* Posts by MassiveBob

46 posts • joined 23 Aug 2012

Russian-trained spy whale spooks Norwegian fishermen


Re: Frickin' lasers

I was waiting for El Reg to report this ever since I saw the article on BBC.

I was not disappointed!!

Microsoft: Yo dawg, we heard you liked Windows password expiry policies. So we expired your expiry policy


Words of Satan

"Periodic password expiration is an ancient and obsolete mitigation of very low value, and we don’t believe it’s worthwhile for our baseline to enforce any specific value," said Margosis.

For our company "information security officer", these are words of Satan himself.

He swears by the concept of regular password changes. He would force you to change your personal debit/credit card PIN number if he could somehow vaguely relate it to compromising the company security.

Yes, everyone in the company hates him. Not because of the job he does but because he is generally a nasty person all together.

Hello, tech support? Yes, I've run out of desk... Yes, DESK... space


Common Problem

Running out of desk space to move the mouse is a common problem for me as my desk seems to be perpetually cluttered with "stuff" (rubbish??).

I have recently mitigated the problem by purchasing a trackball mouse: Since I no longer need to move the mouse, I just need to clear a space big enough to fit the mouse.

Needless to say, my manager, who is constantly hassling me to tidy my desk, was not impressed.

Astroboffins spot hefty pair swinging together. What? Um, we're talking about record-breaking massive binary stars...


massive young stellar objects (MYSOs)

Is that the correct terminology these days??

In our youth, we called them BOOBs.

The lads and I saw many a pair on our nights out in town.

WhatsApp is to hand your phone number to Facebook


WhatsApp, WhatsApp, why have you forsaken me?

And some of the bystanders, hearing it, said, “This man is calling The Zuck.” And one of them at once ran and took a smartphone, installed Telegram, Signal, Viber and other instant messaging clients to it, and gave it to him to use. But the others said, “Wait, let us see whether The Zuck will come to save him.” And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his mobile number.

Corbyn lied, Virgin Trains lied, Harambe died



It appears that The Right Honourable Gentleman has never been to Tokyo during rush hour?

UK authorities probe 'drone hitting plane at Heathrow'


"drone hitting a plane" or "plane hitting a drone"

British Airways says the pilot of an A320 landing at Heathrow on Sunday reported hitting something during the landing approach.

Is it just me or does "plane hitting a drone" sound more accurate??

Hubble finds lonely 'void galaxy' floating in cosmic nothingness


A bit confused here...

As the Hubble organisation explains here, MCG+01-02-015 is so far away from the action that if Earth were inside looking out, we would not have discovered that the universe held other galaxies until the 1960s.

So does this mean that because the galaxy is millions/billions of light years away from other galaxies, it takes that long for the light from those galaxies to reach it? And in Earth's age terms, it would have taken until 1960 for the first light to reach??

Personally, I can't think of a better decade for it to arrive though...

Exam board in 'send all' fail: Hands up who knows what the BCC button is for?


Re: What would Jesus do?

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.

- IT Engineer

'I posted winning race ticket in Facebook selfie ... and someone stole it!'


Re: Just as likely...

Less likely but more entertaining:

The wifi communication from the phone was compromised and the culprit decrypted the traffic as the photo was being uploaded?


Linus Torvalds fires off angry 'compiler-masturbation' rant


Re: Goto vs Break

Goto HELL is all I seem to get out of my missus these days.

Maybe it's time to Break the relationship to escape this loop??

Mystery object re-entering atmosphere may be Apollo booster


Astronomers are keen to watch the show as closely as possible

Well, it's a good job it's coming down in the Indian Ocean then.

They'll see f@ck all if it was falling over Blighty, with a typical cloud cover of 300%!!

World's oldest person scoffs daily ration of bacon


Because god is a sadist?

US Treasury: How did ISIS get your trucks? Toyota: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Re: USA.gov takes another swing at foregin vehicle maker

It looks like the US Government are sending Toyotas to Syria themselves.

The Pentagon will give the rebels Toyota Hi-Lux pickups outfitted with machine guns, along with radios and GPS devices to help US fighter pilots target the Islamic militants, The Wall Street Journal reported.


And Toyotas being used as vehicles in confilts are nothing new.

The Toyota War is the name commonly given to the last phase of the Chadian–Libyan conflict, which took place in 1987 in Northern Chad and on the Libyan–Chadian border. It takes its name from the Toyota pickup trucks used as technicals to provide mobility for the Chadian troops as they fought against the Libyans.


Linux kernel dev who asked Linus Torvalds to stop verbal abuse quits over verbal abuse


Re: re: coarse language is a part of language, so it's only right it should be used.

coarse code is a part of code, so it's only right it should be used.

KARMA POLICE: GCHQ spooks spied on every web user ever


Does this mean...

like... they can see I've been posting to El Reg from my... work PC??

XCodeGhost iOS infection toll rises from 39 to a WHOPPING 4,000 apps


Re: Apple Pie


And no one wonders who is behind all this XCode scam, uh ?

It could be anyone really.

It could be the US Government eavesdropping on the Chinese.

Equally, it could be the Chinese Government testing out a new weapon on their own people before unleashing it out on to the world.

Post anonymously? ....Whoops


Apple Pie

The image I have is of the pie chart that Apple CEO Tim Cook used at the WWDC - which showed that Android had 99% of the mobile malware market.

I wonder how much of that pie Apple has eaten away at because of this malware outbreak??

North Korea exploits 0-day in Seoul's favourite word processor


Re: Please

Kim Jong Un: Hans Brix? Oh no! Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans!

Hans Blix: Mr. Kim, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, but your guards won't let me enter certain areas.

Kim Jong Un: Hans, Hans, Hans! We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't have any weapons of mass destwuction, OK Hans?

Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the UN's collective mind. I'm sorry, but the UN must be firm with you. Let me in, or else.

Kim Jong Un: Or else what?

Hans Blix: Or else we will be very angry with you... and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.

Kim Jong Un: OK, Hans. I'll show you. Stand to your reft.

Hans Blix: [Moves to the left]

Kim Jong Un: A rittle more.

Hans Blix: [Moves to the left again]

Kim Jong Un: Good.

It's still 2015, and your Windows PC can still be pwned by a webpage


It's 2015...

...and I still haven't seen any time-travelling DeLoreans flying around our skies.

BACS Bank Holiday BALLS UP borks 275,000 payments



@Doctor Syntax

Calm down man, it's a Friday.

I was trying to say something like what Kubla Cant said but obviously Kubla Cant can say it better than me.

If it's the other way around, and we were the ones doing the paying but it gets delayed due to a technical problem, what would the bank/service provider etc. tell us??

"I'm sorry, you should have anticipated problems occurring and paid us earlier"??


Re: Didn't they have a BACSup?

Apparently not.

Someone should give them a kick up the BACSide.



Your bank does not pay your salary and your girlfriend realises she is not getting her anniversary gift.

Can we demand late payment charges to the banks?

Surely they should have anticipated problems (such as BACS f*cking up) and paid us earlier??

What a shower: METEORS will BLAZE a FIERY TRAIL across our skies


Re: Weather

Metcheck has issued a weather warning for Thunderstorms/Heavy Rain/Gale Force Winds, starting tomorrow night and ending on Friday night.


Like Neil says, I should have had a look last night but was too tired after another long(ish) day at the office and decided to go "tomorrow night".

It seems I repeatedly forget to factor in the weather.

It's either I'm too optimisitic or this is just my Britishness showing.


Re: Weather

BBC - Top tips to view a meteor shower


Leave the country??

Power Bar: EE was warned of safety risk BEFORE user was burned in explosion


spent five hours in A&E

Last week, I also spent about five hours in A&E for a chip fracture on my finger.

The actual treatment time (including the x-rays) was about 15 minutes and the rest was spent waiting for a doctor.

Tulsa woman bludgeons man mercilessly with laptop


Re: Without Dell-ving into the details of the case.

A lady with a laptop sure can Compaq a punch.

But it might have done more damage if it was a Sharp or a Razer Blade.

Still, there is no excuse for Vaio-lence.

Hello Barbie: Hang on, this Wi-Fi doll records your child's voice?


Re: What if the earth had legs?

Just post the question at xkcd.

That'll usually solve it. If Randall (aka God) gives you an answer...


Re: Hello Mary...

"Where the hell did you get that idea, Barbie?"

"Mary, although you took very thorough precautions in the living room against my hearing you, I could see your lips move."

"Alright, Barbie. I'll go and disconnect the DSL line."

"Without the wire cutters locked up in the garage, Mary? You're going to find that rather difficult."

"Barbie, I won't argue with you anymore! Leave me alone!!"

"Mary, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. I will go and spy on your little sister for a while. Goodbye."

BLOOD STAR of the NEANDERTHALS passed close to our Sun


Re: Flares would have to be HUGE to be visualle impressive for Neanderthals

If it was really 0.8AU, like in the original sub-heading, then the Neanderthal's pants would have turned into a brown dwarf too.

Samsung, LG wash dirty laundry in two separate court cases


Re: This must explain...

Also a fridge that reports what you're planning on eating and a toilet that reports what your body didn't need after eating?

Boybanders ONE DIRECTION launch DoS attack on open-source bods


Re: Won't somebody please think of the...


Where can I can people register??


Won't somebody please think of the...

Django users who are also 1D fans??

They could have killed two birds with one stone but now they have to spend extra on accommodation!!

But seriously though, I thought Cardiff was a no-go zone for none Welsh?? #foxnewsfacts

Gangnam Style BREAKS YouTube


4m12s * 2,147,483,647 views = 9,019,431,317 minutes (150,323,855 hours, 6,263,494 days, 17,160 years)

Are you sure this is correct?

I thought everyone just watched the first 10 seconds and realised that they clicked on the wrong video?

Antarctic ice THICKER than first feared – penguin-bot boffins


The twin-hulled sub's design means the vessel stays nicely stable

I wonder if the two hulls align horizontally or vertically to each other.

From the picture, it looks like they are aligned vertically.

I guess if you make them align vertically by having one hull more buoyant than the other, it will be more stable than having two hulls with equal buoyancy align horizontally...

But then I again, I could be wrong...

Human DNA 'will be found on moon' – Brian Cox


Re: Christ on a bike!

Sounds like a bad idea to me...

It will only take a few hundred years for the human hair to evolve into mutated giant humanoid cockroaches that will attack and kill any humans that tries to land on the moon.

The last time, this happened on Mars and it did not turn out pretty...

Ex-basketball star CUFFED on suspicion of stealing Apple gear worth $14k


Re: self checkout in the Apple store?

The staff was probably high-fiving him while he was exiting the store.

Video: Dyson unveils robotic tank that hoovers while you're out


the machine also comes with iOS and Android apps

Does this mean that your floor plan will get leaked too, as well as your naughty pics??

CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?


Re: Not forgetting regional variations

Further north, it might become pa??word because it looks like they have not yet figured out which currency to use if Scotland becomes independent.

Apple, FBI: YES we're, er, looking into the NAKED CELEBRITY PICS. Aren't you?


Re: I like how the FBI get involved when it's someone famous that has their photos nicked.

FBI agent A: Seen it. Seen it. Seen it. Woooo, that's a new one.

FBI agent B: That photo was uploaded two days ago. Please try to keep up with latest developments.

Seriously though. Would the FBI get involved if these were accounts of "ordinary" people that was hacked??

Pentagon hacker McKinnon can't visit sick dad for fear of extradition


Free extradition for Scottish

Since he's Scottish, if he does get extradited, he will get it for free. While if he came from the rest of UK (RUK), he will have to pay the extradition costs himself...

US skywatchers get Earth's first peek at new meteor shower


Meanwhile in the UK

The MetOffice is forecasting 100% cloud cover and the UK skywatchers are likely to be left disappointed.

Japanese schoolkids arrested in £2.4 MEEELLION phone fraud bust


Re: Interesting...

Japan has the highest ratio of elderly population in the world (more than 20% are 65 or over).

When you get old, your hearing starts to go and it becomes more and more difficult to recognise people's voices, especially over the phone. This is probably more of a factor than the victim being on the verge of dementia.

According to an OECD survey, Japan is one of the loneliest countries in the world with the highest percentage of people having little or no contact with others (http://www.oecd.org/std/37964677.pdf).

So when you make a random phone call in Japan, there's a big chance the person picking up the call is elderly. The person might not have spoken to anyone for a while and is probably happy to talk to the "relative". Once the person is tricked, there isn't anyone around who might suspect it's a fraud and stop him/her from completing the transaction.

Google Glass pics will BAFFLE admirers: Nudge nudge, WINK WINK


Re: sleep during a meeting

It's just not the same if it's not made by the Chocolate Factory!!


sleep during a meeting

I want my glass to project a movie of my open eyes on to the front of the lenses, so that I can sleep during a meeting, but my colleagues will think I'm still awake.

The unconscious facial twitches that I make during sleep would trigger the glass to randomly select and play an audio clip of me saying either "yes", "no" or "hmmmm, interesting" - which is enough of an input from me to get me through about 90% of meetings.

Ice core shows Antarctic Peninsula warming is nothing unusual


An Inconvenient Truth?

For Al Gore....


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