Posts by i like crisps

Game of Thrones man stars in sci-fi bit on comet-catcher Rosetta

GAME OF THRONES MAN?

Which one is it? Is it the 'Altitudinally Disadvantaged' one?

Painfully trendy: Someone just spent $200k on ebola.com

Misread "sativa shares"...

...thought it read 'Saliva shares'......considering the transmission path!

Icon for me...

UNCHAINING DEMONS which might DESTROY HUMANITY: Musk on AI

I don't think there's anything to worry about..

..i mean, the AI on Red Dwarf was harmless enough.

Just don't blame Bono! Apple iTunes music sales PLUMMET

HOW DARE YOU!!

I will blame Bono, because he invented the internet........so there!

In the next four weeks, 100 people will decide the future of the web

Re: And on November 28th....

you're wrong. All the best boardroom decisions are made on chairs that 'swivel'. No swivel, no deal!

Forget the $2499 5K iMac – today we reveal Apple's most expensive computer to date

From such little pips do mighty apple trees grow.

Amazing!

Are there sounds on Mars? NASA launches audio athenaeum

No concrete on the Moon..

..On one of them you can just about hear the Director say "cut!"

Apple flings iOS 8.1 at world+dog: Our AMAZEBALLS 9-step installation guide

Re: your 9 step guide...

...very pithy Mr Nichols.....have a thumbs up:)

ISPs handbagged: BLOCK knock-off sites, rules beak

£250 quid for a pen or...

...99p for a pack of 20 black ink ballpoints from Poundstretchers...no contest!

'Cowardly, venomous trolls' threatened with two-year sentences for menacing posts

Re: New name needed.

'playful Trolls'........any chance of a 'playfull Troll' icon El Reg....Boris Johnsons head maybe?

Re: Legislation gets abused in 3...2....1.....

Nice one Alan, nice one.

Re: Baldy, Baldy, Bastard...

Not sarcasm, but pure unadulterated 'contempt' for these fuckheads....thanks for the heads up though.

Baldy, Baldy, Bastard...

...Do you fuck Chickens Chris? i think you do.

Microsoft to enter the STRUGGLE of the HUMAN WRIST

There really must be a god....

...one wrist for me Casio and one wrist for me Smartwatch....proof beyond doubt that the almighty does exist and has thought this through.

'LulzSec leader Aush0k' found to be naughty boy not worthy of jail

Re: Aaand in other news

Looked into that a few weeks ago....you wouldn't believe the cost and hoop jumping you have to do to self-terminate at that place....i thought you just rocked up to the clinic and that was that, but no! you've actually got to JOIN Digintas by paying a 'sub'!!.......i'll stick with my original plan of a very tall building and a very hard pavement. Even in my most darkest moments, i'm still a tight-wad.

Whisper chief: 'We're not infallible but strive to do right by our anonymous users'

Collins English Gem Dictionary (1973)

anonymous a. nameless. esp. without an author's name.

Maybe the Advertising Standards Authority should be contacted over this as it doesn't do what it says on the tin!

The Whisper CEO said that his company was "built on the values of honesty and transparency" and added "we always strive to do right by our users."

I'm not a user but if you're going to offer an anonymous service it will impact on your bottom line if you fuck your customers in the ass.

Doctor Who's Flatline: Cool monsters, yes, but utterly limp subplots

Assistant: "DOCTOR, DOCTOR, DOCTOR.....

...DOCTOR, DOCTOR, DOCTOR, DOCTOR, DOCTOR, DOCTOR!"

Doctor: "What you want BITCH?"

In my version the role of the 'Doctor' is played by JayZ.

Researchers: Trolls have dark tetrad of personality defects

Re: So, basically

Don't you mean, 'COMMAND CENTRE!!!!!'

U2? 81 million Apple iThing-strokers know a place where the Beats have no shame

Dear Bono

Will you please set fire to yourself.........thats it.

AndroidScript returns to Google Play Store: Ad giant YIELDS TO THE MIGHT OF EL REG

BACK OF THE NET!

Nice one el Reg................can we have a 'Football' icon now please? creep. creep.

'MYSTERIOUS PYRAMID STRUCTURE' found on COMET beyond Mars: Landing planned

"get your ass to mars"

from your photo it reminds me of a moody Black & white shot of some litter on Blackpool sands.

Foxconn exec on iPhone 6: You're BENDING it WRONG

Foxconn exec on iPhone 6: You're BENDING it WRONG!!

To do it right just put it on the edge of a curb and twat it with your Doc Martins!....Sorted!

Yours faithfully,

Mr Terry (call me Tezza) Gou.

GOU

Grip. Outercasing. Underneath.

Inflatables in SPAAACE! ISS 'nauts to enjoy bouncy castle spaceship

"ISS, WHAT APPEARS TO BE THE PROBLEM, OVER?"

"Huston, this is ISS, the Russians won't get out of the BEAM and they've got their shoes on....its not fair, we were supposed to take turns...over".

"ISS this is Huston.....are you crying, over?"

Puncture Kit

£2.50: Wilkinsons...........$150,000.00 Northrop Grumman.

"Inflatables in spaaace"

They've had 'inflatables' in space since the start of the Apollo programme, Buzz Aldrins was called Dorris!........can get quite lonely up there.

TOP TIPS

Instead of paying a private contractor to deliver the 'Blow up craft' to the Space Station, simply fill the inflatable with Helium and float it up to the Astronauts...

Siri ... why is this semi headed RIGHT AT ME? Phone apps distracting as ever – new study

Could it be Siris tone and accent thats the problem here?

Perhaps a more soothing and 'Neutral' voice would be less distracting, like the platoon sergeant out of 'Full Metal Jacket'?

Britain’s snooping powers are 'too weak', says NCA chief

Belt & Braces

Its about getting retrospective laws passed to keep the plod and the gangsters running this country, out of gaol.....in other words 'Covering Their Arses'.

APPLE still building fanbois CULT HQ in Cupertino, it seems

5 STAR LUXURY

They're really pampering those Orcs, aren't they.

'Cops and public bodies BUNGLE snooping powers by spying on 3,000 law-abiding Brits'

Re: I like crisps Think of the Pig Filth as 'Chuck Yeager'

Fair comment Matt.....how do you feel about the Police's role in all of this, as that was the main point of the story?

Think of the Pig Filth as 'Chuck Yeager'

All they're doin is 'Pushing the Envelope' of what is possible.

The Honorable Members of Parliament could stop this if they wanted to.

Rise of the Machines: FIRST HUMAN VICTIM – 2015

EUROTRASH

It seems to me that Mr Trolls Outing, and his gang, are trying to get their Christmas Box early this year. If they want to wage a war on 'Cybercrime' they're going to have to use their 'Digital Truncheons' on their own security services and Police forces first, before they start kicking down at the rest of us!..............what's on your hard drive Trolly?

Man brings knife to a gun fight and WINS

ROBOCOPOUT

I wonder, does the botcop have a compartment in which is stored 'a throw down piece'. just in case its not a 'Righteous Kill'......Beep, he-had-a-gun, beep.

Apple's iPhone 6 can REVERSE BALDNESS (and cause it, too)

YOU WOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT THE MOST COMMON 'TRAPPAGE'

would have been Pubes! I think this 'hairs on head getting trapped' business is yet another cover up. Its all gone to cock since Mr Jobs died.

Hiss-hiss! GIGANTIC SOLAR FILAMENT snakes around Sun

From your photos..

..the sun appears to have a face! Although tilted to one side it looks as though its saying "Oi" or it is in a great deal of pain. Thank you for the nightmares.

JPMorgan CYBER-HEIST: 9 US financial firms snared by 'Russian hackers', says report

just think....

....about all the Levi's, Atari VCS2600 games consoles and Dire Straits albums they'll be able to buy with that lot!

Blighty: Welcome your new, faceless MI6 chief – Alex Younger

Re: The Photo...

Did El Reg commission 'Banksy' to do the Redacting? If not then someone on your staff has a very promising future in world of art.

What myself and everyone else want to know is;

Has he watched all the Bond films like we have?

Ice probe peers at hidden BOTTOMS of oceans from SPAAACE

Waiting...

...for the first Haddock to complain that his licence plate hasn't been 'blurred' out.

Facebook: Ha! Like we'd stop researchers messing with your mind

ZUCKING COPYCATS

Orson Welles did this in nineteen nought plonk with his War of the Worlds broadcast.

Take THAT, hated food! It's OVER, tedious chewing! Soylent strikes back with version 1.1

THE FIRST BITE IS WITH THE EYE

So, ICON.

You don't have to be mad to work at Apple but....

TOP TIPS

Dear Apple, to increase productivity to the maximum why don't you hand out 'Piss Bottles & She Wees' to your staff thus ensuring that they never have to waste your valuable time, having to go to the toilet?

Atlas snubbed! Ad blocker says it can kill Facebook's stalker tech

First Paragraph, First Sentence....

...ICON.

Apple tool: Buying an iPhone in a carpark? Find out if it's STOLEN

Re: "Bloke said not to open box until he leaves"

More likely to be a Boxing Glove on the end of a Big spring.

Apple bats away yet another WiLAN patent sueball

Re: Wouldn't it be better if all these disputes could be sorted out with...

Haven't played it for a while...but...i think the rule is 'Spock Phasers Troll'....im not 100% though.

Wouldn't it be better if all these disputes could be sorted out with...

...Rock, Paper, Sissors, Lizard, Spock?

UK reforms on private copying and parody come into force

Re: Ars gratia lucrum

As a Busker i can tell you that getting 'Kicked in the Tube Station' does bring tears to your eyes!

Music-mad Brits drive up hardware sales too – claims BPI

Er....

....er....ermm.....i've got a......er....Mini Disc Recorder...er..is that er.....any help here?

Apple blacklists tech journo following explicit BENDY iPhone vid

Re: So the shock news is....

'sensual back rub'.....ding dong......get a room.