Posts by akeane

First-day-on-the-job dev: I accidentally nuked production database, was instantly fired

enter a number from 1 to 5

I would have entered the number "to"...

'My PC needs to lose weight' says user with FAT filesystem

Re: Windows 98

>Because my handwriting was poor, it was quite a while before I was allowed to upgrade from a fountain pen to a ballpoint.

You were lucky!

I had to scrape on the cave wall with my fingernails until the neolithic renditions of buffalo merited getting me very own rock...

EU pegs quota for 'homegrown' content on Netflix at 30 per cent

Pingu!!!

The penguin boy is european, just make Netflix's content 30% Pingu...

Hail Pingu, fools!

Walkers' Crisps pulls backfiring Tweet campaign that paired Gary Lineker and a bunch of nasties

Re: Came here looking for one with "Walken, Chris"...

I am "Being John" Monster Munch...

Chip design chap arrested for using photocopier

Why didn't he...

... smuggle it out on microfilm, given the subject matter...

Apple wets its pants over Swatch ad tagline

Tick Different?

I think I would want my Swiss made precision timing instrument to tick the same as the other ones...

How's that for a remote login? NASA puts New Horizons probe to sleep 3.5 billion miles away

sudo shutdown -h now

...

...

Oh, I meant '-r'

That 'Trump lawyers threaten teen over kitten website' yarn is Fakey Fakey McFake Fakeface

Re: Trademarks

I'm worried about being sent C&D letters after doing too much T®umping, after eating a lot of baked beans...

User jams up PC. Literally. No, we don't know which flavour

Re: Training Days

Maybe they suspected Jason was trying to get free advertisements for his "services"...

Cold callers illegally sold Aussie farmers 1,700 years worth of printer ink

Surely...

... this calls for a booting; it's a bootable offence!

Good for the Aussie authorities for bashing these parasitic drongos, instead of the usual caveat emptor rubbish!

If fast radio bursts really are revving up interstellar sailcraft, here's the maths

If there was such a highway...

You could have lasers pointing in both directions, from each src and dest, to slow down, just switch lanes.

If these things do reach near light speed, time would be slower for these interstellar commuters, so they wouldn't age so much, this band of renegades could meet up at "space diners" and discuss how much a planet had changed over the millenia (which might be a few months/years for the space truckers)...

There's a novel here if I wasn't too lazy to figure out how to shoehorn Pingu, General Krull and the Space Artifact in it...

Oh well

Smut-scamming copyright chaser 'fesses up, will do hard time

This...

"comes" as something of anti-"climax"...

1.37bn records from somewhere to leak on Monday

Re: Vickery, of MacOS security software house MacKeeper

Sounds like a dirty Mac...

Ex penetrated us almost 700 times through secret backdoor, biz alleges

jmanning...

... sounds like some advanced hacking/social engineering technique...

Mars orbiter FLOORS IT to avoid hitting MOON

I've heard...

... the UAC are doing some mysterious experiments up there...

Conviction by computer is go, confirms UK Ministry of Justice

Is prepay available?

You could get a discount up front, say a few hundred to be able to go and clobber a board director from a certain Southern Rail company...

Ubuntu Linux daddy Mark Shuttleworth: Carrots for Unity 8?

If I said it once...

https://bugs.launchpad.net/ubuntu/+source/command-not-found/+bug/1055766

Trump's immigration clampdown has Silicon Valley techies fearing for their house prices

Re: "sell his house and make a profit"

"That sums up Silicon Valley housing well"

s/"Silicon Valley housing"/"UK \"economy\""/g

Stupid law of the week: South Carolina wants anti-porno chips in PCs that cost $20 to disable

Re: V-chip all over again

Clinton was asked if he bought Monica any presents...

"Well, I did splash out on a dress"

Busted Windows 8, 10 update blamed for breaking Brits' DHCP

Have you tried restarting your computer...

... with a Linux install disk?

HBO slaps takedown demand on 13-year-old girl's painting because it used 'Winter is coming'

More victim blaming...

HBO have gone to a lot of time and expense to trademark their highly inventive "Winter is coming" phrase, a phrase which was unknown to the English speaking world before they released their recent historical documentary featuring said phrase.

How people can defend this little girl (who can reasonably be compared to Hitler) is beyond me...

Six on capacitor charges

If found guilty...

they should be locked up!

(in a faraday cage)

At least...

... they didn't resist arrest

20 years to get Amiga Workbench 3.1 update, and only a fortnight to get first patch

Re: No way back for me

There's no cause for Iiyama!!!

Wasps force two passenger jets into emergency landings

I'm torn...

On the one hand the existence of wasps proves there is no god, on the other hand they attack spiders...

A perfect marriage: YOU and Ubuntu 16.04

Re: I'd love to upgrade

Only the harshest of cynics might suggest an opaque, poorly documented, binary-only start up system could sell a lot of RHEL "support" contracts when it all goes TU...

Who does Poettering work for again?

'Impossible' EmDrive flying saucer thruster may herald new theory of inertia

Maybe...

... it's interacting with the Earth's magnetic field?

Or is that too obvious...

Bypass the Windows AppLocker bouncer with a tweet-size command

thanks to the fact...

...that Microsoft built a HTTP fetcher into one of its core utilities------>

Obama to admit Moon landing was faked?

Re: You do have a lot of fun there at the Reg don't you. (　ﾟ∀ﾟ)っ由

I've seen the documentary Capricorn One, and looked what happened to OJ Simpson after that...

That's all I need to know...

Linux command line mistake 'nukes web boss'S biz'

Even if...

... the story was true rm doesn't "nuke" the files it just unlinks them, it takes a couple of minutes of googling to find an "undelete" tool...

Linux-fight! Dev's plan to bundle kernel patches sparks debate

Re: Please stop reading their mailing list

>>>You are asking us to stop being tech journalists. What a peculiar request.

It would be nice if you could *start* being "journalists" ...

How's that diminishing ad revenue working out?

Prof Hawking to mail postage-stamp space craft to Alpha Centauri using frickin' lasers

Dear Earthlings...

please include a stamped addressed envelope...

Britain is sending a huge nuclear waste shipment to America. Why?

Re: Britain is sending a huge nuclear waste shipment to America. Why?

So they can have...

Fission Chips

Six charged for 'hacking' lottery terminals to spew only winning tickets

Re: Idiots...

vary the times?

Idiots...

What they should have done is monitored the odds of the winning tickets before they enacted the scheme.

Then did of couple of the winning tickets, when the stats are just about right don't issue any more winning tickets that day, i.e. give the customers non winning tickets (Oh sorry there is an issue with the printer, let's have another go). Vary the stats a little bit so it doesn't look too suspicious, also not be greedy just a couple of tickets here and there.

They might have had a "passive income stream" for years...

Glum, depressed ... and addicted to Facebook, Twitter? There's a link, say medical eggheads

Re: I'm wondering

If you bash them sufficiently hard with a teaspoon and add a pinch of salt the eggheads are more tasty...

I don't think I lasted..

... 61 minutes before becoming bored of it all and deleted the account.

With my new found freedom I went outside for some sunlight and fresh air (OK, I started zdoom and went to the outside area in E1M1)

What to call a £200m 15,000-tonne polar vessel – how about Boaty McBoatface?

Moc moc!

PiiinnnnnnGGGUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

Hopefully the boat will be sufficiently armed to take out that boring Sammy the Seal who is always messing up Pingu's fun...

P.S. I am not mad, and have only had my allowed daily ration of cognac. Peace to you all (expect boring seals)

Hail Pingu, fools!

Alien studs on dwarf's erection baffle boffins

Leave the Clangers...

... ALONE human mortals!

Greybeard monobrow baldies rejoice! Boffins comb out hairy genes

It's not grey...

... it's SILVER, as I am constantly having to remind my nearest and dearest...

Ofcom should be the BBC's ultimate overlord, UK.gov told

The BBC...

... is just a James Martin and property porn vehicle.

When they are not busy covering their posteriors protecting the likes of Mr Saville that is...

Their worst crime is not showing Pingu on Cbeebies any more. Bastards!

Nearly a million retail jobs will be destroyed by the march of tech, warns trade body

Re: "Hiya mate! You wouldn't believe the deal we've got on Norton Antivirus.."

I would rather have the virus thanks, they use up less resources and don't nag you about upgrading every 5 minutes!

Top new IoT foundation (yeah, another one) to develop open standards

They could agree...

... to have the same default root password!

Sir Clive Sinclair in tech tin-rattle triumph

Re: Hard to take seriously

UK economy in a nutshell, why bother inventing stuff and producing goods or services of real value when you can just (over) leverage into the property market?

At least the UK can still build it's own rail links and nuclear power stations!

What would happen if Earth fell into a black hole?

Interstellar

A weird, miserable looking bloke flying around to eqully miserable music, and a crap robot!

GitHub to devs: 'We ignored you but we never stopped caring'

Re: "We've also got a few surprises in store."

yep, "surprises" tend to be of the not-good variety...

Also, when I saw "DevShare" I naively thought it might be some scheme to give the devs some of the cash from the ad revenue...

Super Double Also, I notice these days I read headlines (not just on t'reg) but everywhere else, then skim the mostly poorly written articles (which are really just AP/Reuters copy 'n pastes with the appropiate political slant applied*, or poorly disguised press releases) and then I actually spend more time reading the comments.

Maybe us commentards should be rewarded with a share of the takings as the content is usually superior to the main article...

* news.google.* makes this inherently obvious, and has demonstrated the lack of value in the typical rags, no wonder they are losing money, and good riddance...

And I don't buy the line that paying for this rubbish would improve the quality; back in the day there were many interesting websites written by authors; interested and experts in their subject matter which didn't require a million ad popups and flash downloads.

Good day!

That's cute, Germany – China shows the world how fusion is done

where's the British effort in this area?

Too busy selling houses to each other to muck about with all that science rubbish...

On the plus side maybe Escape to the Country will be replaced with Escape to the Bunker...

When customers try to be programmers: 'I want this CHANGED TO A ZERO ASAP'

IRONICALLY enough...

Using UPPER_CASE for a variable name makes it read like a #define which you would expect to be a constant anyway (yes, I know that upper case for a #define is a convention, but one pretty much adhered too) which immediately draws one's attention that the while() conditional probably isn't changing...

I.e. doing something weird alerts the hapless engineer to the issue for the wrong reason...

That's assuming the code is C though...

Two weeks though? I spotted it in under a micro fortnight!

Come on kids, let's go play in the abandoned nuclear power station

Re: The secrecy

fisson chips...

Gov must hire 'thousands' of techies to rescue failing projects

arcane code...

== C++