Posts by Bob Vistakin

Jaguar Land Rover ropes in Gorillaz to help it lure 5,000 'electronic wizards'

I'm on Windows Mobile

Where's the app again?

Paris, for once she was cool and trendy too,

Yahoo! cleanup! will! cost! Verizon! half! a! billion! bucks!

Yahoo! blew search as bad as microsoft! blew mobile!

Both were in the market before the newbies popped up, amazingly the same company for both, Google. Both had the resources to dominate and the skilled technicians. And both are nowhere now entirely due to shit management.

And that my friends, most certainly needs an exclamation point!

HPE to staff: 'We are permanently clipping your costs'

That's my take on this too.

It's no co-incidence all these computing giants are falling at the same time as the rise of the cloud. So they mainly provided "consultancy" to the giant dinosaur servers/networks they themselves provided, or recommended to their customers? And the cloud means they no longer need them? See icon...

Banning work from home: same smokescreen as IBM

This is what comes next.

It's to sack expensive older workers set in their ways without being accused of doing so, by appearing to give them the choice of traipsing into the office or resigning.

Hypocrisy of the highest order, considering how big they are on selling the equipment which facilitates doing this.

IBM: ALL travel must be approved now, and shut up about the copter

Re: Just like old times.

Same thing at the DSS. Some bloke was paid to come round and optimise everyone's desk layouts for efficiency.

"Are you right handed? It's best your pen holder is on your right, within reaching distance. I recommend you place you coffee on a mat somewhere it is less likely to get knocked over". That kind of shit.

That's the same place you had to prove your pen was out of ink by physically showing the office admin manager it couldn't write any more before he'd issue a new one.

At BAe there was once an introductory class for new secretaries on "the correct use of the mouse". Nothing to do with software, this was which-way-up-it-goes level training.

What a co-incidence - IBM have a big presence at all those sites.

All their back handers rumbled at last

It is. They're toast. Cheerio.

Microsoft boosts its AI framework with Cognitive Toolkit 2.0

Microsoft AI: "Me too!"

I know, let's skip mobile and tablets and play catch up as usual.

Whoops! Microsoft accidentally lets out a mobile-'bricking' OS update

Re: Nokia 8810 Classic.

How dare you use the N word in a story about microsoft.

Seems so long ago

Since they killed off the iPhone.

IBM marketeers rub out chopper after visit from CEO Ginni

Intense Bowel Movements

Still showering down on the staff from the high and mighty management then.

Microsoft Master File Table bug exploited to BSOD Windows 7, 8.1

Re: Applications are vulnerable?

Does BA run Windows?

T-Mobile goes Apple/Google route by separating phone numbers and devices

Re: Nice!

And having come this far with Google Voice, and also controlling the OS on 90% of the worlds smartphones, Google will surely just sit back and say, "gosh, looks like we're beat, goddamit!".

Walkers' Crisps pulls backfiring Tweet campaign that paired Gary Lineker and a bunch of nasties

"This was the worst experience of my life"

"It sickened me to be seen alongside such a universally hated prat", said Rolf Harris.

What's got a vast attack surface and runs on Linux? Windows Defender, of course

Running windows on Linux. Because you can.

In other news, it's been found people are able to place bin bags over their heads whilst driving at 90mph in the fast lane, stick their hands in food blenders whilst on full settings, and drink pints of car battery acid.

IBM CEO Ginni flouts £75 travel crackdown, rides Big Blue chopper

Did he take the opportunity to relieve himself on them as he flew over their heads?

Just in case any didn't get the message?

Kill Google AMP before it kills the web

Oh, meant to say - the Reg site is really slow on mobile

Know any tech to speed it up?

Windows 10: Triumphs and tragedies from Microsoft Build

Yeah - they said that about Windows Phone too

Even proudly ponced about holding a mock funeral for the iPhone.

How'd that work out then?

Sick of Java and C++? Google pours a cup o' Kotlin for Android devs

Aha! That's what "O" stands for in the new release then

"O"ff you fuck, Oracle. We don't need no stinkin' java round here anymore.

TensorFlow: I want to like you, but you're tricksy

The point is it's free and open

Google giving away a credible implementation of upcoming core tech ahead of the game, in anticipation of it being so widespread it dominates the market. Heard that one before?

IBM freezes contractor hires to keep full-time workers fully occupied

Re: My only comments ever banned by the Reg have been about IBM

It might have been warm here today, but not as warm as the Bahamas. Allegedly.

It must have been a massive bureaucratic task tracking the Holocaust victims during the war. Allegedly.

My only comments ever banned by the Reg have been about IBM

And all I did was speak the truth.

So, whilst I'm here - wasn't it warm today? I nearly got sunburnt this lunchtime. Forecast is for clouds and rain later though, so make the most of it whilst you can.

It's 2017 and Windows PCs are being owned by EPS files, webpages

Riddled to high heaven

Mother of God - is there no end to this?

Today's bonkers bug report: Microsoft Edge can't print numbers

Re: BWA Hahahahahahahhahhhahhahahahha

It won't be noticed by 99.999999999% of users, because all they use it for is downloading Chrome.

UK.gov job ads entice IT bods with promise they will be OUTSIDE IR35

May the farce be with you

The farce is strong in this one, on this special May 4th day.

Another career suicide as reporter leaves The Register for broadcaster

The price of freedom

Murdochs bags of silver may well be larger, but his pens are smaller.

Well, hot-diggity-damn, BlackBerry's KEYone is one hell of a comeback

Re: non-replaceable battery

If/when you get desperate, this non-replaceable battery claim might not be so.

Now this is definitely not for the average Joe, but I replaced the battery on a Nexus 4 and a Nexus 5 armed with nothing more than a £10 mobile phone "toolkit" from eBay, the batteries themselves, and a well executed YouTube video. And I'm the most hamfisted caveman you could meet. They are funny looking things actually, for a start they are not solid, they bend about like a packet of paste. Their connectors are fiddly too. But both worked first time and ones still in daily use. Just sayin' !

iPhone lawyers literally compare Apples with Pears in trademark war

Re: Apple Records predates Apple Computers

The MacIntosh Apple predates them both a bit too, seeing as it was first named in 1811.

Or was it? There's a conspiracy theory going round that even it's name was, ahem, "corrected" after Jobs and his new fangled computer outfit had their reverse engineering fun: The MacIntosh Apple.

Don't stop me! Why Microsoft's inevitable browser irrelevance isn't

IE will always be needed

How else can you download Chrome on new Windows installs?

That's literally the only thing I've used it for this decade.

"Chrome helpfully stepped in."

Understatement of the decade. Made me laugh though - cheers!

Script kiddies pwn 1000s of Windows boxes using leaked NSA hack tools

Tut tut tut

Use windows as a server? Expect the internet equivalent of Kelvin MacKenzie turning up at Anfield dressed in red, plonking himself in the middle of the Kop and singing about never walking alone for 90 minutes at Liverpools next home game.

So few use Windows Phone, Microsoft can't be bothered: Security app is iOS, Android only

Re: Nothing to see here

Same here - I'm holding out for the top end Nokia Android model - what a combination.

It's puzzling to see why Microsoft failed so catastrophically in mobile with such a visionary guru running the show.

Re: Windows Phone is dead, long live Surface

Surface: And with a majestic sweep of the arm, he proudly proclaimed it can run Internet Explorer.

You've got this all wrong

If there are no apps there's no data worth protecting, hence no need for a security app. Simples.

Hasta la Windows Vista, baby! It's now officially dead – good riddance

Re: Windows versions as sandwiches

It's so refreshing to see a factually accurate summary for a change, in a world where so many reviewers resort to colourful analogies and metaphors.

Icon chosen for same reason.

It's not all bad news

Windows itself may have been kicked into second place by Android as the whole industry leaves it behind for mobile, but the average user benefits from the fantastic work the innovative giants have made over the decades to create the mobile ecosystem system we have now.

Nokia's contribution: Paved the way by showing users they really needed mobile tech

Blackberry's contribution: Showed business how essential secure, live information always with you is

Apple's contribution: Sleek, user friendliness lit the smartphone revolution fuse

Google's contribution: Gave the world its most popular mobile OS for free. Commoditised smartphones.

Microsofts contribution: Takes $5-$10 from every Android handset sold in patent royalties.

Android beats Windows as most popular OS for interwebz – by 0.02%

Re: Welcome to the new burning platform

Aha! So a desperate microsoft spent billions thinking it could buy its way into catching up on an entire industry it missed?

I see we have something in common - would you like to connect on Linked In?

Welcome to the new burning platform

I wonder if Nokia read this report too.

Microsoft's in-store Android looks desperate but can Google stop it?

Re: It's dead, Jim

I just had to come back to this article to check the date.

Nope, I'd not been taken in.

Let me get this straight. Microsoft really has been reduced to trying to persuade salesdroids, at the point of sale of a top end shiny, to right there and blow out its brains with their own crapware, before the "customer" has even left the store, and right in front of them? And if they have a problem later on with it and pop back into carphonewhorehouse or whatever they'll be happy the salesdroid won't just blame Samsung/Google/O2 ?

About that date - perhaps I shouldda gone to Spec Savers?

Oh my sides

Andrew - it's a rare skill indeed to write a piece in which each paragraph is funnier than the previous one, but you pulled it off admirably.

Y'know CSS was to kill off HTML table layout? Well, second time's a charm: Meet CSS Grid

Fixed your typo

It's business as usual that Edge decided not to join the party.

Samsung Galaxy S8: Slimmer bezels, a desktop mode – and yet another me-too AI pal

What shape are it's corners?

These things matter.

I've Been Moved: IBMers in same division slapped with 2nd redundo scheme in 2 months

That acronym for the Management -> Worker relationship

Intense Bowel Movement

Profitless Twitter starts rumour of paid-for Tweetdeck option

Re: Couldn't it simply ask money from Trump for every tweet?

There would also be a new abundance of free twitter clones. At least now there's only one.

LinkedIn starts piping sales data to Salesforce and Dynamics

Re: Flush

Yahoo mail has served me well this way for coming up to 2 decades now. It will be a shame to see it go.

That 'Trump lawyers threaten teen over kitten website' yarn is Fakey Fakey McFake Fakeface

It's fake news folks.

Bigly fake.

Calling your redundancy programme Baccarat? Immense Bummer, Management

They are very good at getting rid of people

Very good indeed.

Samsung's Bixby totally isn't a Siri ripoff because look – it'll go in phones, TVs, fridges, air con...

Yup, that's all the relevant ones listed

"It started with Apple’s Siri in 2011, Amazon's Alexa came out in 2014, Google followed suit with Assistant when it released its Pixel smartphone last year, and Samsung is now playing catch-up with Bixby."

Judge issues search warrant for anyone who Googled a victim's name

Even Chrome in Guest mode isn't a bad start - it leaves zero tracks and starts as a totally blank user hitting the web for the first time ever. Right off the bat the only strength of argument is the IP address used.

IBM could have made almost all the voluntary redundancies it needed

Re: The Wise Move On

And life for the few good ones that do stay goes down the toilet, because they are now surrounded by 9-5 timeserving dead wood, such as the civil service.

Re: The good people

Always the way. Most evident in the land of the living dead, aka any government role.