Posts by Nolveys

Uncle Sam to strap body sensors to hackers in nuke lab security study

You may like nudity, but...

...the nude lab security study may turn you away if you are dyslexic.

Your next laptop will feature 'CMF' technology

HP Inc products are now considered fashion.

...and KD Easy Mac is now considered cuisine.

ARM emulator in a VM? Yup, done. Ready to roll, no config required

Re: Just how big are they?

El' Reg proofreading

You say that as if it's a simple job. Sure, when it comes to commercially bottled alcohol one can just read the label. However, proofreading the stuff that comes from the barn at the potato farm requires the knowledge of both chemistry and fire safety.

Brace yourselves, fanboys. Winter is coming. And the iPhone X can't handle the cold

Re: Read that yesterday, tried it today

Was 20F when I left the house

Can you please express that in Rømer?

Irish priests told to stop bashing bishops

Re: Calgary.

Re: Calgary. That would be Calvary

Yeah, the movie "Calgary" is about a snow storm causing a city-wide epidemic of bro-dozer fender benders.

Marissa! Mayer! pulled! out! of! retirement! to! explain! Yahoo! hack! to! Senators!

"People back home cannot understand how the CEO of Equifax and the CEO of Yahoo! walked away with $90m, or $27m, or possibly a quarter of a billion dollars in stocks – this is unfathomable to the average person,"

We understand just fine. The corporations own the government and are thus above the law. Why spend money on security when there are no consequences?

Parity calamity! Wallet code bug destroys $280m in Ethereum

Re: How many DevOps are we talking about here

English has a perfectly usable gender pronoun, "it". In fact "they" is the plural of "it".

"It places the reports in the basket or else it gets the hose again."

More expensive, takes longer than usual, not particularly brilliant. Yes, it's your robot surgeon

"Realizing the benefits of AI is far from automatic,"

...until it is automated, by using AI.

Slashing regulations literally more important than saving American lives to Donald Trump

I think a better way to implement this system would be to use proximity sensors to determine the location and velocity of nearby vehicles. Under specific sets of circumstances the computer would send a warning message to nearby vehicles in the form of an auditory "AHHHHHHH!!!" Depending on the severity of the situation different magnitudes of "AHHHHHHH!!!" would be used at ever increasing volumes. The warnings would start with a baseline "AHHHHHHH!!!" and progress upward through "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!", followed by "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!", and so forth.

Nearby vehicles could acknowledge receipt of the signal with an auditory "WAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Official: Perl the most hated programming language, say devs

Re: common::sense .... what???

TABS to the left SPACES to the right ...

...put your hands on your hips

And bring your knees in tight...

Fake tech support 'scam' husband and wife banned FOR LIFE from computer repair world

One Down...

...about 70 million* to go. Oh, they just have to promise to never do it again and pay 10k?

None down, 70 million to go.

* I assume the figure of 70 million is completely accurate as I pulled it directly from my rump.

You're designing an internet fridge. Should you go for fat HTML or a Qt-pie for your UI?

or a bag squeezer that is sold as a juicer.

Unkle bumble fuck says that thar be the bits for what makin'er chooch wa.

Chinese whispers: China shows off magnetic propulsion engine for ultra-silent subs, ships

Re: I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again...

@JamesPond

You forgot Perpetual Prototype.

Oracle ZFS man calls for Big Red to let filesystem upstream into Linux

Re: Everything they touch gets forked

What else has had a Forking that Oracle Borged?

Larry's tongue is forked and he always has that pitch fork with him. Do those count?

Panic of Panama Papers-style revelations follows Bermuda law firm hack

Taxes are for little people...

...they exist to pay the gambling debts of your betters. It would defeat the purpose if the rich and powerful had to pay them.

Now, who would like to purchase some extremely high quality mortgage backed securities? Oops, they seem to have turned into dog shit. Luckily your government will be more than happy to purchase them.

Pardon me, I'm going to take my helicopter to my boat (which has a helicopter pad). Both the helicopter and the boat were purchased with your pension money. But don't worry, I'm sure the millennials will pay your pension when it's time to collect it. Surely they will be done working through their 6-figure college debt by serving coffee by the time you are due to retire.

Hackers nip into celeb plastic surgery clinic, tuck away 'terabytes'

Re: Sick

can we see post-op lady-bits?

I think that stuff goes in a dumpster out back.

Canucks have beef with Soylent as to whether or not it's a real meal deal

We'll stick to real food, thanks

That's french fries with gravy, curd cheese, montreal smoked meat, canadian bacon and fried eggs...all in a big pile.

What's HPE Next? Now it's unemployment for 'thousands' of staff

Some $700m of those savings will be plowed back into the biz.

They just announced they are spending $2B on stock buybacks, a clear and effective way to invest in themselves. It just makes sense to fund the company with the money they will save by firing everyone.

Say, if they buy all their stock back does the share price become infinite?

'Screaming' man fined $149 for singing 'Everybody Dance Now'

Re: singing while non white?

arrest by 4 count them 4 Mounties

No Mounties in Quebec (or at least, none of them doing traffic stuff). Quebec has its own police force as does Ontario.

IBM broke its cloud by letting three domain names expire

Sounds like it's time to fire the person who fired the person who fired the person who was responsible for domain renewal.

Unless that person is in India, in which case everything is going according to plan.

Never mind the WPA2 drama... Details emerge of TPM key cockup that hits tonnes of devices

Ignorance is bliss, so why do I drink so much?

I've heard of "TPM", but never really looked into it. According to the Wikipedia page it's primarily for ensuring that software/hardware hasn't been tampered with. I found this long list of (all?) HP products that are effected by this:

https://support.hp.com/si-en/document/c05792935

So there is a *lot* of stuff out there with these chips.

However, I have to wonder what there is of importance that actually uses this stuff. Under Linux there's a "TrouSerS" library that seems to be the way that most people access TPM, including libengine-tpm-openssl, by which you can generate keys via OpenSSL using TPM. However, it doesn't seem to be generally used. I also found someone who managed to get OpenSSH to use TPM, but again, this does not seem to be common.

My understanding was that RSA keys for certificates, ssh keys and things I generally care about are generated using the normal processor rather than special hardware.

A quick look makes it seem that none of the stuff I use (and care about) will be effected, but that's based on a whole 5 minutes of half-arsed research. Can anyone shed some light on the applicability of this vulnerability?

Drone smacks commercial passenger plane in Canada

Re: How is it different

eliminating smaller risk while doing absolutely nothing about higher makes absolutely no difference to safety.

"Daddy, should you be driving? You've had a lot to drink."

"Do...donworry, cardiovascular disease kills mahr peopl then car accada..accadents."

THUNK-THUNK

"Hab a goo day a school hu...hungey."

Has Git ever driven you so mad you wanted to bomb it? Well, now you can with this tiny repo

Bottoms Up

I had trouble understanding git before I read "Git From The Bottom Up". The data structure on which git is based is really simple and easy to understand. Once you understand it the front end becomes a lot more comprehensible.

I do find the nomenclature in the git front end to be really odd. The names of a lot of the commands don't sound like what they do, imo.

US Congress mulls first 'hack back' revenge law. And yup, you can guess what it'll let people do

Whelp...

...time to figure out how to get Fail2ban to call Metasploit. But what should I use for a payload? Maybe the payload should be Fail2ban and Metasploit.

Night out in London tonight: Beer, Reg and platform wars

Can't go

I would go, but I'm on a different part of the planet. I'll just have to watch the church scene from that Kingsman movie from a few years back.

Software update turned my display and mouse upside-down, says user

Re: Now it can be told...

Another few:

• replace the mouse cursor bitmap with one that is nothing but transparency

• set the Windows "click" sound (plays pretty much whenever you click on anything) to the Windows 3.1 tada sound, then remove write access to the section of the registry where the sound bindings are stored. I haven't done this in a while, but it used to be that changing the sound back would seem to work, but would do nothing

• there used to be a registry option that would force the user to agree to terms and conditions upon login, so you could pretty much force the user to agree to anything

• there used to be a registry setting that allowed the window manager (or whatever it is called) to be changed to an arbitrary program. Also, up until at least XP, the old one from 3.1 was available

• modern Macs have an obscure key combination that will invert the colours. This persists across reboots.

Malware again checks into Hyatt's hotels, again checks out months later with victims' credit cards

even reusing the website hyatt.com/notice/protectingourcustomers from that security breach for this latest cockup.

Did they at least have the turn down service give it a once over?

Look! Over there! Intel's cooked a 17-qubit chip quantum package

Re: around the size of a US quarter

can we have this translated to something more universally understandable?

0.000000056 football fields.

Dumb bug of the week: Outlook staples your encrypted emails to, er, plaintext copies when sending messages

Re: Remind me...

Remind me...why do NSA and GCHQ have such big budgets?

This either calls for a red riding hood joke or a dick joke.

True, but testing that it doesn't work improperly is far more difficult.

That's the easy part, there are these people called "users" who will do it for free.

Outlook, Office 2007 slowly taken behind the shed, shots heard

Wow, ribbons are 10 years old now. It's funny how MS's shit ideas of yesteryear barely even register on the shit scale compared to their new shit.

Ten years from now Office will include an obligatory feeding tube connected to a canister of solid waste and people will still buy it. People will say (over the fecal gurgling sound) "remember when the worst thing MS did to us was to monitor everything we did? Those were the days."

Zuck shows Virtual Empathy by visiting storm-wrecked Puerto Rico in VR

"Ewww, gross, like there's a dead body over here. It's totally gross!"

"Just use the editing tool. There, now it's Grumpy Cat!"

"Awwwwh, he's so cute when he's grumpy!"

Moon trumps Mars in new US space policy

America must be as dominant in space as we are here on Earth

I'm hoping for a giant Trump head in orbit with megawatt lasers in the eyes.

Oath-my-God: THREE! BILLION! Yahoo! accounts! hacked! in! 2013! – not! 'just!' 1bn!

Re: considerably biggest discount.

Biggest discount...

Current asking price is negative three bucks. Or you can have it for free and we will throw in this sandwich.

We went to Nadella's launch of Hit Refresh so you didn't have to

Re: Waiting a couple of minutes???

Seriously a baby in the middle of the street and you 'wait a few minutes?'

It takes some time to unhook one's jaw and relax one's throat.

"One of my biggest worries of this book and talking about it is: 'Will it be viewed cynically as corporate propaganda?'"

Don't worry, Nad, I view it as a big bag of self-important ego wank.

Dildon'ts of Bluetooth: Pen test boffins sniff out Berlin's smart butt plugs

I wonder how long it will take the vendor to plug this hole.

Microsoft gives all staff a marked-up 'Employee Edition' of Satya Nadella's new book

"The quest to rediscover Microsoft's soul"

Not again, Bruce Campbell just got rid of that thing.

Cops shut 28k sites flogging knock-off footie kits and other tat

what about..

Going after the extortion racket that is original football kit?

Or the misappropriation of tax money in constructing pro sports stadiums.

Guess – go on, guess – where a vehicle tracking company left half a million records

S3 Buckets

We're up to what, one of these per day? And that's only the stuff that's important or observed enough to be reported.

I had to use S3 on a project a while ago. The web interface was weird and confusing.

Weird, confusing and security don't mix well. If you pour them all into a beaker they just striate and smell bad.

China orders immediate shuttering of Bitcoin exchanges

Re: Already back up?

Maybe somebody more knowledgable can comment on "what it all means".

It means what everything always means, BTFD!

Senators call for '9/11-style' commission on computer voting security

Two US senators on Friday introduced legislation to set up the National Commission on the Cybersecurity of the United States Election Systems

The commission later concluded that there is no security. They then congratulated themselves with a trip to the pub, followed by hookers and blow.

Pennsylvania cops deploy electronics sniffer dog to catch child abusers

Why is it that when I read this article all I can think of is the time Homer Simpson became fixated on the ad for clown college?

Facebook posts put Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli in prison as a danger to society

Fuck over millions of sick people, that's capitalism. Threaten to pull the hair of one of the sociopaths that be*? Go in guns blazing.

Don't get me wrong, anything that puts this snake behind bars is fine by me, it just seems the priorities are a bit off.

* Not that I don't think The Orange One is any better. The world would be a better place if all of the elephants and asses (save a very select few) were burried under millions of tons of silt mixed with radioactive waste at the bottom of the ocean.

'Don't Google Google, Googling Google is wrong', says Google

Re: In the UK...

"My brother (state-side), states things like 'Ping me' in his emails."

That's when you go to google images and search for things such as "untreated" and "grinder accident". You then fill an email with those lovely things and send it off to him.

If your brother asks why you sent such things you say "you asked me to ping you, that's what means, right?"

If your brother explains to you what he considers "ping" to mean then you reply with "oh, I understand now". You then wait for him to ask you to ping him again and send him pictures of eye surgery and motorcycle accidents.

El Reg is hiring an intern. Apply now before it closes

So does that mean you don't get access to the watercooler if there is no water? Is this just a workplace policy, or is there a physical access control in place?

It's a bait-and-switch and the intern will not initially be given access to the water cooler. Everyone knows that the water coolers at El Reg are only for vodka.

It's September 2017, and .NET lets PDFs hijack your Windows PC

Re: Never mind PDF

@TheElder

I like to trade my Thorazine for bath salts too.

Linus Torvalds' lifestyle tips for hackers: Be like me, work in a bathrobe, no showers before noon

Re: Bathrobes are for cissies, work naked.

Ouch - done that before building models in my bathrobe.

You've got to build them outside your bathrobe and move them in when you are done.

Mexican tax refund site left 400GB of sensitive customer info wide open

Yeah, it's about time the people responsible were given prison sentences or made personally liable for fines.

That's a good idea. We should do this via the rule of law, which is alive and well in both the US and Mexico.

Virginia scraps poke-to-vote machines hackers destroyed at DefCon

Pass The Pork

So what are they replacing them with ?

They're going to replace them with some other pieces of worthless garbage.

IBM's global load balancer and reverse DNS degraded by domain transfer mess

Compare that to the monthly outages on Azure...From January to June this year, I experienced at least one outage a month, some lasting a week

That's a lot better than I would have expected.