Posts by Niall

George Orwell joins blogging fray

@GrahamT

You type out your post, you re-read it and finally preview it. The the moment you hit the post button you realise your mistake.

There has to be a word for that.

Inquirer celebrates spammer murder-suicide

Now I know

where some El Reg readers go when they're not here. Some of the comments from the other article were truly depressing.

Google unfurls less laughable Wikipedia

Knol?

I don't think so. Heretofore I shall call it, Woogle.

Ubuntu trumpets aromatic pistou of borage

designThis?

Really? Someone designed that site and are willing to put their name to it?

Is hide n' seek main menu a new paradigm? I must have missed that "webinar".

"Let us wait while the page loads", don't thinks so NEXT.

Carla Bruni sings of deadly luuurv

Comme si de rien n'était

This isn't about the Irish Lisbon vote by any chance?

Her love is like coke is she talking about the cost of maintaining the habit? I can't imagine she comes cheap.

Consider yourself Moderatrixed

@The Man in Black:Would you take a driver or a putter?

No an open-faced club, sand wedge. Mmmmm

Judge grants Viacom 12TB of YouTube user records

Let me get this straight

Viacom to scriptwriters/actors material on the Internet is worthless

Viacom to judge material on the Internet is priceless.

The Moderatrix will see you now

Dotsie or Sadie

Which of the Agony Aunts are you?

I'd ask Terry but you know what he's like for remembering names.

$5.8m payout draws line under FBI's anthrax screw-up

Love the CNN Link

FBI Agent runs over man's foot. Man gets fined for walking "to create a hazard"

Force listeners onto DAB by killing FM

Komplett.ie

According to a rep on boards.ie the Irish one is staying open and expanding to include and pickup point in Dublin. But I think these closures will make people nervous of doing business maybe causing a knock-on effect.

Dog collared with Cat-5 cable

Scouting for Boys, eh?

If you've got a book with such a title I doubt it's the network cabinet you'll be going to.

Qinetiq ships first 'Transformer' war-droid

survivability?

is that a proper word, no doubt it's like when you get a huge plateful of food you don't have to worry if you've got consumability. And oh no the toilets out of order lucky for me I've got bladderability.

And while I'm on about words, "Special Weapons Observation Reconnaissance Direct-action System", doesn't exactly roll of the tongue, even if you are blessed with pronounceability.

Police protester snap did not breach rights

Brave Fellow

Going down into the tube station knowing the cops were after him. So does this work both ways can we take photos of cops, or any public event without having the police confiscating the camera, deleting the photos or insisting we desist?

EU project scans air passengers for terrorist tendencies

How prepared...

are we to have our every last twitch monitored and analysed? Depressingly well prepared. No doubt if airlines were to introduce "rendition class" where passengers are hooded and manacled to the seat, people would still fly. It is to protect you from terrorists how could you object.

Still I'd love to know how a piece of software tells the difference between a nervous flyer and an anxious terrorist.

Mines the Ryanair straitjacket(buckles €5 extra).

Social networking site bans oldies over sex offender fears

Exemptions

I assume teachers are exempt, otherwise how else are they going to spy on the gangs. Still it's nice to know that no one under the age of 36 is a sex offender.

Boeing raygunship fires first blasts in ground testing

My Cataracts...

there gone!

MI5 spy wife was Formula One chief's Teutonic thrash tart

Not the only ones poorly paid

It would also appear that El Reg Mods get paid about the same as the MI5 watchers , I'm sure I saw Ms Bee in the backround of the video, or am I getting confused with the Max Mosley PlayMobil character.

The Moderatrix: Exclusive boudoir snap

Please explain.

Not that I have a shoe fetish or anything but why is it that 'Queen Bee' appears to be wearing sandles?

Son of 419 victim contacts El Reg

Who wanted to be a millionaire

You've been conned out of a significant amount of money and are feeling suicidal do you contact:

A) The Police.

B) The Samaritans.

C) El Reg

D) 419Eater.

Irish data protection chief in leaked report 'hack'

Just what was needed

now the report gets loads of attention. It's worth a glance particularly the top ten privacy issues.

Extract from foreword:

"Have we not succumbed to terror and submitted to extremism when we lose the liberty to live our lives without constant intrusion by the State in the name of security? When I consider the security measures introduced in this jurisdiction, it is sometimes difficult to avoid the conclusion that Ireland must be facing some of the starkest criminal and terrorist threats across Europe."

Couldn't agree more.

Japanese council worker in 750k smut site pornathon

pop,pop,pop,pop,pop,pop,pop,pop,pop

oh no someones coming, close god damn you. A popup blocker would probably have reduced this figure to one page a day.

Pain ray really killer ray gun, many goats dead, says 'expert'

Ray Guns

are for wimps, when I want to kill goats I just stare at them. Attached is a bird I did earlier.

Amy Winehouse pitches for Bond theme

She Sings?

I thought she was tool of the gutter media used to give the Heat Magazine generation pictures to look at.

El Reg obtains snap of OGC logo reveal

Secret Government Location?

Wouldn't be the Ministry Of Self Love by any chance?

Official: O2 and Carphone Warehouse to slash 8GB iPhone price

2GB you'd be lucky

O2 Ireland don't mention unlimited because it is in fact limited to 1GB with a 2c per MB charge in excess. I'd love to see the figures for iPhones in Ireland, the deals compared to everywhere else are a total rip off.

Civil liberties groups challenge Data Retention Directive in ECJ

Ireland seriously?

We already have data retention laws, 3 years for phone data 2 years for the rest. This goes over the max stated by the EU.

I no longer have to keep a diary, the Govt. does it for me.

Pregnant man to hit Oprah with ultrasound

C'mon People

It's not gender that matters but species, Thomas is quite obviously a seahorse.

Richard Branson dupes entire wireless industry with Google on Mars gag

Flying Penguins

The BBC gets my vote for the best one I've seen.

El Reg offers cut-and-paste comments service

Sarah Bee and Lester Haines → More by this author

Is there something your not telling us?

PH because I have to make use of it before pure exasperation makes you get rid of it.

Afghan networks start nightly shutdown

Or maybe

The Taliban and friends want to move about at night without having locals ringing up the occupying forces looking for a reward.

Why you should care that Jimmy Wales ignores reality

@Lee

Don't knock Conservapedia. It's my first stop whenever I need a good laugh. Especially the talk section associated with breaking news. Breaking news being what the owners mother said on her blog.

Having said that it does sometimes leave me feeling very depressed to think these people believe what they say.

Vote now for your fave sci-fi movie quote

Did you have to

say where the quotes came from? It would have been much more fun trying to figure them out. So many to choose from but I just had to go with Flash, makes me smile every time.

Robocopter gunship abandons sinking warship project

@Stu Reeves

Sound the perfect name for a stealth ship...No one will ever be able to locate it.

US woman orders $150k cloned pitbull terrier

Next a couple of clones of Paris Hilton...

One to do the cooking and one to do the cleaning.

What only one icon?

Jane Fonda c-word slip shocks US

Hardly surprising

in a country where you can lose your job for using the word "niggardly".

Students win appeal against cyberjihad convictions

Freedom fighters vs Terrorists

@Susan Ottwell. Are Governments exempted from that? Firebombing cities, atom bombs both sound like acts of terrorism. Unfortunately as conflicts have evolved civilians have got dragged in. From soldiers with swords in fields hacking each other to bits while everyone else got on with the business of the day to now where civilians are targeted. It's the flip side of hearts and minds. The view of Freedom Fighter versus Terrorist is one of personal perspective and not likely to be changed by any argument. If two opposing side committed the same acts of violence. Both sides would claim "we did it for the cause they did it cause their terrorists".

@Mectron: "with Islam it is shoot first , ask question later"

Nah, Your thinking of Brazilians, or is it people with black mp3 players, no I got it it's people carrying table legs.

Thais rate rat 'better than chicken'

Yum

Free range rat, with loads of ketchup I'm off to Gimlets.

My coat's the short one with the chainmail lining.

Head banker leaves job over Muslim gaffe

Who complained?

Probably the person now sitting in his chair. What a bunch of bankers.

Pun Coat, I had a scarf with that but no wit.

Former beauty queen cuffed for torturing ex

Sod The Angles

That pic and the comments have made my day. God January is the worst month, Santa didn't fix a single bug I left for him over the Christmas period, lazy so and so.

Lindsay Lohan crowned 2007's worst actress

Great 300 tops poll

Now we can look forward to the sequel 301 and maybe even a few prequels 299,298. Please don't let EA Games get their hands on it or we'll never hear the end of it.

UK.gov loses driver ID data

If you got nothing to hide...

you can thank your government.

Facebook faces UK data probe

To coin a phrase

FaceFucked: The state one attains after providing personal information to a third party who them assumes ownership of said information.

NZ bans Brit immigrant's overweight missus

Does my bum look big in this?

Of course not, but I wouldn't go to NZ if I were you.

Mandriva bigwig (nearly) accuses Ballmer of b-word

@Duncan Hothersall

"So what's your problem, bitch?"

My problem is they lost the deal and his reponse is to spit the dummy in public it just makes him sound like a whinger. I'm mean surely everyone already knows what depts MS will go to.

Business

"How do you call what you just did Steve, in the place where you live?"

Where I live it's called business bitch! Now get over it.

Florida man faces trial for feeding homeless

What would Jesus Do?

Probably a five year streach in Gitmo.

Venezuelan man survives autopsy

They have a name for it ...

Lazarus syndrome aka believing anything a machine tells you. "look can't you see the flat line now shut up and lie down."

http://www.mlaw.ie/newspaper-archive/2087 this guy did it on Easter Sunday but has yet to be declared a God.

Irish firm seeks Trainee Assistant Banana Ripener

One banana...

... two banana, three banana, four.

Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more.

Jaysus, I've got great numerical banana skills, now to dust off my CV.

Kung fu monks battle gobby net ninja

Yeah well...

...pirates could kick all their asses!

Manhunt 2 tweaked to beat US sales ban

Business Strategy

Is this now the de-facto strategy for game publishers?

Develop a new game,or more likely rehash an old one.

Ramp up violence for initial release.

Use outrage to replace cost of marketing and advertising.

Return violence back to original level.

Sell shedloads to impressionable idiots.