* Posts by Rol

1305 posts • joined 24 Jan 2013


UK's competition regulator fires red flare over Nvidia's $40bn Arm takeover deal

Rol Silver badge

Re: First Ultra, now Arm

Sure, China isn't exactly squeaky clean on the protectionism front, but allowing American capitalism full reign to warp and fiddle with the free market, because Mr Chin has to shop in China's closed market, doesn't sit well with the rest of the planet.

Free thinking people the world over, are sick and fed up of America's never ending crusade to own it all, and then double the price, while halving the quality.

Kraft buying Cadbury, is a perfect example, might also add in Terry's of York, Why don't they just buy Santa's sleigh as well and properly fuck Christmas up for ever.

South Korea to test grenade-launching drones

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Re: Anti-ransomware software ?

A background task constantly reviewing writes to files/databases. Not every write, but polling enough to quickly ascertain whether all is well, or that the last write to field x was outside of the defined parameters for that field and therefore suspect.

This would require a lot of tuning by the system admin for it to work effectively, and hence not something that would be bundled with AV software.

I did have a go myself at protecting a mortgage / customer db from such an attack, which involved an admin machine that checked dummy records, set up at the beginning, end and dotted all over in-between. If the returned dummy record did not fit the algorithm then the administrator would be alerted.

It never came to fruition though as the admin refused to have the surgically implanted electric shocker fitted to their genitalia, and hence would just carry on fiddling with their golf clubs while the db burned.

UKRI denies pulling funding from Newport Wafer Fab over Chinese ownership concerns

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Re: Such victimhood

"We just can't compete with the food stall down the road. They make the best food and far cheaper than us. Just look, everyone on the street is eating their food and not ours"

"Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to put up a screen to show crappy old films and stuff in the street, and with the aid of my corrupt mates in the council, cordon the road off, and claim locked in cinema status, where everyone has to eat my overpriced dog shit"

"Do you think that would work?"

"Well, Brexit seems to be having a massive effect on raising the price of everything, and denouncing anything Chinese has certainly helped some struggling industries better sell their overpriced gear, so I guess, yes. It will work"

BOFH: You say goodbye and I say halon

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Wherever it is written, it's creator has either a blessed gift for these imaginative plots, or under no circumstances should they be approached.

BOFH: But soft! What light through yonder filing cabinet breaks?

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Home to roost

"You may not be aware, but we have been stealthily monitoring you, and we would like to procure your services"...he loomed over me with one of those fox like smiles, that reciprocated an equally deceit laden smile back.

"You see, we have some very sensitive work that requires a very steady hand at the helm. One that can balance moral outcomes with goal achievement. Be impervious to the pleas of inconsequential characters, while seemingly supporting their cause"

I was a little taken aback. I thought my sweep for the boss's, bugs and surveillance devices had been steadfastly comprehensive, but this GCHQ goon was saying not. Must try harder in future. For now, I'll just play along and see if I can dig a little deeper.

"Well. This is a very complicated and devious world we live in, and I for one like to tread lightly and carefully through it, so you will not be surprised if I ask you to prove your credentials" he immediately reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his wallet. Flicking it open revealed an impressive looking photocard, suitably embossed with MI5 insignia. "Err. No. I mean something a bit more convincing and less forgeable"

He again reached into his jacket and pulled out a hand gun. "Whoa! I'll be more specific shall I, before it gets so far that you whip out your government issue M&S underpants. I want you to point out the devices you have been bugging me with, because that, more than anything else in the world, is really bugging me. Literally, bugging me. And if you can do that, then I'll be satisfied that you are who you say you are, and we can then move this conversation forward.

He glanced around the room, eyes darting across my desk and along the cupboards. I got the impression that he hadn't a clue, and I had caught him out. I wasn't being bugged at all, and this was just a shakedown. Probably based on hearsay and the many corpses bound up with LAN cable that find their way to the local dump. All of which I had carefully sanitised with screen cleaner, or never touched at all, in my attempts to de-DNA my victims.

"Ah! Here we go". He pointed to an innocuous coffee jar and then proceeded to unscrew the top, to reveal a coffee jar lid?

"Err, that's a coffee jar lid"

"Well yes, the whole point of covert surveillance is that you haven't the first idea it is happening". He took out a penknife and gouged at one of the edges. Looked intensely at the bit of plastic it had revealed, then gouged some more.

"Here, look at this" The goon took out his mobile and activated what I guess was a microscope app, and focussed it on the lid. "You see that. It's a very, very small microphone, with a tiny power cell, and transmitter" Myself, having something of a history with such things, but never at this scale immediately identified the components and I went pale. The blood had drained to my feet, and I was almost paralysed. Every crime I had committed is probably fully documented on a GCHQ server somewhere, and I could be reeled in on a whim. Oh my God!

"Now don't panic. After all, we're set to be partners, and partners look out for each other"

I was too much in shock to reply. My world and everything in it had just become a toxic mess. I felt sick..,.No, I am going to be sick, and I fell towards the waste-paper bin, my legs incapable of even rudimentary stumbling. Breakfast and lunch was launched into the basket and I remained hunched over it, with no regard for events unfolding behind me.



"Surprise. Surprise!"

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..." What the fuck is happening? Where have all these people come from?

"Happy birthday dear BOFH, Happy birthday to you"

In that adrenalin fuelled moment I made out the IT team, the boss, and a few others. Some of whom I had shared some figuratively back-scratching moments with and other's I had ground into the dust, figuratively of course. Not the one's I had literally ground into dust. Although I think that would be more preferable, as that would most likely mean that this is a nightmare I can wake up from.

PFY hopped over, unsuitably attired with a Cheshire cat grin "We didn't think you would appreciate a strippergram, so we came up with something more in your style. Happy birthday BOFH"

"You bastard. You absolute bastard. So the coffee jar isn't bugged?"

The MI5 operative chirped up "I was told to make it convincing The microscope app was just a video of a real covert device, and I'm just an actor trying to stay alive"

"hahaha..." Not one of my most convincing laughs, but it would suffice. "PFY, you couldn't help me to the toilet could you, my legs are still like jelly"

As we left the room I turned and locked the door behind us. My eyes pierced into the PFY's "This is all your fault, and these bodies are all your responsibility"

"What bodies?"

My hand punched at the fire alarm next to the door and the hissing of Halon gas could just be distinguished over the drone of the klaxon.

Teen turned away from roller rink after AI wrongly identifies her as banned troublemaker

Rol Silver badge

Re: Using it wrongly

I was suggesting a more rigorous approach by indelibly marking known idiots so that the rest of society can go about their business without risk of being confused as one.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Using it wrongly

In a once quaint English seaside town, there worked a bouncer at one of the resorts many nightclubs.

Based on the antics of those he was throwing out, he might on occasion resort to biting a chunk out of their ear.

This not only quietened them down a tad, but marked them as unwelcome if they attempted to gain entry again over the course of their hedonistic holiday.

By all accounts this worked a treat for several years, and the club gained popularity among those who liked to enjoy themselves on a night out without fear of the knob heads that always ruined it.

These days I tend to go to places frequented by bikers and other misjudged communities, as their ill-informed reputation tends to be an effective barrier to knob heads, who prefer a more cowardly fight with easier vulnerable targets.

This page has been deliberately left blank

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Re: "We are still very keen to donate some of the proceeds to the cause"

Most organisations in the UK with charitable status, are nothing more than tax fiddles, offering highly paid jobs for the connected and contributing as little as they can get away with to the causes they are supposedly championing.

This archaic tax loophole is predominantly used by the grossly rich, who also happen to have the greatest influence in political circles, and hence will never be reviewed.

One person one vote, is a complete myth in the UK. The bigger your portfolio the greater your power to move everything to your favour, including elected officials. And that just stinks.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Many policemen, most of the judges and prosecutors should have been revoked in 1944

The alternative for Britain post WWII, was to retain the services of the invading Japanese soldiers across a swathe of Asia to maintain some semblance of control in the region.

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At least Lancastrian's are more respectful to tea, and would never stoop so low as to "mash it"

And if Yorkshire ever tried kicking off in Lancashire again, well...be warned, the ancient art of ecky thump, is now a compulsory module in schools, and we'll defend ourselves to the last black pudding.

Microsoft, Google, Citizen Lab blow lid off zero-day bug-exploiting spyware sold to governments

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Hell! There are huge numbers of organisations still running i.e. 6, and unlikely to stop as their legacy software/hardware is deemed too expensive to upgrade. And we're not talking small inconsequential businesses, we're talking international financial institutions, and a smattering of government agencies to boot.

Perhaps, like with Ireland's vehicle scrappage scheme, we could see some form of legislation that forces certain strategic sectors of the economy to upgrade their systems at the barrel of a double chambered punitive fining gun, that gets fired and reloaded with ever bigger charges, until the cost of upgrading becomes less than the fine.

The world is chaos but my Zoom background is control-freak perfection

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Sod the background...

It's the foreground, or more specifically, me, that needs a makeover.

I need an animated me that isn't puffing on a roll-up and slurping crude oil coffee, while sat in his pyjamas at three in the afternoon picking his nose.

If I could fix that, then I'm sure my video connection will stay stable throughout the most tedious of meetings.

Perhaps Pixar or Aardman studios could market their lip-sync software to animate an image of myself talking, along with fidgeting, playing with my imaginary hair, and nodding in agreement at random moments?

Rol Silver badge

Re: "Set-dressing" has been going on for ages.

"They even had shiny brass fitting in odd places"

Now it seems grave robbers have a secondary market for the discarded coffins.

Science might advance one death at a time, but Leicester University's decor just gets ever creepier.

Revealed: Perfect timings for creation of exemplary full English breakfast

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I think I'm too old to eat an Irish breakfast - in my experience it takes about an hour from start to finish and involves everything in the cupboards being on your plate, with an attending elderly lady continually replacing every morsel you eat with more.

The ordeal has to be suffered or you incur the wroth of a mighty woman bearing down on you with a grimace and a boiling kettle of water, that was originally intended for the next 5 gallon of tea, but is going to go over your head unless you quickly restart shovelling food in your mouth.

Honestly, me and my mates first watched Father Ted believing it to be a documentary about life on a small Irish island, because it matched our experience to a T, and more T, you will, you will, you will!!!

I loved living there, and the people were so warm and friendly, but all of them were mad as hatters.

Rol Silver badge

Re: abbreviated, with substitutes

Blood sausage, I believe is the equivalent in Europe or at least in Italy, when the "Two Fat Ladies" did a bit of cooking and bigged up the idea of using a particular brand of Italian blood sausage, despite the fact they were doing the cooking in England where the gastronomically accepted creme de la creme of black pudding is made just down the road in Bury (Greater Manchester, AKA stolen from Lancashire)

BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

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Sometimes ignorance is preferable, like in when I found the sitcom "President of the United States" to be the most hilarious thing on TV, until I discovered it wasn't a creation of Rickie Gervais, but in fact A reality TV show run by Fox. It was about that time I started stocking up on essentials like bog paper and assorted weapons.

UK gets glowing salute from Bezos-backed General Fusion: Nuclear energy company to build plant in Oxfordshire

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Re: According to General Fusion, just 1kg of fusion fuel can power 10,000 homes for a year.

And how much does the fuel cost? If we're talking Helium 3 then it might be cheaper to run those homes with a conventional plant burning twenty pound notes. (Moon mining is quite expensive)

Like the other commentator, I like the idea of fission, if it's done right. That is - using something that is dirt cheap and far more abundant than uranium. Thorium - which, incidentally, is nowhere near as toxic as spent uranium. Nor can it be weaponised. And the inherent properties of thorium make it ultra safe, as the reaction cannot naturally or even accidentally runaway. Spent uranium can also be added to the fuel, where its half-life of thousands of years can be brought down to a manageable couple of years.

When nuclear scientists first spoke of unmetered electricity for the masses, I think they had thorium in mind - an element that the rare earth industry sees as a problematic by-product, and one that they would merrily pay power companies to take it off of their hands.

New York congressman puts forward federal right-to-repair bill

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I remember an old friend telling me the story of when he went to the British Leyland factory site after a break in. Seems some kids had got in and had a bit of fun driving around in the completed vehicles and smashing them like bumper cars.

He was surprised that the managers were in no way aggrieved at the situation, in fact they looked quite elated.

On asking why, they pointed out that they had met the production quota, and as a result of vandalism, now found themselves with a heap of spare parts that they could sell on to garages for a greater price than they would have originally got for the cars.

Roger Waters tells Facebook CEO to Zuck off after 'huge' song rights request

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Re: Worth ?

I don't know. He is a shining example of how not to act. Like the baddies in the old black and white films, that always came unstuck.

Perhaps, one day in the distant future, when shameless is returned to the pedestal from where it fell off, society would again unite in their disgust at such antics, and never more will they big up the wankers that should be spat at in the street.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Worth ?

Vague, but memorable. I picked it up immediately.

Just love South Park

Toyota reveals its work on an honest-to-goodness cloak of invisibility

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The end is not Bill Nighy. Well not yet, that is.

In looking into the problems of protecting life on Earth from interstellar pirates, and also allowing life on Earth to develop naturally without being influenced by concrete evidence of alien life, we hit several problems, that I believe Toyota might also come up against.

Providing a pseudo-real night sky for life that might one day look at it more closely than we would like was a brain ache, but we solved that with quantum physics and some clever faster than light data shifting. Basically the screen, which is a huge globe encompassing the entire Solar system, emits a carefully edited version of what is going on outside, in real time. We edit out the starship battles, exploding planets and Vogon super highways and stream the rest through. But "Ah!", I hear you say. "How do you keep the images relative to all the viewers". Well we scan everyone and everything looking out into the sky and transmit a personalised view to each and everyone of you. I suppose on the simple level that Toyota are working on, they just need to track the eyes of the driver and transmit from the pillar the image on the other side straight to them or via their rear view mirror.

As for the rest of the universe, the Solar system is a dull and uninteresting place, as far as they are concerned. It was a little interesting 500,000 years ago, but we slammed some planets together and sent the Sun into a bit of a spin, where it now glows a violent red and presents nothing but danger to any who might come close. A couple of Vogon surveyors studied the potential for moving the Solar system out of the way of a planned route, by turning it all to dust and hoovering it up, but we arranged a nasty accident with some Vogicidal garden rakes, and that plan was just forgotten about.

So. Everything is safe and well looked after. You have no need to worry about being eaten as a newly discovered snack. All I ask is that you stop fucking the place up, because the parents will be coming home soon, and they'll be mighty pissed to see the mess you've made.

We don't know why it's there, we don't know what it does – all we know is that the button makes everything OK again

Rol Silver badge

Re: Thermostats

I remember attending a botanical garden in the middle of Preston. It was never intended to be a botanical garden by the Department of Works and Pensions, who's office it was, but the staff just couldn't resist greening up the place.

I was there in response to a complaint about the air conditioning. It wasn't working. Something we were well aware of, as the office block was undergoing an extensive refit, floor by floor, so such things had been fundamentally broken from day one, and replaced with portable aircon units in every zone.

"So what's the problem?"

"The aircon isn't working"

"Err it seems fine to me. You have been topping up the water. Haven't you?...err I see not, it's bone dry"

"It's not our job to keep the water topped up"

"So who waters the plants everyday?"

"Err, the porter"

"What? You are using our contracted staff to water ALL of these plants. Everyday? Right here's what is going to happen. From now on YOU water your own damn plants, and during that process you also add water into YOUR aircon unit. Otherwise I'll be dragging your manager down here and explaining why we are billing her department for our contractors hours. And by the way. It is me who will be deciding where you get decanted to, when the refit comes to your floor. And hell is definitely an option."


"I assume your dumbstruck silence, is a tacit agreement, so we'll leave it at that. Goodbye"

In all the jobs I have had, it was people employed in government bureaucracy that were far and away the most deceitful, dishonest and unflinchingly self-serving morons I have ever had the displeasure to come up against. Every opportunity to steal, slack off, or just sit at home doing sod all was pounced upon. If ten percent of the resources directed at catching dodgy benefit claimants were repurposed to catching dodgy civil service staff, the national debt would be wiped out within a couple of years.

I must add, the most honest staff I ever met were based in Liverpool. We never had any problems with theft. Go figure.

Custom HMCTS video platform bought as part of £280m digitisation project used less than Zoom, say judges

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Re: jitsi

I didn't send my children to public school, for them to have to work hard for a living.

It's expected that opportunities like this to gouge money out of government coffers come along in sufficient quantities to help maintain the socio-economic balance that we have come to expect in this country.

Just what kind of diplomatic skills do you expect to get from a hard working, nose to the grindstone, honest, upstanding citizen...yeah exactly. Without opportunity, the civil service would have zero entrepreneurial skills to call upon in our time of need.

When the going gets tough, you want Arthur Daly on your team, not Atticus Finch.

Apple: We didn't take commission on 90% of App Store sales and billings

Rol Silver badge

Re: Revenue $15bn, cost $100m


Rol Silver badge

Re: Revenue $15bn, cost $100m

Apple, can if they so wish, counter the congress critter's estimation with the real, audited amount. They can also, if they wish, just keep wafting vague numbers into the air and avoid the plain truth, that they are taxing their customer base with a very mean and absurdly arrived at value as per VAT.

Here in the UK, the government grubs 20% on "luxury" item purchases through value added tax, and in return it funds a wealth of public services and welfare assistance.

Apple grubs 30% from its customers, and returns just a fraction of a fraction of that in their service offerings.

On the other hand, just as communism finally chewed off its own foot and the wall's came tumbling down, rampant inhuman practices will eventually destroy capitalism as an economic doctrine, and the more Apple like companies that exist, the sooner it will happen.

People don't like paying taxes to the government, but once they realise they're paying double tax to private corporations.....the worm will turn...and suddenly, the 1% will feel very vulnerable.

Apple settles with student after authorized repair workers leaked her naked pics to her Facebook page

Rol Silver badge

Re: How to tell if you're stupid.

I have pictures of my bum on my phone, 'cos I much prefer to diagnose my ailments for myself, before troubling my overworked doctor.

I also have pics of me fully clothed, because I find looking in the mirror just doesn't seem to work the same. I'm not vain, just conscious of the fact my career prospects are not improved if I stroll into work looking like a wanker from a 70's porn film. I'm sure many people do exactly the same, as it's far easier to see the whole picture on a screen than in a reflection, or maybe wanking to all those 70's porn films did send me blind...hahaha

I also repair my own phones. Admittedly some fixes involve a big hammer and a recycling bin, but seeing as I have never paid more than a tenner for a phone, it's not a big loss.

If you can go to Germany and watch them building your car, or an old time watch repairer fix your Rolex in front of you, then why can't you sit and chat with the genius as they fix your iphone and thus dispel any worries that you might get it back a little stickier than you sent it?

Now that Trump is useless to Zuckerberg, ex-president is exiled from Facebook for two years, possibly indefinitely

Rol Silver badge

Re: Fired, schmired!!!

Smoked Red Herring Pate, perhaps?

Oh, with lasers of course.

The hope is, he'll be rejected by the Republican party as a candidate, and then use his goofball wealth to start up a new party and thus split the rabid dog vote, handing the Democrats the next election.

One hopes!

Firefox 89: Can this redesign stem browser's decline?

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Re: What does it take...

If Firefox shipped with all the stable doors wide open by default, and all the gimmickry shite loaded and turned up to number 11, then the average user would love it to pieces, as it would work on every site they visited and play all their stuff and not once would it block them from reaching for all that glistening internet gold.

The more savvy user, on the other hand, would be fuming at the effort now required to turn all the crap off and the security on.

Simple people want it simple, and to chase that market you will need to better accommodate them - a very easily navigated interface with simple on/off and dumbed down explanations is what many punters want. That's not to say you can't have the more technical stuff available for the user that demands such things, but just hide it away from the plebs.

I have seen software that offers a "Just work off the bat" interface, with no configurable options, "OK I want to play a bit" for intermediate users who are marginally capable, through to "I'm a tech God so give me full access to everything" And that seems to be a reasonable solution for all.

And frankly, it is a bit counter-intuitive, to ship a product that is ideally set for a savvy user, yet needs fiddling with to get a complete newb up and running on Netflix or whatever.

American Express loses bid to toss out lawsuit claiming it copied Spanish startup's flight booking software

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Directors could get jail time!? What!? You're joking. Right?

Wow. I never knew Spain had a real justice system. I thought it was just like the rest of us, and allowed anyone in an expensive suit to just say sorry and walk away with a lighter wallet. Good on you Spain for having real blind justice.

I'll send Amex my Monty Python Spanglish phrase book to help some of their colleagues better get through those tortuous first few days in the clink.

I suppose they'll fake Alzheimer's and be drinking Guinness with Ernest Saunders within a year.

Rol Silver badge

Re: That'll do nicely

I raise you:-


Congestion or a Christmas cock-up? A Register reader throws himself under the bus

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That fix came in Tandy.

Snowden was right, rules human rights court as it declares UK spy laws broke ECHR

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Re: Hobson's Choice ?

The fight isn't on number ten's doorstep, but on every doorstep that buys into state sponsored propaganda. And they are so great in number that to challenge their views, is to challenge democratic rule in general.

What's needed is a killer idiot bug. You know. Something that only flat-earther types could contract.

In the same way a maggot thrives on dead flesh, perhaps a bacteria that only consumes unused brain tissue could pave the way to a bright new world.

Rol Silver badge

So what your saying, lipstick round the nipples, is that, huge titties, I might, enormous penis, accidentally give away, big wobbly breasts, what nefarious things I'm up to on the internet, by analysing key words and phrases in my, Freudian gymslip, mutterings?

Interesting. I'll keep that in mind in future.

Rol Silver badge

"as I understand the British spooks are mostly recruited from Oxford and Cambridge university classics and history toffs."

So, basically, culled from the very strata of society most keen to maintain the status quo.

Patch me if you can: Microsoft, Samsung, and Google win appeal over patent on remote updating

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Taken to the cleaners

What I can't get my head around, is that the registration of a patent in the UK is cheaper than it is in the US of A. Yet way more work is required by the UK office to confirm the patent isn't bogus nonsense.

I assume what happens in America, is that the janitor rubber stamps everything "ACCEPTED" while on their toilet break, because all the senior staff are on the golf course with their lawyer buddies.

Rol Silver badge

Re: So far so good, as far as the court is concerned...

I think the scientific community and the world as a whole, need to thank whatever deity they might believe in, that Einstein worked in the Swiss patent office, and not America's, where his soul would have been crushed by the banality and sheer pointlessness of it all.

I'm sure in that alternate reality, the man would have come to be known for his great works in crossword solving, jigsaw completions and staring out of windows wishing for the end to come sooner rather than later.

Man found dead inside model dinosaur after climbing in to retrieve phone

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Re: To die for a phone

Meow meow meeeeoowww meow mmmeeeoowww meow meow.

Charlie says that white haired DJ weirdo is making lewd suggestions and he wants to speak to his agent before he continues with this road safety advert.

Waffle waffle blurb blurb blah blah blah

The producer says to shut the fuck up and get on with it. It is the 70's and that kind of thing is the norm if you want a career in TV.


Society and the judicial system appear to be uninterested and say nothing

Meow meow meow meeeooowww

Charlie says anyone who was in a position of authority in 70's Britain should be locked up.

Meoow meoow meow

And he adds, Keep safe children. Stay in mummy's tummy until at least the 90's

Lessons have not been learned: Microsoft's Modern Comments leave users reaching for the rollback button

Rol Silver badge

More power to your fingers..presumably the middle one more so.

"Good morning colleagues. I'd like to introduce you to George Salter and Co's engineer. He will be visiting each of your work stations and implementing the latest update to their typewriters. Please afford him every courtesy."


"Oh yes. The time wasted when typing the "U" after the "Q" can be saved by making the "Q" into "QU", and thus we all gain"

"Excuse me sir, but I am the foreign correspondent covering Iraq. And I foresee a problem"

"No worries, we have already thought of that and Iraq will hence forward be known as Irak. Delegates from George Salter are already hard at work implementing this change across the globe, and it would be unwise to doubt the efficacy of modernization"

UK data watchdog fines 'pandemic partner' biz £8k: It sent 84,000 marketing emails to people who'd given info for track and trace

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Re: "commissioner asked complainant to provide further details of any complaint they had made"

Expecting a government, who's individual members, live large on their portfolio incomes, to do something about curtailing the profits of those portfolios, is asking a little too much.

Better that the government is made up of lottery losers - Every four years, 646 names get picked out from the entire population, and they are forced to run the nation on our behalf.

Nvidia nerfs RTX 3080, 3070, 3060 Ti GPUs to shoo away Ethereum miners

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Re: Market abuse...

"We really need to have a look at our economic model"


"Well, our customer base is shrinking"

"And that's to be expected. Don't worry, an equilibrium will be found and that customer base will stabilise soon enough"

"But what about the accusations that we are murderers? That doesn't sit well with me one bit"

"It is the market that is doing the murdering. Not us. We just sell vegetable oil to the highest bidder. And just because the highest bidder happens to be the petrochemical industry, and not the food industry, then who are we to make a judgement?"

"Two thirds of the world can no longer afford cooking oil, because the other third are filling their cars up with it, and that is leading to famine and malnutrition. Life expectancy is falling and we are directly involved"

"Bloody socialist. Why don't you accept my offer to buy you out, and then your soft namby pamby conscience will be troubled no more!"

"Because I have a conscience! There's no way I'm leaving a sociopath like you in charge, to let your inhuman ideas run amok"

"So let governments sort it out then"

"You mean the people we have been buying off left right and centre from the very beginning. They're more inhuman than you will ever be"

"Mmm. I'm not sure I like that unintended compliment. I'll need to run that through my AI program some more. Perhaps I'm due a software update..."

Your private data has been nabbed: Please update your life as soon as possible while we deflect responsibility

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Re: Boilermaker?

Yep. That's what I'm guessing.

My fave was a pint of snakebite (strong lager and strong cider) with a liqueur glass of Drambuie dropped in. Two of those set the tone for the night. Duuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

Hahaha! Every pint of lager I had after that, just made me a little more sober.

Guy who wrote women are 'soft, weak, cosseted, naive' lasted about a month at Apple until internal revolt

Rol Silver badge

Re: It’s more objectionable that he is an advertising guy than that he is a misogyne

The world of advertising created brands, which in turn went on to dominate the shelves, which then saw the average basket cost go through the roof.

At the end of the day, the consumer is the one who loses out, as they are now paying 500% more for goods, and given less of a choice when browsing the supermarket shelves.

The capitalist model of free choice is broken beyond repair, as the market is dominated by so few players, that they can control what is on offer. Advertising did that - the ability to throw millions at a campaign and buy any and all competitors shelf space from under them.

And if choice has been taken away, then the idea that the market self regulates to encourage lower prices is broken as well.

Rol Silver badge

Re: Inclusive must mean that we only include things that we like...

Hahaha. I'm guessing you're being sarky?

Rol Silver badge

Re: Inclusive must mean that we only include things that we like...

Get real! If someone is posting sexist and bigoted shite in their personal time, then they'll be bringing that mindset to the workplace.

Inclusivity does not extend to people who espouse exclusivity.

I have no doubt, that I have worked alongside bigots in my life, but most are sensible enough to keep their obnoxious views to themselves, and thus have not upset the workplace, or left people believing they would be unfairly treated by them. Someone who makes their diabolical views known - gone to the effort to shout out their ravings for all to hear, has crossed the Rubicon, and made themselves impossible to hire by a forward looking, responsible organisation.

Facebook: Nice iOS app of ours you have there, would be a shame if you had to pay for it

Rol Silver badge

Failing despot blues. In c#

Now imagine a future where Putin's opponent in the next election doesn't end up in a prison's hospital, and actually survives long enough to get elected. Yes, yes, I know. That's a bit of a fairy tale story, but you never know. It just might happen. And in the same way that an avalanche of previously secret documents came to light after the fall of the Berlin wall, we might get to see the damning evidence of how facebook sold several nation's elections to the highest bidder.

Me thinks the future of facebook lies not on the events at Cupertino, but the revelations that might come from an honest election in Russia.

I suggest investors start linking facebook's valuation with Putin's shelf-life.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all: El Reg takes Twitter's anti-mean algorithm for a spin

Rol Silver badge

Rules are for the plebs to follow, as they rarely have the capacity to foresee the downside of their thoughtless actions, and need well defined boundaries to keep them out of trouble.

If you are gifted with the ability to think, then you know how to skirt around the rules and achieve the acerbic put-down you are grasping for, without stirring the moderating script from its slumber.

It's all about stopping the infantile slaughter of common decency and respect. Keeping the school yard well and truly under the thumb.

It would be nice if the moderating bot used the profanity laden missives to gauge the age of the writer, and then ban them for the time it would take them to reach 13 years old.

Samsung stops providing security updates to the Galaxy S8 at grand old age of four years

Rol Silver badge

Dipped in aspic

A mobile with its apps and o/s fixed in time. Any new apps need to comply with standards that are unswervingly adhered to, and the o/s NEVER gets updated to accommodate developers latest attempts at breaking everything so as to leverage more shite at the consumer.

Think along the lines of a calculator - it does the exact same job as it did when you first bought it thirty years ago, despite the advances in number gurning along the way. If you now need it to connect directly to your bank manager, then go buy in to that weirdness. Do not expect everyone else's calculator gets bricked to satisfy a niche market.

With a recognised and immovable standard, the whole industry could rally round and just stick to the plot. If it becomes obvious that a new technology would be of practical use in the mobile market, then bring out a new device using a new ecosystem, not one that seeks to break the existing one.

Appeals court nixes online blueprint sharing ban on 3D-printed 'ghost guns'

Rol Silver badge

Blue sky thinking

Currently there are some 500 scientists around the world acting against each other's interests.

Most are occupied with trying to accelerate the mid-Atlantic fissure so as to push the Americas further away from Europe, while others are equally engaged in accelerating the Pacific ridge, to push America away from East Asia.

I propose they join together and seek ways of launching America into space and on towards Jupiter, where, once in a stable orbit, they can continue to shoot the shit out of each other without further troubling the rest of humanity.

How not to apply for a new job: Apply for it on a job site

Rol Silver badge

Re: LinkedOut.

My sister works in a corner shop, and loves her job. She uses LinkedIn as another social media outlet. On that basis alone I refuse to go anywhere near it.

Zorin OS 16 beta claims largest built-in app library 'of any open source desktop ever'

Rol Silver badge

I think you'll find a huge swathe of mobile owners use their smart phone to make phone calls, receive texts and on the odd occasion take a pic. They do not engage with their mobile phone like they do with their PC, and they have no intention of jumping on the learning curve.

I'm pretty well clued up on my Linux and Windows bootable PC, but have no desire to extend my skills to my smart phone, which incidentally has had every app removed and all internet connections ripped out or blocked.... it's just a dumb 1980's mobile phone, that I often forget to carry with me, because I was never umbilically connected to it.

Thankfully, I am not alone, as the world will eventually need saving by those who can survive without checking their Facebook status every beat of their heart.



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