Posts by Crisp

Libya's new rulers fire up Gaddafi's surveillance tech

Re: land of shiny rainbows and constant blowjobs

We're a bunch of relatively smart people. I'm sure we could create a land like that if we put our minds to it.

Computer error triggers mass rocket launch

It was obviously Skynet.

Skynet obviously took control of the rocket launch system and tried to wipe out the human race.

Unfortunately, due to an administration cock up, Skynet ended up with the launch codes for San Diegos firework arsenal instead

Google makes Opera bloggers an offer they can't refuse: Use Chrome

Re: Boooo!

The diet coke of evil?

Google had not responded to our request for comment

Do they ever? Companies that hold us in contempt with their silence are not doing themselves any favours.

UK is first class for train Wi-Fi in Europe

Trains have wifi

I'd be grateful if trains were just cleaned every once in a while and had a seat available for me to sit down on.

But no... The powers that be think that I'd be better off with wifi :(

Did your iPhone 'just stop working' - or did you drop it in your BEER?

Why aren't phones waterproof already?

It used to be that I could make a phone call in the rain, whydo they not cater for this use case anymore? Nowadays I don't dare try just in case a rain drop manages to find its way in side the case.

Disappearing space dust belt baffles boffins

Re: Maybe

"is it just me or do some "scientists" seem to completely dismiss obvious and simple ideas for the most far fetched ones?"

How about we look at the evidence and research done on TYC before we start introducing maybe extras like unseen migratory planets? Maybe the reason that they don't suspect the obvious and simple idea of a migratory planet, because there wasn't one there to see, .

tl;dr

It's you.

Startup pitches £64 hackable Android console

Re: Already on shakey ground

Maybe they could round the corners off...

Boffins pull off room-temp quantum computing with home-grown gems

Re: A high tech hum?

I'd imagine a device like this would make a satisfying noise like an unlicensed nuclear accelerator being fired up.

Brummie popstrels crowdsource their visual appearance

How is this different from /b/?

Post ending in 69 gets to name my band!

Who runs UK? 'Tories, Lib Dems and Google' says Labour

Google's huge lobbying influence over UK policy makers

In other words, bribery.

CERN catches a glimpse of Higgs-like boson

They found the Higgs Boson?

And as usual with these kind of things, it's always in the last place you look!

ITC denies Apple an emergency ban on ALL HTC PHONES

Frigging software patents.

"HTC was infringing on a patent that allows folks to isolate data such as phone numbers in emails and then call the number."

I didn't think that you were allowed to patent the bleedin' obvious!

US federal boffins insist that mermaids DON'T exist

Re: The Other Problem

How do mermaids have sex?

Paris, because there's no "Where's the Daryl Hannah angle?" icon.

Facebook phone app attempts to seize ALL YOUR MAIL

Re: Computer misuse - EULA

"Possibly section 3 as well, but that may depend on the EULA"

I don't think that EULAs can be used to absolve a person of criminal responsibility.

I can try adding a clause in the next bit of software I write to give me the power to break into the users home and mess up their stuff, but I don't think it will stand up in a court of law when I'm tried for breaking and entering.

UK.gov proposes massive copyright land snatch

The Pirate Bay are "significantly representative of rights holders affected by the scheme"

Is this legislation being brought in to make sites like that legal?

Overland patent broadside: Targeted firms vow to fight

These guys can wait a very long time under their bridges before they sue...

No... wait... That's *Patient* Trolls.

Plans for special police-run ICT firm to firm up this month

Police officers with computers

Now the Home Office has *two* problems.

Microsoft silently kills silent, automatic Skype install via Updates

Re: Oh look.

Has anyone anywhere ever intentionally and wilfully installed any kind of browser toolbar ever?

Sozzled Americans nagged by talking urinal cake

Whatever did Mankind do before we had automatons to recite the bleedin' obvious?

Please remember to take all your personal belongs with you on your way out.

Reg hack attempts gutsiest expenses claim EVER

I'm taking notes for future expense claims

Now all I need is a legitimate excuse to raid the hotel mini-bar.

Sussex bobbies get undisclosed tablets in networked-copper trials

Coppers with iPads

Maybe if they all have an iPad with a 3G connection to keep them occupied, our friendly neighbourhood police officers will be too busy with facebook and 4chan to harass the general public.

Brit global warming skeptics now outnumber believers

Since when was science determined by popular opinion?

It doesn't matter how many people believe in theory, what matters is; Does it work?

Darwin alarmed by six-legged mutant cane toad

Mutant Toads

Mutants are quite common if there are no predators to mop them up. They tend to be the first to get eaten usually.

Even Apples sometimes have worms in them, admits Cupertino

Re: It's not ethical advertising

There's ethical advertising?

Comparing useless numbers

So that's 299,993 more viruses for Windows PC's!

But what are the magnitude of those threats? What damage will be done if they are encountered?

Most Windows PC users run some sort of anti-virus scanner. I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of Mac PC's are running around unprotected. After all, why scan for viruses on an operating system that doesn't get viruses?

A Mac doesn't get the thousands of viruses plaguing Windows-based computers.

It gets it's own special viruses! Especially written for the platform.

MI5 boss: Cyber spies, web-enabled crooks threaten UK economy

Britain’s National Security Strategy ranks cyber security alongside terrorism

Nice to see they've got their priorities in order then.

'Inexperienced' RBS tech operative's blunder led to banking meltdown

RBS: "No evidence" this is connected to outsourcing

Well of course you wont find evidence if you don't go out looking for it!

This is worse than incompetence, this is 'bury your head in the sand' wilful ignorance. They made experience staff redundant, and when they gave those responsibilities to someone with little experience of the system, they cocked it up.

Net publishing happens in the server AND the eyeball, says EU Bot

Re: So why does anyone put up with the "football authorities"

Are you suggesting that the "football authorities" would sully the great sport by using it to extract money out of people? Wouldn't that tarnish the purity of the game?

BWAHAHAHA! Sorry, I tried keeping a straight face for as long as I could. Mines the coat marking a goalpost.

LulzSec suspects plead guilty to DDoS attacks

Re: These guys aint propper hackers...

Proper hackers use at least 7 proxies.

Stephen Hawking to demonstrate speech via brain scan

Re: although the iBrain does carry a USB port for uploading.

What about downloading? Or Wi-Fi?

Can I hook up a robot arm (or a whole army of spider robots) if it's got a USB connection?

USB 2 or 3?

The public need to know!

Mensch pal Bozier defends Menshn security, dubs critics 'snippy geeks'

Re: site down

So I just left a brick on the F5 key until it loads.

What? That's how you get unresponsive sites to load isn't it?

Re: "Oops! Google Chrome could not connect to menshn.com"

Times a thousand.

Re: "Oops! Google Chrome could not connect to menshn.com"

It's up and down like a whores knickers.

I'll bet it's some combination of the reddit/slashdot thing coupled with the Streisand effect probably with a few /b/tards thrown in for good measure.

"Menshn is a safe, clean & secure environment."

Sounds like famous last words! Like a red rag to a script kiddy.

It's like showing an uncrackable safe to a safe cracker.

Chinese 'nauts couple successfully without help of machines

Taikonauts

I guess I'm going to have to get used to that word.

No one watches TV, Nielsen, and you know it

Re: People watch the programmes, not the adverts

Actually, if I'm at a friends house and they have a TV, I love watching the adverts.

They never make me buy anything, but I'm always interested to see the line of bullshit made up by advertisers.

Hackers publish payday loan emails after failing to levy 'idiot tax'

Re: Hackers?

It used to be that I would spend hours hacking away at code. I still do. But I wouldn't tell anyone nowadays that I've spent most of the day hacking.

Kepler space telescope peers at hot alien couple

It's lucky there's no water on that rocky planet.

Can you imagine what the tides would be like?

Lollipop Chainsaw

When is this out for the PC?

I can't wait! Zombie killing chainsaw fun here I come!

Paris, because she was awesome in that movie House of Wax where she got killed about 1000 times.

Natwest, RBS: When will bank glitch be fixed? Probably not today

You can bet that Philip Hampton and Stephen Hester wont be going hungry next week. The only RBS Group employees that will be feeling any pain are the low paid staff subsisting from paycheck to paycheck.

Re: Out-sourcing is bad

Do I need to add /sarcasm to the end of that post? :)

Good documentation helps prevent future disasters, and speeds up the resolution of problems. Good documentation should save you time in the future. The problem is that few people seem to realise the importance of good documentation until they don't have any.

Re: Out-sourcing is bad

"This is why out-sourcing IT is bad. You fire the permanent staff who knew all the quirks of the system and would have pinpointed the problem in no time at all."

I'm sure that the project manager made absolutely sure that there was adequate time to complete all documentation and each quirk and bug is accurately recorded so that the next guy to come along would have a fighting chance.

The Queen has been unaffected

That's a load off my mind too :)

Can you still walk into a branch and get money out over the counter? Lets hope you don't get charged for each failed direct debit.

IT People

Management think they don't need us until the magic box of blinking lights doesn't work any more.

Then they *really* need us.

Rare AutoCAD worm lifted blueprints from Peru, sent them to China

Medre

Totally read that as Merde.

One court order could gag EVERY ISP in Denmark

I can see this working really well.

Just like how blocking the Pirate Bay stopped copyright infringement in the UK .

That's an end to it once and for all.

Mars has more water than thought

I had to look up what the word apatite meant.

But it was totally worth it to get the pun in the sub heading :D

Google launches field force management tool

Re: Totally misread that as "force field"

Me too. I was sat here wondering how much phaser energy one could dissipate.