Posts by FartingHippo

2020AD: Space tourists will be FOUND ON MOON

Answers

1) Consulting the world? I was unaware the moon sported a thriving ecosystem, or that the rocket would be chock full of diamonds on the return journey. I thought it was a boring dusty place. It's not like the mission is setting up a mining colony (although that would be cool).

2) Financial issues/technical issues? Fair enough.

3) Not safe? Please sign this waiver after signing your cheque. Or sign them the other way around, we're pretty relaxed about that.

4) Political issues? Given the mess the Chinese and Russians make of their own back yard, I can't see them giving a rat's ass about some dusty footprints on the moon. If they manage to get your Russian billionaire that close to the Apollo 11 landing site, then fair play, but by then it's much too late for the 'merkins to get all huffy.

5) Things will go wrong? No sh*t Sherlock. You pays your money and you takes your chance.

'Facebook is completely undreamt of even by the worst spying nation'

Paleolithic gag

"I've tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but the computer can't see the printer."

That one's been around since god was a teenager.

Latest Call of Duty sequel shoots past Avatar sales benchmark

Re: Ok, that shows that

The unwashed masses are clearly less discerning that your good self.

Personally, I'd rather watch Thor than The Artist any day of the week, pleb that I am.

2013: No sign of flying cars, but Orange mobes will get black ice

Black ice?

My fuzzy 80's memory tells me that Gibson used (coined?) the term 'black ice' for illegal software that could KILL YOU. It caused some sort of lethal neural feedback through your head jack.

This is no more black ice than a spud gun is a howitzer.

Brr, feeling cold? Galaxy is home to plenty of WARMER Earth twins

Now I get it!!

The reason we've never seen aliens is that, instead of building interstellar craft utilising esoteric drive technology, they're all chillin' on the beach with an ice cold alien beer.

Fair play, alien dudes, fair play.

Adobe demands 7,000 years a day from humankind

Re: Good article

Lost? Pfff. Those are years of enlightenment.

Voyager 1 arrives on ‘magnetic highway for charged particles’

They're suppressing the data!

If you speed up the changes in the magnetic flux, then play it backwards, you get rickrolled. The pandimensional overlords of the universe are a bit behind the times, joke-wise, but you'd be a fool to point that out.

Home Sec: Let us have Snoop Charter or PEOPLE WILL DIE

Re: Thoughtcrime

Yes, but they seem to have caught the 'mummy knows best' mentality from the last lot.

A few brave souls have stuck to their principles (David Davis) and have been labelled 'courageous' i.e. 'you're on your own, sunshine' by the party leaders.

At least ID cards have stayed dead.

Children increasingly named after Apple products

Xbox

Surely an intriguing name for any girl, especially one with an unusually shaped piece of their anatomy...

Who's using 'password' as a password? TOO MANY OF YOU

The first person (apart from me)...

...to mention Horses, Batteries, or Staples should get a special "obvious post of the day" badge.

Ready for ANOTHER patent war? Apple 'invents' wireless charging

Way out of this

You know, if Samsung and HTC diverted some resources into properly manning the US Patent Office, and manning it clueful people, they'd be quids-in over the long term.

Staples to offer in-store full color 3D printing service

Re: This is a handy service for all sections of the community to use!

1. "Gimp", not "Slave"

2. A paper ball gag will not last long, unless you plan out making your gimp eat it

MONSTER QUASAR BLAST blows stunned astro boffins' WIGS OFF

Yeah, well my quasar kicks your quasars ass in gamma ray output.

'Microsoft to make its own Surface phones' - mutterings

Yay!

I hope the new phones come with Clippy, everyone's favourite little metallic friend.

My productivity at work has plummeted since he was decommissioned. Although the internet might have had something to do with that.

Android seven-inchers swipe rug from under Apple

Does it matter?

Of course it does. Any market dominated by a single player is bad for consumers, and bad for innovation.

Seems to be good for patents, though...

Android users: More of them than fanbois, but they don't use the web

Simples

Android users are smart enough to use Wifi.

Pong creator turns nose up at Nintendo Wii U

Re: Atari?

Yeah, he sold the Atari business for $26m to Warner in 1976 (and that's when $26m was worth something). He got booted out a few years later after falling out with the new owners.

Mall lurk man: Apple smashes Microsoft in Black Friday fondle wars

Obvious, innit. Why do you think Mother Nature gave us TWO eyes.

10,000 cities, 1 salesman, 6 nodes: It's LittleFe cluster CRUNCH TIME

Salesman conference

He could make all the sales meetings with zero travel if someone came up with a videoconferencing system that wasn't UTTER F*CKING B*LLOCKS.

Convert your iPad into a foosball table and relive the dot-com days

Must...buy...iPad...

This is to the iPad what Halo is to the xbox, Uncharted is to the PS3, and Mario is to the Wii.

Probably.

BlackBerry 10: AWESOME. If the hardware matches it, RIM jobs are safe

It would be the greatest comeback since Lazarus

RIP Sid Waddell.

Pirate cops bust LITTLE GIRL, take her Winnie-the-Pooh laptop

@AC 13:39

I wasn't trying to suggest that piracy is good, but that learning that people can track what you're viewing, who you're talking to, and what you're saying is a very important lesson. This applies to ill thought out comments on Facebook or political criticism on another forum, both of which are real issues which can severely impact a young person's life and happiness.

When people can search your house on the grounds you tried and failed to download £1-worth of music in Finland - a relatively liberal country - the implications for less enlightened regimes comes sharply into focus.

For the record I think piracy is wrong. I also think that enabling something is a long, long way from doing it.

On the upside...

This sort of thing will hopefully motivate millions of kids to:

a. understand the importance of online privacy

b. research and implement online anonymity.

Which, in my view, would be a very, very good thing.

Sailboat cracks 100 km/h for first time

French sail-powered hydrofoil known as the ‘Hydroptère’

While we have now beaten the French (hurrah, three cheers for blighty, etc), the Hydroptère is a truly beautiful piece of engineering, much prettier than Sailrocket 2. And a proper ocean-going vessel to boot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQ-gdqo35os

Judge to Apple: You WILL tell Samsung what you got from HTC

Good news

We might see a sensible settlement.

After which I'm sure Apple and Samsung will kiss and make up, hold hands, and skip off happily into the sunset together.

Oh look, a porcine aviator...

Patent suit targets Formlabs and Kickstarter

Speaking of Kickstarter

Apologies - this is tangentially on-topic at best.

I see that funding of the new Elite game has ground to a halt. This rather comical chart on Kicktraq tells the story (ignore Kicktraq forecasts, they're useless unless you have smooth income. I'd guess they're going to come in well south of a million, meaning nothing happens.

Real shame, mostly because of the daft prices (£30 for a PC game on Kickstarter, delivered who-knows when?! £15 just to reserve your commanders name!). Bitten by their own greed, sadly. Shame, shame, shame.

UN: Greenhouse gas emissions gap is out of control

Sorry, third world, you need to STAY POOR

Seems jolly unfair to suggest that developing countries should stop their industrialisation, and the third world should stay undeveloped, just so the west can retain their standard of living.

'Cos realistically that's the only way CO2 production is going to stabilise and fall. Not going to happen, is it...

Quantum crypto - with nothing more than STANDARD broadband fibre

Re: Needs more work

"it would seem more work is needed before this actually turns into a useful technology"

Well that wins the "No Sh*t Sherlock" award for the day. You'd have scoffed at the Wright Brothers too, I'd imagine.

Swedish woman cuffed for sex with skeleton SHOCKER

So...

Which end of the femur did she use? Inquiring minds need to know.

(and seriously, am I really the first to use this icon? poor show, commentards)

Glorious silicon globes could hold key to elusive PERFECT kilogram

Re: It's a kg!

kg not Kg; K is for Kelvin

Petraeus appeal: STOP BUBBA the Love Sponge FRYING a KORAN

Re: It gets weirder...

Bubba the Love Sponge released the tape, that is. Not Petraeus.

It gets weirder...

He was the one who released the Hulk Hogan sex tape. He left Hogan and his wife after sanctioning the tryst, but failed to tell either of them about the camera.

We need a "Twilight Zone" icon.

Apple said to have let the name of the next OS X cat out of the bag

Re: Surely ...

Clouded Leopard, I think you meant. But admittedly that's not as funny.

Most beautifully patterned cat there is, IMHO.

John McAfee blogs for help, offers $25K reward for neighbour's killer

He has a brain virus

You don't need crappy antivirus software to work that out.

Galapagos islands bombed with 22 tonnes of Blue Death Cornflakes

Madness I tell you

Sounds like the perfect way to breed a poison-tolerant rat.

Power to the people - if you can find a spare socket

Re: USB

And wait four times as long as it takes a proper charger to do the job?!

I think not.

Samsung readies bendy smarties for 2013

Re: Bendy??

You could use the reflectivity to your advantage. Make a parabola and have the finest cigarette lighter known to man (assuming it's sunny).

Those under the legal age will of course resort the time-honoured tradition of frying ants.

Lord to sue Twitter users who falsely accused him of abuse

Seriously?

You're still trying to make this political?

(And doesn't "Torries" play for Chelsea?)

Nintendo Wii U set to out-sell predecessor at launch

£50 for 24Gb

Did you see that, Apple? Did you? Huh, HUH?

Apple stops Caring in Italy, probably all Europe soon

Poor old El Reg

Apple's naughty step must have a vulture-shaped dent in it by now.

Brits swallow Google Nexus 4 supply 'in 30 minutes'

Re: Losers

That is a good idea. You can be my new friend, and together we can laugh at people with only 10.

Losers

I has Nexus 7. It is 3 better than a 4 lol so I win!

My friend has a 10. He is not my friend now.

BOSS Bang boffins: DARK ENERGY spreading across the Universe

Re: Is it me?

"Dark Energy" sounds very much like a theory based on sub-standard SF.

RIM sets date for BlackBerry 10 reveal

Might be FANTASTIC

But, sadly, very few people will care.

Liberator: the untold story of the first British laptop part 1

Ah, geeks

Named after the ship on Blake's 7, no doubt :)

Walmart workers filmed playing iPad frisbee

Idiots

The corners aren't thatround!

Swedish boffins: An Ice Age is coming, only CO2 can save us

Without getting into the debate about whether warming is super-damaging or not-a-big-deal, I thought this rather elegantly shows the "last 10/12/16 years have not shown any warming so AGW is a crock" statement to be a load of denialist bollocks.

Funky gif this way.

A bitter spill to swallow, or 'how to smeg up your keyboard'

Re: Simpler soloution

100% Ethanol is very highly toxic. ... It also tends to contain benzene (carcinogen) as an impurity.

You are hereby stripped of your 'boffin' icon.