Please re-read my post !
• "When your device tells you to write something down or put it somewhere safe then that's exactly you do"
Nope, as previously explained my device did no such thing.
(1) M$ failed to warn me that a critically important Recovery Key would be stored in my M$ account. This was only revealed by a link on the Blue Screen of Death, AFTER BitLocker had permanently bricked my laptop.
(2) M$ failed to warn me that I needed to find my Recovery Key immediately and then keep it safely written down on paper.
(3) M$ failed to warn me that I wouldn't be able to discover my Recovery Key if (i) I'd used an M$ account but then forgotten its username / password or (ii) I'd used a non-M$ email account which was no longer supported. Many big names have closed their email services (e.g. Tesco, Powergen, John Lewis, Waitrose), and many ISPs hold you to ransom by closing and locking your email address if you dare to leave them (e.g. Virgin Media / Blueyonder).
• "What did you think would happen?". As previously explained, I expected to have no use for an M$ account because it would only be used to spam me about unwanted M$ products and services. I'd have opened a new M$ account if I needed one at some future time.
• "Personally I don't use bitlocker for this exact reason and I have no use for it." As previously explained, I didn't even know I was using BitLocker until it bricked my laptop. I thought the encryption was used only against malevolent third parties, not against the laptop owner. I'd expected it to be like WhatsApp, it's encrypted but it's just there behind the scenes, the end user doesn't need to fiddle around under the bonnet and get their hands dirty.
• "if my computer did on the off chance get locked out from bitlocker and I only had it a couple of days I would just re-install. I don't understand why you didn't just do that." As previously explained, BitLocker would NOT allow Safe Mode, re-installation of Windows (no CDs and CD drives these days, and I hadn't had time to make a USB backup) or any other workaround. Not even M$ can defeat BitLocker's military standard 48-bit encryption, that's its purpose.
• "Why are Microsoft and Lenovo laughing? You got a full refund and some clown has to set it up again so it can be sold for less as used. What have they actually gained here? Am I missing something here?" Yes, you're missing a lot. You missed ALL the above points that I thought I'd explained, and you're missing the fact that by bricking new devices M$ they benefit by flogging more Windows 11 licences and Lenovo flog more laptops
Others may be more knowledgeable, but I suspect that my bricked laptop will just be scrapped because of the costs and difficulties associated with physically replacing all the embedded encrypted solid state drives.