Posts by JustWondering

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you

Windex? Because it turns your screen blue and wipes everything off of it?

Stalker attacks Japanese pop singer – after tracking her down using reflection in her eyes

Creepy?

Take out the creep and the assault, put in Hugh Grant and you have a Rom Com.

£99,999, what's your emergency? Paramedics rush to OAP's aid after shock meter reading

"A dog's breakfast"

That would be after it has gone through the dog?

Careful now, UK court ruling says email signature blocks can sign binding contracts

So ...

Will the vendor be suing her lawyer for putting an incorect figure in this email?

How long is a lifetime? If you’re Comcast, it’s until a rival quits a city: ISP 'broke' price promise

Nothing new

Last time I looked, one of the local telecoms was offering unlimited data plans. Turns out they have a different idea of "unlimited" than most people.

Remember that crypto-exchange boss who mysteriously died after his customers' coins disappeared? Of course he totally stole them

Did anyone see the body?

Let's check in with our friends in England and, oh good, bloke fined after hiding face from police mug-recog cam

Re: Is there a law for that?

It is all about respect. If you don't respect their authority, they don't respect you as a human being.

Re: Please Move Along

Then why are the police so sensitive about having their picture taken? They aren't doing anything wrong, are they?

Tesla driver killed after smashing into truck had just enabled Autopilot – US crash watchdog

What's the point?

If you have to keep your hands on the wheel, it isn't AutoPilot. Call me when it is safe to engage before jumping in the backseat.

I can't say Mike Lynch knew about Autonomy dodginess, star witness tells High Court

Is it any surprise ...

... that someone trying to avoid prison would be as obliging as possible when making and signing statements?

Let's spin Facebook's Wheel of Misfortune! Clack-clack-clack... clack... You've won '100s of millions of passwords stored in plaintext'

Re: Facebook is a trash fire

But look at all the people warming their hands.

Yelp-for-MAGAs app maker is warned there are holes in its code. Does it A. Just fix the problem, or B. Threaten to call the FBI, too?

I'm guessing...

... that this app will now see more penetration attempts than Paris Hilton's eggs?

Demand for HP printer supplies in free-fall – and Intel CPU shortages aren't helping either

Re: Finally....

They don't already have paperless toilets in Japan?

Web hacker 'Alfabeto Virtual' thrown in the clink for 3 months by US judge who wanted to 'send a message'

Three months in jail?

I think 12 months of dial-up would be more suitable.

It's OK, everyone – Congress's smart-cookie Republicans have the answer to America's net neutrality quandary

Small time chicanery

Here in the northern colony, a while back we had our government introduce a bill called the "Protecting Children from Internet Predators Act". This sounded very impressive, until everyone realized that except for in the title, neither children nor Internet predators were mentioned.

I won't bother hunting and reporting more Sony zero-days, because all I'd get is a lousy t-shirt

A little shortsighted

These companies may want to consider that someone skilled enough to find these vulnerabilities may be aware of other ways to benefit from their knowledge.

Who cracked El Chapo's encrypted chats and brought down the Mexican drug kingpin? Er, his IT manager

Hmmm ...

I'm guessing he isn't keeping his LinkedIn profile current.

My 2019 resolution? Not to buy any of THIS rubbish

Re: Hospitality sector had it coming

"Like mortgage brokers"

Here in the northern colony, they do amazing work for people with less than ideal credit ratings; they certainly save on shoe leather and disappointments. They will also usually get you a better rate than if you walked into a bank yourself.

Ding dong merrily on high. In Berkeley, the bots are singeing: Self-driving college cooler droid goes up in flames

Re: Human Error, eh ??

It appears the error, or at least one of them, was that they replaced a functioning battery with a defective model.

Here's 2018 in a nutshell for you... Russian super robot turns out to be man in robot suit

So ...

This is not the droid we are looking for?

'Say hello to my little vacuum cleaner!' US drug squad puts spycams in cleaner's kit

Errr ...

I don't know about anyone else, but if I was in the trade, so to speak,I would be suspicious of any equipment that suddenly showed up. I certainly wouldn't be doing deals in front of the cleaning staff, even if one could make themselves heard over the racket these vacuums make.

Peak tech! Bacon vending machine signals apex of human invention

Simple

There is no such thing as bad bacon. Just some is better than others. If you can't be with the bacon you love, love the bacon you are with

GOPwned: Republicans fall victim to email hack

No worries

"though the Kremlin has claimed that if it were responsible, it would be protected from legal action."

Has Trump already promised them a pardon?

This "if we did it" is very reminiscent of OJ.

Cops called after pair enter Canadian home and give it a good clean

Re: anti-crime

If someone trespassed on my property with the intent of cleaning my house, a small bribe would probably absolve them of any legal repercussions from myself.

With sorry Soyuz stuffed, who's going to run NASA's space station taxi service now?

Is Rapunzel busy?

No worries

They can catch a ride with Trump's Space Force.

$200bn? Make that $467bn: Trump threatens to balloon proposed bonus China tech tariffs

Errr ...

Is Trump going to slap tariffs on any of his companies' products that are manufactured in China?

Facebook insists it has 'no plans' to exploit your personal banking info for ads – just as we have 'no plans' to trust it

NAFC!

Nope! Not a chance. facebook is like one of those brothers-in-law that turn out to be a leech and difficult to get rid of.

Trump 'not normal' FCC commish reveals amid Sinclair-Tribune mega-media-merger meltdown

Re: I'm not religious, but if it pleases you god, deliver us from this evil

Just remember that Pence is next in line for the throne.

Fukushima reactors lend exotic nuclear finish to California's wines

Re: Worse than anti-freeze!

Jake: Don't they use that stuff in pesticides too?

Will this biz be poutine up the cash? Hackers demand dosh to not leak stolen patient records

Mark 85: But the overhead is low. Ropes are reusable.

A curious tale of the priest, the broker, the hacked newswires, and $100m of insider trades

Re: Priest you say?

Waseem Alkurdi: I have never been able to understand why the Omnipotent Creator of the Entire Infinite Universe is always broke and begging for money.

Re: The jokes just write themselves

AC: Probably not the one you go to jail for.

Uncle Sam is shocked, SHOCKED to find dark-web bazaars trading drugs, weapons, etc

Re: So wrong

Mark 85:

Teenager: I'm thinking of going into organized crime.

Parent: Government or private sector?

Re: So wrong

There is also the thought that police only have to be right once.

Tesla fingers former Gigafactory hand as alleged blueprint-leaking sabotage mastermind

Tripp?

I thought the culprit's name might have been Edison.

Oddly enough, when a Tesla accelerates at a barrier, someone dies: Autopilot report lands

Re: @JustWondering - 5 seconds is not enough

Because it isn't really autopilot? Doesn't an alarm go off if you don't hold the wheel? It's not like you can jump in the back for a quickie while the car drives

Re: 5 seconds is not enough

26 seconds? You are already behind the wheel, supposedly with your hands on it. How long does it take these people to react to an emergency otherwise?

UK's first transatlantic F-35 delivery flight delayed by weather

Re: Alternatives

LOL!! Take any prize from the second shelf.

'Incomprehensible failure' – Canada's $1bn Phoenix payroll IT fiasco torched by auditors

Re: Universal

Add to all that the idea that this program was customized to automatically enter incorrect information. No matter what salary a person may have negotiated, the program was deliberately designed to enter the lowest possible wage for that classification.

What could go wrong?

Unfortunately, those making the decisions to go live didn't hear from those who were actually working on the project. They seem to have gone on the basis of what they were told by those hoping to get their bonuses for a timely implementation.

So when can you get in the first self-driving car? GM says 2019. Mobileye says 2021. Waymo says 2018 – yes, this year

Re: Sorry ...

First thing I need is an autonomous keyboard.

Sorry ...

... but until I can safely pour myself into a vehicle when the bar closes and catch a piece of ass on my home, it isn't autonomous as far as I'm concerned.

UK age-checking smut overlord won't be able to handle the pressure – critics

Re: Sex Education

Get married for sex? Isn't that like buying a jumbo jet because you fancy a bag of peanuts?

Wow, braking news: Overworked, tired ride-sharing drivers declared a public health risk

Of course ...

... you have to consider that many people can't drive at the best of times and sleep deprivation doesn't seem to help with that.

You. FCC. Get out there and do something about these mystery bogus cell towers, huff bigwigs

Re: What a Complete Mess

I believe shadmeister may have been referring to private sector criminals.

Hackers pwn Baltimore's 911 system?! Quick, someone call 91– doh!

Hacking 911

People that do things like this should be sentenced to life with nothing but dial up internet access.

Suspected drug dealer who refused to poo for 46 DAYS released... on bail

Pretty much fed up.

Meh

It won't make much difference whether he is in jail or a hospital, in the end.

Woe Canada: Rather than rise from the ashes, IBM-built C$1bn Phoenix payroll system is going down in flames

Where to start

One of the problems with this is the government had a few ideas to customize the program. One of these ideas appears to have been that instead of entering an employee's actual negotiated wage, the program would automatically enter the lowest wage possible for the position.

When it came time to roll out the program, those working with the program said it was not ready, but the executives looking to collect their bonuses said it was.So guess what happened?

To add to the fun, years before they had removed the pay advisors out of the various offices, reduced their numbers by more than half, and centralized them in a smallish town on the edge of nowhere.

Fun times. These are just a few of the highlights.