* Posts by ZippedyDooDah

55 posts • joined 26 Apr 2013


Smoke on the Tyne: Blaze at BT exchange causes major outages across North East England


Tow Law in Weardale. We were out for approximately two hours. The Post Office told me that areas further south, in Darlington, were also out.

Absolutely smashing: Musk shows off Tesla's 'bulletproof' low-poly pickup, hilarity ensues


"I see what you did there!"

Can we not banish this awful Americanism from the UK please?

Cassini may be dead – but its data shows basic building blocks of life spewing from Enceladus


Re: Water vapor and ice from Enceladus getting to Earth?

That's a great link, thanks.

xHamster reports spike in UK users getting their five-knuckle shuffle on before pr0n age checks



Dear me,

I really should know better than to trust anything recommended by somebody on here. I was gullible though and thought to myself, "An El Reg commenter would surely be a decent chap". Well I was wrong, jloader is a filthy malware ridden piece of crap. FY.

They say software will eat the world. Here are some software bugs that took a stab at it


The good old days

Writing and testing COBOL IMS DB programs was a relatively easy process and I was going to say that our testing was 100% rock solid. Then I remembered...

As a junior programmer, working for a bank I was given the job of debugging an abend in a batch program that happened in the privatisation of a large UK company. This was pretty serious stuff. I had about five managers looking over my shoulder at one point. I actually turned on them and told them to sod off and let me get on with it, which remarkably, they did.

This was something I was fairly familiar with, our junior programmers most common error, an 0C7. This was before abend-aid was released so there I was digging through a huge printout. I hasten to add at this point that I hadn't written the program.

To my absolute delight, and free of managers, I spotted the problem. The author had only defined a total field as S9(9).99. The privatisation was so over subscribed that a billion quid and more flowed into the bank's coffers and the good old 999,999,999 was as big a number of pounds as mere mortals could contemplate. To those non 0C7 chaps, it was a case of "overflow", more properly known as a data exception. Apologies for any syntax errors above, it was a long long time ago.

So yes, even in those day, with no random input from screens, people were fallible. I left the bank after 30 months of experience to go contracting. My best decision ever.

Oh, btw, it was Barclays and Jaguar ;O)

Wasted worker wasps wanna know – oi! – who are you looking at?


I was sitting at a bus stop with a new colleague and client recently. We'd just had a lovely Sunday Carvery lunch. My colleague suddenly swatted his arm at a wasp, saying that it had stung him. I was dubious and thought that he might have actually "pushed" the sting into himself.

He then told me that he had to be very careful about these things as he has previously suffered anaphylactic shock. Not only that, he told me he carries an EpiPen, normally. Today he'd left it at work, as usual. Having just done a first aid course, my first thought, which I said aloud, was, "What's first aid for anaphylaxis?

We both said aloud at the same time, 999!!

I kept a very close eye on him and had my phone in my hand. We were just five miles from the nearest A&E but thankfully he just had a small red blemish and had no other adverse reaction.

Wasps? I've always hated the buggers. I delight in swatting them by hand and hearing that satisfying thud as they hit the deck. Followed swiftly by the crunch of them underfoot.

Any by the way, he wasn't just winding me up!

Get drinking! Abstinence just as bad for you as getting bladdered


Re: Is correlation causation....?

"But, who is really that bothered, we all die of something."

I have also worked with people with dementia. To be precise it was in a care home which specialised in people with dementia.

Every single employee in the place was of the opinion that if they ever got diagnosed with dementia, that they would somehow arrange to "off" themselves. It's an absolutely dreadful terminal disease. You can "live" with dementia for as long as ten years. Thirty out of thirty two clients were doubly incontinent. It takes a lot of wet wipes to clean up twenty four hours a day.

So, "But, who is really that bothered, we all die of something." ?

I am seriously bothered. I should drink more red wine and cut down on the beer. Dementially, errr, dementedly, or, something like that.

Fear the Reaper: Man hospitalised after eating red hot chilli pepper


Re: Nominative Determinism?

That makes me think. Has toothpaste got chilli in it? It certainly gave me a Clarkson experience.


Re: Not the worst of it

You remind me of my student days in Manchester 1979/1982.

In Rusholme in Manchester, there was a very cheap curry house called "The Palace" . It served a curry called "The Killer". It tasted delicious and lived up to it's name as half way through it became very unpleasant.

AFIK, in later years came the "Suicide". I can't find any evidence that it still exists. Must be burnt out.

Fancy a relaxed boozy holiday? Keep well away from Great Britain


Re: If you want puritianism then

When that cop does pull you over, just be careful to not have anything of value in the car.

Civil Forfeiture, is legalised robbery in the US. No charges necessary, the cops can just take what they want. This to the tune of $billions every year.

So you accidentally told a million people they are going to die: What next? Your essential guide...


Edinburgh 1986 - End of the world

Way back in 1986 I was a contractor at Bank of Scotland in Edinburgh.

One morning I was woken in bed by a very loud siren that went on for sometime. I had no idea that such a system existed so I could only guess what it meant. My assumption was that it might be a hazardous chemical leak or just maybe an early warning of a nuclear attack. It stopped after 90 seconds with nothing further happening.

When I got to work the the consensus was "I haven't got a clue". I was most amused by one of my colleagues saying that he thought that "The Queen has died".

I found this newspaper "clip" on flickr . Apparently the alarm was controlled by the police and was actually sounded over the whole of Lothian and Borders". "Later, police said BT engineers traced a faulty piece of equipment, which had been taken away for investigation". It doesn't say if the faulty equipment was put in a straightjacket or not.


GOLD! Always believe in your role. You've got the power to know you're indestructible...


Re: Space Weather

No, sadly that just indicates that we live in the UK

Beer hall putz: Regulator slaps northern pub over Nazi-themed ad


Parmos are made from chicken, not pork. Well they are in the North East anyway, their birthplace.

Digital minister: We're still talking to BT about sorting crap broadband


Apologies for a non-technical post.

I have switched twice from TalkTalk/Tentel to BT, for the cheapest cost over 12 months, we have FTTC.

On both occasions our speed dropped significantly, most recently from Tentel/TalkTalk. We were averaging 36+ Mbps and just six weeks later with BT we are now averaging 18+ Mbps.

It's halved. Are we not using exactly the same cables/cabinet and wiring? How is this even possible? Oh, it would be unfair to not mention that our upload speed has actually increased from 2.5/3.5 to a 4.5+

Any ideas? Thanks.

Virgin Media customers complain of outages across UK


What is this "Virgin" that people speak of?

Has it never been had?



NASA short-lists six candidates for future missions



Satty McSattyface

Shoot me please.

Juno beams back first closeups of Jupiter's unsightly red acne


Re: Voices

I "heard" it as Richard Burton.

His Muskiness wheels out the Tesla Model 3


Tesla allegedly lose $4000 on each Model S that they sell. The Model 3 sells for less than 50% of the price of the model S.

How will Tesla survive financially? Huge subsidies from US Gov anybody? Research their stock price, recently worth more than BMW, Ford and GM individually.

Blink and you missed it: Asteroid came within 90,000 km, only one sky-watcher saw it


No it's not just you. It is a dumb Americanism for dumb Americans. I wish it would stay over there.


Re: A few corrections/extensions :

Brilliant info on that first link, many thanks. It answers just about every question raised here.

I wish I could "follow" you. Is that possible on El Rego?

Chevy Bolt electric car came alive, reversed into my workbench, says stunned bloke

Paris Hilton

Re: 9000 pound sports car..

"I do, bi-annually, tear down the break assembly, replace the springs and lubricate the wear areas as needed..."

That's what I do with my doll as well.

Stop resetting your passwords, says UK govt's spy network


Re: So if you trust the security services with your passwords – and who out there doesn't?


IoT worm can hack Philips Hue lightbulbs, spread across cities


Re: ANY i.o.t

"An internet enabled fridge or freezer that tells me its getting too hot is useful if it stops me throwing lots of food away".

More than 27 years ago I bought a freezer that made a loud beeping noise if it got too warm. I believe it utilised a revolutionary device called a "thermostat".

And for our next trick, says Google while literally wheeling out a humongous tablet ...


What about the Skypad

Sky Sports use a monster 70" tablet running Windows. It's a bespoke machine but does only have 1080P graphics.


You should install smart meters even if they're dumb, says flack


I can read my own meters

I am already a smart user. I read my meters monthly to coincide with billing cycles. I submit the readings online and I update my spreadsheet with the readings. I know what my bills are long before I get them by email.

Can I get a discount by not needing smart meters?

Tesla to stop killing drivers: Software update beamed to leccy cars


I fear the day when your car is incapable of judging that the three cars in front of you, driving tail to tail, behind a truck/OAP doing 40 in a 60 are actually possible to overtake all at once.

The only improvement will be safer stopping distances while we all travel far too slowly for the road/traffic conditions.

Public masturbation not a crime declares Italy’s top court


Good heavens!! Didn't he realise that every sperm is sacred?

'Second Earth' exoplanet found right under our noses – just four light years away


Re: Every time someone prefers Hillarycon, Harambe has to die again!

I assume that you're on the other side of the pond. Here in the UK, the media is almost as bad as over there.

The BBC continually support Hitlery and constantly join in the ridiculing of Thump. In a similar fashion to their bias about the Brexit campaign.

First successful Hyperloop test module hits 100mph in four seconds


This test looks suspiciously like one from 64 years ago but far far less impressive. The test also had some very interesting G forces measured, and it was manned.

December 10th 1954

A sled powered by 40,000 lbs of thrust from 9 solid fuel rockets

0 to 632 MPH in 5 seconds

632 to 0 MPH in 1.4 seconds, more than 45Gs

I would guess that there were less Gs on the acceleration phase

Done by John Paul Stapp. Blood vessels in his eyes burst, cracked ribs, both wrists broken. He recovered and wanted to do 1000MPH but the USAF said "nope".

Hyperloop? Pah, it's for sissies.


Sic transit Mercury Monday


Re: By the way...

Terrible advice, I'm not kidding. A bit of paper would make no difference apart from probably singeing your eyelashes as you very quickly get blinded.

Think welder's mask glass.


Re: Why the fuss?

A little research shows that it wasn't always pointless.

The mighty Johannes Kepler (1571-1630) predicted the transit within 5 hours of it actually taking place.



Re: Managed to get a few seeds planted. The rain will do them good.

That is an incredible coincidence, I sowed some grass seed yesterday. Our distant Mercurian Gods seem to like to play games.

'Apple ate my music!' Streaming jukebox wipes 122GB – including muso's original tracks


I have it fixed in my mind that "Apple" is an anagram of "Rip Off".

The definition of "anagram" is definitely wrong in my dictionary.

When is making $20bn in three months not enough? When your name is Google


Re: Any Logical Reason?

If you think the Stock Market valuations can be perceived as "very logical" then you clearly have not paid any attention to the completely illogical way that prices move. If you were right, we'd all be rich.

BBC telly tax drops onto telly-free households. Cough up, iPlayer fans


Just because you don't have a TV, or you took your aerial down, you may well have to pay.

221 comments so far and nobody has pointed out the actual facts.

If you have any means at all of receiving/watching a live TV broadcast and you do then you need a licence.

Any normal internet connection lets you watch live TV, do you ever do it? If yes you need a licence.

Any smartphone lets you watch live TV, do you ever do it, even on the tube? If yes then you need a licence.

Just because you don't have a TV and/or an aerial doesn't mean you don't need a licence.

From the authourites themselves:


Facebook tells Viz to f**k right off


Re: Nostalgia Trip

Talking of front bum, I learnt the meaning of "Beef Curtains" from Viz. I think I might have wet myself on reading that gem.

Chinese fire up world's 'most powerful' drone brain


Re: Why ARM?

Pray tell what a "glow plug" is other than a device to help a diesel engine fire when it's cold.

Hackers hit NATO, White House – then aimed at MH17 air disaster probe


Re: That's not nice, but...

"Surprised no one has realised that from below Malaysian Airlines planes look at lot like .."

Amazing coincidence that, rt.com happened to notice as well.


TalkTalk: Hackers may have nicked personal, banking info on 4 million Brits


The free credit monitoring offered is "Noddle".

You can currently sign up for Noddle for free anyway. Part of the sign up process for Noddle involves handing over a lot of private information so that they can verify your identity.

I signed up for free about six weeks ago and had highly suspect junk email within 48 hours. Getting Noddle to delete my account took them approximately two weeks..

I'll monitor my own accounts thank you very much.

Female blood-suckers zero in on human prey by smelling our breath


Much nicer than DEET

"I have the preferred flavour of blood in our household."

Me too. That's been applicable in several different households of this serial monogamist.

The most effective repellent by far that I have encountered and used is the regular consumption of Ouzo.

On arrival in Greece on multiple visits I suffered considerably more bites than fellow travellers. About one week after commencing drinking Ouzo in fairly large quantities, the mozzies left me completely alone. Locals attributed this to one or two things, the odour of the herbs in the drink reaching your sweat glands and acting as a repellent or your blood tasting so repulsive that they didn't get around to injecting the anti-coagulant that causes the irritation.

As an aside, candles galore laced with citronella were almost useless. Ouzo was cheaper than candles, well in the old Drachma days anyway.

It's OK – this was an entirely NEW type of cockup, says RBS


Re: Check your inputs!

Well put, aka If then else abend, in cobblers that is.


Re: Fining banks...

That's all well and good fining the tossers directly responsible but you would thereby completely destroy the concept of a "Company" as a legal entity in it's own right.

Fanbois designing Windows 10 – where's it going to end?


Leave that Postman alone

"schedule a beating for the GPO guy for not reversing this setting"

People blame Royal Mail for all sorts but beating up the Postie for not reversing settings is a bit extreme.

Crafty fingering could let Apple Watch thieves raid your bank account


Re: If you're that good of a pickpocket

No stealing required for the watch.

Flatter the wearer and ask if you can try it on... "It is so cool I can't believe it!"

iMuggins will obviously oblige then you take it and run away.

Next-gen Freeview telly won't be another disruptive 4Ker


Re: uhd? i dont want hd!

Size is relative. Don't forget how near or far away the TV might be.

Facebook serves up shaved, pierced, tattooed 'butterfly' as CAPTCHA


Re: And it's hideous, why do people have things like this done?

I've always wanted to French kiss a daemon.

NASA: We're gonna rip up an ASTEROID and make it ORBIT the MOON


Re: NASA = End of Life

"One nano-millimeter or orbit alteration would change life as we know it"

I think you might be wrong here. The moon has been in retreat from the Earth for millennia. In fact it is retreating at 3.78 centimeters (1.5 inches) per year. We only know this of course thanks to NASA leaving reflectors on the moon way back in the Apollo program.

I think you can relax. California is basically a desert anyway, You'd be much wiser to ration your water consumption properly because it could get very desperate over their very soon. Don't blame NASA!

Storm gathers around CDN Cloudflare after doxxing allegations, Pirate Bay deal


Human Rights? What are they?

""I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" .

That famous phrase was written in 1906 by Evelyn Beatrice Hall. Of course it is laughable now seeing as expressing your opinion online can land you in jail. Pirating is still quite easy by comparison.

Personally I blame the Twatosphere for everything. Oops, did I just overstep the line?

Improved Apple Watches won't get more expensive? Hmmm


Define vast majority

"Specifically in the US that includes health care insurance (the vast majority do get it through their employer"

I suggest you update your knowledge. According to Wikipedia, just 61% of employees in the private sector received health care benefits in 2009. You can be certain that this figure has declined since then due to a large trend away from full time jobs to part time jobs.

Women! Worried you won't get that Job in IT? Mention how hot you are


Re: You're bang on the money

"(d) will not require a whole new bathroom"

Too damn right! Anybody who expects any kind of bathroom is far too demanding. They should put up with toilets like everybody else.



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