* Posts by Pastafarian

33 posts • joined 9 Mar 2012

BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...



Surely that should be CIX or the old bullettin boards accessed by 9k6 baud modems of course

Rogue IT employees - give us the down and dirty


I was nearly one myself

I was nearly one myself. When my firms IT dept was outsourced the fools gave us a weeks advance warning that they were going to remove our admin rights. I created an admin account and hid it away. It was never found before I left.


Back door account

When a previous employer decided to outsource its IT department the fools gave us a weeks advance warning of what they were about to do.

I created an administrator-level account and hid it away. It was never found before I left.

I never actually used it, but it was there if I wanted it.

I also had a spare security pass, so I could still get into the building even after I had thrown mine away onto the bosses desk.

Eat FATTY FOODS to stay THIN. They might even help your heart


Living proof

I am living proof that these health experts dont know what they are talking about. I have never eaten three portions of fruit and veg a day in my life (and rarely even one) and I am still vertical at 59 years old. My theory is cows eat grass and I eat the cows so I dont need veg.

Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS


Manx screws

Are the three-pointed star screws exclusively used in the Isle of Man?

Stick a 4K in them: Super high-res TVs are DONE


Quantity not quality

Broadcasters are only interested in quantity not quality. Look at the number of low bit-rate mono DAB stations.

METRE-LONG DINOSAUR POO going under the hammer


under-water release

It was probably released under water - a turdpedo. In my experience an air-bourne release tends to curl up

BBC goes offline in MASSIVE COCKUP: Stephen Fry partly muzzled


internet broadcaster

..and the BBC wants to become an Internet broadcaster instead of those expensive MW (MegaWatt) transmitters.

Perhaps it should hang ont a few SW and VHF transmitters. (Oh, too late it has already sold them off)

IT'S ALIVE! China's Jade Rabbit rover RETURNS from the DEAD



Of the cheesey jokes. (and sorry for this one)

Anyway the batteries were probably edam (made) in China

Digital radio may replace FM altogether - even though nobody wants it


plenty of sh1t DAB stations

If they would get rid of all the foreign language and religeous cr@p there would be more space for some decent programme content. There are only about two DAB channels worth listening to.

Bonking boffins say bacon biters won't breed


should be pre-coital

It should be a pre-coital sarnie, the you can dispose of the condoms


Parm ham

So if I wrap parma ham around my willy, is that as effective

Verity's summer songs for programmers: Sing your pals to sleep()


Wierl Al

The Ebay Song by Wierd Al Yankovitch is my favourite

Why you need a home lab to keep your job


Re: I don't work for free.

Same here - My firm supplies a CBTnuggets account to do online training videos but expect us to do it in our own time. No effing way am I using my own time, and training videos aren't as good as having a real machine to work on.

P.S. If you create a training lab, where do you get all the software from? How much do they charge now for Server2012?

Who ate all the Pis?


The life of Pi

I have written a version of Conways game of life and, of course, called it the life of pi.

Review: Google Nexus 4


Re: Low Cost?

You can get Chinese Adroid phones from Amazon up to £140 for a 5.5" Galaxy Note look-alike.

Search for Star mobiles.

All phones are made in China anyway. (Though I am sure someone will point out that I am wrong)

Chinese spacecraft JUUUUST avoids smashing into Toutatis


Is it just me?

Or does that asteroid look like one of those giant heads on Easter Island.

OK. It IS just me.

Sniff.. Phew! WORLD'S OLDEST CHEESE discovered in Poland


When was the first wine?

So they could have a cheese and wine party.

More importantly, when was the first beer made?

Mighty 4 Terabyte whopper crashes down on the desktop


Re: Hitachi

Me too-I wouldnt touch Shitachi drives

Swedish woman cuffed for sex with skeleton SHOCKER


Re: Cuffed? Easy...

Surely it was the skeleton that was cuffed. (As in collar and cuffs)

Seriously though, I dont see how this is a crime. If the bones were obtained legally what is the problem.

Will there be court cases next for raping a vacuum cleaner?

Icelandic town demands vulva museum



You need to be a real dick to go in there

(Somebody else stole my Volvo joke)

Vote now for the ultimate bacon sandwich



Get rid of the healthy green stuff PLEASE. This is a carnivores meal.

What happened to Odds & Sods?


and what about Verity?

Where has Ms Stob's articles been moved to?

NASA funds sexy, stealthy, sideways supersonic flying wing


Transition from super to sub sonic

I would have thought the transition from supersonic to sub-sonic is more dificult. How will they achieve that?

Mars rover harangues empty landscape with loudhailer


Has it got a microphone?

To hear the reply. Otherwise there is no point.

Ice Cream Sandwich still a no-show for most Android users


If it aint broke...

...dont fix it. I am happy with Android 2.3 on my Samsung Galaxy W. I'll get a new OS when I upgrade the phone (perhaps next year).

Using Facebook causes less eco damage than farting, figures show


Tom Sharp quote

"I fart in bed. I like to fart in bed, it is the trumpet call of the antropoid ape".

If I set light to these I'd set the bed on fire. What we need is an anal catalytic converter.

Is the Higgs boson an imposter?


A Higgs boson went to church

A Higgs boson went to church and the priest said, "Get out, you are not welcome here"

The boson replied, "I am going nowhere. Without me there is no mass"

Its the way I tell 'em.

BOFH: Dawn raid on Fort BOFH


You forgot to mention...

Every mobile device, ipaq, mobile phones, etc are ALWAYS missing their PSU/charger! I have a drawer full of mibiles with no chargers.

Busty blogger bursts Bulgarian airbag in mud-wrestle blunder


Can you feel it?

>> She said of her rogue implant: "It feels really bumpy and bubbly."

I need to feel it for myself to confirm that.

As the saying goes "I feel like a right tit" (or a left one, I am not fussy)

Tourists follow GPS, drive into sea


Croydon tramway

I once drove down the Croydon tramway following GPS, but, in my defence, it did start as a road with embedded tram tracks. (Pissed off the tram driver when I did a U turn.)

Jupiter and Venus get cozy in revealing late-night display


Re: Standard planetary joke

...only on a full moon!

Solar storm arrives, nobody notices


SW radio was working fine yesterday

No SIDs wiping out reception


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