Posts by MatsSvensson

Kobayashi Maru gets real: VR and AR in meatspace today

Solution:

Ctr-Amiga-Amiga

White House to bung electric car industry $4.5bn in loans

Rascals for everyone!

If managing PCs is still hard, good luck patching 100,000 internet things

Requires *

Looking forward to a future when every single atom will have its own IP-address, and its own "Hand over your google/Facebook/twitter-login to use"-prompt.

Oz boffins cook quantum computing out of mothballs

Re: Naphthalene

Sup?

World's worst exploit kit weaponises white hats' proof of concept code

Show sucks.

Since you love Flash so much, Adobe now has TWO versions for you

Which one is for porn, and which one is for hacks?

UK gov says new Home Sec will have powers to ban end-to-end encryption

Well good for you UK.

I guess now there is noting left

but to enjoy your well earned comforts of everyday routine,

the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition.

Go tuck yourself in.

Blighty will have a whopping 24 F-35B jets by 2023 – MoD minister

Do they have immigrant-seeking missiles?

The future is complicated - can technology make it simple?

Computer says...

no.

Sharing your work cubicle with robots may not be such a bad thing

Stop talking!

Information about non work related weekend activities has no application to this context.

Would you like a tranquilizer?

Stop talking!

Meet the 1,000 core chip that can be powered by an AA battery

How is the work on the inertial shock dampers progressing?

Apple's 'lappable' iPad Pro concept is far from laughable

So its like a laptop, but less useful and more expensive?

JFC, what kind of fools do they take us for?!

...wait, is it from apple?

Oh, never mind then.

Tor torpedoed! Tesco Bank app won't run with privacy tool installed

Re: Best security practice

Yes, and clearly this is all about *you* and *your* phone.

Its not like there is some kind of weird non-Motorola, non-lollipop parallel universe out there somewhere.

Bah!

Florida man, Chinese biz fined $48k, $35m on mobe signal jam raps

The police caught him, and he ended up in the slammer,

'Cause the law don't want no gear jammer.

The EU wants you to log into YouTube using your state-issued ID card

Step 1.) The government starts to treat its citizens as its enemy.

Step 2.) The government becomes the enemy.

Step 3.) The enemy is destroyed

Woz says 'Jobs started Apple for money' – then says it must pay 50% tax like he does

They should be exempt, for ever.

For bringing the world basic shapes and colors.

Like those guys in Armageddon.

How IT are you? Find out now in our HILARIOUS quiz!

OK then...

ONE question about that article:

WHERE is the fucking quiz??

You're not out at night click-whoring, are you?

Four hundred MILLION vulnerable Androids are out there

Being the responsible every-day user that I am,

I just checked for updates on my Sony-phone.

It says don't worry, its already running the very latest version: Android 4.0

Phew, got me worried there for a while!

How do you build a cheap iPhone? Use a lot of old parts

Hurray, finally an iPhone for poor people!

Google tries to run from flailing robotics arm

Man on street: TUCKURDJUUUUUUUBS!!!

Google: New pants, please!

Aye, AI: Cambridge's Dr Sean Holden talks to El Reg about our robot overlords

I went to night-school and got a diploma in metal-butt polishing.

Ill be just fine.

Enjoy your beryllium mines, chumps!

Donald Trump promises 'such trouble' for Jeff Bezos and Amazon

Yeah, there is NO way he would ACTUALLY kill all Jews, like he say he will.

Right?

So it should be perfectly safe to vote for him, because you want trains to run on time.

Right?

Good thing we will never fall for that again...

Imagination unfurls blueprints to 2017's TV, car dashboard chips: the PowerVR Series 8XE

How about inventing putting Displayport connectors on all UHD-screens?

So that you could easily use them for... oh I don't know.... fucking UHD-content?

I bet that might sell some?

Or would that require some future discoveries in quantum-computing and graphene?

Brits unveil 'revolutionary' hydrogen-powered car

Re: Sounds great !

shopping kids dogs ?

Where were going, we wont need shopping kids dogs!

*ZOOOOM*

How long until we can build R2-D2 and C-3PO?

Hmm, looks like the problem is a bad motivator.

I think i have one that will fit....

*riffle riffle*

Ah, here it is.

PORN!

Hello Barbie controversy re-ignited with insecurity claims

In Mattel Russia, toys play YOU.

If MR ROBOT was realistic, he’d be in an Iron Maiden t-shirt and SMELL of WEE

Poop writers

Is it true that all article writers work from home in a pile of their own waste?

Joining the illuminati? Just how bright can a smart bulb really be?

Can you train it to bark like a dog?

And what is that hole for?

Can it replace both a pet and/or a girlfriend?

Does it do half the work?

Does it come in packs of 2?

Bacon as deadly as cigarettes and asbestos

Only YOU can prevent defenseless chairs from being victims of second-hand bacon!

Google's Chrome to gag noisy tabs until you click on them

Step 1. )

Build a website that gladly auto-plays 2-10000000000 videos simultaneously

(depending on how many tabs you have open)

Step 2.)

Add a feature to your browser that mutes websites that gladly auto-plays 2-10000000000 videos simultaneously.

(To gauge how people reacts to you fixing problems you created yourself)

Step 3.)

Build self driving cars.

Step 4. )

Sell anti self driving car guns.

Step 5)

PROFIT!

Mathematician: sunspot could mean mini ice age from 2030

Hmm...

I wonder if we could fix the whole thing by simply spewing more poison into our breathing air?

Yeah, lets try that one first!

We tried using Windows 10 for real work and ... oh, the horror

Non starter

The start-thing blows in the preview.

If i

I update, it will be in spite of the UI, not because of it.

Flash dead end is deferred by TLC and 3D

nuff

Surely one million billion terabytes, should be enough for anyone?

Extreme community policing: West Virginia crook pepper-sprays HIMSELF mid-robbery

Was his partner a christian housewife?

Google MURDERS Google Code, orders everyone out to GitHub and co

Building on Google, is like building on a frozen lake.

ZuckerBorg assimilates Microsoft boffins into potentially world-threatening FART

"Have you noticed how lately ALL humans are starting to look like a threat; not just the ones on the other side?"

178994,4533556,543355 likes (in the last microsecond)

Gambling with your data: Betfair fixes HUGE account reset email vuln

Finally it pays of to be introvert.

NO ONE should ever know when you are born, or how to email you.

Keep your lousy presents and greetings, my money will keep me company.

Fondleslab deaths grounded ALL of American Airlines' 737s

turns out they had all accidentally jammed the orienation-lock slider, when they put it in the holder.

And that's why they couldn't take off horizontally.

Chinese report loopy Facebook redirections

"Reddit users suggest the bouncing will stop if advertising blockers are used to can the Java applet 'connect.facebook.net/en_US/sdk.js'."

So can the java applet in the .js-file?

Got it...

'Use 1 capital' password prompts make them too predictable – study

12AB.,

I have "12AB.," on a speed-dial just for stupid motherfucking sites like that, and then I add it to the end of my actual safe PW.

Assholes that think adding extra special little-princess predictable patterns into all of their users passwords, need to get taken out and shot in the head.

(and then get shot in the head 2 more times, and then 1 time exactly 7 minutes later)

Thinking of following Facebook and going DIY? Think again

Re: FFS

It's called style dear.

You wouldn't understand.

Light the torches! NSA's BFF Senator Feinstein calls for e-book burning

A humble suggestion

Hey, here's another great idea:

Stupidity causes a lot of problem in the world.

So why don't we get cracking and fix that?

...preferably before next Tuesday, or something.

Start with the bible.

Dot-com intimidation forces Indiana to undo hated anti-gay law

First they came for the Nazis.

And I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a Nazi.

Then they came for the KKK.

And I didn't speak up, because I wasn't in KKK.

Then they came for the everyday hateful religious bigots.

And there were no-one left to speak up for us.

...oh wait, here comes the GOP!

Whew!

UN inflicts 10,000 flat pack IKEA shelters on Iraq - WITHOUT TOOLS

FUCK YOU theregister!

...just kidding.

Headlines are fun!

'If people can encrypt their cell phones, what's stopping them encrypting their PCs?'

hackers_can_turn_your_computer_into_a_BOMB_!!!!!.gif

China's BYD ramps up 'leccycar battery production in challenge to Tesla

Six gigawatt-hours?!

Great Scott!!

NASA: Curiosity rover's BROKEN ARM doesn't SPELL DOOM for Mars mission

I suggest they reverse polarity and rotate the frequencies.

- You mean like shaking a stubborn ketchup bottle ?

- Yes, exactly !

'Hi, I'm from Microsoft and I am GOING TO KILL YOU'

Amiga 1000

If I have the time to waste, i like to take them through all the hoops of getting my puter ready.

Rebooting, inserting kickstart-disk, trying to be helpful in the process of installing their programs om Workbench 1.2 etc...

I managed to get some pretty nasty reactions in the end too =)

"You're very rude sir, very rude!"

And that's were i like to get into details about my date last night with their mum.