* Posts by Joeman

95 publicly visible posts • joined 3 Apr 2012


I got 99 problems but a switch() ain't one: Java SE 13 lands with various tweaks as per Oracle's less-is-more strategy


got a long way to go...

C# came along to wipe out Java. its not managed to (yet), but C# has certainly evolved far quicker than Java.

Java has a long was to go before it catches up with C#.

Congrats from 123-Reg! You can now pay us an extra £6 or £12 a year for basically nothing


I use UKReg and NamesCheap.

Booth have been good to me, but im waiting for CloudFlare to open their domain registry as i use CloudFlare for most of my domains.

Russia: The hole in the ISS Soyuz lifeboat – was it the crew wot dunnit?


Maybe it was a spy hole so they Russians could see Salisbury Cathedral better....

UK.gov finally adds Galileo and Copernicus to the Brexit divorce bill


The US plays nicely with the Russian onboard the ISS so why cant the EU play nicely with the UK??

Seem the EU are being more unreasonable than Russia...

Voyager 1 left the planet 41 years ago – and SpaceX hopes to land on Earth this Saturday


13.3 billion miles (21.4 million km)

Toshiba crams 14TB into another helium drive, this time with SAS boost


Re: pitch

ever seen a deflated helium party balloon? thats what these drives will look like as the helium leaks out..

UK getting ready to go it alone on Galileo


its the VHS/Betamax scenario all over again but with three players not two..


Would be a shame if the British satellites included signal jammers for Galileo satellites would it...

You want how much?! Israel opts not to renew its Office 365 vows


Next UK.Gov proposal will be to hike everyone's national insurance payments by the cost of an O365 subscription so that everyone in the country is licenced! thus effectively slashing government spending on 365 licences to zero....

Hooray: Google App Engine finally ready for Python 3 (and PHP 7.2)


I've been using AppEngine from the beginning, Its great!

Waiting for .Net Core runtime and then it will not only be the OG, but the "the Daddy" too..

Computer Misuse Act charge against British judge thrown out


Wonder how much that lack of security cost the tax payer??

if shes not supposed to have access, why did she have access??

The problem is not the judge and her wandering eyes, rather the lack of security around the file storage.

wouldn't be surprised if it transpires there is one login and password that all the judges share...

Apple to devs: Code for the iPhone X or nothing from April onwards



Starting a rumour that "it might not be around for long" is the oldest trick in the book to get people to buy something they might not otherwise have bought and thus increase sales.

Anyone who genuinely thought Apple would axe their latest greatest iPhone has been sucked in by the marketing trick.

BBC presenter loses appeal, must pay £420k in IR35 crackdown


Re: Any news on whether the BBC pays their side of the bargain?

Now shes deemed to be an employee, she can claim back pay for holiday and sick days.

no doubt she will take the BBC to court if they don't agree to pay, and the BBC wont have a leg to stand on as its already been proven she was a disguised employee.

She should come out of this pretty well i would have thought.

BBC will be forced to cough up!

Hawaiian fake nukes alert caused by fat-fingered fumble of garbage GUI


Wait 9 months..

In 9 months time there will be a large number of "Missile scare" babies born to random sets of parents who just happened to be in the same area when the message came through... only a few mins left to live? might as well go out with a "Bang"...

Five ways Apple can fix the iPhone, but won't


A Beard Trimmer!

A beard trimmer so that all the idiotic hipsters who still buy iPhones can shave off the equally idiotic looking beards!

Hack the Army: US military begs white hats to sweep it for bugs


Clearly the list of targets permitted to hack dont actually contain anything of any use.

A sand-boxed replica network most likely.

Raspberry Pi 3 to sport Wi-Fi, Bluetooth LE – first photos emerge


Re: Hardware tested in Hull

Really? you're moaning about the cost of SD cards?

i've been buying 128GB Sandisc cards for 16quid!

Ex-soldier slapped with sex offender order after flouting private browsing mode ban


So if the pervs start using old-school dial-up bulletin board services, they can avoid using the internet and dial directly into the porn server, thus not breaking any rules as they haven't used the internet!

Rosetta's last comet pic


Their final resting place - just until some internet billionaire decides he wants them on his wall as space safari trophies and commissions a probe to go and fetch them for him... you know its going to happen soon - collecting old space hardware will become the billionaire equivalent of big game hunting!

Inside our three-month effort to attend Apple's iPhone 7 launch party


Apple, liars? never...

Apple is a cult and they don't want people attending their sermons who aren't believers.

Clearly Apple don't consider TheRegister readers are the correct audience for honest review of their new product. Well they got that right. I certainly wont be buying a new iPhone7, but when the new Google Pixel is released - a phone for proper techies - i'll be buying one ASAP.

'Just give me any old date and I'll make it work' ... said the VB script to the coder


People Love to hate VBA

Everyone complains and moans about VBA, but in reality its a very flexible and powerful language, that's far too often abused by people who think they can code, but cant, and then they blame VBA/Microsoft for their own deficiencies.

Feds look left and right for support – and see everyone backing Apple


all over the globe there are security researches and bedroom hackers trying to come up with a method of unlocking an iPhone. the first to manage it will never need to work a day in his life again as the FBI will pay big bucks for a tool like that!

Similarly there are probably a small handful of apple employees who know how to do it and are questioning if this years bonus and share options were enough to prevent them selling the idea to the feds.

Or maybe the FBI already have the data? but the evidence gathered isnt admissible in courts, so they need an official way to unlock the phone to make the data legit...

Why Tim Cook is wrong: A privacy advocate's view


one million dollars..

Cue the first publicly announced, state funded hacking contest!!

FBI will pay $1m to anyone who can crack the iPhone... Then out of spite they will publish the source code on the web to p!ss off apple for being terrorist supporters.

GCHQ summer schools to pay teenage hackers £250 a week


Crime pays, uk.gov dont...

Beware the terrorist drones! For they are coming! Pass new laws!


Terrorists have to use drones because they aren't skilled enough to fly proper RC planes or helicopters which have been around for many years and never to my knowledge been use for terrorism!!

Fortunately im a skilled RC-heli pilot so be afraid if i ever decide to turn terrorist!!

HSBC COO ‘profoundly apologises’ for online outage


Finger of blame...

blaming them for my late VAT return... nothing to do with me being too lazy to do it over xmas or anything.. honest...

Australian government urges holidaymakers to kill two-factor auth


On Holiday FFS!

Who does government tax return stuff on holiday anyway??

I'd rather pay a fine when i got back than interrupt my drinking time with boring accounts!!!

GCHQ creates Github repo, offers graph database code


The source code looks harmless, but there is a deliberate bug in there that exploits a vulnerability in certain compilers favored by ISIS. we have nothing to worry about, but when ISIS decide they want to graph their world domination plans and download this to help them out, as soon as they hit "Compile" - BANG!!! their keyboard explodes and blinds them with flying function keys.

Europe launches search for Einstein's space-time ripples


That Einstein bloke - he was one clever dude...

London councils splurge wildly differing amounts on Oracle software


Why does anyone still bother to use Oracle anyway??

Nvidia unveils credit card-sized 'supercomputer' for portable AI


A pedo's Dream...

The pedophiles of this world will love it when it's the norm to have camera equipped drones hovering over kiddies playgrounds..

Microsoft Azure now goes with Google's Go


Re: Importantly, Go is a good evolution of the C idiom

If you indent your C code correctly, why do you need the curly brackets?

Curly brackets and semicolons are a waste of keystrokes. Pythons use of indentation and no line terminator is far superior to old fashioned C-Style languages.

Caption this: WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg


Look here, old chap, my trousers and left bicep might look huge to you, but that's only because you have such a massive eye!

Met Police vid: HIDE your mobes. Pavement BIKER cutpurses on the loose


guaranteed the thief is carrying his own phone at the time of the theft, so all they need to do is track the one phone approaching the scene of the crime that goes away with the stolen phone!

its not rocket science, but it would keep sales of new handsets down...

New Development. Where do we go?


Move it to the cloud! re-code in Python and run it on Google Appengine ;)

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Looking like that, HE is going to be very popular in prison...

NASA working on faster-than-light drive capable of WARP TEN


Better hope there are no space flys out there - wouldnt want one hitting my windscreen at 10c!!

UK.gov's minimum booze price dream demolished


Expensive booze reduces still borns??

FFS, If the only thing preventing pregnant women drinking is the cost of booze , do we really want more unfortunate kids born into families like that???

Make the booze free - let natural selection take care of them!!

Python slithers up Amazon's Beanstalk

Thumb Down

Targeted directly as Google AppEngine users who use Python, but AppEngine is free for (small apps) whereas Beanstalk has no free tier.

Sorry, but im sticking to Phython on Google AppEngine :)

The Dragon 32 is 30


Re: It was *garbage*

Clearly you were doing something wrong... Boolean comparrisons are the basis of all programming.

Dont slate the Dragon - it rocked!!!

So, that vast IT disaster you may have caused? Come in, sit down


So, the Secret is...

When being pressured by the boss to get something done quickly, ensure you are on CCTV when you hand him the keyboard, and tell him to have a go.

Then leave the room, make a telephone call, under another CCTV camera, and when you get back your boss will be responsible for EVERYTHING!!!

All's fair in Code and War...

Top US Senator to Apple, Google: 'Curb your spy planes'


Terrorists simply do not exist!

If they existed on the scale that the governments would like us to believe, then why are we not under constant daily attack??

They dont need accurate map data to disrupt our infrastructure, they just need to toss a scaffold pole into an electricity substation, or chuck a shopping trolly on a train line, or even simpler, park a truck in the middle of a motorway.. all of these things would cause serious disruption and be deemed terrorist attacks, but they are just not happening!!

Therefore i conclude that terrorists do not exist.

Updated MacBook Air sports tweaked SSD tech


Re: @AC: Embrace, Extend, Extract money.

You're not (and i'm not!) their target audience!

Apple release a machine each year and expect all their dedicated apple fans to upgrade each year, not hang onto the same machine for 6 years...

Source code smoking gun links Stuxnet AND Flame


Two Years Undetected??

So how do Kaspersky Labs explain that the virus went undetected for two years?? are they saying that thier AV products count detect the spread of the malware?? bad PR for Kaspersky...

Man's car warns of AIR RAID OVER LONDON


Finally a use for my RasPi!

Web connected RasPi taped to a lamppost sending out spoof RDS alerts... genius idea!!??

Crazy Texans dunk servers in DEEP FRYERS


Wouldnt like to be the poor guy who has to stick his hand in there to press the reset buttons.. nasty!!

Boffins cram binary data into living cells' DNA


In the future, we'll be able to program our dogs to leave binary coded dog poo all over the park for someone else to pick up - the future of file sharing maybe??

Review: Raspberry Pi


Re: Where's the accelerated codecs?

Not everyone wants to watch "media" all the time!!

The idea of the RasPi is not to sit on your arse watching TV, but to get kids using their brains learning to code.. with this in mind - why does it matter what video codec its ships with??

if you want to watch media, just go buy a media streamer from eBay for probably less money.. the Pi is not for TV addicts! </rant>


Some really ANGRY! people on this forum..

Chill out guys - some people like to hack about on stuff, others dont. Thats the point of the Pi.

Its not a finished product, its somethign to get your brain ticking..

Having a dedicated devide for learning to code will maybe stop people checking FaceBook/Twitter etc every 5mins and allow them to get on with writing some cool code.

For me, whats missing for shools, is the flashing lights, bottons, buzzers etc. no doubt these will all come with time, and i think thats when we'll start to capture the kid's imaginations and make them want to code....