Re: Selective deafness
“ -removable/replaceable battery” - usbc battery.
“ upgradeable RAM” - likely to buy a new machine before you need to do that.
“ ditto SSD” - thunderbolt external disk.
“ -useful number of ports” - usbc/thunderbolt dock. These ports are infinitely more useful, plug in the right cable you have the port, be that hdmi, power, 10Gb ethernet, sdcard, whatever you need at the time.
So why, for the incredibly stupid price Apple charges for the new laptop, does it not include a special branded "Apple Twat" rucksack in which to carry all the useful stuff that used to be fitted inside their previous generation of laptops?