* Posts by spold

928 publicly visible posts • joined 8 Feb 2012

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McDonald's ordering system suffers McFlurry of tech troubles

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Re: I refuse to use those touch screen thingies

Uh-oh they are smiling - the quality level is too high, we can make some savings here....

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McFried

We apologise for the sudden personal service. Normal disservice will be resumed as soon as possible.

"Hey, have you seen my buns?".

Belgian ale legend Duvel's brewery borked as ransomware halts production

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A lack of cheer(s)

Must have been a bugger when they started brewing back in 1871 and the systems weren't available. Shirley someone wrote down how to do it in the BCP....

World-plus-dog booted out of Facebook, Instagram, Threads

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...millions suffer in having to face "actual reality" horror situation.

The fix is now to classify them as "anti-social networking platforms" as you can't talk to anyone.

Apple's Titan(ic) iCar project is dead as self-driving dream fails to materialize

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Re: Non-Starter Really

...every time you got a flat tyre you had to replace the entire car

Japan's SLIM unexpectedly wakes up on Moon after month-long nap

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Re: Ohaiyo gozaimasu

犬が私の取扱説明書を食べてしまいました

Inu ga watashi no toriatsukai setsumeisho o tabete shimaimashita

(The dog ate my instruction manual)

China breakthrough promises optical discs that store hundreds of terabytes

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Femtosecond

In case you are confused, that is roughly 8,26719576719578E-22 of a Fortnight in proper units.

Europe's largest caravan club admits wide array of personal data potentially accessed

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More of the same...

""I would like to offer my sincere apologies for any inconvenience this has caused, and thank you for your continuing patience as we return to normality,"

That's what they say every bank holiday,

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On the upside

Thousands of hacked companies can now breathe a bit easier as their exfiltrated data is now stuck in a long line of traffic to the dark web behind all this stuff.

CERN is training robot dogs to spot radiation hazards at Large Hadron Collider

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LHC

= Large Hound Collider

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Senses problems and reports back...

I see the bad muon a-risin'

I see trouble on the way

I see quarks and lightnin'

I see bad times today

(with tribute to Creedence Clearwater Revival)

Microsoft seeks patent for tech to put words into your mouth

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Looking forward to...

...this technology being deployed remotely on your BlueTooth equipped toothbrushes (yes they are out there).

Stop putting words in my mouth, just shut the f*** up and clean my teeth!

Japan's lunar lander is dying before our eyes after setting down on Moon

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And another one...

...gets clangered.

IBM Consulting is done playing around, orders immediate return to office

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Re: IBM ...

Incredibly Borked Management

IBM overhauls rewards program for staff inventions, wipes away cash points

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Re: It's the IBM of the 21st century, what do you expect?

A one-quarter Ratner being equivalent in value to the stopper on a sherry decanter.

Samsung’s Galaxy S24 pitch: The AI we baked in makes you more human

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Big Brother

We know what you said and we are coming to get you

>>>

Samsung led those promos by showing off real-time voice translation, a feature made possible by AI

<<<

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"features"

>>>

The tool lets users of the S24 range draw a circle on the screen to highlight whatever they fancy, whereupon Google search identifies the item and offers links to more information or purchasing opportunities

<<<

Such as when viewing pr0n?

Tesla owners in deep freeze discover the cold, hard truth about EVs

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WTF?

>>> His name was Jack (John) from Kelowna.

Oh him!

The week in weird: Check out the strangest CES tech of 2024

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Wehead, a bizarre head-shaped version of Alexa

...c'mon it obviously sucks.

DARPA's air-steered X-65 jet heads into production with goal of flying by 2025

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Gaseous emissions

Forced Air Rudder Thrusting - one heading your way

Europe classifies three adult sites as worthy of its toughest internet regulations

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Consequences

I expect they will meat out some very stiff fines in a sadistic manner, resulting in the legal department being tied up (OK there are some benefits, I know some lawyers who would definitely be better with a ball gag).

California approves lavatory-to-faucet water recycling

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"Azure Springs" - my branding consultancy invoice is on its way

Missing tomatoes ketchup with ISS crew after almost a year lost in space

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Ground control to missing Toms

....here they are floating in a tin can, far above my spoon...

Control Altman delete: OpenAI fires CEO, chairman quits

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The obvious thing to do...

...was to ask ChatGPT what happened:

>>>

Title: "Sam Altman's Grand Exit: OpenAI's CEO Fired for Perfecting the Art of Coffee Brewing"

In a shocking turn of events at OpenAI headquarters, Sam Altman, the once-revered CEO, has been unceremoniously shown the door. The reason? Allegedly, he spent more time perfecting the art of coffee brewing than advancing artificial intelligence.

Rumors suggest that Altman's obsession with the perfect cup of java reached epic proportions. Employees reportedly witnessed him passionately debating the merits of different coffee bean blends in the company kitchen, neglecting strategic meetings, and even turning the conference room into a makeshift coffee laboratory.

One anonymous employee quipped, "We used to have board meetings; now we have coffee tastings. Sam would bring in exotic coffee beans, ask us to rate them, and then disappear for hours into his caffeine-fueled haven."

Altman's departure has left the tech world buzzing with speculation about who will fill his rather large coffee mug-shaped shoes. Will the new CEO be a barista turned tech guru or perhaps an AI programmed to detect the perfect roast?

In response to the news, Altman released a statement saying, "I have always believed in the power of a good cup of coffee to stimulate creativity and innovation. Maybe OpenAI needs a CEO who understands the finer nuances of a pour-over brew."

As for OpenAI, the organization seems ready to embrace a new era. The search for a CEO is underway, with candidates being asked to submit their coffee credentials along with their resumes.

In the meantime, OpenAI employees are adjusting to a world where board meetings are no longer punctuated by the soothing hiss of an espresso machine and the aromatic scent of freshly ground beans. The future of OpenAI remains uncertain, but one thing is for sure – the coffee at headquarters will never be the same. <<<

Britain proposes 'super-complaints' to help keep the internet safe

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Re: Super?

The new super-complaints system to be known as KAREN

South Korea opens the door for robots to roam among pedestrians

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Mushroom

Local conveniance service

I'm betting there is a dog on a treadmill inside powering 'em. Oh wait that could be "meals on wheels" in the locality.

[Icon - "Eat this"]

US Air Force wants to see some atomic motors for future spacecraft

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Actually the programme is being held back by....

...the inability to hire sufficient "skilled" acronym authors.

NASA reschedules Boeing's first crewed Starliner flight for mid-April 2024

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Very reliable

This Flatliner is a lovely runner, little old lady used to take it out on Sundays...

MongoDB's SQL-to-NoSQL converter uses AI to smash the language barrier

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My hovercraft is full of eels. Would you like to come back to my place bouncy-bouncy?

Meta spends $181M to get out of lease at vacant London offices

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Given the layoffs...

...surprised they didn't repurpose it as a space for the homeless. OK an Airbnb might be more likely.

Microsoft hiring a nuclear power program manager, because AI needs lots of 'leccy

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Remember....

...to send them the electric Bill

VR headsets to shift 30 million units a year by 2027, vastly behind wearables

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Re: I said it before, I shall say it again

....it's OK - soon you will just jack things into Musk's Neuralink socket on the back of your neck.

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Same story different decade....

I was the manager for Virtual Reality headsets for IBM in 1995 - the actual hardware was produced by a small UK company called Virtuality. It was well ahead of its time (problem #1). It started with game experiences but aspired to professional ones of which there were many one-offs (problem #2 - you don't need many headsets for the professional ones). It had 6D tracking (x,y,z, yaw, pitch, roll), it had stereoscopic directional sound and adjustable vision focus, and it didn't look like someone glued a badly made diving mask to your head. Problem #3 configuration for a stable experience based on the electromagnetic source was difficult. Problem #4 it was difficult to keep the engineers in check who kept developing newer and better versions before you had made any profit on the last version. Problem #5 (the worst) - little Jimmy spends all his time in virtual worlds and now needs glasses (he would have anyway) - lawyers salivate, class action lawsuits! OK back in the day the graphics were sub-VGA (but OK given it was in your face), that one is solved these days - back then it took 6 RISC chips glued to a PC card. Problem #6 - experience developers were unfamiliar with the medium, many were used to first person shooter linear experiences, they didn't understand that if you were not looking in the right direction it didn't happen. Most of these problems still exist, add to it the problems of privacy and what happens in the "metaverse".

Call me an Apple fan, says Huawei founder and chief exec

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Re: Lessons are fine

That's done with a "skin" software layer on top of the hardware and Android called EMUI (previously Emotion UI). The differences between UIs are becoming less and less anyway, yes it makes it easier for your customers to decant to another supplier, but also easier for them to decant to yours - the limitations only being the App set you use being supported. However if you have opted into the whole iHead world you are not likely to step outside the box anyway.

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Always a fan....

When I worked for IBM and went to Huawei central in Shenzhen for a project, there was a particular engineering building on the campus... when a new iThingy came out they would pull it apart - they were not so much interested in the functionality as in the springs and cogs - who had made the parts, how they were put together, how much had the assembly cost... basically looking for lessons that could be learned.

I spoke to one of the VPs in the consumer business he said "we don't want to copy the Apple product, we want to make one that is better at lower cost".

Interesting stuff. BTW there were 25 IBM consultants working with them at the time - everything from product development processes to the finance office - the US does not like to admit how much of a hand it has had in creating the company.

(p.s. and please no gratuitous downvotes for discussing Huawei or China).

SK hynix vice-chair denies selling to Huawei, calls for memory probe

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Oh my giddy aunt

Huawei was selling 5G stuff to the west (and Africa) before all this stuff happened. Anyway, nothing like a good memory probing (I believe they experimented with this on a few politicians but didn't find anything... to probe), maybe they will probe other bits as well.

p.s. no gratuitous downvotes just for mentioning China or Huawei please - after all the article started it.

US-Canada water org confirms 'cybersecurity incident' after ransomware crew threatens leak

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Of course...

DAMn BREACHES!! Makes me boil!

Hope the attackers bottle out.

Expect a torrent of complaints.

Meet Honda's latest electric vehicle: A rideable suitcase

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Limited use

Generally it is just from your drop-off point to the check-in desk, and through a busy terminal.

It will have to travel folded so that double capacity is only half usable.

Too big for hand baggage so would have to be checked in - ummm Lithium batteries.

Where do I put my carry-on bag?

There went your luggage allowance anyway.

Should be fun at security.

Seems pretty impractical for an airport flight.

I suppose you might take it on a train.

Airbus takes its long, thin, plane on a ten-day test campaign

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Re: in a 3-3 economy class configuration.

Maybe British Airways can bring back the flight from London (City) to New York that was using an A319 which was entirely Business Class - that one had to make a stop in Shannon to top up the fuel tanks (but people cleared US immigration there) but this could do it in one hop.

Watt's the worst thing you can do to a datacenter? Failing to RTFM, electrically

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Re: Check the power supply

,,,also all testers should install an audio device that when it is next plugged in makes BZZZZZT!!! BZZZT! noises.

Okay, SMART ePANTS, you tell us how to create network-connected textiles

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Thumb Up

Keep in mind....

...that in the US pants mean trousers, not you trolleys. Sounds a bit one sided as well - where are your eKnickers? (OK on the bedpost).

Russian infosec boss gets nine years for $100M insider-trading caper using stolen data

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... I guess he got an extended holiday

NASA rockets draining its pockets as officials whisper: 'We can't afford this'

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The money went up in smoke

Per title - 'nuff said

Sure, give the new kid and his MCSE power over the AS/400. What could possibly go wrong?

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Re: Umm. Mainframe?

Oh, and also the favoured hotel for visiting the "Blue Zoo" (IBM Rochester with a distinctive blue building, now sadly closed) was the Best Western - which every Tuesday evening held "Bidding for bachelors" - ooh err missus.

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Re: Umm. Mainframe?

System/38 next gen replacement manufactured out of Rochester Minnesota - from its looks the world's most intelligent filing cabinet. Originally codenamed Silverlake after the pond in Rochester fed by the outfall of the local power plant which meant it didn't freeze over in the -gazillion degrees winter weather, so attracted a megabundle of geese (hence also known by the codename goose-crap).

Right to repair advocates have a new opponent: Scientologists

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Re: Expose

I think this is more in relation to repair brain altering devices.

Dell and Samsung grab first-class tickets for AI hype train

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Stickers

Putting an AI lable on things these days increases your valuation/share price. Not that most people can discriminate this as opposed to something that is machine learning or data science. Perhaps I can insert a few rented speccy teens into the product processes and claim it is AI (vaguely more justifiable). The ability to not discriminate the "generative" (read regurgitative) stuff from proper AI, such as used in medical diagnostics, is hurting those really beneficial uses as countries regulate the former. Still, if it increases your share price and investor return I don't think companies give a flying f***.

UK air traffic woes caused by 'invalid flight plan data'

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Reset it

CTRL+Altitude+Delete

Tesla's purported hands-free 'Elon mode' raises regulator's blood pressure

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The secret phrase is...

unlocks me

(oh go on you can solve that one - yes I know we have to borrow a "c" - I will take that from "car")

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