Posts by Frankee Llonnygog

Report: Apple flushes 12.9-inch MaxiPad plan down the drain

So...

... no Apple Large Screen TV, iWatch, MaxiPad, Large screen iPhone.

If all these analysts were laid end-to-end, it would be easier to load them into the circus cannon

BuzzGasm: 9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About PLIERS!

Re: You missed the obvious

Hence the old proverb, "love and marriage goes together like corned-beef and pliers"

Re: Not correct!

It means "wingless iron eagle that bites metal splinters in its beak of steel"

Nipper rolls up at nursery with 48 wraps of HEROIN

Pity

I was expecting a story about the HMV pooch's fall from grace

Brawling neighbours challenge 'quiet' cul-de-sac myth

Punters think 'cul de sac' sounds upmarket

Whereas the French know it really means arse of a scrotum

NSA's TURBINE robot can pump 'malware into MILLIONS of PCs'

And while all that's going on...

Terrorists are writing their messages on slips of paper and leaving them in cracks in walls

Re: I invite the US and the other 5 eyes partners...

Having sex in a prison cell with a misanthrope in an orange polyester jumpsuit - those 'babes' will be queueing around the block!

It's 2014 and Microsoft Windows PCs can still be owned by a JPEG

Note to self

When I go home tonight - uninstall Flash

It's BANKS v TELCOs: Mobe payments systems go head-to-head

My money is already in my bank account and they pay me interest

My bank is regulated and I have a pretty clear understanding of who is liable when things go wrong.

The phone companies would like me to move money through them, so they can earn interest on it, and probably charge me a fee for the privilege. And when things go wrong they'll no doubt engage in a circle-jerk of blame with the banks leaving me without my money.

Phone companies - here's a thought: invest in your networks and leave banking to the banks

Apple iOS 8 'will put end' to crap map app rap flap misery

Re: Crap Map App

But at least, if you run Mavericks on a Macbook, you'll have a Laptop Crap Map App with App Nap

YES, new Office for OS X is COMING, says German Microsoft bod

Obligatory post

Bring back Word 5.1

Finally! Some actual, novel tech: Apple patent to revive geriatric gear

I haven't read the patent but ...

As it's an Apple patent mentioned on the Reg, it must be bogus.Cue Daily Express-style rant about how we used to do exactly the same thing, when I were a lad back in the Bronze Age, with a lump of amber and a sharpened stick. Now if I could just remember where I've put me teeth and me Werther's Originals...

Millions of unloved iPhone 5Cs gather dust in warehouses – report

Re: Easy fix

I'm holding out for Flower-power and Dalmation

Could this be that rare thing -

A Digi-Times rumour being true? Unicorn-shit or just the normal bovine variety?

My work-from-home setup's better than the office. It's GLORIOUS

My home environment is more secure too

And unlike work, I've applied security in a way that actively protects me and doesn't prevent me from doing work

Foxconn preps for Peak Apple with FIFTEEN THOUSAND new hires

But, but, but...

Dear Grasper- I thought you told us we had passed peak Apple already? Presumably that was just a smaller peak in a range of summits, plateaux, cliffs, and other muddled and meretricious mountainous metaphors.

Hundreds of folks ready to sue Bitcoin exchange MtGox

And now Flexcoin

Cue a run on the Bitcoin bank and the value of Bitcoins dropping through the floor

Apple granted patent for two-faced iPhone with wraparound touchscreen

Re: Innovate, don't patent !

So, if Apple patent it, it's not innovation. If someone else does, it is innovative.

Damn you Apple for copying ideas before others have had the chance to originate them.

Re: So what's the inventive step here

Hang on, I'll just go and read the patent for you...

HTML is a sexually transmitted disease, say many Americans

Bluetooth

Dental condition caused by eating too much Stilton

Chillax, cranky commentards: Anger can KILL YOU

Re: Well...

Typical pseudo-scientific CLAPTRAP!! What a load of absolute BOLLOCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC......................

Steve Ballmer: Thanks to me, Microsoft screwed up a decade in phones

Re: My first PDA

Microsoft have a habit of reacting to competitors. Their Windows phones efforts could be seen a a reaction to Blackberry, and the customer base for both were business users whom everyone assumed would prioritise an efficient experience over a pleasant one. Apple, than Android, came along and opened up the customer base who weren't business users and who wanted an enjoyable experience - strangely, it turned out that customer base also included the business users.

Cyber battle apparently under way in Russia-Ukraine conflict

A Russian cyber-plod spokesman is quoted as saying:

"Nothing to see guv - no Crimea."

Seriously - a cyber attack on the parliamentary phone system? How will Ukraine get any decisions made now?

Thanks a lot, Facebook: Microsoft turns Office 365 into social network

I have three information classifications

a) Care about; b) Need to know; c) Don't know, don't care

I guess Mr Teper's brains are still a bit muddled from when he was drummer for Captain Beefheart - those flashbacks can be hell

Japanese boffins build 'earring PC' for hands-free computing

Re: Gurn-operated computing

There'll be some confusion on Talk Like a Pirate Day

Massive new AIRSHIP to enter commercial service at British dirigible base

How to load an airship with celebrities

Dangling underneath by ropes should suffice. Where on the celebrity to tie the rope around? Text now to vote for ankle, neck, etc

PayPal row heats up as eBay chair calls Icahn claims 'false and misleading'

Re: Carl Icahn...

English understatement. In the same vein: one suspects that Robert Mugabe is no longer view as a kindly father-figure with a twinkle in his eye

BT demands end to Ofcom wholesale broadband subsidies for BSkyB, TalkTalk

I'd like to say, may the best company win, but...

<eom>

But... you work in IT... Why aren't we RICH?

Re: Lastminute.com

It was entirely pointless. Without Last Minute, we would never have had the benefit of Baroness Soho bringing "digital by default" to UK government

UK man Lauri Love accused of hacking US Federal Reserve

Re: With a name like that...

His stage name is Truck d'Amour

Two in five Brits cough up for CryptoLocker ransomware's demands

On the bright side

You won't have access to your files but neither will the NSA

Re: Bad Headline Writer! Bad! Down boy!

Are they even sure the 48 were all Brits?

Passenger jet grounded by two-hour insect attack

Kickstarter

Please fund my maritime sequel to Snakes on a Plane: Ants on Deck

John Lewis unzips mega Oracle ERP package

Oracle ERP?

If John Lewis had shareholders, now would be a good time to sell

Official FACT: Gadgets are giving YOU a wrinkly 'Tech Neck'

Easily avoided

We just instruct our butler to hold our tablet a little higher

HTC One grabs BEST SMARTPHONE gong

Best Solution for Growing Smaller

Won by Blackberry?

Tab for Xmas, Mr Consumer? Yes please. And Mr Busin... NOPE

Re: Excel etc was borked on Apple's slabs

Borked as in non-existent? Sounds like the due diligence on this procurement could have been a little more thorough

Update your Mac NOW: Apple fixes OS X 'goto fail' SSL spying vuln

Re: I'd just recompile the afflicted apps and upload that as the fix,

On the other hand, users might be more comfortable with :

Recompile the afflicted apps, TEST, and upload that as the fix,

Apple, Symantec, other tech heavies challenge anti-gay legislation

Re: We aren't back in the Jim Crow days

And why is that? Oh yes, it's because we have laws against discrimination.

Something tells me that a restaurant in Arizona refusing to serve white people or Christians would be in legal trouble pretty quickly.

Samsung and Apple BEWARE: Huawei is coming to eat your lunch

Jockeying to be top Android phone vendor

Whoever's top, Google wins

Google kills copycat TfL congestion charge payment ads

Google has a "strict set of policies"

to govern the types of adverts the company allows to appear on its search service.

The policies being: your ad can only appear if you pay money to Google. Google is very strict about the authenticity of that money

Magnets to stick stuff to tablets: Yup, there's an Apple patent application for that

Apple, gnash, magnets, snarl, patents, groan....

Cue ranters moaning that Apple would have patented gravity if Newton hadn't created prior art. Very therapeutic but it might be a good idea if the ranters RTFA once their arteries return to normal diameter.

Devs SLAM UK.gov's JavaScript-astic, 'shoddy' security education website

Re: Really?

To be fair, it's £4million for the campaign. That includes plastering posters and ads everywhere. Still a waste of our money though

iTunes radio tunes in to Australia for first launch beyond USA

Re: Playlists only based on songs not albums

Thanks for the tip about Avro Baroque - happy listening

'No representation without taxation!' urges venerable tech VC

And for every dollar of tax you evade

you get -10 votes which are redistributed to the poor.

Seriously, Perkins's ideal system already exists. It's called lobbying

Apple Mac Pro: It's a death star, not a nappy bin, OK?

Re: £1040 for an extra 52gb of ram???

The hardware controller may well top out at 96gigs - the OS will address up to 4Tb

Re: Oooo, the shiny!

2nd commenter to mention cheaper equivalent boxes from Dell. Links please.

My smelly Valentine: Europe's perfumers wake to V-Day nightmare

Re: Not the first time

And botulism

Spam, a lot of it: Bubble tea is the Seoul of wit

Re: My best spam

Perhaps it's an e-cigar - as endorsed by Bill Clinton?

Re: and some

Good to know that the business-critical jazz-mag library was secured with 2-factor authentication