Posts by markw:

'I'm BIG, I'm BALD and I'm LOUD!' Blubbering Ballmer admits HE was Microsoft's problem

It's the Brits wot dun it...

It's all our fault.

That visit to London and then Coldplay depressed him so much that he just gave up.

Will we ever live it down...

Who! wants! cursed.com? Yahoo! flogs! domains! in! multimillion-dollar! sale!

Poo

It can be quite amusing to see what people have registered.

E.g. someone has registered PooReview.com.

Why?

Thought you didn't need to show ID in the UK? Wrong

Re: ryanair

Yes, but only because there isn't a worse word available.

A deficiency in the English language ...

Facebook fans fuel faggots firestorm

Re: Faggots, AKA "Savoury ducks" offensive?

"Bum a fag"

Or Burn a flag...

Call yourself a 'hacker', watch your ex-boss seize your PC without warning

Re: So...

Hack: A writer of articles; a harmless drudge.

Obama to Merkel: No Americans are listening to you on this call

But surely Germany...

But surely Germany is spying on American — and everyone else for that matter.

Or are they the only country in the world that is'nt?

Dead Steve Jobs' Apple donut SPACESHIP HQ gets permission to land

Re: 2.8 million square foot?

2.8 million square feet with rounded corners...

Ofcom set to fatten up London's White Space TV spectrum

Spelling!

meters -> metres

Beat the UK's incoming smut filter: Pre-censor your grumble flicks

What's the problem?

Nothing has been censored. Nothing has changed.

The last time I visited my ISP's site (TalkTalk) I was asked if I wanted to activate a "child-friendly" filter. I ticked "no".

What is the problem exactly?

Star Wars revival secret: This isn't the celluloid you're looking for

Re: Could be 65mm

None of the original was in 65mm. Although 2001 was...

Nokia's India threat letter: 'It's cheaper to make phones in China'

Re: It might be cheaper 'today'

"Eventually, these conglomerates will run out of cheap places to 'make stuff'."

Eventually the greedy, rich first-world consumers will run out of cheap places to make the shiny shit they are addicted to.

There fixed it for you ...

iWatch rumours grow as Apple hires Nike fitness guru Jay Blahnik

Re: Tom Lehrer? : Shakespeare

Richard III surely...

London Mayor shows off GIANT BLUE COCK in busy square

Hooker in Dudley...

When I suggested you do this story in the comments of the "Hooker in Dudley..." article I thought that I was being ironic —oh well...

Apple's shock treatment: An authentic charger-spotting guide

Right brand

Buying cheap chargers from eBay is stupid — as is buying official istuff.

Best to stick to known brands. I got a Belkin charger from ebuyer which cost three times as much as an eBay cheapie but still much less than igear. It is beautifully constructed.

Hooker in Dudley man's car 'just helping to buy tomatoes'

Enormous blue cock

One has been erected in Trafalgar Square — another story for you ...

'First' 3D-printed rifle's barrel splits after single shot

Re: One up the spout!

Igniting a bullet is impossible. Firing a round is possible but very dangerous no matter where you position yourself relative to the barrel.

Isn't getting a metal pipe from the hardware shop more effective than printing a plastics (and plastic) barrel?

Which is more dangerous a disintegrating plastics or metal barrel?

Only 1 in 5 Americans believe in pure evolution – and that's an upswing

UK?

I wonder what the UK figures are. We can't be that stupid — surely ...

Smartwatch makers: You need apps to beat Apple

Ugly

Sir Jony must have been delighted to see what the watches mentioned looked like. They seemed to have been designed by the geeks who did the hardware and the software. The trick for Apple is to design something that looks stylish enough. Nice screen, thin hardware etc. Functionality and battery life are low on the Hipster list of priorities.

Worldwide smartwatch shipments predicted to top 5 million next year

Tosser

Every time I imagine someone (Stephen Fry) wearing an iWatch I see someone looking like a tosser. Is there any way of wearing one of these things without embarrassment?

The facts on Trident 'cuts': What the Lib Dems want is disarmament

I want comments as usual...

Apple 'iWatch' trademark filing hints Cook's make-or-break moment looms

Apple version of Google Glass

It's the ieye ...

British lord sets new world electric vehicle speed record

Re: Crash

I'm more afraid of a Dreamliner-style self-sustaining fire. Deforming a liquid fuel tank in a shunt is usually not a problem. Deforming a lithium battery pack is more worrying. A liquid fuel tank can be penetrated by debris without incinerating the driver. With lithium batteries — well I'd want a Bond-style ejector seat.

Crash

Lithium batteries in a shunt? Hmm ...

Gourmet chemists sniff out ultimate cheese on toast

Microwave

Make toast days beforehand so it can dry out.

Add slices of cheese and nuke in microwave until it boils.

Eat immediately — even a few seconds spoils the taste.

Is the next-gen console war already One?

Re: New controllers needed

"Kick in the balls..."

That's entertainment. That's entertainment...

The bunker at the end of the world - in Essex

Useful...

It could still be useful if we could fill it with "top politicians and civil servants" and seal the massive blast-proof doors...

Hello, Goodbye ... to $408,000: John Lennon axe under the hammer

Axe?

Surely only heavy metal tossers have "axes"?

Creative Suite cloud lurch crushes beret-wearers' cost-slash bid

Re: Guess I'm the exception....

Great! I'm in the UK. Where do I pay my $50?

Monitor-makers ponder Android-powered touch screens

Raspberry Pi

Plug it in — cheaper...

Brit cops blow £14m on software - then just flush it down the bogs

Re: £13M?

This type of funeral only happens a handful of times a century. Government IT cockups on the other hand...

The ten SEXIEST computers of ALL TIME

Re: Wot no SGI?

I remember the O2 had the cheapest looking and most flimsy CD drive of any computer that I've ever come across.

US Navy blasts drones with ship-mounted LASER CANNON

Re: I find it interesting...

It is named after Ponce in the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, which in turn was named after the Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon, the first governor of Puerto Rico and European discoverer of Florida.

Still does not explain why you would want to end up with a ship named USS Ponce!

Swedish judge explains big obstacles to US Assange extradition

Re: if you are on the wrong side of them, i would expect it pays to be very cautious

No, Samuel Johnson said it in 1775.

"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel."

He was not condemning patriotism but politicians who wrap themselves in the flag at the drop of a hat.

Luckily such people are rare in the USA.

Swedish linguists nix new word after row with Google

Re: Not regulating

I think that like the OED the Swedish dictionary describes the language and does not define it. The French Academy is more prescriptive — though not to the extent of banning every interloper and going back to Latin.

ITV catches up with TVCatchup

Why?

This is a very useful service.

It is rebroadcasting all the content including ads to extra viewers. Exactly how is ITV losing out?

Apple 'insider' explains why vid adapter hides ARM computer

Re: I wonder if you can hack the cable...

Why bother? Just get a Raspberry Pi — it's cheaper...

Over 100,000 sign White House petition for handset unlocking

The Librarian — he say...

Ook!

I think someone called him a monkey — so he won't be doing you any favours now...

Higgs data shows alternate reality will SWALLOW UNIVERSE

Re: Alternative

It's either 'alternating' or 'alternative'.

Alternate is incorrect.

iPad? Pah. Behold the EYEPAD, patented by Sony for the 'PS4'

Sasanach!

The och aye pad.

Or the new och aye the noo pad...

Apple design bloke Ive finally honoured properly - with Blue Peter badge

Re: It's made from

I already know how to spell sulphur.

Reg readers scuffle over the ultimate cuppa

Re: Stands the clock at then to three, and is there honey still for tea?

Rupert Brooke Bond...

Tennessee bloke quits job over satanic wage slip

665 — Fax number of The Beast

That is all...

Tracy brothers are back: Thunderbirds Are Go! again in 5... 4... 3...

Re: Made in Britain...

It depends who has the rights. I assume ITV are leading. The could have chosen UK based company...

Made in Britain...

The original was but apparently this series has to be off-shored to New Zealand. Why?

Smarm-bot Siri seeks side-splitting script-writer for charm transplant

Hire a Brit

If they hire a Brit (by mistake) then the whole world will be baffled by a tide of irony and innuendo.

Empire says ‘primitive’ Earth not ready for Death Star

The press release is so poorly written that it must be from an alien source — or an American Star Wars nerd. Maybe dialogue meister Lucas wrote it himself...

Firefox for Android now runs on EVEN OLDER, slower kit

Re: Yet More Places to run this?

No, right first time there are about a million...

Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet creator Gerry Anderson dies at 83

RIP Gerry

And don't forget my childhood favourite SUPERCAR.

Fire one... Fire two...........