* Posts by Doozer

17 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

Teen girl arrested with 70-year-old man's four inch weapon inside her



It reminds me of a line from The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

(Bernadette says to Shirley)

Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, and blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart!


I don't know what's worse, that I can remember the line or that I have watched the film...!

Maybe someone told he she had to take some 'protection' with her so she didn't get up the duff.

Why can’t I walk past Maplin without buying stuff I don’t need?


Im glad I live near CPC

I went into Maplins the other day for a 3.5mm to 3.5mm cable and they were asking £11.99.

I drove about 4 miles to CPC and got the same cable for £1.19 (plus vat).

Even with the cost of fuel I saved a fortune.

Dabbsy would be in heaven if he went in their. Or he would go bankrupt quickly!!

Antarctic ice shelf melt 'lowest ever recorded, global warming is not eroding it'


Never mind the ice and gas....


You missed a perfect opportunity, TELL US ABOUT THE BATTERIES!!

Are they Duracell or just some cheap stuff from a pound shop as they use that many?

What is their recycling policy, do they take em home or throw them into the sea hoping no one will notice (if they do that's a big story itself!)

Just a thought....

I would pick Lindsay as she's a green kinda gal, but el reg moby don't let me choose!

Drug dealer demands jail to escape 'unbearable' missus after NYE row


For the doing the dishes, I negotiated and got a dishwasher. I don't mind loading it, I'm actually hostile to other people loading it incorrectly.

I don't mind putting it away when it's hot either.

Cleaning wise, I have a nice butch lady that comes one a week and cleans the whole house for 20 quid.

Washing wise, that's about the only thing I disagree on so I let the missus do that one as I hate folding clothes and putting them away.

In seven years that has worked perfectly for us

80 quid a month for a clean house is better than the arguments.

Just means I get more 'free time' to be dragged about the supermarket and home furnishing stores of an evening and weekend.

Better this than cleaning!

BT network-level STOCKINGs-n-suspenders KILLER arrives in time for Xmas


VPN's anybody....?

Good job I have got a decent VPN to get me out of the UK. I guess within 5 years, the sale of VPN access to foreign shores will be 'banned' as well!

MPs back call to boycott low-taxed tat from Amazon over Xmas



Im that pi***d off with the government complaining about companies that are using the tax rules to the fullest in order to maximise their profits. They are a business after all...

With the Amazon staff in the UK complaining about their work (BBC 1 documentary...) I have now opted to buy from Amazon Germany.

I see this as a positive for the following reasons:

It means I am not running some poor Welshman round a warehouse that he does not want to work in.

and more over....

The SAME product is £90 quid cheaper from Germany! Even after looking at the exchange rate, bank fee for a Euro Purchase and the shipping fee. I don't care it has a Euro two pin plug on, I just put a british plug on it!

If it was not for the nice chaps in London and the BBC all complaining about Amazon, I would not have looked around.

Yes, I know that means I am no longer putting *any* of my money into the UK economy.....

John McAfee releases NSFW video on how to uninstall security code


I just had some oik at my local PC world try to sell me the benefits of McAfee. I asked him if he had five minutes to spare... I played him the video and then said "so do you think I want it then...?" and the daft arse said that he thought I would like it!

My thoughts about McAfee the man... He is actually quite cool :D

All major UK ISPs prepping network-level porn 'n' violence filters


VPN anyone...?

This will mean people will have to get nice cheap VPN enabled router (Im doing this for the non-techies) hung out of the back of their cable modem or ADSL router. Use a VPN service like Hide My Ass or any of the other million companies out their.

Yes this lowers your speed, but gives you all the sites you want to get to. Oh, and its encrypted...

This week's BBC MELTDOWN: Savile puppet haunts kids' TV


But yet....

I actually know a parent who complained about this to me later that evening... His seven year old was sat playing Grand Theft Auto at the time... Which is worse?

Anger grows over the death of Aaron Swartz

Black Helicopters


This is such a great loss to the industry and community.

Minicam movie pirate gets record-breaking five years in prison

Thumb Up

In reply to TED Talks

I liked the line from the talk...

"[The first MP3 player] was a big Christmas hit, because what little hoodlum wouldn't want a million and a half bucks-worth of stolen goods in his pocket?”

Google maps app is BACK on iPhones, fanbois spared death



Being the big kid that I am.... I dare you all (El Reg reader are usually up for a giggle...) to submit a review into the App Store and make a reference to the Mountain View chocolate factory and Oompa Loompa's - I wonder how many will be published and I wonder how many other. I simply said "Great work by the Oompa Loompa's in the Mountain View chocolate factory, glad to see it is back"

Stupid... Yes. Board... Yes - Lets play with Google and Apple!

Virgin Media SuperHub 'upgrade' hangs up on IP phone punters


Fuckwits, it is the only word to describe them!

I'm in Preston (Area 1) 100Mb and NEVER had an issue with the original modem and my Hub actually worked up until this FW upgrade, in general Virgin's technology in the 2 years that I have been good and I cant really complain.

Today... I want blood! The only thing this hub is useful for now is, well... Nothing.

When I called Tandoori Helpless Desk (Thanks s.pam;-) ) I told them I had a problem with my IP Phone, they told me I need to talk to Apple, WTF! After telling them three times It is not an Jesus Phone (they did not understand, so I guess then don't read El Reg), after saying IP Phone three times I just asked to be put through to disconnections.

My average VM bill is £400 a month. (£120 odd service charge and the rest is calls, yes I know it is a LOT - I get stung calling NGNs... No need to give me advise on how to save money!)

It feels like virgin really dont give a toss about technical customers never mind customers in general at the moment. They lost a rail francise, how will RB feel if he looses lots of customers over this. BT Broadband is now a VERY viable high-speed option.

Windows 8: Download it, then speak YOUR brains

Black Helicopters

Shutdown (eg power off...)

Without looking at a manual, without using a touch screen, without using the 'power' button to completely shutdown (power off) the system, I had eight members of staff try some simple tests.

1 - Power up the test system and log on

- Everyone passed

2 - Open IE

- Everyone passed

3 - Goto traditional windows desktop

- Techie staff all found it, admin staff struggled but got their.

4 - Perform shutdown (eg power off not hibernate)

- admin staff all failed, Techie staff all failed apart from two - one used CTRL ALT DELTE and the other googled how to do it.

This is not ready for me to drop onto desktops, if I did deploy this I would be marched out of the office and the *rap kicked out of me.

I have it on Virtualbox, the performance is better than my Windows 7, but I have just realised that I cant run the version of Pervasive SQL that we use on it. So its a no go (Not MS's Fault...) Gives me breathing space though.

Europe's prang-phone-in-every-car to cost €5m per life saved


1984 here we come

I like technology, I use technology, I make money like most readers of el-reg, but this is another one that scares me.

When the tech is in the car, what is to say that they wont pass a new law which demands monitoring of all movement to be held in a datacenter for 3 years and available to police / security with a court order etc. If there is probable cause, then they switch on call recording etc.

Im really beginning to see parallels of 1984 in the things we do in our every day lives.

YouView launches with pricey premium DVR


TiVo or YouView...

I was really interested in the progress of YouView. I have TiVo from VM and not using it as much (I now use XBMC on a MacMini) as I have that may programs and films to watch.

£300 for a box that can do less than my XBMC setup is crazy. If it would have at least had the same or better features than I am used to then I would have looked at it. If it would have had FreeSat on, then even more likely. As I have no roof antenna anymore (and not had for over 10 years) this to me is a complete waste of time. Great initial concept though.

Latest El Reg project: Rise of the Robot Sheep


I tried changing roombas sweeper beater bar for a home made cutting bar... Only problem was that the missus wanted to hoover the hallway, didnt realise what I had done and shredded the carpet.

I was in the dog house and relegated back to hoovering again after converting her precious robo-sucker.


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