural, multifaith nature of our citizens and residents. Life here has been enriched so much by the mix of cultures and languages, I would hate to have missed out on that. One of the things I like about the group of friends I have is that very mix of cultures, languages and faiths. This country would be terribly boring without them... In addition to which, many of them use their rights as citizens of the EU to move freely within the constituent countries. I appreciate the opportunity to choose where I live, and see no reason why the same should not be applied bilaterally. To be British is to be welcoming, and to be European is to rejoice in diversity. In varietate concordia!

Here endeth the lesson...

Norfolk town's schools first to be heated by burning cattle

Hello! Leather-shoe-wearing-veggie here!

I am all in favour if this, (mind you, I am a veggie for health reasons, not animal welfare per-say [oh, and I don't give a monkeys for this so-called 'global-warming' malarky, sounds like a kettle of old fish to me... which brings me back to my main point...]) , why not recycle things that would otherwise go to waste? seems sound to me.

BOFH: A safe bet

Just got the time to write a comment today

Im glad to see BOFH back with a classic BOFH, but wonder if it was merely coincidence that it was published the day after I commented about the whereabouts of the BOFH? :P Credit all to the Reg team of course.

New Jersey sysadmin gets 5 years for Cisco scam

Talking of BOFHs...

Where is the BOFH this year??? No appearances all of January so far... Please El Reg, we want news!

Last major VHS supplier ejects from tape biz

Who wants Blu-Ray, anyway?

Not me for one. On the other hand a scratch-resistant, crack-resistant DVD would be good! Incorporate that kind of damage-protection into blu-ray disks and then maybe we are talking! I don't know about you, but I want a £20-40 disk to survive for a while...

iPlayer chief pushes tiered charging for ISPs

Why do we need it?

Why would anyone need a higher speed on iPlayer? The high quality setting on my admittedly small (AA1 small) looks as good as on TV, and the normal quality is really watch-able. I remember watching TV that flickered and was in B/W (no, I am not that old, its just our reception used to be that poor!) BBC iPlayer is great how it is, and I have an unlimited contract with my ISP and so far they have always honoured it. I am almost always on Youtube or iPlayer, as often are one or two others in my household. If my ISP, (AOL in case you were wondering, and yes I know they have had bad press but they really are exceptional [providing you have no need for tech support, which I tried to use once before giving up and researching the answer myself] but other than that, no downtime, fast speed) can do it, why cant the others?

Apple condemns FileVaulters to seventh circle of Safari hell

I never had this problem on 10.4

I have not had this problem on 10.4.11, I think it must be leopard only.

EU confirms SMS and data roaming price caps

Also here

10p / message 30p / minute other networks, 15p / min home and landline.Roaming for me too! crazy!

Because even Paris would see the illogicality at work here.

FoxNews commentator Bill O'Reilly's website hacked

I had always assumed...

That now-days people were always using hashed password databases, I mean it's just common sense. So to see this, I am shocked, and shame on the hackers for not obscuring those people's passwords or usernames & home addresses!.

Samsung unveils Small, Cheap Computer

Double take

When I saw this I had to do a double take, it looks JUST LIKE the aspire one I am writing this on (Linux, natch). I am surprised Acer are not suing. (and its amazing how quickly you get used to using the weird side trackpad buttons and the 600 height screen on an AA1...) In summary, I would not buy this if it came with a free cruise missile... then again....

BOFH: Back in the saddle

"Compleat BOFH archives"

I liked this edition a lot, but what is a "Compleat" and what is it doing running around the 95-9 BOFH archives? Maybe you should put down some rat poison or something?

OMFG, what have you done?

Mixed Bag

I for one, after first, as the title denotes, thinking "OMFG" actually quite like the new layout. I am currently using an AA1 so the width is suitable. I suspect I may be slightly less pleased later on when I use a widescreen but its nothing i'll lose sleep over. The icons are a bit disappointing, but ill live with it, maybe we could have some new ones sent in by Reg readers (presuming there are any left after this little act). I mean, what were you thinking El Reg, to spring this on your unsuspecting readers? Some of them do not like change, especially unforewarned change. Nevermind, onwards and upwards...

How to stop worrying and enjoy paying for incoming calls

I'm with most of the people here

It's just not the British way to pay to receive a call, most of us are used to answering all calls and then if its a wrong number telling someone so, so that they dont keep calling thinking it is the right number. that saves us ALL money. in any case why change it? I am quite happy with my current PAYG phone. If PAYG phones are out of credit they can still be called and that is good for parents who give their children mobiles. Additionally, in the US, a lot of local calls are free, if this was so here, then maybe it would be ok, but i would prefer not to change, I don't want number portability!

I don't know why this article was written, I can only imagine it was to piss off loyal reg readers who don't like the idea.

Holiday text messages to cost less than 9p

So now...

Texts outside my free texts in the UK cost me 10p on orange, but if I was roaming it would only cost me 9p??

Anatomy of a malware scam

Great article - one point

I thoroughly enjoyed reading through your article, I have often wondered how deep the rabbit hole goes, as it were, with these viruses. I have never had the time to do it myself, so thank you for a most interesting walkthrough, One point though, you say the rest of the dialogues were well written but in all of them my eye spotted at least one spelling mistake or grammatical error [often missing conjunctives such as 'the']. (I'm sure the more obsessive-compulsive of the Reg readership will sympathise with me, as I am sure they do when reading BOFH, with it's frequent mistakes [but then it is written by the BOFH, isn't it? He is clearly not the type to niggle.])

I must also say, for the sake of scores, I am writing this from an Aspire One (in blue).

World+Dog lines up for iPhones

Is it just me...

Or does the 'the future first Japanese owner of the iPhone 3G' seem to be wearing very strange trousers?

iPhone? who wants that? Back in my day we had a cup attached to a piece of string attached to another cup. And we made do. And you know what? we got much better reception back in them days...

Google penetrates fake sex world with Lively

@David Wiernicki

My hat off to you sir, of all the coatable comments I have read this year, yours must be far and away the worst yet. A golden coat award is virtually winging itself to you now.

UK gov publishes 'kids and videogames' action plan

RAAAWLLWLWLWLWLLLL!

"Charlie says: You can never be sure who you will meet online"

Mines the one with the purple butterflies.

EU Commission plots to end rip-off Britain online

Finally, a sensible suggestion

I'm not saying I like the way the EU is going, but if we are going to have a continental single market, it should all be trading out of the same hymn book, to screw up a phrase.

Tumble dryer bites woman in Weston-super-Mare

Ouch!

Of all the places to be bitten, I think this may be the worst.

So what? I happen to like tartan overgarments.

Asus Eee PC 901 Linux Edition

Very good review

I am now drawn to going for the 901 over the One, despite the price tag. The only draw back is the battery. If the one really gives 7 hours + with 6-cell I will be hard put not to get it, since battery life is my number one concern.

Firefox 3 Download Day falls flat on face

Using FF3 here too

And the surfing is good! I don't care about the record, I just want my browser!

Apple's 3G iPhone to launch 11 July

Whats this?

Apple giving a fair price to UK customers?

Should I check myself into the mental asylum now?

I must be going funny in the head...

[Where IS the Paris Hilton Angle?]

BOFH: Dealing with engineers

Nice one!

I am LOVING this relocation plot, it has some fantastic opportunities!

BOFH: The Batcave

Loved it

Cant wait till they get into the new place and get the batmobile!

Spotigo promises Wi-Fi mapping within 5 metres

Annoyingly...

The Google my location service does not work on my handset, which would explain why I managed to get lost walking round Portsmouth and end up 4 miles from where I was supposed to be.

I hope this works, would be amazingly useful for me, I think in the mean time though I may have to purchase GPS...

BOFH: PFY's mum pays a visit

Brilliant - Amazing

The best for ages!

Now lets meet a relative of Simon :P

El Reg celebrates 10th birthday

It's been ten years already?

Thanks El Reg, and here's to another ten-hundered!

Google's cookie crumbles under scripting attack

WRARRRRRR!!

Cookie stealing make Cookie Monster MAD!

Telco firm, Coke sponsor Filipino crucifixion festival

Vinegar soaked sponge

"Thirsty Jesus? Have a Coke®."

Not acctually too dissimilar, when you think of the pH of Coke syrup.

/mines the one with "eternal damnation" on the back.

BOFH: On the brink

"blackadder reruns"

Love it, brilliant, 1010/1010 - binary, for variety

BOFH: The secret gentlemen's club

@degauss

yes ok, its outdated... but I challenge Reg readers to find a replacement that works as well as that. ... oh the hours of fun we used to have with degauss back in the day...

"I need to use that computer for a minute"

"I'm busy working, come back later"

"Ah, but this one is broken, [click] see? you gonna fix it are you?"

"uhh... no, I'm too busy. I'll come back later, you fix it..."

ahh... memories...

Excellent story this week!

Police raid CeBIT stands

here ye, here ye

"Italian firm Sisvel, which itself has a booth at CeBIT in Hall 19, filed patent complaints"

Hear that? Hall 19, Sisvel, go get em!

Yes! It's the vacuum cleaner mouse!

"mouse looks pretty normal"

Really? does it? please define "normal", Mr Sherwood.

Obituary: HD DVD 2002-2008

@Lars Petersson

I to, decided to wait for the war to end, but I don't think it is quite over yet, just because an article says so. After all, who died and made El Reg supreme dictator? YES, Toshiba are pulling out, but there may be some life left in the old HD_DVD war horse yet. Whatever the case, I REFUSE to use the name "blu-ray" so to me they will always be HD-DVDs, It's natural progression in naming.

Panasonic preps Wiimote-proof TV

@David - Wii in 2003?

*somewhere over the skies of 2003 America*

"Marty, stop fiddling with that useless futuristic game this instant and help me land the De Lorean."

*Marty drops the Wii out of the window of the De Lorean while struggling with the flux capacitor*

And there you have it folks! That is how some very lucky kid got a Wii in 2003.

Enraged vegan spitroasts Reg hack

Slight discrepancy

I noticed that this is a vegan, and the original article concerned vegetarians. Now, I realise this could still be veggie, as technically the diet we most associate with 'vegetarian' is in fact ovo-lacto vegetarianism, e.g. including eggs and dairy products. This being the case, the original article states that egg white gives the most protein absorption, so someone like me, who is an ovo-lacto vegetarian, and gets enough eggs, butter, cheese, milk should have no problems.

BOFH: The Silence of the Servers

Good show!

Nice one Simon! Keep it up!

Microsoft dishes out six critical updates

@Geemer

"The critical updates affect ... and Microsoft Office 2004 for Mac. ... Affected systems are those running Windows XP, Windows Vista and Windows Server 2003"

hmm, so microsoft are fixing things that are not broken... hmm, we know how that goes, don't we? I mean, they "fixed" XP really well with Vista, OH yes...

FTC and DoJ will fight for the right to rule on YaMicrohoosoft!

:(New! :(Proposed! :(Headline! :(Format! :(Announced!

Because once I hear the name Microooooosoft!, No news will be good news!

Hamster-in-rain emergency prompts 999 call

@Steve Wehrle

Non-PC outsourcing? How about Non-PC IT PC outsourcing? That way all the help desk operators could let of steam in their break times with willing targets and no repercussions. It would decrease helpdesk stress levels more effectively than any stress releaving toy.

Rocket train smashes world land-speed record

Late Christmas Prezzie?

"classified payload" designed by the Sandia National Lab for the US Navy.

I just want to know what Sandia National Lab has against the US Navy...

ok, that comment was coat-worthy...

BOFH: Carbon neutrality

@ Anonymous Coward

"Still, unlike the BOFH not to spot an opportunity here. Surely he would be setting up a company like Carbon Analysis Support Holdings (or its friendly acronym for the cheques) and making a mint out of the boss?"

Hilarious! you should be writing these! "oh, just make it out to C...A...S...H"