Posts by Crisp

Gov IT contractors hire staff in India to work on benefits system

What's that Chris Grayling?

Do as I say, not as I do? Ok, carry on.

100 EARTH-LIKE PLANETS orbit stars WITHIN 30 LIGHT-YEARS!

Re: Why don't we just fix Venus?

That's a bloody good idea. It would be relatively cheap to pull off, and you could just drop balloons full of bacteria into the atmosphere as Earth normal atmosphere is a lifting gas in the Venusian environment.

Why aren't we sending probes to Venus with a few bacteria on board, and maybe some marmite to get them started?

Imagine those civilisations that avoided things like the Dark Ages

An extra 1400 years of technological progress buys you an awful lot of cool toys.

Plastic that SELF-REPAIRS using light unleashed by prof

Can anyone else see a problem with this?

What happens if I leave my self healing plastic phone on top of my self healing plastic counter top in bright sunshine?

The last thing I want is my self healing plastic items healing to each other.

Amazon names date for Kindle Touch touchdown

Bugger!

Now I wish I'd held out and not bought the missus a Kindle for xmas. Do they offer a part exchange on old inferior Kindles with buttons?

High school student expelled for dropping F-bomb in tweet

Make the punishment fit the crime

Give that boy a job writing american sit-coms.

Egypt ponders smut suppression

Egypt plans to impose a ban on internet pornography

Ha ha ha ha! :D Oh... Wait.... You're serious? Let me laugh harder! :)

What's the bet that some Egyptian Bureaucrat has got himself a plum job somewhere surfing the internet looking for boobies?

Force Google to black out searches in new privacy law - MPs

Shooting the Messenger Much?

Search engines and social networks aren't the only way to pass links around. Why only this morning I was sent an email with a link to a humorous picture of a kitten on it.

Bio student thrown in the clink for Muamba Twitter rant

The guy got locked up for being a jerk

The cynical side of me thinks that this would have been ignored if he had said this about Muamba that plays 5-a-side down the park though.

TSA bars security guru from perv scanner testimony

If those scanners really worked

They would have them at the security checkpoint at palirment.

Oz regulator to Apple: Don’t call it 4G if you can’t connect

Re: I'd be satisfied

The phone is only a year old, on contract. I probably suffer from the problem of not ever going anywhere near a 3G mast.

I'd be satisfied

If I could see a functioning 3G network. My phone was sold to me as a 3G phone, but I've never been able to actually get a 3G connection on it. What's up with that?

Female Chinese astronauts must have no scars, straight teeth

I'm guessing

That bucktoothed scarred women that smell don't make for good photo and PR, no matter how smart and capable they are.

Or am I being cynical?

Americans resort to padlocking their dumb meters

All I hear is

Radio goo goo....

Radio ga ga.

Thai floods derail Hadron-colliding antimatter boffinry

7Pb of storage

That's an awful lot of Paris Hilton angles. 1,048,576 Paris Hilton angles assuming an uncompressed 60 minute tape at any rate.

Record-breaking laser pulse boosts fusion power hopes

There will still be wars and terrorism. Except that now it will be FUSION POWERED!

El Reg user forum opens to public, HTML for all (mostly)

Re: Let's see

Dude! Couldn't you have put that in <spoiler /> tags?

Re: and...

The marquee tag doesn't exist. And has never existed. Any memory you may think you have of it is an alcohol induced hallucination.

I also plan to eliminate from the world, anyone that has ever used the blink tag.

Chrome beats IE market share for one day

I for one

Would like to welcome our new shiny overloads.

Hong Kong scientists claim 'self-charging' graphene battery

Re: IANAC but...

I stand corrected.

In hindsight, I should not only have read the bloody article, but I should have read the bloody paper too.

Re: IANAC but...

They didn't say that it stopped working after 25 days, they said that they observed a voltage over 25 days.

Nokia invents teeny throbbing tattoos to make your skin crawl

Does the tattoo function like a magnet implant?

I've always wanted to be able to feel electrical fields and current flow.

Samsung backside-bitten by emoticon patent trollery

Surely the solution is simple

We get the lawyers from each company, and then bang their bloody heads together.

Then the rest of us can get back to work.

Pope Benedict in .XXX pro-Islam cybersquat drama

What are these religious types doing?

What are these religious types doing browsing .xxx domain names?

This seems like a flimsy cover up by a priest caught browsing the web one handed.

Brit LulzSec suspect charged over NHS, plod web attacks

He should have owned a newspaper

Kid with a LOIC, straight to jail.

Multi-billion pound news paper owner, lengthy political inquiry.

Tourists follow GPS, drive into sea

It's easier to blame the GPS

Than admit to being a bad driver.

Lawyers of Mordor menace Hobbit boozer

I'm not sure I understand the infringement here either.

It's not like people are going to turn up to the pub and confuse it with the movie.

UPDATE: GAGA team hunts down grass-smoking ROBOT

static WIFI camera

Great idea, wouldn't work for L shaped gardens though.

Boffins render fibre obsolete

Re: I'd get one but...

It's a shame those FTL neutrinos didn't work out. You could buy a receiver now and then call yourself from the future to let yourself know if it's a good idea or not.

Awesome News!

How long till Ofcom start carving up the neutrino spectrum and selling it off?

UK Home Secretary approves TVShack's O'Dwyer extradition

Re: The priime minister should hang his head in shame

In shame? You mean from a rope surely?

UK kids' art project is 'biggest copyright blag ever' – photographer

Some of those painting might actually be valuable

Especially if the child goes on to do something of note, or becomes famous.

If I had a finger painting done by a 4 year old Van Gogh I'd bet it would be worth a fortune.

Wont somebody think of the children!

Surely there should be a law against screwing kids like this.

Can a child even consent to a contract like this?

Cameron denies personal Trident missile firing iPad app

An Apple Nuke App

I'm sorry, I can only nuke locations within the United States.

Jester hacker brags of mobe attack on Anonymous, baby-kisser

The worst thing about this is

All those blackberry users are looking pretty smug compared to iPhone and Android users right now.

iPlayer repeat fees threaten BBC earthquake

And what about the original content creator?

What about the original content creator? They've most likely been paid a shed load of money already.

If I download an episode of Up Pompeii, how exactly are the people I'm paying money to going to be able to pass the cash along to Frankie Howard?

Speedy 3D printer creates 285µm Formula-1 speedster

You wouldn't download a car would you?

Re: I just followed my own advice in my last comment.

Who would use a sex toy that small?

Megaupload boss: Site popular among US government users

Re: Release...

Bypassing the company web filter?

Council spunks '£100k on how to wash your hands' vid

@Miek

There's always the strong possibility that both factors contributed to this huge waste of money.

(sometimes I wish we could vote on what our tax money gets spent on)

Walking through MIME fields: Snubbing Steve Jobs to Star Trek tech

Anyone want to take bets on how long it will take Apple to come up with a patent lawsuit?

Oh come on Fanbois! It's what everyone else was thinking!

Web trawlers may have to pay to slurp up German newspaper snippets

Interesting Point

See the above comment for reference.

HMRC cuts IT spending in half in 2 years

I'm not sure quite how to feel about this

Upside : Yay! They are saving money! :)

Downside : Damn! They are going to tax what little I have much more efficiently now. :(

Citrix drops Rush Limbaugh over 'slutgate' slurs

Re: What's a citrix

You can infer it from the name.

It's a lemon.

LulzSec SMACKDOWN: Leader Sabu turned by feds last summer

I feel safer already.

Now netizens can safely surf the intertubes again!

Lithuania rules beer brewing 'vitally essential' to life

I've had enough.

I'm off to start brewing my own beer. With blackjack and hookers.

Brits trapped in confusing council website labyrinths - survey

Re: They are not in competition...

That sounds like a sensible well thought out idea.

That kind of thing has NO place in government!

Re: Councils should not have websites

I totally agree with you. Online transactions are more cost effective when implemented properly. I'm just not seeing that kind of professionalism from UK councils though.

Customer expectation has increased way out of proportion with what councils are providing. I'd like councils to start producing websites that people can actually use *and* that will save us council tax. Private companies appear to be able to manage it, why can't our local councils?

We could all benefit from properly implemented council web sites, but as the article and some of our fellow commentards have pointed out, we can't at the moment.

(oh, and I upvoted your post because you made some good points)

UK tax fraud IT project 'missed virtually every delivery date'

If I had a Pound for every time the government wasted money like this

I'd probably still get taxed on it.

Bloomin’ big: algae seen from space

Re: You forgot a life-form in the feeding frenzy food chain...

While CO2 and sunlight are necessary for photosynthesis, if that's all it took to make algae grow then we'd being seeing blooms like this everywhere.