Posts by returnmyjedi

US indicts Brit bloke over backdoor blagging of US troops' data

My favourite bit in Top Secret is when the station pulls away from the train.

Linux, ARM, CERN. All fine American institutions.

Everything's going to be all white: Google Nexus 5 mobe expected Friday

Really? You must be using it wrong.

As most phones are being robbed by miscreants on bicycles, I'd venture that Oxford Street is a far less wise place to whip out your iphone than the Tube.

It's NOT an iPad - but that's FINE: I learned to LOVE Microsoft's Surface 2

It is a word. It doesn't get a wiggly underline by Chrome or nuffink so it must be.

Irregardless of Windows 8 or RT, the limited time I had with the Surface 1 made me agree that it is indeed a supremely well built slab. All this talk about the usefulness of Office for enterprise users seems a bit near sighted though, as Office RT will not run the macro heavy Excel worksheets that most companies seem compelled to use. Add 3G option and it would be even more useful (maybe that's reserved for Nokia's version only?)

PC addict RM finally quits its building habit, plans to axe 300 jobs

Martello Tower HD

They need to do a HD remake of Martello Tower, so I can get past the room with the stained glass window.

THIS is the kind of clout a British Prime Minister has: Facebook pulls ONE beheading vid

In this hypothetical beheading video, can I see any boobies?

Surface 2 MYSTERY: Haswell's here, so WHY the duff battery life?

I meant the Macbook Air which is what the article compares the Surface to.

Screen resolution?

The Air comparison is utter bobbins when you compare its dreary screen with the high resolution one of the Surface 2 Pro V GTi. Or is that too obvious?

CEO of Brit fashion bods Burberry lands Apple job for retail, online sales

Designed in California.

Manufactured in a Chinese sweatshop.

Marketed in Basingstoke.

Price rises and power cuts by 2016? Thank the EU's energy policy

Poppycock.

Sorry fanbois, no supersize Apple fondleslabs for you

You could apply that logic to a fair few of the features that Apple rolls out each year.

Foxconn 'fesses up to labour breaches: Made students work long hours

Apple have in the past been accused of demanding high production quotas of mercilessly difficult to assemble bits of tech. Blame is largely due on the door of Foxconn for agreeing to such demands and forcing their workers to toil away for so long and for so little, but Apple are also to blame for not stipulating more aggressively that such practices should happy.

Cook et al are well aware of the material costs of their products and should also realise that asking a firm to construct them for them will result in pretty poor labour conditions.

MS Word deserves DEATH says Brit SciFi author Charles Stross

Word is indeed a pain in the bum, but so is every processor since the days of early Word Perfect. If they all have an issue it's that they have too many features.

Apple's iWatch to appear in 2014, will RULE your home – new claim

I'm not convinced that a remotely operated blender is either useful or wise.

Swap your old iPhone for a new one, Tim Cook tells British fanbois

Tat for twat.

Apple ban win: Now you can't buy Samsung gear no one was buying

I would have thought that rounded corners would fall under the FRAND banner also, if only to stop mankind from jabbing itself upon inserting a smartphone into its pocketses.

Apple's new iPhones dope-slap Samsung in US

The most startling thing for me regarding the 5C was how cheap it felt in the hand. Apple cam wax lyrical all they like about steel reinforcements and whatnot, but compared to other polycarbonate handsets from the likes of HTC and Nokia, it felt quite unpleasant, slippery and creaky. Compared to how solid the standard 5 and 5S are this surprises me (easily scratchable back panels notwithstanding).

O2, Tesco Mobile go titsup for 220,000+ Brits in 13-HOUR 3G cockup

Ahem. Work iPhone, so I'm only an iChav betwixt the hours of 9 and 5, Mon to Fri thankyouverymuch.

Ah! That explains that. I formally apologise for launching my work iPhone across the room and the obscene comments I made towards ios 7 which is now back as being magical in my head ball.

Oh, shoppin’ HELL: I’m in the supermarket of the DAMNED

If only the unexpected item truly was unexpected

If I was a self service checkout, a loaf of bread or pint of milk would be par for the course and perfectly acceptable.

Were I to place a decapitated head of Bear Grylls or a sub machine gun on the bagging area, then fair enough: that would be expected.

Sony Xperia Z Ultra: The quad-core 2.2GHz MEGA SCREEN PHONDLESLAB

As per the gospel according to Jobs, if your thumb can't reach from one corner to the opposite one, the phone ain't magical, and people want these days is magical tech.

The life of Pi: Intel to give away Arduino-friendly 'Galileo' tiny-puter

Get it to run Tie Fighter and Day of the Tentacle and I'll buy that for a dollar.

British support for fracking largely unmoved by knowledge of downsides

I am completely in favour of fracking, so long as it doesn't occur on or anywhere near my land. © Everyone

Atomic clocks come to your wrist

If it's not the caesium that blows up in water, I'm not interested.

Third of Brits now regularly fondling their slabs, say beancounters

Completely agree. My family's iPad is only used for Chrome, Facebook and iPlayer. Amongst friends, the only additional activities that seemed to be popular are kids games and running up accidental four figure micro transaction bills. Aside from maybe the latter, you can do all of those on the likes of a Kindle Fire or even (whisper it) a Surface Rt for much less than the fruity ones device.

A £30,000, 295bhp 4G MODEM?!? Must be the Audi S3 Quattro, then

The Leon's the best of the bunch that have been spawned from Wolfsburg's all purpose platform.

The Leon's the best of the bunch that have been spawned from Inglestadt's all purpose platform.

LIVE, my beauty, LIVE! Nokia revives dead phone with LIGHTNING powered Frankencharger

This is how Apple's Lightning connector should really behave. Or maybe it does, if those zapped Chinese folk were using a genuine one.

Microsoft Surface 2 fondleslabs finally get off ground with airline order

One division in my company were given ipads so that they could track sales meetings etc whilst out and about. Due to the very shoddy software provided it kept locating them in Colorado and China, when there were actually in Colchester and Chester (or so they say).

So after a year the ipads were taken away and replaced with Android tabs that have worked beautifully. But the removal of the fruity ones fondleslabs was accompanied by much moaning and bleeting, not because they thought the iPad was a better bit of kit, they just happened to have installed all of their iPhone tat on there also.

So I very much doubt that the good folks at Delta think the iPad to be the finest tablet out there. It's just that they don't want to lose their progress on Angry Birds.

WHY didn't Microsoft buy RIM? Us business blokes would have queued for THAT phone

My company has had Blackberries for as long as I care to remember and all they are used for is to send relatively secure emails and make phone calls that regularly fail mid conversation (a RIM failing on all of the Bolds and Q10s that are out there). BBM is available for folks to use if they so wish, but is never used. What they constantly whine about is being able to effectively manage spreadsheets and word docs, something that isn't even possible on WP due to the stunted version of Office on that platform.

So I really do not see what buying Blackberry would have brought to the big table in Redmond over Nokia. The Finns know how to screw a phone together well and their camera tech is class leading. Surely they were a more wise purchase?

Valve aiming to take the joy(sticks) out of gaming with Steam Controller

Wall•E's evil brother.

'200 million' fanbois using iOS 7 just a week after release - study

Those poor sorry souls, having such a buggy migraine inflected upon them. I can say that as I'm one of them, and have been enjoying how stuttery and crash happy my iPad has been since updating. Cheers Messrs Cook, Ive et al!

MPs slam bumpkin fibre rollout, demand halt to further £250m cash spaff

How Hodge managed to secure the chair of the PAC when she has such a questionable history of financial arrangements is slightly confusing. It would like if the chair of the home affairs committee being appointed despite being found guilty of accepting funds from individuals and then actively trying to speed up their passport applications (but that's too crazy to happen of course).

Great Britain rebuilt - in Minecraft: Intern reveals 22-BEEELLION block map

Just because you can't seek out topless sunbathers in MC does not make it an inferior product.

Mobile broadband 'fastest growing technology in history' says ITU

A pitchfork would make quite an effective antenna though.

Chaos Computer Club: iPhone 5S finger-sniffer COMPROMISED

I suppose that is less messy than the pair of pliers I was planning to use of the Northern line this morning.

Nokia Lumia 1020: It's an imaging BEAST... and it makes calls too

Default SkyDrive upload can be turned off, folks. I think the point being made in the review, albeit unclearly, is that only the 5MP image can be uploaded to BSkyB Drive. The hefty 38MP one can only be transferred off the handset by physically plugging it into your computer. A micro SD card in the camera grip would have been a genuinely useful addition, especially if you're not getting the O2 exclusive 64GB version and are stuck with the 32GB one.

Apple CEO Cook: 'We're not in the junk business'

The security of the paw scanner isn't in question in the article. They scanned the kitty's foot, then the phone unlocked after recognising it. It wasn't as if the cat had unlocked the phone after it was set up to read a man finger.

Rotten Apple iOS 7 fury: Glitchy audio or is today's music really that bad?

Lucky you. My iPad 2 is now a juddery mess.

Five reasons why you'll take your storage to the cloud

Pirate fail.

Nokia Lumia 625: Quality budget 4G phone ... but where's UK's budget 4G?

The negativity towards Apple's use of plastic is a) the cost and b) their comical marketing spunk that they magically jizz into the panting mouths of the assembled congregation.

The need for 4G in cities puzzles me. You're rarely further than a minute's walk of a Starbucks or Maccy D's whose WiFi you can steal outside so why pay for extra cellular bandwidth?

Final preview of IE11 for Windows 7 uncanned

I could use 30% more speed. My usual snoutful just ain't tickling my ivories anymore.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it ... Win Phone 8? No, it's APPLE'S iOS 7

Good to see ITLAP day is being observed at Vulture Central.

Apple beckons fanbois back into its golden era... of, er, 2010

This sounds like a good thing, and quite rare for Apple who tend to make their iOS updates incompatible with older software releases. I've got a third gen ipod touch that wants noting to do with anything after ios 4.2

Stylus counsel: The rise and fall of the Apple Newton MessagePad

Just you wait until you see the iphone 5S. It's maaagical.

A spoilt little oik in my English class had a Newton, and spent nearly double the amount of time taking notes than he would have with a pen and exercise book. The teacher tolerated it for precisely an hour before he banned it for ever (the kid's parents even compared to the head teacher for their little angel not being allowed to use such an expensive "investment" and got laughed out of his office).

NSA spooks tooled up with zero-day PC security exploits from the FRENCH

Bloody NSA. Shouldn't they be concentrating on getting a monkey to Mars or something rather than getting into scrapes with the French?