* Posts by Squits

70 publicly visible posts • joined 28 Jun 2007


PARIS launch tomorrow come hell or high water


What time?

Is the video feed live? What time will it be? more details!


What time?

Will the feed be live? What time will the launch be? more details!

It's alive! Duke Nukem Forever breaks out of vapour trail


About time

But still no proper video, I missed the live feed from PAX10

Prototype semi-hovership delivered to Commandos



Isn't that a fetish for Mr & Mrs Pacman?

Otherwise, quite impressive.

Men at Work appeal Down Under plagiarism ruling


They saw

how well patent trolls have been doing and decided to have a go for themselves.

Tell 'em they can have 1% or they can lump it.

Car-stopping electropulse cannon to demo 'next month'


Why cars?

Balls to using it on cars, equip it to a stealth bomber and fire it at cities.

Equip it to fighter jets and fire it at other jets.

How effective is EMP shielding? Could you fire this at a nuke silo or an actual nuke and kill it dead? What happens if it's fired at a nuclear power plant?

Many questions!

Record-fine Napsterer wants retrial with RIAA



30 songs at $1 each multiplied by the amount of downloads people made of those songs from him plus 10%.

Basically if 1000 people downloaded off him, which is unlikely, then the max fine would be $33000.

I think it's ridiculous the amount they try to fine people, any ordinary person would then have to work a lifetime and never eat or live anywhere that costs money, basically a life sentence for a bit of music sharing.

It would be simpler to tell the judge "Fuck off you wig wearing bastard, I'm not paying" get a nice custodial sentence and all done.

Or even simpler nowadays, Peerblocker and Tor.

Apple misses self-imposed Windows 7 boot camp deadline



So it's alright for Apple to have Windows installed on their machines, but you can't do it the other way round without a team of lawyers.

If I were MS I would put something in the EULA to prevent this double standard. 'Dual installation on any Apple computer with an operative OS will be tantamount to Infanticide' or similar.

Waiting for all the fanboys to say they don't want W7 anyway etc.

Spirit rover clocks up six years on Mars


I want those two plucky buggers rescued

They've done so much to help us understand more about Mars and that, they deserve to be rescued, even if it takes 20 years, they need to be transported home.

Thank god they aren't intelligent themselves, that would be such a bitch

US mum calls 911 over Grand Theft Auto


"In this day and age"

Thanks Mr Officer, but I was playing games 30 years ago, I hate how it's always demonising. It isn't the games fault, it's the feckin' parents.

Barnes & Noble whips out Nook e-reader

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If it lets me read Razzle

I want one.

Nation's parents prepare to be vetted


V for Vendetta

It's becoming scarily real.

According to the original article I read on AP or Reuters, it was a neighbour that shopped one of the coppers. I'm presuming they probably had an argument at some point and it's an easy way to get back at them.

Does anyone want to help me build a space ship so we can piss off to Andromeda or somewhere else suitably far away from this god forsaken planet?

We might need a cryogenics expert too, and I'll be vetting everyone just to make sure no politicians get on board, peados can come with us, because we'll be slingshotting Sol and the airlock system in the back will have a slight fault.

US bank deposits checks via iPhone camera


I remember a few years ago

Someone in the UK made a cheque out of their underpants apparently, as long as the cheque was made out with the correct numbers it had to be accepted, I doubt it would work anymore, what with all this extra gubbins flying about, chip and pin, DD and that.

I don't think I'd have been happy accepting someone's grundies for petrol or whatever.

Ukraine slaps ban on all porn


Medicinal possesion

Well, they did prove that having a hand shandy every day helps against getting prostate cancer, so technically every bloke can keep hold of their porn.

I suppose you could say you have scrotophilia, I can't see how they could disprove it.

Amiga Forever updated for Windows 7


Easier way than paying again

I just plugged my old Amiga hdd into my pc, transferred all the files off it into a folder and then run WinUAE, it boots with all my old settings and has all my old games, apps and pron. What more can you ask for?

Having everything how it used to be is ace, so if you have an old Amiga hdd, just plug it in.

130mb hdd ftw!

German old timers torture financial adviser


German Law

Illegal Hostage Taking 0_0

Which form of hostage taking is legal, can we find out and then go to Germany and track down some porn stars?

Game laws to make underage selling illegal



Totally agree with you, as long as they don't start saying this and that about the games we adults are playing that's fine by me. I'm not playing Rape Simulator 43, I'm recreating a bloody scene from WW2, so leave us alone thanks.

Cartoon lion urges Lancs kids to dob in terrorist classmates



So they're showing a cartoon like this to 10 and 11 year olds, they'll not even think twice about it, you need to treat them with respect at that age, it isn't like they're four years old ffs.

Why not just make a computer game about stopping terrorists, oh wait, we have 1000s of those already.

Sharp creates true-hue five-colours-per-pixel LCD


Well fair enough then

That's me told :P

I didn't know it was done that way with celluloid.


This sounds ace!

Surely the recording devices aren't missing out the colours that the LEDs can't display properly, are you thinking that people film in just 3 colours or something? All the information we've been filming should display excellently on a TV that can show what's recorded, it will look 6 times better than blu-ray.

Beeb tech boss seeks to expand TV licence online


I hate the licence fee

But if he want's it that way, why not use a login system for members only, you have to put in your licence number to create an account to watch iPlayer.


Or just pirate them directly through torrents, or don't bother, as most BBC programming is rubbish.

MPs battle to save great British pub

Dead Vulture

If the stupid, fat, ignorant gets -

hadn't banned smoking in pubs there wouldn't be a problem.

What's the point of going to a pub now, it costs you two arms and a leg and you can't smoke indoors.

I love pubs, but not enough to just go there to save them, I'd rather go to the offy, atleast I don't have to stand out in the pissing rain when I want a smoke.

The icon should say PUB, not REG

LG Super Multi Blue BE06-LU10

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Hold on.

You rate it 60% because you don't think anyone will use it, not because there's something wrong with it, isn't that unfair?

That would be like rating a game 60% even though you love it, but who's going to play 'Ground breaking and flashy game 3' ?

A rethink may be in order here.

And no, I'm not interested in Blu-ray in the slightest.

Judge issues radioactive 'pr0n downloader' alert


Shoot on sight

If those pesky Al-Qaeda blokes get their filthy hooks into him, they just have to strap a bomb on him and send him into parliament, a double dirty bomb, what with the radiation and all the blood, shit and piss flying everywhere.

Shoot him anyway, damn paedos want grinding into dust under a massive boot.

El Reg suffers identity crisis


It really was a bad idea

Having this poll up and being able to select 'Lesbians' was never a good idea, it's fortunate you aren't rebranding, otherwise you'd be well on the way to being one of the most read Lesbian periodicals ever.

I for one salute our El Reg overlords for always bringing something funny and informative to the desk each day.

And as for The Daily Phail, ODFO.


And on a second note.

How about you do actually rebrand, 'Biting the lesbian that feeds IT'

UK censors revolt against 'pornalone' ordeal

Paris Hilton

I can see why they want solo viewing

After all, if there's a team of two with a man and woman, they're watching some hot pr0n, both get a little excited, you know the rest.

Much better to just have one person watching. Hmmn.

Anyway, I've seen some very dodgy porn in the past, so why is it so bad for them to watch it?

Mozilla, Skype join iPhone jailbreak fight


Isn't this a bit like

When Micro$oft got 'done' for forcing Internet Explorer on everyone when they bought a version of Windows?

I suppose Donovan is right though, if you want to do x with mobile phone y and they won't let you, tough shit, buy a different smart phone, but the other 'phones don't do the spangly 'tard things that Apple do.

The Sony PSP did it the same as Apple, keep releasing new firmwares, stop x working everytime.

Wakefield does a Brum with possessive apostrophes

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It's not fucking confusing, it's the English language.

Maybe if people stopped breeding like rabbits and there weren't so many scrotes hanging around, not bothering going to school, we might have a country that isn't on its arse.

I wernt nvr taut english proper in school me.

Honestly, the government says about failing this and failing that, it's their fault.

You did what? The trials of supporting remote users

Gates Horns

Hell desk with actual customers

My favourite one when I read through the system we used to use for call logging:

Customer had bought a pc from PCW, worked fine for a while.

After about 2 months of having it, it wouldn't go on the 'net anymore, apparently his base unit was talking to him and it was scaring him, then it stopped working altogether.

The agent had tried to get the pc up and running again but failed, so he sent out an engineer.

The engineer arrived to find a house with windows covered with silver foil, when he looked at the pc he saw that the guy had drilled a hole in the top of the base unit and filled it with expanding foam 'To stop the voices' the engineer promptly left before he got turned into a stew or something.

The only thing we could think of that would cause the base unit to speak to him was his isp phone number being wrong and the loudspeaker on the dialup modem telling him to 'please replace the handset and try again'

His warranty was nullified and I think he got placed on a watchlist.

I vaguely remember another customer threatening to kill his mother if we didn't send him an engineer, I think his call records were about 500 pages long.

The devil is in these guys.

El Reg pays tribute to father of Playmobil

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A lovely party

Thanks for the exclusive photos, I'm glad you beat Hello and OK to them yet again.

A fitting tribute to our sadly deceased, glorious, plastic molding overlord.

Man accused of trying to kill girlfriend with WiiMote


Stop it!

Puns like that should be a crime.

Sorry for being a pedant, but have you stopped proof reading the site for errors? I keep noticing more and more.

Father of Playmobil dies at 79



Thank you.

A pure toy, something that your imagination ran with, creating your own little villages, and then suddenly a towering dinosaur, nom nom.

It's a shame that creators of such toys aren't lauded over, he is deserving of all our respect(s)

'Miracle' plane crash was no miracle


A lesson to be learned

Always keep your mobile phone switched on when flying, preferably sealed in a plastic bag and secreted in your anus. This way, the emergency services can find you. Even when underwater.

Mom stole daughter's ID to shake pom-poms

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Anyone doing IT?

Should be shot, this is in bootnotes, same as most of the Entertainment ones.

Piss of and get a sense of humour, I'm sick of it, not now, but a year ago.


Spinning the war on the UK's sex trade


Very well written

Airs all my views!

Let people do what they want without hurting others. Everything's gone fucking mad everywhere, I'd do the normal and get my coat, but where can I go?

America owns the moon, America will own Mars, fuck your lot, I'm off to the Kuiper belt, at least for about 200 years until they catch up, then I'm off again.

Lords told to listen to science on cannabis


People making sense?

Oh my god, I have to watch this story.

Net pedants dismantle Quantum of Solace



I'd love to be round these guys houses with a beer watching films frame by frame, how exciting, why don't these people go outdoors for a moment or two. Or get laid.

Storm botnet blows itself out


Shoulder pork and ham

Funnily enough my yahoo inbox spam has dried up in the past month or so, I used to get 150 a day! now I'm getting about 5.

Mapping the universe at 30 Terabytes a night


@Backlog? What backlog?

Andrew is right, it says it goes through initial compression, then 2 jumps later it compresses again, so they might capture 30TB of images but only end up with 8TB, all depends on the ratios they use.

Did the width move for you, darling?


Typically of this generation

People complain about having to scroll, ffs use a mouse-wheel.

Is it too much to ask to have to exert all that power to go 'come here' on your mouse.

OMFG, what have you done?

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I quite like the redesign, it looked rubbish the very second I saw it, but I think it makes sense and looks tidier this way.

Hopefully our redesign overlords will serve us well.

Hadron boffins: Our meddling will not destroy universe



'Actually it's perfectly theoretically possible to create black holes like this - the Schwarzchild Radius ( Rs = 2Gm/C^2 ) determines when a given mass compressed to a certain radius will collapse into a gravitational singularity, whether Hawkings Radiation really exists, and ensures it isn't stable is a different question.'

That's the whole point, collide those spectacular particles that are x density together at x speed and we have liftoff, black hole. In theory.

How can you know it happens, like the big bang, unless you try it. Believe me, when the scientists are speaking like they are, 'We have thought that, believe us, you nagging Alan's should know we think of it' Or however they speak.

We voice our layman opinions, someone is always listening and thinking anyway. What scientist would be worth his sodium chloride if they didn't think about these things and know exactly what protons to fire to prevent it.

I'm all for this project purely through interest, I'm not in the field at all but loved the RLHC or whatever its name was. Contain it in something one mile wide made with see-through magnets and show us what evolves in so little matter.


The black hole thing

You can't create a black hole like this, there isn't enough mass associated with the protons to make the black hole stable, you need an enormous amount of mass to stabilise something like that.

Black holes suck in matter and everything, so how can something so powerful be created just by smashing a few protons together?

BOFH: Lock and reload


I love you guys

You remind me of Amiga Power.

Now Hollywood is chasing UK downloaders



So can I get taken to court for downloading Stargate? I have Sky, so therefore my downloads of Atlantis when it comes out shouldn't matter as within a fortnight they get broadcast over Sky anyway... Obv I don't share them or keep them, they get deleted straight after watching them (not lying either).

The day has finally come where I might just start encrypting all my downloads.

Librarian of child abuse networking site jailed indefinitely


We can't police this :(

If we tried to setup our own anti-peado unit, how would we get around using a forum for people to report things they find? Making it password protected makes it worse.

How DO the people police this themselves properly?

Are we supposed to just rely on telling the coppers and then having your HDD confiscated for seven days or indefinitely?

US hackette ponders jub-powered iPod

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Hehe. nice one

What I like about this one is it's content, the fact that it's nsfw AND has the IT angle.

All those whining bitches silenced, just this once :)

The war on photographers - you're all al Qaeda suspects now

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Another well written article

I'm beginning to like this style of writing :)

I especially love that one piece of information.


Thief swipes cabinet minister's laptop from Salford office

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Just once

It needs to fall into the wrong hands, Top Secret data relating to this special project or the other, winging its merry way to Mr Alan Qaeda.

Oh look, a lovely big explosion here or there.

Then it will be our fault for not being vigilant enough, same as global warming's our fault for leaving a telly on standby..

Oh no, never their faults, big companies/government doing exactly how they please, it would be nice if we lived in a world where this shit doesn't matter, but it does and they need to get their heads out of their arses and protect us for fucks sake, WITHOUT eroding our freedoms in the process.

It seems pointless to complain, nothing will change, until I take a personal march down to London and kick that fat twats hairy arse out of #10. Even that wouldn't matter, we'll just get another arsehole in power instead.

Anyway, I'll be the first off this hell hole of a planet the day FTL drives are invented.