Posts by Bob Vistakin

Microsoft loses grip on Christmas shoppers... despite XBox boost

"Windows phone = loser"?

You mean it's like a burning platform?

Nokia's Android? It's not for the likes of us…

That horse bolted so long ago

It spent years on the race track, had a nice relaxing retirement and is now resting gently on the shelves of your local Tesco.

Surface Pro 2 dim screen of death snafu STILL happening after patch

Re: Feeling left out...

Fascinating.

Re: Microsoft has a tablet out?

Whooosh!

You too have a very interesting posting history, Anonymous Coward.

Microsoft has a tablet out?

Well color me amazed. Next you'll be saying they have some kind of presence in the smartphone industry.

Google cleared to land in private terminal at Silicon Valley airport

Re: About time

This is how it begins.

NTT DoCoMo says two mobe OSes are enough, so sayonara to Tizen

Re: Tizen is a total basket case

Its the LibDem of smartphone OS's. Claims to support whatever fad is in vogue that particular week, but even when it finally does see the light of day gets totally steamrollered at every turn.

Paris, for she knows just what it means to be the big boys bitch.

Microsoft buries Sinofsky Era... then jumps on the coffin lid

Re: A common API is definitely a must.

For microsoft, it's also a first.

Nokia Lumia update spreads Black death

Re: Loonier software on Loonier handsets

Brite yellow grate color for phone.

Brite yello make me stand out.

People in pub see me wiv brite yello phone and point at me.

Loonier software on Loonier handsets

Do these problems apply to them all or just the bright yellow ones?

Apple files foul-up-fixing patent for fumbling slab-fondling flubbers

Once again an Android idea is slightly tweaked and claimed as original

I'm proud of my Nexus 5, which similarly knows if I'm walking, running or riding a bike. But we're dealing with the famous Apple reality distortion field here and the best courts money can buy, so the fact that phone's been out for 4 months and they'll still be awarded this patent even though they only got round to copying it today today is all perfectly right and proper.

Never mind bungled Universal Credit rollout, Maude wants UK to be 'most digital' gov by 2015

Lest we forget

During the great corruption exposure of 2010 it emerged that Multimillionaire Francis Maude claimed for a second London home, to, err, make life easier for MP's living away from London, which was "yards from his first".

He topped that with his noble attempt at creating mass panic on the roads of Britain with his helpful advice on how to deal with the fuel shortage, forever earning him the nickname "Jerrycan".

Now, what has this shining model of credibility been saying again?

Microsoft's next CEO: Who it WON'T be – Ford turn-around chief Mulally

Could I suggest Gordon Brown?

I hear he's at a loose end these days, and he's looking to make amends for the little mishap or two he caused to the British economy recently.

Acer cozies up to Google with new 'droid PCs and fondleslab, Chromebook

So ... hardware manufacturers are now openly telling Microsoft to get stuffed

Payback is such a bitch.

Skype's Twitter account, blog hacked to spread anti-Microsoft messages

2014: Microsofts year of implosion

And so it begins.

Apple wants sales ban on Samsung smartphones nobody is selling

You're banning it wrong

The idea is to ban phones actually being sold. With round corners.

Get lost, fanbois: Nokia pulls HERE Maps from Apple's App Store

Re: The obvious solution

"Google Maps shite"

Could you enlighten us all on any mapping software available anywhere you think is better?

Hint: Don't go here or here or you'll end up like the chappie in the icon using one of those to find a place to eat.

Re: The obvious solution

Its maps work great.

The obvious solution

I was in Tesco a few days ago and saw the Motorola G for £99. You can unlock them for £2.04 on eBay. You could buy 5 of these for the price of an IPhone and have enough change to see you through 6 months of a non-handset contract.

Oh, and its maps work great. Unless you've been told to Think Different.

Android, Chromebooks storm channel as Windows PC sales go flat

Re: So if we award all desktops to Microsoft then I make it...

@Lol "Chromebook deniers" indeed. Speaking of which, here's some cheery reading for any remaining Microsoft holdouts - aka "linux deniers":

Linux is Everywhere. We show you exactly where.

Happy New Year!

And so as 2013, Microsofts year of hell, draws to a close

We can all look forwards and raise a glass to 2014: Microsofts year of implosion.

Samsung: Men, our Gear smartwatch will make you a hit with the sexy ladies

That ad is a different kind of awful

One for which a word has not yet been invented.

Fanbois, prepare to lose your sh*t as BRUSSELS KILLS IPHONE dock

Thinking Different?

Nope, you're thinking wrong.

Windows Phone app developers: These games are made for you

Re: Wont be found here...

Oooh, so adding that 12% to Androids 81% leaves, err, 7% for Apple + rest.

Aren't statistics marvelous?

Re: Wont be found here...

Yes I keep hearing about these "Windows phones" too, but you never see them in the wild. Have they been released yet, or is this is Microsoft getting their equivalent of an app store ready for when it is?

Microsoft admits: We WON'T pick the next Steve Ballmer this year

I'd vote for Flop

If he does to m$ what he did to Nokia we'd all be very happy indeed.

Apple CEO Cook breaks YEARS OF SILENCE, finally speaks to El Reg hack

What's an iPad?

Is that some cheap knock off copy of an Android tablet?

What you need to know about moving to the Azure public cloud

What you need to know about moving to the Azure cloud?

Don't do it on a fucking leap year.

Microsoft 'cautiously optimistic' about Christmas sales

Any time you're ready to launch one of your phones

We're here looking out for one.

Is there a prize for the first one spotted in the wild?

Android tablets to outsell laptops by 2017: IDC

Extortionists rejoice!

Android is microsofts only revenue stream from mobile and tablets.

Best budget Android smartphone there is? Must be the Moto G

Re: Why?

@Truth4u

You can thank Microsoft for this. Seriously.

The Nexus devices do not come with SD card slots NOT because Google wants everyone to use their cloud, although that's obviously somewhere in the mix, it's because they would have to include the dreaded FAT32 filesystem onboard and hence cough up to the losers who leech. If you notice, whenever you connect a Nexus device to a PC or whatever, its external software which does the file decoding - hence no extortion tax on that front, at least.

Re: Cheapest I have found.....

Same here. I've lost count now of the number of people I know buying this for Christmas. The rest are Nexus 5's.

Starting to have trouble remembering what other phones there are apart from Android these days. Surely after the Christmas sales figures are out we'll just see the dregs scrapping around for what Google would consider the floor noise of their market share.

Hello! Still here! Surface 2! Way better than iPad! says slightly desperate Microsoft

Every time I see the term "Surface 2" I'm reminded of the time this guy needed, err, 2

Xbox One FAILS to beat PS3 - yes, PS 3 - week one sales

Any fucking wonder?

Microsoft pulls its crowd-control tech from out of the shadows

Always entertaining

To read Microsofts official explanation of why they literally don't know what day it is when dealing with Azure.

Schiller: 'Almost everyone' at Apple works on iPhones - not Macs or anything

Re: And yet...

"Anecdotal evidence from teenagers..."

You missed the point, which is not whether they could or couldn't afford one, but the fact they no longer aspire to do so.

And yet...

The figures out this week show a market share *drop* for the last quarter from 13% to 12% which covers the freaking 3 quarters the new iPhones were launched!

Anecdotal evidence from teenagers (unprompted) chat this week tells me the wind has definitely turned amongst them for anything Apple. It is definitely uncool - this Christmas all the desirable tech they want is Android powered, whether its Samsung, HTC, Sony or even the new Tesco tablet.

'I'm BIG, I'm BALD and I'm LOUD!' Blubbering Ballmer admits HE was Microsoft's problem

He did a great job

The whole computing industry thanks you for destroying microsoft.

August last year isn't too late to get into mobile. In the first edition of Bill Gates 1994 Road Ahead book, the word "internet" appeared twice. With such visionary leadership - including your own iPhone predictions - it is a puzzle why Microsoft bombed so hard.

Anyway, now youv'e finally heard of mobile and the guy you sent to rape Nokia is back home, you can get him to use the $2bn a year you extort from Android to come up with something people might notice.

Microsoft advertises Surface, Excel with maths mistake

The gift that keeps on giving

Don't worry microsoft, no matter how much you continually screw up your own products you've still got $2bn per year from extorting money from one you can never hope to come close to in a biilion years.

Apple admits to Mavericks iWork cockup, promises rescue

You're iWorking it wrong

Hats off to the Reg for their continued reporting of what's a happened to the quality of Apples entire product range since the demise of St Steve.

Fury as OS X Mavericks users FORCED to sync contact books with iCloud

Nanny knows best

Are they charging the iSheep more for this superior user experience? They should - they are the most gullible in the business and can be easily convinced this is better for them.

Microsoft founder Paul Allen's money man wants Redmond to break up

Re: "bin for Bing"

I do believe the microsoft shills round here are following a script. Why just last week when the painful reminder of Uncle Festers "Linux is a cancer" rant came up, they all piped up right on cue, with some pathetic argument about it all being in the past so it doesn't count - similar to this Bing copies Google one, in fact. Well the article on Googles official blog hasn't changed in the almost 3 years since it was written so I'd say it's as much a certainty as it is hilarious watching the apologists try to squirm out of it each time it's brought up.

Which it will be again, I'd warrant.

Re: "bin for Bing"

Mind you, it could mean they develop a search engine of their own instead of merely throwing up a script kiddie wrapper round a real one.

Google and Samsung bare teeth in battle for LANDFILL ANDROID™

Re: Phone Dialler

There's a windows phone out? Why doesn't anyone know about this?

Re: Sony forcasts 42m Android Xperias sales in 2013.

Sure a Brite yellow "look-at-me-I'm" Loonier wasn't just a little more tempting?

It's NOT an iPad - but that's FINE: I learned to LOVE Microsoft's Surface 2

Huh? Does not compute

A Pro microsoft piece.

Quick, someone's done a DNS hijack on theregister.co.uk.

Microsoft holds nose, shoves Windows into Android, iOS boxes

Re: So .... the lie comes full circle.

@AC 11:56

Gosh, I didn't realize there was a time limit on this. Please do let us know how you get on with the masses when you pardon the likes of Hitler, Ian Brady, Tony Blair etc for their evil acts against humanity, merely because they happened before some imaginary cut off date you conveniently pulled out your ass by way of a comedy "argument".

So .... the lie comes full circle.

"Linux is a cancer". Oh, wait.... that damn linux is powering Android, which is doing a fair bit better than us these days - in fact it's our only mobile revenue stream. Well, these are desperate times, so let's try to infect it with our shit and hope no-one notices.

Apple slams brakes on orders of (not so cheap) plasticky iPhone 5C

Re: @ Bob Vistakin - No surprise

@andreas koch

Oh how useful selective amnesia can be when you choose to use it. With all this focus on the details of the number of cogs in your posh watch etc, it's almost too easy to forget wer'e dealing with the assholes who claimed to have invented the rounded corner, the sliding bolt (of the kind used in the Pyramids) and more recently the revolving door.

Re: No surprise

Yet iOS7 is a cheap copy of Android. Clearly, this word "cheap" must be going through some kind of reality distortion field.