Posts by Steven Raith

It's finally happened: Bloke builds BOFH-style goofing-off cattle prod

Re: Major downside

Evil Auditor, just admit that you left me out of the BCC when the meeting was arranged.

I'm off to find me a floozy.

Re: If only

Sounds like a great idea, but if the meeting is going very slowly, you jerking in your chair, shouting "FUUUCK" and dribbling slightly every ten minutes might make you a subject of suspicion.

It would, at the very least, make it more interesting for everyone else, though!

Re: Major downside

I work in IT, I'm legally not allowed to have a missus.

Hold on....eh? What's that you say...When the hell did that change? When were you all going to tell me? THAT'S NOT FUNNY*.

Steven "certifiably single" R.

*I knew I nicked that from somewhere - futurama clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgwlJIo0In0&feature=kp

Major downside

If it's a saturday morning, you forget to reset the devices alarm, sleep through the initial warnings and are.....exercising your wrist...(don't look at me like that, you all do it)...

Well. some might enjoy it, but I think I'll stick to paying by the quarter hour for that stuff where I can have a safe word.

Computers don't have safe words....

'iPhone 6' survives FRENZIED STABBING. Truly, it is the JESUS Phone

"Mr MKBHD writes that he is "pumped" for the release of the iPhone 6, which we're hoping means he will be more ambitious in his choice of weaponry for the next video."

I immediately misread that as hoping he wasn't getting too enthusiastic* about the prospect of getting one.

My mind is broken today, I think.

Steven R

*I meant wanking himself into a sweaty lather. Enjoy that lunchtime mental image, everyone.

Wireless-controlled contraception implant is coming, says MIT

"Ooh, baby, your TripleDesmond encryption is so hot. No, seriously darling, I can smell burning, I think the heatsink broke..."

Re: Power

Kinetic action, like those wristwatches, was considered but quickly dropped for obvious reasons.

Virgin Media goes titsup AGAIN. The cause? Yet MORE DNS strife

Is it because they are....

...massively incompetent, money-grabbing bastards with little to no interest in providing a service worth a spark, let alone a light?

Just a thought, mind.

That AMAZING Windows comeback: Wow – 0.5% growth in 2015

Re: What's to look forward to?

People liked Microsoft in the past?

I thought we just put up with them because we had little or no choice?

Steven R

You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

Re: It's a long story.

Depending on the client, I can do this, and get them to battle for my attention.

"Yeah, I might be in your office, but Janets offering me an irish coffee if I fix her email first. Up the ante, Dave. Up the ante. You have Magnum Classics in the freezer? That escalated quickly!"

Obviously not for all of them - some customers just want stuff fixed. Others have a more...laid back approach!

It's all part of the wonderful excuse of a job that is customer service.

Windows 7, XP and even Vista GAIN market share again

Re: It simply doesn't work on Windows 8

Virtualisation is your friend, chum.

Either Virtualbox using the XP license from your old machine (cheeky, but will install it) or if the version of Windows 8 your using supports it, Virtual XP mode (which comes with it's own license).

As long as you keep the virtual machine off the network and away from dodgy file sources, you can apply filters to allow the virtual machine to talk to the hardware the host machine is connected to.

Done this a few times in cases where the user genuinely had a need (IE old XP machine died, was being used to control a laser-cutter for shaping perspex signs, bought from china, no NT6+ support, etc, replacement tool would cost £5k....).

Overclocking to 5GHz? We put Intel Devil’s Canyon CPU to the test

Re: Damnit.

...but not sad enough to not buy a Radeon R9 280 for £150 - new!

It was the wine that made me do that....

Damnit.

See, I see articles like this, and my current box (A8-3870k, 16gb RAM, 7770 2gb, 256gb SSD830) feels slow and pedestrian.

I then start doing shopping lists to update it to an i5, or maybe something Kaveri based.

I then look at my bank balance and it makes me sad.

Bastards.

NSA man says agency can track you through POWER LINES

So, sort of like a large scale version of Van Eck phreaking?

Yes, I read Neal Stephenson and that's where I first came across it...I thought it was fictional, but apparently proof of concepts have been done.

Every day is a school day, eh?

Steven R

Dating app Tinder faces sexual harassment suit from ex-exec co-founder

Re: What we really need

There is one.

It's a little FB apps that lists everyone on your FB contacts who likes NIckleback.

HTH

Steven R

Cambridge Assessment exams CHAOS: Computing students' work may be BINNED

I must admit, I fail to use the MAN pages far too often - I had to set up a SAMBA shared to mount on a CentOS4 (yes, 4) server last year, and after struggling to find coherent docco that was relevant on the interwebs (most results were for much newer releases) I ended up firing up man for fstab and samba/SMB (or whatever the commands were on that version - I forget now as it was a one off job) and found what I needed in there. You know, an hour later...!

But your footnote was *exactly* what I was getting at - googling cleverly is one thing. Interpreting those results and finding the relevant information is utterly, utterly key. One mans fix is another mans instigation of a major systems failure....

BlartVersenwaldIII, that sounds like fun, but I think I'd like have to have access to google to help me with some of those.

Much as though it's obviously verboten in an actual exam instance, 90% of the time you're trying to fix a system in the real world, you're going to want to fall back on documentation, other users experience, etc.

There will be rare times when its not possible to get internet access, but in the real world, interpreting search results on technical queries could, arguably, be as important as any part of the preceding education process IMHO.

Access to that sort of information is a tool, much like fstab or grep - how you use it shows your level of proficiency; you can work out peoples technical nouse by how they use internet search results to aid their troubleshooting process IME.

Not really a specific comment on the article/thread, just something that came to mind. Be interested to see what others think.

Steven R

Remaining Snowden docs will be released to avert 'unspecified US war' – ‪Cryptome‬

Re: Inept

I think the issue is more finding a hosting provider who has enough grunt to handle attacks, enough control over the platform to allow the client to implement strong security (everything up to the edge hardware), and enough moral fibre (or however you want to phrase it - madness, heroics, etc) to agree to risk charges of assisting treason (if US based) or the weight of the US administration falling on them (if non-US) should it turn out to be something genuinely heavyweight that turns the tables - it could be enough to take a hosting business completely off the net if their DC is raided and their hardware taken away.

There's more to hosting potentially dodgy/compromising security info than just paying someone to host a blade server with your data on it - this stuff is a massive hot potato these days.

What's it like using the LG G smartwatch and Android Wear? Let us tell YOU

Re: don't get it

Anonymous Cow Heard - I'd imagine he got five thumbs down for not reading the bloody article.

"There are no buttons on the outside of the case, available in black or white, which LG says is dust-proof and waterproof to a depth of 1 metre (IP67 rating)."

Which clearly states the information he was looking for.

Today in IT news: iPad Fleshlight a reality

Re: What's next ?

Pretty sure that's already been done over SMS and bluetooth...

I'm not even joking.

An Apple fanbois dream come true!

Steven R

(that was worth it, downvotes or not!)

Creepy battery-operated teddy bear sex toy..,sadly, this is for real

Re: Maybe not so innocent

Oh god, there goes my childhood.....

Microsoft tests HALF-INCH second screen to spur workplace play

Re: Ahh, bless 'em

DestroyAllMonsters - in TSCC, a character builds a chess computer which is a bit different because it's designed to adapt in a manner similar to that of a neural system; one of the lines is that if you feed it a problem one day, it'll fix it one way. If you feed it the same problem the next day, it'll fix it a different way. And that sometimes it can't fix it at all - as if it has good days, bad days, and has moods.

That was the important MacGuffin they added in to make it a bit different to the normal 'chess = intelligence' thing - it was the manner it went about the fixing that made it different/dangerous.

I thought it was a nice touch anyway.

God I'm such a nerd :-D

Re: Ahh, bless 'em

It's worse than that. It's the physical manifestation of Microsoft Bob.

This is just the first step. Version 0.1. An alpha. Just like how Skynet started out as a chess program*

I'll get the cyanide if you arrange the safe house.

Steven "OH GOD IT'S STARTING" Raith.

*depending on whether you class TSCC as canon and how you interpret where the story was going, etc. It's certainly better canon than T3, put it that way.

REVEALED: Reg trails claw along Apple's 'austerity' 21.5-inch iMac

Re: Everyday performance

Some interesting observations here - nice.

I think what some people forget is that quite often, a lot of Macs that aren't bought because the user needs a specific piece of software (music/video/image production) or because they specifically want that (admittedly pretty well executed) form factor, or because they already have some other Apple gear and want to stick with the general ecosystem - are bought because they are an Apple Macintosh.

They want it because it's a Mac. Call it snobbery if you want, but it's the same reason people buy a middling spec Mercedes C-class saloon rather than a top spec Mondeo Titanium X. Brand, perceptions, etc. It's partly a status symbol, and partly because it's (genuinely) better engineered from an end user perspective.

(yes, I know, you and me and the rest of the tinkerers don't like the soldered in RAM and annoying screen glue, but the end user takes it to an Apple service centre, in the same way your average Merc buyer has all the dealer stamps and doesn't do their own brakes)

So there is more to it than just specs and price.

My point is that the people who want the generally agreed better ease of use and generally agreed better reliability of OS X in a desktop format have only one choice, and this just makes it more accessible.

As as I say, I'll be interested to see how it sells.

I'm with you on the hybrid drive though, but it'll be simple BOM calculations causing that - it'd cause them to make £30 (or whatever) less per device if they were to include it at the same price, which would mean less profits, which would mean market anal-cysts screaming that the sky is faling, causing stock to drop a little, etc etc. Say what you like about Apple, but they know how to rake in the profits and run a business.

Whether you like how they do it or not is neither here no there - they're doing it (from a financial perspective) very well at the moment, so I wouldn't expect to see any grand giveaways of hardware spec bumps or further price drops for a while.....

Ooh, rambling - that's what I get for going for a thrash in the car at 11pm....

Steven "bedtime" R

PS: My home desktop is an AMD A8-3870 + 16gb RAM + 256gb SSD830 + Radeon 7770; laptop a Macbook because it came up at the right price, phone a Nexus 4, and I fix Windows systems for a living...so no, not a fanboi, etc ;-)

PPS: How many downvotes will I get for attempting to be reasonably even handed? I know you lot, you're all grumpy so-and-so's...

Everyday performance

Is what the machine is about - there's little the average joe needs above and beyond a 1.4ghz i5 that can boost to 2.7ghz (and with the form factor, it'll likely stay there for far longer than the MBA will) regardless of what the benchmarks say, but the average joe doesn't want to spend £1000+ on a domestic appliance. 8gb of RAM by default won't hurt either.

It'll be interesting to see how many of these they shift; I don't think it'll be substantial or lead the pack within the range, but I reckon it'll be more than the handful that some expect....

Steven R

Microsoft's Online Exchange fixed after going titsup for NINE HOURS

Re: Continuation of poor reliability

So you wouldn't say failing to renew their SecureSocketLayer certificate wasn't a security issue?

http://www.forbes.com/sites/timworstall/2013/02/23/ridiculous-microsofts-azure-fails-over-unrenewed-security-certificate/

Might want to do your research, MS PR troll.

*shakes fist at BongoJoe*

Also, do I have a serial downvote stalker? Awesome! I've always wanted a stalker....

Steven "getting all the wrong kind of attention, and not in a sexy way" R

Damn, I forgot about synergies!

I'll get you next time, you damned kids.

*shakes fist at Annihilator*

Because it's in the cloud. If you don't think outside of your paradigms you'll never outflow your revenue stream into the blue sky!

Get with the program, dude. Peace out.

Steven "I made myself feel bad" R.

Dutch firm passes the world's first e-spliff to the left hand side

Re: So how does this work?

Cheers kids - interesting stuff.

I quite like the idea of feeling good without actually getting high, interestingly - that sort of thing would be pretty good for anxiety/depression.

And before anyone asks, I've found that getting a buzz from weed doesn't do my anxiety any good - just makes me nauseous - hence me not keeping up with this stuff, I haven't touched a bit of the 'erb for about eight years now as a result of the aforementioned....

Re: Why the nice flavours?

My immediate counter to the 'fruity flavours will ADDICT OUR KIDS' is along the lines of "Well, get WKD banned now then, because choking on your own vomit is a damned site more dangerous than getting stuck on nicotine"

Actually, I normally suffix that with some abuse which insinuates the complainers parents may have been directly related, but that's not directly related to the argument - it just cheers me up to see the reaction of people when they're accused of being the result of incest.

Steven R

So how does this work?

I was under the impression that getting the canneboids/THC/groovy bits of doobie into a liquid base was tricky as the funky bits didn't bind well with PG/VG, or at least bugger up the atomiser - and that dry burners were the choice of users at the moment. Although I'll admit, I've not smoked weed for years so I'm a bit out of touch with the scene.

Anyone got any technical info? Come on El Reg Commentards, DELIVER!

Steven "Just curious" R

Apple wins patent to pump ads to your iDevice while you're watching TV

Re: Like the ice pick...

Or the ingredients for that improvised explosive device the mad bomber is using in Die Hard 7 - I'm Too Old To Die From A Hard Shit.

Of course, with good content, it could be handy - a few times I've seen myself spot an actor/actress and try to work out who they are, what they are from etc - but the thing is, this will never be the sort of content that gets put on a system like this, because an IMDB link isn't something you can monetize*.

A lot of these patents really do seem to be the wet turds of the idea bank, thrown at the wall that is the USPO to see what sticks, and what slides off. Regardless, it all stinks of shit.

Steven R

9 Dark Social Truths That Will Totally Blow Your Bowels!

Re: #2

"Serpentine, Babou - serpentine!"

"Look out lads, he's crepuscular!"

Ah, glorious madness.

Re: #2

Dogged, just keep an ocelot handy, you'll be fine.

You fox-eared asshole.

Re: #2

And that guy Archer keeps shagging my fiancé.

Steven "Other Barry" Raith.

Mozilla dev dangles Chromecast clone dongle

But does it do...

"The Chromecast does not at all work in the way you describe, The WiFi does not "suck video out of devices running a chrome browser" in fact to use the Chromecast in the way you describe, requires the computer to do realtime audio, video encoding of the chrome tab that is being cast, it then serves this video stream to the Chromecast over HTTP. Because of the requirements this places on the computer - the experience is generally not wonderful, and is a last resort to provide a way to get the content to the TV. The Chromecast in fact sits on top of the DIAL protocol, and opens a websocket to connected sending apps (receiving apps are basically webpages that are downloaded on-the-fly from the internet, via HTTPS when they are launched)."

Except when it does, you know, if you drag and drop a video into the browser window and cast that tab, or just cast a tab in general, whereupon it does realtime OnTheFly enconding and transfer of the tab contents - although I'll grant you, using it as a 'control' device to push content past the browser to the device natively is better in most cases (IE casting Youtube directly to it, Netflix etc).

TabCasting is handy if you want to show someone, say, an XKCD or TheOatmeal comic, though, rather than passing a laptop or phone around, just cast the tab to the telly in 720p quality - works nicely.

I've been using Videostream a lot recently, which is a natty Chrome extension that uses the decode grunt of your computer to push pretty much anything your computer can draw, to the Chromecast dongle - so FLV, AVI, WMV, etc, all play on the telly. I've yet to find anything it won't transcode and fling to the telly without any framedrops at all.

If you have a lot of legacy rips in non-de-jour formats (WebM/H264) then it's an utter godsend.

VMware seeks patent for IM chats between servers and sysadmins

Re: Dave the IT guy

Is the problem that Dave keeps getting his knob out on the camera plugin?

Dirty bugger.

Expert view: What is the forecast for cloud backup?

They're mostly pretty good, but I totally get what you mean - our business clients are about the only ones we can get to do proper backups of data, almost none of the private customers (IE your Aunt Mabel, that bloke your dad knows who uses a computer for his sole trader accounts, etc) run a backup of any kind, and of course, never think about it until their Windows installation lunches itself.

So I don't have it all my own way!

Alright Trevor,

Yup, all of our maintenance customers - as their support contract (free hardware and software support based on regular retainer, etc - you know the schtick) is based around them running backups, including off-site and they do actually do it, believe it or not!

If they don't run backups (including offsite) we don't offer them support, simple as that - someone else can be forced to do long winded, expensive data recovery for them when their server craps out as far as we're concerned - engineer time recovering data can easily cover the cost of the maintenance contract, so it's a case of financial viability as much as anything else.

It's not nice to have to give a client a four figure bill to get their data back from the dead server on top of the cost of a new server as in those cases, that's often what's required. So we calmly explain that if you're not prepared to run backups, we're not prepared to offer you a support contract, simple as that.

People who use us but aren't on maintenance (IE where we are their preferred supplier) are a different kettle of fish, but even most of them have heard enough scary stories from us to implement even a basic system with one disk offsite.

We had a site where the whole office burned to the ground - the only thing that stopped the business going under was that they had one offsite backup disk. Nothing else. All their financial and transaction data was safe from the day before the fire. They got some portakabins, some new computers and a phone line and were back up and running in three days. Could have had them backup within 24 hours if they had an environment to run computers in within that timescale.

That business and it's fire is well known locally, it normally doesn't take much more than that story to convince someone to volunteer to take a backup disk home at night.

Obviously, if you have a 16tb NAS/SAN, then that's....trickier. Not had to deal with that as yet (most of our clients are small scale, when it comes to data) - one assumes a suitcase of tapes would be required, as I recall from working in a local authority many years ago...

Steven "So how would you get your data back if I threw a petrol bomb in your server room right now?" Raith

It's dependant on scale, too, though.

IE an SMB has an SBS box with files and email.

Get three/five USB HDDs, do Windows Backup doing a full VSS system state and contents backup with incrementals - that way you have five backups giving potentially years of recovery options depending on how much data you have and how big your data is (obviously if you have 8tb of data this is unrealistic - most SMBs I work with have only a couple of TB tops).

You then rotate one or two disks offsite - that's your 'localised disaster proof' backup.

You can then use a cloud system as a tertiary backup - perhaps a weekly system state image (for AD, exchange etc) and a daily/hourly/pick your poison data backup.

that way, you can have a natural disaster where the whole town is flattened by a tornado/gas plant explosion etc, and you can still recover to a workable system state and have a 'recent enough' data set.

Once you get beyond portable HDD capacity I suppose it's tap or file array, with colocated file array (or if your primary data is in the cloud, use another cloud system to backup as it'll be usably fast to recover) but once it gets to that stage, I'm just not well enough versed in that sort of data set size to be very good at it. Virtualised stuff is also a bit alien to me, but I expect the concepts are simple enough with the right tools (using hypervisor aware backup tools etc).

Do fancy getting good at it though...anyone got any suggestions for self-learning Big Data Backup stuff? Just out of interest, like.

Steven R

DON’T add me to your social network, I have NO IDEA who you are

Re: Chris W

Irongut - I just had to use a series of colourful euphemisms to explain to a client why I was choking down a guffaw when I was supposed to confirming a printer was working on a remote site.

Nice one cunto!

Steven "cheucter spoonjab" R

I lost a mouthful of hula hoops to that one, too.

Nice!

Re: "nutters with an unhealthy fixation for Friday-afternoon El Reg columnists"

"Maybe not but talking with a scottish accent is"

...why dae ye no just take a sook o' mah stroop ya softy southern* shandy drinking bast.

Steven "John O Groats**" Raith

*Anyone south of Inverness, as it happens.

**Thrumster, Wick and Thurso actually, but same difference.

DON'T PANIC: Facebook returns after 30-minute outage terror

Re: Gutted.

You knows it!

Gutted.

I had to do some work this morning.

This, good sirs, will not stand...

Steven "Professionalism - he's heard of it" Raith.

Elon Musk: Just watch me – I'll put HUMAN BOOTS on Mars by 2026

Re: Off topic

AK Stiles - I can do 65 in second, too, it's just at 6500rpm and it sounds like a fucking BDA engined rally car from the inside - intake manifold tuning for the win! Really must drill the airbox. I do like the idea of the RX8 though, I just can't justify the fuel costs, especially not as I'm looking at moving to working in an area with 80 miles a day commute - 25mpg would hurt, quickly.

HippyFreetard - it should be noted that cars, in terms of air pollution, are an issue in built up areas. Cars, in terms of hydrocarbon usage, are a drop in the ocean. Everyone in the UK could buy a Diablo GT and within a few years there'd be a marginal increase in oil usage (compared to air flight, industrial use, etc), and a marked drop in air quality in built up areas.

Buying sports cars is not just about getting one up on the Jones' either - sports cars are almost always safer (better brakes, suspension, more responsive handling) and for the performance, more repsonsive engines, and quite often the tech they use - five valve heads, variable valve timing, variable geometry turbochargers etc - trickle down to cars like the Fiesta Ecotec, which you can tweek for 100hp and 50mpg with a good torque curve.

The reason I drive a Puma rather than it's under-the-skin-brother the Fiesta is because it is a Fiesta - with more predictable, responsive handling, more absolute grip with a chassis set up to allow progressive breakaway at the front and rear, and the power curve of the engine and gear ratios means that overtaking is safer (and sounds better). It also has a better boot than a Fiesta thanks to having no real back seats ;-)

That said, I'd take the electric equivalent of a Lambo/Ferrari any day - all that torque, all the time. Anyone fancy making an electric Caterham with 100bhp and sub-700kg? That would be a fucking riot!

I'm well up for electric sports cars - just give me 0-60 in under 8 seconds, 100mph being easily attainable and cruisable (for where it's legal, natch) and a range of 200 or more miles on a moderately spirited run, and I'll be happy with that, as long as it still handles like a good hot hatch/GT/sports car does today.

Steven R

Re: Off topic

Ian, I think the lack of reliable data is part of the problem.

IE, if I win the lottery tomorrow and buy a Tesla Roadster, what are the power cell replacement options - does it have to be brand new at a hypothetical £5k cost, or can Tesla refurbish it, at a £2.5k cost? Could their patent-openings allow a third party to refurb/part-ex it against a new one for £2.5k?

And yes, the 5 year figure is a bit 'pulled out of the air' but it's an easy number to work with. Eight years is probably more realistic in terms of depreciation though, have a look at the prices of 2006 cars of normal standard (your Focus, Fiesta, BMW 3 series, etc type cars) and see where a £3k+ bill would cause a problem - the car itself costs around that.

If the cost of a battery financed over a few years costs about the same as the petrol would, it's a complete waste of time.

After all, if you buy the Focus, and it gets written off after six months, you then have a hypothetical two and a half years of finance left to pay on the battery. Will the insurance cover the cost of hte battery? If not, you're screwed. Cars are not a stable enough asset to put a huge amount of finance (for the average Joe) into so the battery would *need* to be low enough price to make it less of a risk.

As I say, from down here closer to the breadline, this stuff matters. I'm happy to admit the numbers are all about loose and vague, but for examples sake, they are fine. Costs are too high and timescales too long at this rate. Costs need to be lower, timescales could be longer, although really anything over five years is probably fine.

Anyway, it's a fun problem to wrap your mind around if you're used to running sub £2k cars - at what point will a sub £2k electric car be worth it from an all round point of view? Look at the number of RX8s on Auto Trader - £800 Xenon self levellers and £1000+ rebuilds mean there are a glut of them. Electric cars could go the same way if the battery requirements aren't sorted out.

Steven "Really wishes he could justify an RX8 for that 10,000rpm rev limiter" Raith

Crooks use Synology NAS boxen to mine Dogecoin, yells Dell

Note to self

Change ports from 5000/5001 to an acceptable semi-random value.

Never remember to do that.

I'm assuming it affects x86 and ARM, but that DSM 5.x has squished it?

Steven R