Posts by Thomas Jerome

Ex-BT tech chief quits Phorm

teh ph0Rm phail philes

Knocked this Phorm-themed Spotify playlist up a while back. It was a slow Friday... http://tiny.cc/aEpoo

Wacky Jacqui spanked by husband

EPIC LOSE.

You could say that she's handed her political enemies a rather large stick with which to beat her.

I don't mind indirectly contributing to someone else's onanism, so long as they or their spouses don't dictate what the rest of us can and can't masturbate to.

Mine's the black lederjacke with the rolled up copy of Fister's Monthly in the pocket.

Harry Potter hangs up wand in 2011

@Nemo Metis

This would be Kevin J. Anderson, as in Kevin J. Anderson the most overpaid fanfic writer in history correct?

@ thefutureboy

"and with a large helping of general disappear-up-your-own-backside-ness."

I bet it'll make more sense than the last Pirates of the Caribbean film, an exercise in plot convolution that makes Metal Gear Solid look like Scooby Doo.

Spotify: We kick the tyres

Pulled artists.

They had most of Shellac's stuff for a while, until they pulled it all, along with a bunch of other artists. Shame, as I liked listening to Steve Albini rant about geography, and whatever else he signs about.

Also, typing 'Whitehouse' into Spotify yields some lacklustre country and western band, as opposed to the preferred power electronics unit.

Mind you, they do keep adding artists all the time - they didn't use to have Vampire Weekend, but they're on there now. Not that that's much consolation in the grand scheme of things.

Iron Maiden axe cut ribbon on 'rock’n’roll' hotel

This comment goes up to 11.

That whole television out of the window thing finally died a quiet death when one of those cast iron bellringers from Busted did it.

Mine's the one with the metal studs and Casualties patch sewn into the right sleeve.

Xbox iPhone to welcome Metal Gear Solid

I'm going to be a boss

When downloading the title, will there be an option to not download all of the cut scene content?

I daresay it would speed up download times...

Mines the one with the Socom Suppressor in the pocket.

Teen-bothering sonic device now does grownups too

repetitve annoying music

"It is quieter than a child playing the violin... What makes it appear loud is the fact that it is going on and off four times a second. That's what makes it very annoying."

Sounds like most of the music I listen to.

Tron sequel already in production

can I logic probe your MCP?

Has there ever been a pr0n version of Tr0n?

Guns N' Roses blogger to walk

'Oh wontcha please take me hooommme....'

The 'free Dr. Pepper' offer - perhaps the only good thing about the record - is not available outside the US.

Boo.

Gov cans 'national day' plans

The 25th of October - Agincourt Day

I propose that October 25th - the Saturday just gone - ought to be an English national holiday in remembrance of the Battle of Agincourt, that infamous military pwnage where about 9 million Frenchies got 4RR0W3D UP.

We can all set aside out differences and bond together in mutual hatred of everything French.</al murray>

Mine's the ring-mail jacket with the quiver slung over the shoulder.

Top prosecutor warns against growing state power

Jacko to go

Wacky Jacqui is quickly becoming the UK's answer to Sarah Palin. A liability to her own party, who may cost them come election time.

Das überdatabase: Inside Wacky Jacqui's motherbrain

die zauberflöte

I hope that Jacqui Smith's guts fall out.

And for good measure:

PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE, ALLAHU AKBAR, CRACK COCAINE, THE WORLDWIDE JUDEO-CHRISTIAN MASONIC CONSPIRACY, BDSM, CHEESE SANDWICHES.

Stick that in your silo and smoke it.

Yours truly, angry mob

Noo Meeja Hoor

I remember this site. I used the ugly chav girl on the front of the page as my MSN pic for a while.

I didn't realise that the Evening Stantard could be so gulli- oh wait.

Andrew Gilligan is a regular contributor. Explains a lot.

EU abolishes the acre

arrowed at Agincourt

Sodding Eurocrats. They'll be wanting us to adopt Metric Time next. They've already started on our traffic wardens:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/07/18/speed_camera_swindon/

Consider yourself Moderatrixed

Re: Re:El Reg Lonely Hearts Club

Edinburgh is a little far for me here in the deep wilds of southern Wiltshire, but if I get sent up to cover the THUS/C&W takeover (admittedly unlikely), well its only a short(ish) hop on the train over from Glasgow.

El Reg Lonely Hearts Club

Like S&LiAR, I am in a similar predicament, albeit I am a male twentysomething in a creative media position, where the female:male ratio appears to be inversely proportioned to that of the IT/engineering sector.

I am a ‘creative’ in a web-based company surrounded by girls who either a) read heat magazine and believe that the intrinsic value of anything can be automatically raised if it is encased in pink (example: the Sony Ericsson Z610i) or b) think that having the dramatic personae of Disney's Winnie the Pooh displayed as a screensaver is acceptable for anyone aged 23.

WLTM a woman for whom a dinner plate is an offensive weapon as well as a piece of crockery, and can entertain conversation well above and beyond Sex and the City.

Myself: 6' 5", trim figure (one of the very few at my work who exercises the right to use the office gym – no pun intended), well read, educated, incredibly charming and modest, light social smoker and real ale quaffer. Additional statistics available on request.

P.S. Note to El Reg: you could make a mint out of a dating service here. With girls like S&LiAR and given than all those who work in IT probably harbour some form of sexual perversion (that's just going on a handful of some of the comments on this page alone), there's a real niche here right under your beak.

P.P.S. Sarah – please note my attention to grammar and spelling. I missed out on the opportunity to put my question to you – perhaps next time?

Mine's the Moss Bros suit jacket (navy with sky-blue pinstripes).

O2 prices up the latest iPhone

Jesus & Mary Phone

"...more free storage than they could ever fill with music."

Boo-locks. My 30GB Creative Zen can barely contain my burgeoning music library. An overpaid 20-something media node needs somewhere to keep all his Slint studio outtakes and This Heat b-sides.

Economist: girls actually better than boys at maths

A.D.I.D.A.S.

Boys will always do worse off in GCSEs, because at that point in life, a portion of a young man's imagination suddenly becomes annexed by TEH S3X0R.

All of a sudden, those Venn diagram questions in a maths paper shure do look like a big ol' pair of tiddies pushed together.

Mine's the one with a rolled up copy of 'Big Jugs' in one pocket, and 'The Female Eunuch' in the other.

Government announces shortlist for ID card contracts

a vote against ID cards

The current lot have to go. If that means voting for Carbon Copy Cameron and the Bullingdon Boys then so be it, much as the thought sickens me.

Why have Radiohead broken copyright activists' hearts?

'When I want something, and I don't wanna pay for it...'

In Rainbows wasn't an especially cohesive work compared to past Radiohead efforts. There was stuff on CD2 ($old $eparatley) that ought to have been A-list tracks on CD1.

The eagle-eared amoung you will have noticed that Mr. Reznor has recently released a new Nails album, The Slip, wot is downloadable from the man himself fo' free, and will be made available of buying commercially later this summer.

Ian McKellen to reprise Gandalf

your mums a quenta

Del Toro is directing, Ian McKellan will be playing Gandalf, and Andy Serkis will almost certainly reprise his role as Gollum. It'll be good.

All these n00bs whining ought to be grateful that no-one has bought the rights to make a 38-episode long adaptation of the Silmarillion, filmed in glorious HD and starring Hayden Christensensensen as Feanor.

Mine's the Wakeman-esque sequinned cape.

Tiscali confirms sell-off is on the table

marching orders

Toucan Mobile piggybacks on the T-Mobile network, so maybe Deutsche Telecom will buy up to get a foothold into the UK market.

Not the first time the Germans have had to take over from a bunch of inept Italians...

Stripogram copper walks on offensive weapon rap

*gets coat*

"They followed me into the bar, watched the show, then asked me to go back to the station. It was all quite friendly."

<insert bent copper joke here>

Analysts warn of US broadband meltdown

Duh

When you change a nationalised department (BT) into a for-profit organisation that thanks to regulatory interference (Ofcom) that sees said company making a loss on every line that gets sold (Openreach/LLU) to THEIR BUSINESS RIVALS who have no interest whatsoever in setting up their own infrastructure, do you really expect BT to give a flying fig?

"bt dont care and never will..."

With such amazing incentive courtesy of Piss-Off Com, is it really any wonder?

TV-Links man: 'I'm no master criminal'

FACT Hunt - Scared of the Interweb

Typical Hollywood studio reaction. Middlemen and bean counters only saw lost revenue and failed to see the potential of TV Links - many people I've spoke to about it have all said that they'd happily pay a small monthly fee, around £5 or an annual subscription or whatever, for full access to the site.

The studios missed out on an opportunity here. This is pretty much Hollywood's Napster, only on a smaller scale.

I was looking forwards to catching up on Heroes and taking a trip down memory lane with the Mysterious Cities of Gold (which you can't buy anywhere). Ho hum.

Remember kids, Winners Never Use Drugs and Piracy Funds Terrorism.

Sky confirms Picnic pick 'n' mix

Pish

It's simply not worth it for repeat episodes of the Simpons (complete with ad breaks after the title sequence) 24 and Lost, which both dissapeared up their own poo pipes after one plot twist too many, and as for Battlestar, well, you can pretty much pick up every box set sans season 4 for about £20 in (ironically enough) your Virgin Megastore.

TV sucks anyway, why would you pay a subscription fee for 500 channels of more suckage, when you can buy/download/stream what you want pretty much when you want to watch it?

BT prepares for superfast broadband investment chinwag

Title

"A general policy of actually digging up roads and replacing the wires is a huge, really huge, undertaking, far in excess of what was needed to deploy DSL."

BT Openreach big cheese Steve Robertson has stated that logistically, "putting fibre into the ground is just as easy as putting copper into the ground.”

BT have also made noises to the effect that they want financial help from other players in the ISP market as well as some Government funding. I wouldn't really mind a chunk of my taxes going towards this if it meant I could get 100+Mbps speeds in five years time.

I agree with George on Thatch - look at how cack the trains are now.

"problem in the uk tho, is that IPStream is still making BT loads of money (and is prolly the single largest reason for all of these caps from your isp) and ofcom are still trying to flog the dead hoss of LLU, which fibre to the home would destroy."

In that case, it's doubful that any real progress on the FttH front will be made until the teats of the LLU/Openreach cash cow are milked until they are bluer than the right bollock of the (thankfully now retired) BT Trumpet man.

Why oh why do rock stars die young?

White Line Fever

Steve Howe, like the majority of his Yes bandmates, pursued a healthy-living vegetarian diet for most of his career, and is roughly ten years older than Mark E Smith. However (no pun intended) they both now look like Gollum, which one would expect MES to given his near continual diet of lager, bar snacks and amphetamines.

Dave Murray also correctly points out that Lemmy isnt dead yet.

Produce-licking YouTubers attacked by 147-year-old American grocer

The moral majority is highly offended!

"he is masturbating and spraying the merchandise with seminal liquid"

Oh my, how disgusting! Hey Mr. Check Their Video, you dropped your tampons back in aisle 3, along with your sense of humour.

Doctor Who signs up thinking man's crumpet

Title

Queer as Folk, Russell T's prior claim to fame is also overrated guff. One could excuse nudge-nudge jokes about homosexuality, being as it were the crux of the story.

Doctor Who is about time travel and outwitting aliens, not rimming and cumshots. I'm fed up of my license money being used to indulge the ironic whims of postmodern tosspitches like RTD.

Re: Put Mark & Lard in the Tardis

Having said that, Mark E Smith would make a fine Doctor.

'Who Makes the Daleks?' anyone...?

Manhunt 2 shut out by Sony and Nintendo

re: double standards

"Why are films of horror and torture acceptable but not video games?"

The bone of contention (excuse the pun) with Manhunt 2 was with the Wii version - the remote control allowed you to take part in the sawing off of limbs, heads etc, whereas with movies such as Saw, Hostel and their ilk, you are not an active particpant in the violence, merely a spectator.

One wonders if it is only a matter of time before somebody develops a prison sim game, in a similar style to the Vin Diesel/Escape from Butcher Bay title for the Wii which comes with a Wiimote 'harness' attachement, allowing you to digitally re-enact a prison shower soap dropping scenario?

Co