Posts by Cap'n wotsit

Tattooed Swedish devil girls sexually molest cyclist

re Sarah Bee

can't throw pie.

eating it

mmmm piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Reg reader tickled by Acer's Easy Lai

re AC "A bit of blade-runnerism"

correct me if I am wrong, but I think Doctor all come came from Johnny Mnemonic the classic cyberpunk book by william gibson, later turned into a film starring keanu reeves, and not Blade Runner (or "do androids dream of electric sheep" by phillip k. dick).

coat with "worlds biggest pedant" on the back please

Web swoons as Jackson dies

Who?

never heard of him.

never mind. the world turns, the sun shines, except for here where it is pi$$ing down, and I am on holiday at 5pm

Malta pair charged over illicit Playmobil trade

pics

playmobil pics, with a pair of maltesers in chokey or id did not happen

Wags barricade Jezza Clarkson in portable loo

top gear

I can't wait for it to be mentioned ad nauseam on top gear by messers May and Hammond.

though I do think a re-enactment in playmobil is called for

The Equalizer prowls Albert Square

@ Ben Naylor

"And speaking of ODFO, how about you check what you type before you hit send...

"(I'd deliver unto you an ODFO, but since technically you outrank me as readership spokesman, it would not be politic.)" Do you mean polite perchance? :p"

no I think she is right.

as per http://www.thefreedictionary.com:

pol·i·tic (pl-tk)

adj.

1. Using or marked by prudence, expedience, and shrewdness; artful.

2. Using, displaying, or proceeding from policy; judicious: a politic decision.

3. Crafty; cunning.

it's called English. most of us studied it at school.

mines the one with the copy of the OED in one pocket and a fire extinguisher in the other

Apple rethinks battery bondage

Battery Bondage

oh go on then I will say it....

battery bondage...shocking

David Tennant quits Who

Next Doctor

I'd do it. got nothing special on at the moment, and I can probably fit the job in in between work and pub. but I would require cart blanche on choosing my assistant and her wardrobe choices

Peaches Geldof cops a severe shoeing

@ AC: Who?

Peaches came from a can.

she was put there by a man

in a factory down town

If I had my little way,

I'd eat peaches every day

Sun-soakin' bulges in the shade

BBC clarifies location of England

@ Most Unfair AC

Go back to school dumbass, a whale is not a fish, it's a mammal.

@ chris hamilton, nice one for pointing out that wales is a principality, not a country, I was going to do it myself, but you beat me to the punch :)

Harvey Keitel to experience Life on Mars

I will watch and see

to be honest, I will watch it just to see how good or bad it really is. I like Harvey Keitel as an actor, and think he may do a good job.

that being said I will reserve judgement after the yanks screwed the pooch with british classics like Red Dwarf and Dad's Army.

US military offered flying hover car bike

Lawmaster II?

Sorry but the only flying bike that should be allowed is the lawmaster from Judge dredd, all other attempts should be put in the bin.

mines the one with the belly wheel, ugly cream, bat glider suit, and too much time on his hands in the pocket.

oh and Paris, beacuse if I were a Judge she could play with my helmet any time

BOFH: Lock and reload

@sarah Bee

You know its only a ruse so we can all post messages to you, so you can feel special and wanted ;)

goes and hides mod poking stick in coat of next poster, and runs to the pub

Russell Crowe to play Bill Hicks?

With a bit of luck

Crowe will get so engrossed in being a character actor for this role he will smoke too many cigarettes, take too many drugs, and drink too much liquor that he himself will keel over in a heap somewhere.

ah I can but hope.

and I am afraid I won't put hand in pocket to see this film (if it makes it as far as completion) I will just sit at home and watch my collection of Bill Hicks DVD's

Game sharer gets £16K fine

so where do I stand then?

If I went out and bought a game - CoD4 for example, played it on my PC for a couple of months, then some scrote broke into my house and nicked my PC, leaving the empty CD case in my house (I left the cd in the drive) so once Mr insurance man sent me a nice shiny new PC and I set it up, I downloaded a copy of the game and installed it, am I breaking the law because I am getting a free replacement copy of the Media?

after all I have a valid licence inside the cd case, just no media

natch this is purely theorhetical honest guv

Malicious gossip could cost you your job

teechers

having read this and having also spoken to a friend of mine who has recently just done his NQT (newly Qualified teacher) year dahrn sarf, this is going to cause the government no end of grief.

AFAIK NQT's get paid IRO 18-19k salary (excluding the london weighting etc)

there is a drastic shortage of teachers in Music, history, maths, IT to name 4 disciplines.

our beloved government are trying to rol out legislation (according to my friend) that all children will stay in school until they are 18 (a la the yank schooling system) by 2010.

our beloved government has already decreed that all teachers should hold masters degrees or similar (can someone advise what the going rate for someone in the private sector gets paid straight out of Uni with a masters degree? bet its more than £19k)

now work out that no one wants to teach because of the low pay grades (see above) those that do teach are going to be even more stretched due to the leaving age increasing to 18.

I can see a mass leaving of teachers to the private sector some time very very soon. and given this ruling I think what we will find is all the good teachers will leave, not wanting to run the risk of having their careers ruined leaving the poor/mediocre teachers to educate our children.

I vote we the people employ someone called Guy Fawkes, he was a man with the best idea to deal with politicians

Welsh Darth Vader dodges jail

after reading the rest of the comments

I think I sithed my pants

most of a 10 litre box of wine?

having watched the beeb video, and watching the miscreant in question I seriously doubt he had drunk most of a 10 litre box of wine, and run around and then run off over the wall.

I smell legal shinnanigans to get the taffy out of clink.

After all if I had drunk nearly 20 pints of wine (using 1 pint = 0,5 litres as a rough ballpark) I would either be: comatose, very very sick and unable to walk or talk, or hospitalised sucking back on a big hose whilst the pumped my stomach.

and why did not the Jedi's force push him away into a bin?

bah hokey religeons are no match for a good blaster at your side

mines the one with the YT1300 keys in the pocket and covered in wookie hair thanks

Life a mess? The Moderatrix can help

Dear Moderatrix

if a wood chuck cold chuck wood, how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

how do they get the sripes in stripey toothpaste?

is this a question?

is hell exothermic or endothermic?

why?

right that should do it, I'm off to specially prepared positions in the rear

fnark!

When flash mobs go bad

Next Years event

maybe next year the police and fire brigade will be able to organise the riot water hoses and "redistribute" the fire trucks in a security cordon around the event to totally Pwn everyone else and have a bit of a luagh along with it. look on the bright side, it would be the first time in a long time a team from leeds won anything....

mines the souwester with the footy rattle in the pocket and fasionable rain hat

and paris, cos she likes it wet

ta

Lenovo ThinkPad X300 sub-notebook

@ tim parker

the "missing 23Gb" is taken up by the vista install, the MS office 2007 instgall, and the R&R partition. vista is already a fat bloater when it comes to disk space. however I have a cunning plan to drastically reduce that. and for the monet it is a pretty good laptop, lets not forget that 64Gb SSD's aint exactly cheap, and my old T60 took a bid for freedom out of my boot one night on the way home (nissan never buy one) and once I had reseated the HDD, CD-R and memory booted first time.

paris, because she likes to be seen with beautiful things

Welsh student exposed to nude webcam operators

@Spleen

re "Dole Queue Hotties", did you perchance mean something like http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/graphics/2004/10/19/btburke199.jpg

?

mines the dirty flasher mac with the USB 3G wireless dongle sewn in the collar for inpromptu web surfing outside the local perv alley

Sky One to resurrect Blake's 7?

@ anonymous coward

- NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO,

theres no theres no, theres no limit?

Lets face it, he revamp of Dr Who is brilliant, Battlestar Galactica is to be quite frank jaw droppingly good - even with a female starbuck, and I was one of the "you can't have a female starbuck" crowd, the new Knightrider with the mustang and Val Kilmer as Kitt is also as good, if not better in many ways to the original.

before you start your screaming about a travesty, how about waiting to see if:

a) it gets off the ground

b) who they cast

c) if it's actually any good?

mines the one with the keys to the liberator and the Avon fanclub membership card

Famous Five film lined up

George....

umm did anyone else notice

Jo (short for Jyoti) is the daughter of tomboy George, now Aunt George, surely if Jo's mum was George, she would not be Jo's aunt?

unless the famous 5 are all now rednecks.....

mine is the one with the doglead, and bottle of ginger beer in the pocket

ta

Ban booze in supermarkets, says health adviser

Beer in supermarkets

Here is a thought, as beer - proper beer that is (and I include stout in this because I like a drop of the black stuff) is made with yeast, we could hypothetically class it as a food stuff akin to bread, therefore Supermarkets can stock ales, bitters etc.

Vodka and poteen is made from (mostly) potatoes, therefore a vegetable product

ciders and perries are made from apples and pears etc so they could count as fruits (5 a day anyone?)

so all the supermarkets need do is stop stocking stuff not derived from the above products, and the world is a happy and safe place.

Star Wars animation heads for the silver screen

Excellent!

the cartoon microseries was awesome, now all I need to do is dust off my jedi cloak, re-energise my lightsaber and i will be fit to mind trick, and use all the memorable lines from the films

[jedi mind trick] this is not the post you are looking for [/jedi mind trick]

Ryanair battles ASA over 'saucy schoolgirl' ad

St Trinnians

So its not ok to have an obviously no school girl dressed like that, but it is OK to have a whole film of girls dressed like that - I am OFC talking about St trinians, all of the films, not just the latest one. FFS this sort of thing was ok in the 50's - just look at the original St Trinians films with Alastair Sim and George Cole, all the older girls wore stuff alot more provocative than that.

methinks the ASA needs to pull it's collective thumb out of its bum, take a step back and take a good long look at itself

nice pic of the gilr though, and yes i would hit it

oh and whilst we are on the subject - IT angle?

New Bond movie is Quantum of Solace

WTF?

Quantum of Solace will follow on from Casino Royale, with 007 "picking up the pieces after being double-crossed by Treasury agent Vesper Lynd".

er I may be wrong here but bond would never "pick up the pieces" the only time he ever showed his true feelings was in OHMSS when he got married and his Wife was Murdered, unless it is to go on a frenzied attack against the evil scum that caused vespa to double cross him....

oh and also where is the IT angle

Panto star sacked for foul-mouthed outburst

innuendo free pantomime

also known as a play.

pantomime has to have certain key ingredients:

woman dressing up as man - Principal boy

man dressing as woman - dame (or ugly sisters in cinderella)

poncy fairy - the good guys

totally over the top hamming it for all you are worth evil guy - the bad guy

add a heavy load of smut and innuendo.

add bucket loads of comedy

add messy stuff

result - top quality panto - ours in due to be out in january, we are rehearsing now, and if asked i might be tempted to tell you where!

Need a new set of b*llocks? Try Argos

strangely

they don't have any useless tat, or just plain tat for sale

419er fears unsolicited intergalactic email

@Jacob

I *think* you mean 2 numbers...

Facebook 'friend request' lands UK man in jail

Bored now

this thread appears to be a "anonymous Vulture posing thread"

stop being an attention whore.

who cares about if some numpty asked his ex wife for a friend request on facebook and she was too neurotic just to delete it, and cost the tax payer 7 days jail time for her ex husband. seriously?

/rant

Ad agency pays Paddington to ditch marmalade for Marmite

poor Joe

so Joe is a hater. I pity you.

Marmite is a gift from the gods.

and also just to say, read this twice, and still struggling to see the tech angle.

- unless it's the fact all true techies live off caffiene, marmite on toast and the odd jar of ale......

Doctor Who to meet self in Children in Need special

here we go again!

the doctor has already met himself.

on more than one occasion.

in the tv movie "the 5 doctors" so he met himself 5 times over

and in the episode with Colin Baker and Patrick Troughton and some rather scary orange eyebrows, set somewhere in spain I think.

Chav-hunting toffs cop some flack

What?

[quote] "I suppose this video could be billed as the revenge of Monty Python's upper-class twits. Doubtless it is intended as humour and irony, but it comes across as brash, crass, and arrogant."[/quote]

pardon?

Monty Python have previously done this sort of class humour from both sides for years, it was as funny and relevent when the first did it as it is now.

Obviously Ms Cunningham is not resident in the real world as Monty Python's Flying Circus has been voted the most infuential UK comedy series, (with only fools and horses coming a close second)

stop touting for votes from the chavs and get on with some real work.

silly person

Miserable Brits declare War on Comfort

Shad

Just a quick point, but quite a pertinent one given your obvious anti smoking stance,

let us offer a theoretical ideal that everybody who smokes in the UK gives up tomorrow. thats it no more smokers in the UK ever.

1. where does the treasury get the lost revenue in tobacco products tax from?

2. given that no one smokes anymore, who is going to refund the outlets who have stock they can't sell?

3. who is going to stump the bill for the mass increase in unemployment? as no one smokes, the staff involved in getting the smoker his smoke of choice are suddenly all unemployed - that's got to be ITRO a couple of hundred thousand people accross the UK

your answers to these questions would be appreciated - ta

and as we are supposed to be living in a tolerant and free society, please stop discriminating againt the smokers, if you don't like it quite simply stay away from the pub, beat the rush, because the government will go after beer soon enough

and yes I used to be a smoker, and don't mind my friends who smoke smoking infront of me.

Muffy Mount voted ultimate 'nom de sex'

shinaniganis

sorry, my bad, had an attack of FFS (Fat Finger Syndrome)

1 refresher course in how to type 101 booked, head hanged in shame.

server room porno?

Just what would BoFH and PFY say about the shinaniganis in a server room?

I mean apart from get the cameras out for a bit of impromtu video piracy?

especially when the participants are not wearing antistatic straps

coat please jeeves

Enraged reader savages iPhone fanboys

C64 vs Spectrum

BBC B FTW!

sorry, i will get my coat.

oh and Mr Thomas, please insert head into nearest toilet and flush repeatedly,

"The iPod had the greatest cultural impact of any piece of technology over the last ten years"

has it buggery, what about the PS2 - I would have said the original PS, but it is 12 years old not 10 or less years, what about the advent of DSL provision in the home market causing a huge increase in blogging, social networking sites and online gaming et al?

believe it or not apple is not the best thing ever, so stop being a fanboy.

/rant