* Posts by Rol

1086 posts • joined 24 Jan 2013


CERN puts two new atom-smashers on its shopping list. One to make Higgs Bosons, then a next-gen model six times more energetic than the LHC

Rol Silver badge

Re: Ridiculous

We have been here so many times, and I'm sure some of the longer serving critics are probably fed up of hearing my thoughts on the subject, but for the benefit of those who have more recently washed up on El Reg's exotic shores, I offer you this little snippet.

Experiments have tentatively shown that antimatter has anti-gravity - it runs away from matter. The Big Bang could be equally called the great escape, from the perspective of antimatter, as it hurtled hell for leather away from its evil twin.

The physics that brought particles together to form matter, hold no sway over antimatter, so it exists today, in the exact same fundamental state that it was born in, and hence very very small, and very widely dispersed, and still hell tailing it away from all that nasty clingy stuff.

So where is all the antimatter? It really is out of sight, on the edge of our universe and still running at the speed of light away from us, as it has no mass.

Perhaps it is God's means of erasing past failures out of the way of this universe.

or...well most of you have already heard my or, and I'll not make you suffer any more.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Ridiculous

I whole-heartedly agree that our science has no explanation for what it sees, or doesn't see, and until something a little more credible than invisible dark goo comes along, then the ratio of 50/50 stands as the most sensible conclusion to the composition of our Universe.

The fact we can't detect anti-matter, and are eager to jump through some incredibly warped hoops of twisted logic to deny antimatter's existence, suggests we are blind in more ways than one.

Several more plausible theories have been put forward, including on this site, but all of them lack the revenue generating potential that scientists are clamouring for, because any conjecture supporting the existence of antimatter requires investigation far beyond our Solar system, which, as you would expect, will get zero funding until faster than light travel is possible.

So, to keep the wheels on the science wagon rolling, we squander vast budgets on what we can investigate, even though, in our hearts, we know they will reveal nothing worthwhile in our exploration of antimatter's perceived absence.

Perhaps one day, I can go into Lidl and buy a telescope that allows me to study grains of sand on Pluto from the comfort of my home, and read the latest articles in el Reg about how scientists are mapping antimatter particles in a matrix like structure, that is more or less an inverse contour map of the universe's gravity.

But until then, I will just bumble about my business, knowing damned well that physicists, after spending hundreds of billions of dollars and yen and pounds and euro's, still have to cross their fingers behind their back while telling me I'm wrong. Which, after spending all that money, I guess is a contractual obligation, to ensure the next generation gets to paddle knee deep in project funding.

Moore's Law is deader than corduroy bell bottoms. But with a bit of smart coding it's not the end of the road

Rol Silver badge

One for the conspiracy cats

"Hey this is the biggest breakthrough of the century. 16 cores, running at 5Ghz, on a 5nm die. It's out of this world"

"Yeah, it took some time, but we aimed for the prize and made it"

"Our customer's are going to go bonkers with this"

"Err...well...not really"


"You see marketing has quite rightly pointed out, that giving the world this piece of kit now, is the equivalent of making everlasting lightbulbs. We'll sell millions of them and then that will be it, as every Tom Dick and Harry will have a machine that fulfils their every desire for many years to come."

"so what will we be marketing"

"Something that will still blow their minds, but obviously seriously cut down. a single core running at 150 Mhz with a 60Mhz bus"

"Yep. Still quite impressive"

"And every two years we'll double it up, so as to get people to upgrade. Instead of making millions we'll make trillions of dollars over the span of a few decades, as customers try to keep up to date"

"Mr Moore, you are a genius."

"You know. I predict our customers will probably see me as less of a genius and more of a prophet"

Rol Silver badge

Re: Performance limits

Anyone with a touch of Asperger's, would vomit uncontrollably at the sight of the x86 instruction set.

When it comes to inefficiencies, the instruction set that has been used as much as a weapon by the dominant player, Intel, against it's competitors, is one of the most inglorious examples of how not to develop technology.

If we were developing a cpu today, with no regard for the legacies of the past, then without any added leaps of science we could turn the x86 into a beast that would more than double performance of any application at a stroke. Of course the application would need to be compiled using a new compiler, that mapped to the more efficient use of the bytes set aside for instructions, and obviously allowing for many more instructions to be added, but this time, by a consensus of the players, not individual companies looking to steal an edge on their competitors.

Seeing as the industry is transfixed with the idea of obsoleting everything they can in the search for greater revenues. it beggars belief that the x86 instruction set has not been completely overhauled and set on a more steady course, with a governing body overseeing additions to the universal set.

Trump's Make Space Great Again video pulled after former 'naut says: Nope

Rol Silver badge

Re: Practically the only thing that has gone right in his Presidency

Just looking at the British monarchy, we can see, how following a particularly nasty Royal, society takes a little more power away from them, until the position of king or queen is nothing more than a tourist attraction.

If Trump has achieved anything in his presidency, it is that he has shown the position comes with more power than an insane man should ever be allowed to wield.

I look forward to the day that the American president is bedecked with gold and jewels. To be rolled out at state functions and then returned to the walled garden, where their manic rantings and dribbling rhetoric is hermetically sealed from the rest of us Earthlings.

America! For the sake of humanity, put your dog on a leash. A very short leash. And in Trump's case, muzzled, and booked in with Cesar Millan, the dog whisperer, for some very long and trying training sessions.

Rol Silver badge

Re: 450 cities protesting racism

I can only imagine the sigh of relief from villagers and townsfolk up and down blighty, when their local fuckwits left to go to America, in search of similar thinking fuckwits, that they might form a community, that against all Darwinian thinking would prosper, flourish and grow to create the greatest amalgamation of self serving fuckwits the planet has ever seen.

"The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!"

See! Even Christ is powerless to intervene in America's ascendency up the Devils sphincter.

Remember when Republicans said Dems hacked voting systems to rig Georgia's election? There were no hacks

Rol Silver badge

Re: Coup, one small glimmer of hope

It doesn't make any sense to kill your voters. The frothing at the mouth Republicans and religious nutjobs have a lot of overlap, so any encouragement to ignore all sensible advice, especially in the teapot focussed Fox News, is going to kill a lot more chavs than normal humans.

However if their unwitting sacrifice manages to postpone the election and thus keep Mr Orange in office a few years longer, then I suppose it's a sort of victory.

And forget bleached chicken, I want everything coming from America swimming in bleach. And a metaphorical acid bath for that gob shites tweets while we're at it.

Record-breaking Aussie boffins send 44.2 terabits a second screaming down 75km of fiber from single chip

Rol Silver badge

Re: Correction

The University of SMUT is currently working on a porn AI, and they are optimistic that their program will be able to generate any and all customisable flesh combinations with associated grunts and groans to fool anyone into thinking it is real.

This program, once installed on a PC, will free up 90% of the internet and reduce the instances of PC infection to almost zero.

Well, that's something boffins haven't seen before: A strange alien streaks around Jupiter

Rol Silver badge

Re: Who said they came from Mars....

I had a torch with interchangeable lens covers that achieved just that.

Rol Silver badge

slighlty off topic

Am I the only person wondering why Trump hasn't banned Hawaii from providing 5g infrastructure?

Alibaba Cloud revenue grows 62% – but it's still just a sixth the size of AWS

Rol Silver badge

Stack it high. Sell it higher.

So this morning, and only for a fleeting moment, did I consider buying cigarette lighters from Alibaba at 4 cents each. Minimum order, 100,000 of them!

I only need about 500 to see me out, and would then be left with 99,500. Obviously I couldn't sell them on Alibaba at 50p each, but I could on Amazon or Ebay.

Based on that, I can assume the $35Bn in revenue that AWS generates, comes from $3Bn of stock being sold on at hugely inflated prices, to a public that has little idea of how much factory gate prices are.

Napoleon might have been right to slur the Brit's as a nation full of shop keepers, but seeing as the three essential things necessary to fight a successful war is gold, gold and more gold, he should have realised, retailers were always best placed to win in any conflict.

As for the sodomite reference that he goes on to sleight us with, I can only assume it is a metaphor for the act of selling goods at ten times their cost to your customers.

Facebook to surround all of Africa in optical fibre and tinfoil

Rol Silver badge

Re: Can someone explain?

Might want to have a listen to Cabin Pressure. An hilarious radio program that ran some years ago on Radio 4.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Can someone explain?

It's Nigerian waters you want to be worried about. Far more incidence of pirating than Somalia.

Cyber attack against UK power grid middleman Elexon sparks in-house IT recovery efforts

Rol Silver badge

Re: What ?

'Thank you for opening this obviously dodgy email. You have won a permanent, no expense paid, holiday for one on the good ship HMS Unemployed, which our automated systems are processing as you read.

Please wait for security to attend at your work station, as they want to frisk you for paper clips and pencils before dragging you feet first out of the building.

Thank you and goodbye'

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Spacecraft with graphene sails powered by starlight and lasers

Rol Silver badge

Re: Thoughts

I've been flushing Dark Matter down the toilet, with equal amounts of dark humour for years. Advice I suggest we should all follow, before it becomes a serious hazard to scientific advancement.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Politica

Could we put a large solar powered array in orbit around Sol, so that it is relatively fixed with our interstellar craft, and generate the "back to the future" power necessary to spark up the laser?

It could even be initially purposed to send power back to Earth, and perhaps this be a means of funding the whole project.

Rol Silver badge

Re: 1m/s**2

If after launching the craft, a second craft is then sent along the same trajectory, but purposed to refocussing the laser beam, then a third and a fourth...then the integrity of the beam could be maintained over large distances.

Similarly, the lensing apparatus could be sent ahead of the main payload and then position themselves after the payload has overtaken them, with a couple of twitches from the source laser, and an adept bit of tacking.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Calling Isaac Newton...

The same means that propulsed the craft toward the star, would similarly now be braking it, as Alpha Centauri would be exerting a far greater effect in opposition to whatever flickers were coming from Sol.

(Whoops! I was beaten to it. Sorry for the repetition)

On the matter of divergence, it wouldn't be too great a task to drop off the occasional lens en route, so the laser beam can be refocused. The lens too, could have its own mini sails that would give it the ability to keep it aligned.

Behold: The ghastly, preening, lesser-spotted Incredible Bullsh*tting Customer

Rol Silver badge

Re: Fake BT Call

"OK, I'll have a look at your PC for a virus, based solely on the deceitful spiel of a scammer, but while I'm busy doing that, you might want to pop around to your wife's workplace, 'cos she's shagging her boss"

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you

Rol Silver badge

Rodeo Rentals

Well, it's my favourite so far.

Reminds me of the days families had to put 50p into a meter so they could watch TV, and it would always run out at the worst time, and no one had a 50p piece to get it working again.

Rol Silver badge

Kerching unlimited

I think that needs little explanation

Rol Silver badge

The Doughnut Factory

Cos it's software is shot through with security holes.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Bob

Reminds anyone of the "Hand built by Roberts" sketch?

Rol Silver badge

Re: Microsoft naming

I represent Stewart Lee and hereby summons you, for use of his long running Boris nomenclature joke, to appear before your peers one quiet Sunday afternoon on the appropriate comments section of The Grauniad.

Bring a change of briefs, as there's a chance they might get shredded.

Rol Silver badge

Re: MicroMite

Sodomites! F'ing you up the a, since Dr Dos lost his license to practice.

UK finds itself almost alone with centralized virus contact-tracing app that probably won't work well, asks for your location, may be illegal

Rol Silver badge

It's the little things that matter. Like, a reading age in double figures for a start.

I read that America isn't even going to bother developing an app.

Seems Donald is of the mind that humanity has, and always will be suffering from plague, and only in rare circumstances will that result in death.

He pointed to a dentistry journal on his desk, when queried about his source for such a controversial stance.

The news reporter was banned as fake news shortly after pointing out the differences between plague and plaque.

Florida man might just stick it to HP for injecting sneaky DRM update into his printers that rejected non-HP ink

Rol Silver badge

Yep! I have an A4 Inkjet Canon printer, that prints directly onto DVD's as well, and is wonderful.

Run it on inks a tenth of the branded cost, and has never let me down in the...what..almost 10 years...no can't be..Yes 10 years, I just checked the invoice.

It has never been connected to the internet, or an O/S that was, so I can't attest that Canon are not beyond chicanery.

The inks run dry without printing a thing in about 2-3 months, and the heads, even after many months of idleness, are just one automatic clean from being perfect again, unlike other printers I've had that just died from lack of use. Sorry, my Commodore PET's dot matrix printer is probably still eager to play, like some eternal Springer Spaniel in a museum somewhere.

Rol Silver badge

It wouldn't be a surprise to find the other big names in the printer world were having confidential chats with HP, to ensure, that if HP's gravy train was to derail, it did it on a quiet provincial line and not the main line, where they would all get a stop signal. Hence the out of court settlement, and potentially an explanation for some strange, non-competitive tenders.

We're in a timeline where Dettol maker has to beg folks not to inject cleaning fluid into their veins. Thanks, Trump

Rol Silver badge

Re: Is he even capable of a full sentence?


"No. One more time sir"




"That's it. Now on your own"

"Constitural. Argghhh! Can't I just Justin Beiber it!"

"I'm sorry sir, but that technology can only do auto-tune. You have to say the word"

"It's banned"


"Contitural is banned. I'm banning the constition"

"I'm sorry sir, I'm not understanding your orders, perhaps if you could type it"


"The auto-spell needs you to get somewhere close to the word sir"


And so it was that all construction in the United States was banned at the Presidents order.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Is he even capable of a full sentence?

Like hiding a tree in the woods, he invites "fake news" so he can distract the gullible away from his 24ct fake news.

Not unlike some of the Right to Life brigade who will merrily stab to death doctors claiming they are murderer's, while not appreciating the fact, it is they, who without question, are the murderer and not abiding by their own "implacable ethics"

Rol Silver badge

Re: Donald J. Trump

You are a comedy genius.

Please present this in any store and claim your free bottle of spirit. I'll pay for it somehow.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Trump's Base

People will do desperate things in desperate times, and will readily clutch at any straws of hope to save themselves or a loved one.

That is why Trump's mutterings are so dangerous, and sadly, not just to his cohort of drooling followers.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Trump's Base

He hasn't the capacity to comprehend sarcasm, let alone use it in a sentence. This smells of after the fact PR team spin, or truth bleaching, as it will come to be known.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Suggestion

Seeing as everything that pours from his dysfunctional mind gets readily consumed by his rabid followers, I'm guessing his voter base is going to diminish some, and America's average IQ jump a few points in the coming weeks.

Royal Navy nuclear submarine captain rapped for letting crew throw shoreside BBQ party

Rol Silver badge

Re: Another thing...

I agree the NHS has many flaws, mostly brought on by underfunding, and insisting it runs at 99% capacity all year round, while using, what I can only guess is unquestioning co-operation, selfless devotion to duty and shear bloody-mindedness to step up to the challenge of running at 120% capacity during emergencies.

I think it was about five years ago, when an assessment of all the world's health services were carried out, and it found, out of all the first world nations, the UK's NHS delivered the biggest bang for the cheapest buck. And conversely the USA gave the least at the highest cost.

This outcome was surprising for most, here in the UK, but the reasoning behind it, pure economic sense - if in paying for health insurance you are also contributing to excessive profits and share-holder dividends through the numerous channels your funds go through before arriving at the hospital's bank account, you will find your contribution to be worth less than a half of its initial value.

The funding structure for the NHS, paid from central government to the regions, with very few profiteering hands in the honey jar, makes sense in a nation that believes health care needs to be accessible to all. And that's why we loathe any political party that tries to dismantle that system in favour of the American model, because they are clearly introducing inefficiencies into the system so they and their friends can make billions while providing a poorer service.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Same property?

I do believe, the RN were only concerned, because of the inappropriateness of the party. As in enjoying themselves in 100% safety when most others couldn't.

Much like the family who live in a pub, who have the police turn up a couple of times a day, because neighbours and passers-by, are fuming that a family are having a whale of a time, drinking beer, playing pool and dancing to the juke box, in their own residence.

Please, can someone in China discover a deadly virus that only those with the misery gene have no immunity to, and then infect Paris Hilton for maximum coverage.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Another thing...

Unfortunately the silver lining of Jeremy Kyle type TV programs having been temporarily abandoned, has resulted in the normally occupied TV audience and there wider cunterpart *, the baying public, to seek other avenues of entertainment. And clearly, suffering, is what passes for delightful entertainment in those circles.

* it was a genuine typo, but strangely seems more appropriate, so I took it as a sign from a higher being and who am I to argue with higher beings.

Wake up, Neo: Microsoft mulls using your brain waves or body heat to mine crypto-currency while viewing ads

Rol Silver badge

The patent might not be granted?

So if they aren't applying to the American patent office, where then?

Forget tabs – the new war is commas versus spaces: Web heads urged by browser devs to embrace modern CSS

Rol Silver badge

Thoroughly modern malfeance

"What are you doing? Are you some kind of Nazi?"

"I'm burning out of date books"

"Out of date! Some of those tombs are ancient texts. They're irreplaceable"

"Yeah, but they use outdated syntax which our modern systems no longer support"

"But all that history will be lost forever"

"No it won't, we have re-codified them into modern versions"

"In other words, you're rewriting history"

"No we are re-interpreting them using our advanced knowledge to conform with accepted standards"

"And when new knowledge comes along, that would better understand what has gone before, there will be no before left to better understand. In computing terms you are deleting a source code that cannot properly be rebuilt by decompiling what's in current memory"

"Hold on a minute. What has this got to do with commas and spaces in colour code?"

"You do realise the old colour syntax will eventually be dropped by the dominant browser overlord, and billions of web pages stretching back to the beginning of the internet will get borked for future generations, unless of course our kindly internet overlord reinterprets them for us, with the obvious potential to rewrite history, and perhaps now charge a small fee for what was once freely accessible"

"Why would they do that?"

"Because they can. And there's nothing to be made out of freely available history, until you fence it in and put a turnstile on it. Just you wait, the colour palette is only the start. Bigger and more destructive changes will be on their way, forcing every webpage to be rewritten or become totally inaccessible"

"You know. I never thought of it like that. I'll stop burning these books immediately"

"Not just yet. I see you're clutching Donald Trump's biography, Fuck 'em 'till they're Dead"


"You can throw that on the fire, and then, call it a day"

Rol Silver badge


I more often find modern to mean we have found a cheaper way to do something, that most end users would hardly notice was a downgrade to the quality, that society, over the past few millennia, had gotten accustomed to.

(I was going to replace the commas with spaces, but that would be too silly for words)

Mayday! Mayday! The next Windows 10 update is finally on approach to a PC near you

Rol Silver badge

Re: Not all conspiracies are bad.

It's the companies machine, and they're very protective of it. It's encrypted to buggery and locked down like a mythical Titan. And understandably so, due to the work I do.

And yes, my own machine runs Linux, and other flavours, but only Linux gets to play on the internet.

Your suggestions will come in very handy in the not too distant future as I'm looking to build something that will run VM smoothly, as my current setup creeks and groans at the mere mention of it.

Thanks for your comment. I'll keep it in my back pocket.

Rol Silver badge

Not all conspiracies are bad.

Oh how we laughed. Sat in front of our collared and leashed Win 7 machines, as the Win 10 crowd wailed and cried at every update.

No more!

I'm now the very nervous user of a Win 10 laptop. All my nightmares have come together in this single box of malevolence.

My friends now laugh at me, for my stance on never allowing a laptop in my home has been thrown aside, as work thrust this work from home thing into my hands.

No amount of black insulation tape over the camera can be sufficient, and strapping headphones over the built-in microphone to play Hendrix at volume 11, still has me whispering my disquiet, just in case.

But Win 10, as sanctioned by the boss, has no diy fix.


"Hi! Mr Icke..., Of course. David. I have some interesting information about Windows 10.....Yes it is important....It seems a study I just carried out verifies that Windows 10 can cause smallpox...Yes I can send the data over.....You will...Ten o'clock news....Excellent! Thank you so much for your time...No no you're welcome."

Time for an early celebratory whiskey me thinks.

ICANN delays .org sell off after California's attorney general intervenes at last minute, tears non-profit a new one over sale

Rol Silver badge

At least as a charity they can act impartially, with little or no consequences.

Dear Sirs

As a business in a thriving marketplace, we are always mindful of our public image, and the implications of being associated with concerns that might bring our brand into question.

As a result of our investigation, it is with a sad heart that we have to end our contract to supply your .org address, as we feel our association with you is negatively impacting on our image.

I do hope your ...........(insert name of organisation that gets up the noses of Republicans and their ilk) can find a new home, with a company that isn't scared shitless of being blacklisted by Presidents and other amoeba, that have by some sheer fluke got a hold of some money and power.

Rol Silver badge

It's always the butler who did it. The one charged with looking after it.

I just can't get my head around it. How can those entrusted to look after something, maintain that they are doing so, after they have given ownership of it away?

It's like how my local council tried to give away vast swathes of public parks to their back scratching mates. The public rightly reminded the councillors that they where only the trustees, and had no right to sell off the parks without asking the owners permission first. And without the consent of some 460,000 Bristolians, they backed down.

Rol Silver badge

Re: "to permit additional time to complete our review"

They now have doubts as to whether they can get away with it, and are busy consulting with their legal team.

Remember Tapplock, the 'unbreakable' smart lock that was allergic to screwdrivers? The FTC just slapped it down for 'deceiving' folks

Rol Silver badge

Re: Well....

So that's why 10 Downing Street has no lock.

Bose shouts down claims that it borked noise cancellation firmware to sell more headphones

Rol Silver badge

Re: Audiophiles

I have 24ct solid gold wiring in mine, and the the improvement in sound quality, every time I've checked the price of gold, has been remarkable.

Absolutely everyone loves video conferencing these days. Some perhaps a bit too much

Rol Silver badge

Re: Paris...

Having worn Speedos in similar circumstances, I struck upon the notion of selling the idea to French cheesemakers. It would cut the maturing process to just a couple of hours.

BOFH: Will the last one out switch off the printer?

Rol Silver badge

Re: the next wrung up.

Thanks for the correction. English isn't my first language, as I grew up in Lancashire.



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