Posts by Ian Hunter

Extra large condoms hit UK supermarket shelves

Bragging

Those who feel the need to brag and buy these, are usually the people who are lacking in the length department.

Says me with the size ten feet.

/smug

Russian snatches world's strongest 'intimate muscles' crown

Superb

What a vicious c**t !

Web swoons as Jackson dies

There go my pantalones right there

I think I'll dust off my Bo Selecta dvds and watch the best of MJ.

That's how I'll always remember him.

Beeb invites net comments from unconnected

Perhaps...

The Beeb presumed that people would be at work reading it. Hence the part that says 'Are you one of the 30% of adults who do not have internet access at home'.

A pretty far out hypothesis, but I'm gonna run with it.

Germans fire up 200 teraflop Juropa2 super

The real question is:

Can it play Crysis?

Russian blows off ex-boyf's todger with firecrackers

The Daily Sport's Headline could be:

Firecracker Knacker Explodes Boyfriend's Tallywhacker!

Astronaut Twitters from orbit

Twitter:

Half way between twat and shitter.

Gordon Ramsay breaches f**king broadcasting code

All of the complainers

should shut the fuck up. Channel 4 issued warnings before the programme, so to sit there and complain is fucking stupid.

They can stick their complaints up their stupid arseholes.

Paris, cos she like to fu..

Black hole swallows Barbarella rehash

I thought it was...

The Red Sonia remake that has been canned? Rose McGowan was going to star and everything.

Pudsey Bear refused UK passport

What about...

Bear Grylls? He is allowed a passport.

When will this bear discrimination end?

It's political correctness gone mad!

Pig plague 2.0: Can't spell 'pandemic' without 'panic'

Pig?

So does this mean the flu is being spread to non-muslims only? Or can they catch it too?

We need to contact The Sun so they can run an exposé on Mr Hook Hand, cos it's bound to all be down to him.

The headline could read: Hooky's Ham Fisted Attempt To Infect The World.

Also, See Page 3 Idol Contestants in their surgical masks!

NYC granny shoots mugger with .357 Magnum

Guns don't kill people

rappers do. I seen it on a documentary on BBC2.

NASA's nuclear Mars tank is go

Money well spent

With such a complicated delivery mechanism, this lander is worth all the money thrown at it. What could possibly go wrong?

Aussie has answer to save Earth from asteroid attack

I can't believe...

that not a single person has mentioned this: Intergalactic Pool, just like on that episode of Red Dwarf.

Get some cheeky, loveable rogue Scouser, and send him into space armed with eight cans of special brew and a tikka massala. He could trickshot the asteroid straight into the sun, and we could stoke him a clipper as he'll back in time for Christmas.

Spanish chanteuse strips for anti-bullfighting campaign

Nice Tats

I'll get my coat and sombrero.

Phoenix prepares to flex its muscles

Colours?

It looks like the colours have been altered on the picture with the flag and dvd. It's as if they have added more red to it, as that's what people would expect to see.

I read somewhere that one mission controller on the Pathfinder mission (I think) said they would have clear blue skies for the landing. What's the deal there then?

WHAT IS NASA HIDING FROM US?!

The truth is out there.

BAE lands US Army minidroid horde contract

amanfromMars...

sounds like one of those spam emails you get all the time.

However, I do like the sound of Full Monty Stealth Defence through IP Attack Protocols.

Wombat rape ordeal turns NZ man Australian

@GrahamT

Surely it should be he'll marSUEpial the wombat for every penny it has?

NASA reveals Moon's rugged south pole

The Eagle Has Landed?

Since the new LRO that's being launched this year can resolve down to one metre, will they finally show the Apollo LEMs that are sitting there?

NASA can silence the crazy fools who think that we didn't go to the moon.

Paris, as she probably thinks the moon is made of cheese.

Jane Fonda c-word slip shocks US

@ Spleen

Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game! Because it's a game, guys. You want to think it's not, huh? You want to think it's not? Go back to the schoolyard and you have that crush on big-titted Mary Jane. Respect the cock. You are embedding this thought. I am the one who's in charge. I am the one who says yes! No! Now! Here! Because it's universal, man. It is evolutional. It is anthropological. It is biological. It is animal. We... are... men!

Enraged vegan spitroasts Reg hack

Oh Rachel

Your rather amazing rant just goes to show what a lack of meat can do to the brain.

I'm off to enjoy a bacon sarnie - which is good as I'm right next to the A1 where the pigs were flame grilled yesterday.

MoD sorts out 'turkey' helicopters for Xmas

Grrr

This country boils my piss. We were a once great nation, but now we're just a laughing stock. The troops are desparate for air lift capability, and there are properly spec'd Chinooks gathering dust.

Who is in charge at the MoD? Is it a case of bean counters running the show, or are there any former military people? It's a fucking disgrace.

Drink rats' milk, suggests battling Heather Mills

Mills

Surely this proves that she is indeed a fantasist?

Anyway, if she wants to be that eco friendly, why doesn't she get rid of her plane?

Just use Immac on the other leg.

Coat GET!

Don't give booze to elephants, sobs Paris Hilton

Paris

I'd like to get rather drunk, then show Paris my elephant impression. Just to see if she had the same compassion for my trunk.

Paris Hilton exits missionary position to save Universe

Paris Hilton...

Sucks Cocks For Baccy.

Singapore Airlines bans A380 rumpy-pumpy

Hmm

Would a wank be classed as sex? If so, I'd better watch myself next time.

But man, those female cabin crew are sweet.

Paris Hilton heads for the cryogenic freezer

Mark

I'm not sure about her making a mark on the world, but I did leave some marks on my keyboard while watching her videos.

Halo 3 UK launch fails to fire

I'm in shock and awe...

I received my pre-ordered copy yesterday morning. I fired it up last night, and found a glorious looking menu screen. My anticipation levels crept up and up. Unfortunately, my 360 decided it was time to die, and flashed up the Red Ring of Death.

So, I don't know if the game is good or not, but I will be able to post a full review in 'up to 25 days' - as the nice MS support chap said it could take for the machine to be repaired.

Meh.

Martian south pole: water, not dry ice

@ David

Gorillas are primarily a bread eating species.

Yet they posses no baking skills.

MIT in Matrix 'Crowd Farm' plan

An idea

Power could be generated by obese people.

Just think about it: you could hook their arms and jaws up to a generator. Everytime they take a bite of their 20" super sized pizza, the motion of arm to mouth would produce an electric current.

When they start whinging that their weight is all genetic, and nothing to do with eating 10,000 calories per day, that will also generate power.

Genius!

Plods to get helmet cams

D'oh!

There goes my old jape of when the police officers ask I have anything to say, I won't be able to reply "please don't hit me again officer".

Texas porn actress stole classmate's name

Waste of talent

Having Googled Syvette Wimberly, it's a shame she chose to leave all that behind her, she certainly looked as though she knew what she was doing :-)

Britney's new album title - can you help?

How about:

Going off those photographs of her lady bits:

Welly top

Wizard's Sleeve

Clown's Pocket

Paste Bucket