Posts by swampdog

Our CompSci exam was full of 'typos', admits Scottish exam board

Q5 is wrong

http://www.bbc.co.uk/education/guides/zxwmxnb/test/answers?question1=b&question2=a&question3=a&question4=b&question5=a&question6=a&question7=c&question8=b&question9=c&question10=a

You deleted the customer. What now? Human error - deal with it

Dodgy right shift key

..is a problem which plagues me now we all have to use cheapo keyboards which too easily fill up with crud.

eg: "rm *.txt" mutates into "rm *>txt" (ditto "mv").

Labour asks for more concessions on the UK's Snoopers' Charter

Re: Labour's "discomfort" over the Snoopers' Charter

There's only so much one can do...

http://www.theyworkforyou.com/mp/10354/chris_leslie/nottingham_east

http://www.publicwhip.org.uk/mp.php?id=uk.org.publicwhip/member/41179#divisions

...My experience of this "right honorable gentleman" is he is a clueless twat when confronted by IT. So clueless in fact, that when he decided to ignore me over OpenRights issues, he simply stopped talking to me. His PR machine emails me every week.

I made the mistake of answering a (political) medical query.

A UK digital driving licence: What could possibly go wrong?

Re: And I thought the California DMV was bad...

That sounds terrible. This is supposed to be the land of the free?

We're moaning in the UK because some of us have to pay <$100 to renew some shit we're not forced to.

Yes, we might get arrested for not having it but it isn't illegal.

They can't stuff you realistically because you need to drive. UK gov *thinks* mass transit is in order so we get taxed.

My car used to do 26mpg around town. It now does 18mpg. Traffic calming. I'm likely to ask for an inhaler next time I see the doc.

Re: I've had only one positive experience of the DVLA.

I know your feelings. I got so sick of trying to register a motorbike I gave up and just made up a reg. the local plod knew who I was anyway. Nobody seemed particularly bothered back then.

Actually, "back then" wasn't all that long ago. Bum!

Re: Switching to a smartcard licence ...

That's just silly.

You're saying only bits of paper can drive cars. Are you asserting google driverless ought to eject the human?

Re: Just for balance ...

You actually got a response?

Re: driving licence is NOT an ID

"For a start the first thing that the police do after pulling you over (and after a greeting of some description) is ask you to stop the engine."

No. The first thing a police officer will do is pull you out of the car. See my earlier post. He will see your crutches but the bollox in his head will cause him to punch his way through the door. Once he is through, he will set his dog upon you.

"Secondly - you would be carrying that device anyway whether it had your licence on it or not."

Que?

"Thirdly - there is no (enforced) requirement for you to have your licence on you while you are driving, if they pull you and trust you to produce it you will be given a period of time to take it into a station."

Stop quoting shit. Electronic checks - no need to pull. Result: everyone does 99mph. Accidents? Same as normal.

"Now, I think its important to note at this point that I disagree with the digital licence... I dont see a point to it but to start making out that its going to cause additional fines for using a phone whilst driving is ridiculous.""

Tax

Re: Trust DVLA?

Back in the day you had a car and either drove it or not. It cost me £28 to add a limited edition (only made 500) racing Firenza.

Then they came for the bikers.

Then they came for the car drivers.

You raise a valid point. How is one supposed to buy a car privately?

Re: "People are living increasingly social lives"

Down voted for telling the truth!

My mother still has paper. Doesn't matter. I tried to explain electronic tagging to her but fuck it.

Re: It Bodes

Never *ever* send off for a new licence. You will get "a duplicate". Piss on it. Set fire to it. See my earlier post about how it can ruin your life.

Re: Hear this a LOT

Don't bother MrT

I parked at the back of the supermarket car park. I wasn't feeling too well. By the time my wife came out there were six cars around me. This is what I call "the clumping syndrome". Two of them drove in with their heads in their laps. Ms Mobile.

If you park a van diagonally across 6 parking spaces you'll be fine.

DVLA

I'm the original victim of ID fraud, courtesy of the DVLA. I'm no saint. 30+ years ago I had two DUI's in one week when my father died. No excuse but it happened. 20 years ago me & the missus are pottering along the top of the A55 in a van with "Legalise Brocholli" written in mirror writing on the front of our van. Our lives changed. Got a pull by the Heddlu. Mirth and we're on our way. Ten minutes later they pull me up again. Apparently I'm a disqualified driver.

The police, at the station, ask me if they can keep my licence. Biggest mistake of my life. DVLA denied all knowledge of issuing it. According to records I'm now 3 years into a 5 year ban for death by reckless driving. The police even turned up at court to testify they had seen a licence but it was sent back to Swansea so their evidence was inadmissible.

I dunno what happened in court. They argued, in Welsh. No translator. Probation officer laid into me about "the bollox" of claiming ID fraud. I filled out all her forms then refused to sign as my name wasn't Gavin.

I subsequently discovered who was using my licence but court records are only retained for 3 years.

I scan my licence as well.

Eight years ago I was starting an overtake on my motorbike. A revoked driver performed a u-turn. All this shit got dragged up again

There's only one thing worse than snooping, it's having to live your life apologising for someone else's mistake - and being forced to do it.

Long live the DVLA!

Microsoft phone support contractors told to hang up after 15 minutes

Re: Want to increase your personal call stats?

You don't want to name them? I will. UPS. Made us shave our beards off, just to answer the phone. Oh, our latest high-heel girl would be where we were.

I can't recall how many minutes they insisted we take per call but they kept shaving it. 2 mins 50, 2 mins 40, and if you couldn't keep up, you "failed".

The "good" UPS staff kept people happy, promising instant call-back etc. Bollocks.

I once got a call about the Mongol Rally. Could we ship stuff? I didn't know. My phone on hold. Alarm bells ringing. My line manager doesn't know the answer. My phone is still on "hold". End result is "yes, take the order" & me given a bollocking for keeping me phone offline for too long.

UPS do not cover Mongolia. I knew that. Cunts. I left before that one came on top.

Ooh missus, get a grip on my notifications

Re: "My problem is with predictive text, "

Ordinarily, when I get a courtesy car I'm not fussed. Saves walking. However, a few years ago I got given a new Renault Scenic. Now, I'm sure if I'd be able to read the manual (not included) I'd have been fine. I opened the glove box and all there was, was a card. I inserted it into the satnav. Questioned bypassed (not the owner) it proceeded to inform me it has recalculating my destination for the next three days. I removed said card. Radio on - same messages.

I hate French cars because everyone who drives them is a tosser. I hate them more so for making me a tosser. There's a tiny little 3-way switch buried near the handbrake - speed inhibitor. Wanking bastard thing doesn't cancel when you hit the gas.

Overtake 45mph car in nat speed limit, hit 50, it stops. Fucking computers. Some twat before me set it.

Big motor. No computer.

In the words of some real/cartoone character..

You look stressed, I invite you into my masterbatorium.

Android game idea. The squirrel, called Timmy, has to collect nuts. In order to do this he needs to fill a sack he is carrying. The game is simple. Let us call it "Timmy's nutsack".

Is this a pegi3 or 18? Well it depends.

Timmy has to fill his sack. Once he's filled his nutsack he's obliged to empty it into the nearest hole.

Please croud-source my company because who would not want to hear embarrassed parents when their child yells in a restaurant, "Mummy, Timmy has emptied his sack!"

You can always rely on the Ancient Ones to cock things up

Re: Portals to the Gods

To piggyback on Frankie Boyle and the title "If I Could Reach Out Through Your TV and Strangle You I Would"..

I think we need computers to be portals to the gods because then I could repeatedly punch them in the head, all the time asking "why did you let/do reverse/destroy car over my JCB Tonka toy?"

Methinks if we all adopt this mindset there will be no more brake failures:

mortal: presses pedal (nothing)

brakegod: (snigger)

mortal: I'm coming to get you

brakegod: pressure restored.

Re: Apostrophes....

I'm much against this trend to get rid of the apostrophe entirely. I had to learn it so I'm buggered if our descendants are going to get away that easily!

"Do you know what an apostropologist once said to me? She said "Will you let go!". "Nooo!"

Re: Of course tech is sentient

Try one of those "commercial" fire alarms - the sort with lock & keypad. It would trigger an alarm if the mains failed. Now add into the mix a landlord who is unavailable at the weekend plus a new tenant who refuses to understand the concept of a tripswitch.

WAAA DRING DRING

WAAA DRING DRING

WAAA DRING DRING

(*)

..and no way to cancel until Monday morning (needs key to unlock the pad).

Got so I had to make a choice between staying over with my GF or teaching this rogue device a lesson. The latter was surprisingly easy to achieve. I undid all the screws at the front and the facia came off. Quick jumper across the back of the lock. Tada - keypad now active.

It had a stonking battery in it. Even if the power had remained off it would have run for hours.

(*)

The upper floors had sirens but the ground floor had one of those old fashioned "red school bell with clapper inside"(**) jobbies.

(**)

Never undo the bolt and take the bell off while one of those is running.

Let’s re-invent small phones! Small screens! And rubber buttons!

Re: Small != Small

Shit happens Alistair,

This happened in..

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2016/03/19/microsoft_windows_skylake/

(me)

"I never liked w7. It was raved about because it was better than vista. No. An OS remembers where you opened the window. W7 doesn't. It is not an OS. It has never been an OS in my mind. Vista was the warning. Shite windows & no positioning,

A week, I've spent, trying to get my wench's PC back into playing games. We're behind a wsus DC. My games machine - all updates ok. My laptop - none since Feb (but 100% up to date). Her machine is doing an amy."

..+5/-34 (votes)

I think my -34 might beat yours. I have no idea why.

Oh, sugar! Sysadmin accidently deletes production database while fixing a fault

Duff keyboard

Dodgy right shift key. Been waiting days for a replacement. This scenario..

# rm -v *.bak

..became..

# rm -v *>bak

..only after this was I allowed to liberate the keyboard from the unused machine next to me.

Swede builds steam-powered Raspberry Pi. Nowhere to plug in micro-USB, then?

Re: Fun project

"I really do admire what people can do :)* *other times I'm quite horrified !!"

Tickle a shrimp.

Microsoft will rest its jackboot on Windows 7, 8.1's throat on new Intel CPUs in 2018 – not 2017

M$

I never liked w7. It was raved about because it was better than vista. No. An OS remembers where you opened the window. W7 doesn't. It is not an OS. It has never been an OS in my mind. Vista was the warning. Shite windows & no positioning,

A week, I've spent, trying to get my wench's PC back into playing games. We're behind a wsus DC. My games machine - all updates ok. My laptop - none since Feb (but 100% up to date). Her machine is doing an amy.

Too Naked for the Nazis streaks to literary glory

Re: Lovely!

"Feline Reactions to Bearded Men"

oo, lovely. I don't understand it.

"The Influence of Peanut Butter on the Earth's Rotation"

.. I'll go with the OP.

I didn't look at the letter. My mother warned me about that kind of thing.

Web ads are reading my keystrokes and I can’t even spel propperlie

Re: Malgorithms

"As for spelling "help"

Firefox 3.5.7 was 'brill. Right click on Zuckerberg for "Cocksucker". Today's suggestions are lame by comparison.

Re: Advertising in general --

When 1/3rd of a programme is advertising that's enough. 22 mins. Fuck off.

French woodland

Fnarr

If I want to buy something I look for it.

Pretty much sums it up for me. I've always done my research. When I walk into a car dealers I say "I want that one". Not so long ago I could drive off in that "want" in under half an hour.

Now, if I pick up a bargain & drive that motorbike home, it ain't taxed is it?

"Is there a filter for 'I is an innocent old codger wot is trying to grow some cabbages?"

Nope. Not even in real life. Oh, not cabbages but as I've got the link in my paste buffer, sod it..

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/501060/Family-disgusted-Sainsbury-s-worm-inside-cauliflower-live-Nottingham-UK

Extra protein, gratis! Bring back amusing shaped produce is what I say!

Re: Very good, Mr D

Someone should contact him & offer him the appointment of ElReg Rantographer-in-chief.

Snowden WAS the Feds' quarry in Lavabit case, redaction blunder reveals

Re: I wonder...

"No level of injustice makes Terrorists into Good Guys when they attack civilians."

Those are emotive words and they put you in danger of being in the same camp as them. There are no terrorists. There are no good guys. There are no civilians. What you have is a group which will not be satisfied until all opposition to their thought patterns is annihilated.

That's why we should resist them: because they refuse to co-exist with any-thing/one different.

Raspberry Pi 3 to sport Wi-Fi, Bluetooth LE – first photos emerge

Hardware tested in Hull

We've all been lubed up there.

Seriously though, a facility to boot off "not" sdcard would be a real boon. Ethernet/iscsi please. The sdcards are a major price factor!

Building a fanless PC is now realistic. But it still ain't cheap

Re: How about

You may be wrong. For home at least. I use an RPI1 as my firewall. It has been faultless, even when the sdcard died (didn't notice until reboot).

I plan to retire one of my vmware servers. All of the DNS/DHCP proxy/mail can be stuffed onto them via iscsi.

Re: How about

Using a cross compiler?

Takes only a few minutes.

My devil-possessed smartphone tried to emasculate me

Re: Welcome to the wonderful otder of Luddites

Now there's an idea for an app. Combination of proximity and humidity sensors could detect the nad-zone. There could then be initiated, an animation of teeth biting down. It would halt when mobile is extracted from pocket.

Why is my battery going flat? Dunno mate. I leave it to others to flesh out the girlie version as I've just recalled the article about IR sensors.

Kickstarter?

Drat!

I was about to extol the virtues of keeping my nokia 2330c around for going out & getting bladdered. It is "nad safe".

However, I couldn't remember what model it was so wanted to ask it. I vaguely recalled putting the code in somewhere. I eventually found it in a note as "*#000#" but nothing happened so I concluded I needed to invoke some sort of dialler. After much searching and a lengthy discussion with the missus (she had one) we decided we couldn't remember shit these days.

Fortunately she is less attentive to detail. While I was sat here thinking how to discover the model number so I could google it, she just googled "nokia keypad codes". Apparently *#0000# does the trick. I hate her. ;-)

Investigatory Powers Bill: A force for good – if done right?

Re: Intelligence & Evidence

"How would having no rules for spooks stop politicians from being pressured?"

It would be no worse than now but they'd be unable to present it as evidence. Either they pass the intelligence to the police who can retrospectively dig up evidence on their own or they keep quiet. In the latter instance the MP can't be pressured.

Pig face porn. Either it's a titillating red-top story or it's true. In the latter case the security services are covering up a crime. If MP's can't be pressured then other MP's would ensure the truth came out, if only for political gain. If it's false then the PM has nothing to be concerned about.

Intelligence & Evidence

You can't legislate for it. Let the Intelligence community do as they will (because they will anyway) but instead make a legal distinction between intelligence and evidence. That is an area where you can legislate.

The Intelligence community *must* do whatever it sees fit. Once there are rules the "enemy" will manipulate that knowledge to their advantage. It follows there can be no rules in that respect.

If I know something about a person/situation I can choose to keep it to myself or make it public. The former is intelligence. The latter is evidence. If I know a person might kill another person in the next few months I might keep that to myself. If I know they are going to kill in the next few minutes I still might keep it to myself *if* I knew/considered worse things would result.

A Democracy needs to present a balance but how to solve the above problem? Present a Bill, that can't be watered down by Statutory Instruments & the like.

No intelligence can be presented as evidence. That's not to say intelligence can't become evidence. No intelligence prior to the first evidence is admissible. The key is timing. GCHQ can choose to sit on facts or pass a hint onto the police who then gather evidence.

It is hard enough these days to trust politicians. What we don't need is the fear they've been persuaded to vote in a certain way simply to avoid some 15yr old altercation coming out. This would stop that.

VW floats catalytic converter as fix for fibbing diesels

VW floats catalytic converter as fix for fibbing diesels

"And it should contribute to you being able to do that as safely as possible."

No. No. No. No. No! (<- that cat youtube video I can't find the link for)

All journeys should be a hair-raising experience. If you want safety, take a bus. You are much more likely to survive when I run into you.

Re: Which cave did they dig you out from?

I'll defend your right to say anything you want..

"If you need it for flash purposes, erectile dysfunction compensation meds are cheaper."

..right up until the moment you slag off my motorbike. It's a darned sight cheaper to get to 200mph on that than it is any one else's missis. Only costs a couple of gallons of fuel. I challenge you to bed any woman for £15.

"However so should be all the oil burning prehistoric Petrols (especially the "non-boring" erectile dysfunction compensator variety)."

Now you're on about my two-stroke. What's wrong with a YM350LC? Think about it. Those bikes (actually the 250cc version) were responsible for you getting a shag. Less males.

All hail to to the Yamaha 250 Liquid Cool'd :-)

VW floats catalytic converter as fix for fibbing diesels

@ The Quiet One

"Serves them right for buying a diesel, filthy disease spewing heaps."

Wow. What a lot of down votes! Methinks lots of people got sucked into buying one. They hate you. Well now they can hate us both.

Folks. Let's get one thing straight. You are conned. 35 years ago my 850cc mini would do 50+ to the gallon. My limited edition Vauxhall Firenza would do 25 when I booted it, 35 else. My current car does 35-40 on a long run, less than 20mpg round town. My last motorbike would do 40mpg even when I was being silly (ie: 100mph in 3rd gear), 60mpg else.

I've owned numerous vans. All diesel. They could all pull 3 or 4 tonnes for a consistent 35 or so mpg. They'd pretty much do the same mpg, full or empty. Keep them low revving. Big motor. If you can't pull away on level ground in 3rd gear you haven't got a proper diesel.

What you have now is turbo's. They are shit because you can rev the balls off them. They go well but if you want performance buy a sodding petrol. Modern "muppet" diesels are also far too complex. Want to spend £400 every 3 months? Buy a Volvo C30(*). Argue with the garage who's going to pay to have the soot filter cleaned when the warranty expires. "You need to drive it more" is not an excuse.

Taxis. Do they get MOT'd at the same place city transport buses do? How do they find the place for fumes?

(*) fortunately not me, a co-worker.

Everyone who has purchased a diesel in the last decade is a tosser.

UK energy minister rejects 'waste of money' smart meters claim

UK energy minister rejects 'waste of money' smart meters claim

"Coming back to Smartmeters, just how and why do you think somebody in Whitehall or wherever are going to “remotely switch off our washing machine mid-cycle or our freezer or our fridge or our lights”?"

Simples. There is "Intelligence" and there is "Evidence". It's not possible to mix the two. Either you know something & keep it quiet or you make it public, in which case it becomes evidence.

Ask yourself one question. Why have our respective governments got so much of a hard-on to snoop upon their own populations?

There is money and there is power. It isn't money because just about any tin pot country could knock out all the satellites. That leaves power. Who vets the politicians?

We could watch "Yes Minister" for a laugh. My concern is for a civil servant with an agenda. They'll just want a decent pension but in their pursuit they'll leave behind a trail of shit legislation and advise the current political incumbent against making X a minister leaving Y as the choice.

Given that nothing about MP's gets into the media until they're nearly dead I'm inclined to think all of the ones in power have something to hide, or they wouldn't be such dicks.

There was an article (I think it was here on ElReg) about analyzing data via power usage. Why change something that works (dumb meters) for something (smart meters) that might not?

"But interested to know what exactly you think is so special about the UK electricity supply sector that makes you think it is so different from others like Australia and NZ?"

[I was going to comment along the lines that as the cars in the UK drive on the wrong side of the road, maybe the electrons were travelling through the wrong wires - but then I remembered that in NZ and Australia are driving on the left as well. So, sorry, no idea.]

At the risk of offending GrantB.. okay, fuck it, I will offend GrantB.

@GrantB:

It's because you're colonial. We have a Queen & secretly you like to be told off.

@allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

You nearly got there with the insult.

The rest of the world drives on the wrong side of the road. You all know this and it is because you couldn't quite bring yourself to offend the Queen that you stopped short.

Here's offence: Duke of Westminster. American Embassy.

Re: The paranoia!

"The retailer can then offer a better range of pricing, like cheaper power at night or middle of the day when they have power flooding the system they need to offload, and charge more when everybody is arriving home switching on ovens/heating and maxing out their local transformer. You have choices - you can stay on simple single rate plan or, if you are capable of setting a timer (some apparently can't) then take advantage and switch retailer and/or plans."

Yes we have choices. Why are you suggesting we choose to have less choices?

There is no power to offload. The turbines are either spinning or they are not. The kettles will go on during the adverts. If you've got some magical grid storage device then patent it. You will be rich very quickly.

Boozing is unsafe at ‘any level’, thunders chief UK.gov quack

Re: drinking, smoking and some basic biology.

"Smoking is *awful*. Not just for you but for me too. There is nothing good about breathing toxic compounds."

You have been conned. It's pollution. Nasty diesel. Idiot council traffic calming measures. My car does 40+ mpg on a run. It used to do 30mpg round town. Now it does under 20mpg. Even in the middle of the night the traffic light sensors are programmed to make lights go red as you approach.

Traffic calming measures are making your child asthmatic.

Re: Reminds me of Woody Allen

"I also can't recall any studies that suggested that the chemical alcohol was in any way healthy."

It doesn't mean there aren't any. It's almost certain you exist because of it. Alcohol produces children. Alcohol enabled the parents to stay alive long enough to produce those children. Alcohol allowed those children to survive long enough to themselves procreate.

Much though I fancy a tomato or lettuce when I've a hangover, neither of of those make my wife more fertile - (directly - snigger).

Re: Hands up who didn't see this coming?

My mother lives next door to a nurse. Middle of nowhere. Nurse has been increasingly rabid about my mother smoking to the point they've fallen out. Nurse has had two sprogs. Nurse was slim. Now nurse is a fat bloater. Nurse used to smoke.

Last time my elderly mother had an incident, I had to drive 80 miles because "NHS retained" flat bloater two sprog "I'm working" "child credit" woman has decided my mother's bird table is causing rats in her garden.

Nurse needs counseling. Not going to happen. Tax dollars at work folks.

Re: Calling Ben Goldacre

This is why we should be communists. Except possibly for the tainted vodka. I'm also not too fond of vodka. Too many stories about blindness from crappy communist vodka.

Then you get capitalism where you're not allowed in.

Fuck it. Communist blind StarTrek "wodka".

Scrumpy.. hmm.

Pigs in bacon

Wasn't there a study just before xmas where bacon is less environmentally friendly than here? It was here (I think) - reported, as opposed to pigs and/or bacon being here.