* Posts by Crisp

2852 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Brexit travel permits designed to avoid 7,000-lorry jams come January depend on software that won't be finished till April


My solution for this is radical

Place all trucks on truck trucks.

Drive the truck trucks across the border.

All freight is now trucks. Thus simplifying all paperwork.

Absolutely everyone loves video conferencing these days. Some perhaps a bit too much


During my time in front line IT support I've seen things

Terrible things.

I feel a strange sense of kinship with "Sarah"

It has been 15 years, and we're still reporting homograph attacks – web domains that stealthily use non-Latin characters to appear legit


Re: if I were to visit TheRegister.co.uk


US Homeland Security mistakenly seizes British ad agency's website in prostitution probe gone wrong


Re: > signing a waiver reneging any claim against the US government for damages

In the UK you cannot sign away your statutory rights. No matter how clever the legalese is on the contract.

Decent, legal, honest and searchable: C'mon, Ofcom. Let us check up on the ad-slingers ourselves


Toothless regulators

Unless Ofcom has the authority and the means to enforce its will, I don't really see how much this will change anything.

By the time the ASA have gotten around to shifting their arse pretty much all they ever say is "The ad must not appear again in its current form" which does absolutely nothing to stop dishonest advertisers.

Facebook tells US tax bods: Swear to God, we were only worth $6.5bn in 2010 because we were menaced by... MySpace and smartphones


Re: "No, they just remember things differently. "

Ah! The Eric Cartman Defense.

"I misinterpreted the rules!"

One man is standing up to Donald Trump's ban on US chip tech going to Huawei. That man... is Donald Trump


Re: "his excrement feeding Fox News, that feeds him."

Thank you for that disturbing mental image.

So sort of like a circular human centipede?

Good news: Neural network says 11 asteroids thought to be harmless may hit Earth. Bad news: They are not due to arrive for hundreds of years



Oh great! Now you've said that, we're probably going to end up with a meteor hitting Yellowstone.

Not a Genius move after all: Apple must cough up $$$ in back pay for store staff forced to wait for bag searches


American Employment

But that's just slavery with extra steps!

Call us immediately if your child uses Kali Linux, squawks West Mids Police


Be a government informer! Betray your family and friends! Fabulous prizes to be won!

Act now for a 3rd glorious decade of law enforcement!

Parks and recreation escalate efforts to take back control of field terrorised by thug geese


Where I live it's ill tempered ducks.

You see them in groups on the lake just swanning about.

Jeff Bezos: I will depose King Trump


Re: "Has anyone calculated the difference between Trump and Obamas time spent"

Trump Golf Count

Turns out there's a website for that.


Corruption in the USA?

Not surprising from the man that goes golfing every other day at his own golf courses while he lines his own pockets by charging the white house for his secret service guards entry.

This AI is full of holes: Brit council fixes thousands of road cracks spotted by algorithm using sat snaps


Potholes are the worst!

Partly the potholes themselves and partly the car drivers swerving violently into my lane to avoid them.

School's out as ransomware attack downs IT systems at Scotland's Dundee and Angus College


Re: standard responses

Shouldn't there be something in there about how our privacy is very important to them or something?

Boris celebrates taking back control of Brexit Britain's immigration – with unlimited immigration program


Why not save money and not have a border all together?

What have borders ever done for us?

Except cause long lines at airports.

World-record-breaking boffins reveal the fastest spinning thing on Earth – and it's not George Orwell in his grave


The fastest spinning object on Earth?

Is it faster than The Flash?

Azure consultant's Google image search results hotlinking sueball booted off the pitch by High Court


Re: Eyes.

People do have eyes and memories.

If something you worked long and hard to graffiti something on a wall ends up getting seen by me and it ends up being stored in my memory; when you try and sue then I'm going to have to charge you for storage.

What if everyone just said 'Nah' to tracking?


Like most people on here I run anti-tracking software at home

So I'm always surprised at how much advertising carp there is when I visit the same websites at work.

I should be able to say to advertisers that they are not allowed to run code or interfere with the normal operation of my computing device. If they violate that then they should be prosecuted as criminals under the Computer Misuse Act (1990).

'Supporting Internet Explorer is hell': Web developers identify top needs – new survey


Re: "write a damn application for the system, not a 'web app'"

But marketing have heard that Competitor$ has a new web app out and they want one too now.

It's just software, how hard can it be?

Ever wonder how hackers could possibly pwn power plants? Here are 54 Siemens bugs that could explain things


Re: Is it poor-quality staff who don't think beyond "get it working"?

In my experience it's usually a manager saying things like "We don't have the time or the budget to do that."

Co-op Bank online and mobile banking goes TITSUP*


Under investment in infrastructure causes problems

Well colour me surprised.

Bose customers beg for firmware ceasefire after headphones fall victim to another crap update


Re: I mean since when did headphones even need firmware updates?

Ever since they decimalised the octave.

Labour: Free British broadband for country if we win general election


1995 called it wants its ‘certain year called and it wants its blank back’ formula

Why Jerry?

NASA boffins tackle Nazi alien in space – with the help of Native American tribal elders


We need to send up another probe

With a giant carrot. And some massive lumps of coal.

UK Home Office: We will register thousands of deactivated firearms with no database


Re: Sounds like a job for...

Thumb drives are small and easily lost.

You'd be better off with a word document on a floppy disk. When the disk gets full it can easily be stapled to a document for proper filing.

Watch tiny swimming magnetic robots suck up uranium in a droplet of radioactive wastewater


Teeny Tiny Robots and radiation

What could possibly go wrong?

I'm thankful the little buggers can't replicate.

Hubble grabs first snap of interstellar comet... or at least that's what we hope this smudge is


"based on its trajectory and speed, the comet had to originate from outside the Solar System"

Who threw that?

I say we start flinging snowballs back.

Some fokken arse has bared the privates of 250,000 users' from Dutch brothel forum


Why isn't public transport free?

Surely 250,000 members have been exposed?

Google Maps gets Incognito fig leaf: We'll give you vague peace of mind if you hold off those privacy laws


Why isn't public transport free?

If you don't have a google account then it will be saved to your shadow account.

Remember the millions of fake net neutrality comments? They weren't as kosher as the FCC made out


It's gone a bit beyond fake comments when you're doing it for gain

It seems like it's just fraud on a massive scale.

Medic! Uncle Sam warns hospitals not to use outdated IPnet freely on their networks


Get decent IT staff and make the insurance companies pay for it.

You'd think with the amount Americans are overcharged for their healthcare that they would have the best IT that money could buy.

EU's top court says tracking cookies require actual consent before scarfing down user data


Some people call them Dark UI Patterns

I call it deliberate fraud and dishonesty. Plain and simple.

Computer says no: An expression-analysing AI has been picking out job candidates for Unilever


Re: "In doctors, you might expect a good one to use more technical language"

What if the AI has paradox absorbing crumple zones?


"In doctors, you might expect a good one to use more technical language"

Would you?

I'd expect a good doctor to tailor his speech to the needs of the patient.

US immigration uses Google Translate to scan people's social media for bad posts – Er, don't do that, says everyone else


Translate them into Betacrypt3

That should do the trick.

Black holes are like buses: You wait for one – and three turn up at once in galaxy merger


Re: Oops

I believe it's pronounced Nucular.

If you have enough of this type of gut microbe, you can get drunk for free after eating carbs


Re: I like the taste of booze, but not getting drunk per se

Pint of Cobra? They do an alcohol free beer.

Are you who you say you are, sir? You are? That's all fine then


Re: do people still say "surf the web"?

The kids nowadays are all cruising the information super highway.

Cu in Hell: Thousands internetless after copper thieves pinch 500m of cable in Cambridgeshire


Don't they forensically tag the copper?

I seem to remember seeing signs to that effect at a train station once.

SpaceX didn't move sat out of impending smash doom because it 'didn't see ESA's messages'


@Robert Heffernan

You are Jebediah Kerman, and I claim my five pounds.

Bus pass or bus ass? Hackers peeved about public transport claim to have reverse engineered ticket app for free rides


Why isn't public transport free?

It's subsidised anyway, so why not subsidise it all the way?

It's ridiculous to have a public transport system that's as expensive to use as a car.

Lab grown stem cells emit brain waves like newborns – and boffins build robot worm to slither through heads


Brain worms

Will they help me learn to play the holophone though?

Disgruntled bug-hunter drops Steam zero-day to get back at Valve for refusing him a bounty


Re: more struts

And moar boosters.

Sueball claims Tesla solar panels are so effective, they started fires at Walmart stores


Fools! They should have made sure their solar panels were inflammable!

See Title

Got room for another probe up there, Google? Jobs sites ask EU antitrust tsar to look at how search giant ranks them


Recruitment agencies are parasites

They add absolutely nothing to the job hunting process and frequently make it worse. They usually know so little about the industry they are recruiting for that all they can do is pass along job descriptions.

Ohm my God: If you let anyone other than Apple replace your recent iPhone's battery, expect to be nagged by iOS


How is running a protection racket like this legal?

Nice phone you got there. Shame if anything happened to the battery...

Low Barr: Don't give me that crap about security, just put the backdoors in the encryption, roars US Attorney General


@Benson's Cycle

A military more expensive than the next several combined


IT outages in the financial sector: Legacy banks playing tech catch-up risk more outages, UK MPs told


Now imagine how many other systems there are out there that haven't been documented properly

Take Gatwick air traffic control software for example.