Posts by earl grey

Fake prudes: Catholic uni AI bot taught to daub bikinis on naked chicks

"be as erotic as road kill"

Pah, i got that one covered even when i'm covered.

Either my name, my password or my soul is invalid – but which?

1-2-3-4-5

That's the kind of combination an idiot would put on his luggage!

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Re: 2 factor

whack you over the head in the study with the metal pipe

Er, no. I think it was in the kitchen with a knife.

Boss helped sysadmin take down horrible client with swift kick to the nether regions

Thank you

Here's to you and your successor. May you both continue to have fun with your careers and with writing (from an old timer)... now get off my lawn!

Re: Booo! Booooooo!

Rebecca takes the column on to new excitements...

Oh, i thought you said excrements... never mind.

AT&T abducts AlienVault to bolster business end of its security probing

I suspect this is like their last promise

You know, the one where they said they wouldn't raise rates when they acquired TW? What happened right after that went through; they raised rates. Oh, and they're still dumping employees like mad. Have to pay those exec bonuses somehow.

Hardware rumours, goat-spanking search engines and plenty of Azure. It's last week in Redmond

I am not a number!

Ah, never mind.

Science! Luminescent nanocrystals could lead to multi-PB optical discs

my pron is waiting

bring it on she said.

IBM fired me because I'm not a millennial, says axed cloud sales star in age discrim court row

lying scum are still lying

Why am i not surprised.

IBM memo to staff: Our CEO Ginni is visiting so please 'act normally!'

Re: We expect 100% occupancy during the visit

"Do we know if she came via helicopter?"

Yes, she comes in the helicopter. Just like Barbarella.

Happy birthday, you lumbering MS-DOS-based mess: Windows 98 turns 20 today

i can remember before windows

Except it was all mainframe stuff. Yeah, i'm old.

UK taxman has amassed voice profiles of 5.1 million taxpayers

Re: Give it a year

"What about Boris Johnson's two-word thought on the matter?"

I don't think "I brainless" counts as a thought.

IBM loses mainframe docs down the back of the web, customers cry 'sabotage'

too stupid for words

as someone famously said: You Dumbass!

BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical

Required input

Have a few. Laughed out loud and got strange looks.

JURI's out, Euro copyright votes in: Whoa, did the EU just 'break the internet'?

Hands off my pronz

And my tentacles. She knows.

UK footie fans furious as Sky Broadband goes TITSUP: Total inability to stream unfair penalties

oh, and here's your 2 pee

Erm, i meant 2 p.

AT&T sends in startup shill to shake up Cali's net neutrality safeguards

s'rsly?

Typical behaviour from a company that tried to hire washington insiders, pays off state legislators left and right, and is currently in a big campaign to purge headcount.

Shiny new Capita boss to UK.gov: I know you are but what am I?

Have they offered to refund for all their f-ups?

Didn't think so.

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

WTF just happened

I just tried to up-vote a comment and a red error message popped up that said something like:

Alert the Moderatrix - The coders need to be whipped!

How old is that?

Dinosaurs permitted to mate: But what does AT&T Time merger mean for antitrust – and you?

what does this mean to the consumer?

Back in the barrel.

That was quick: Seattle rushes to kill tax that would mildly inconvenience Amazon

The last tax didn't do any good.

The last 270 million tax they laid on the public hasn't gone into any part of housing and helping the homeless like it was supposed to; so what makes anyone think THIS tax is going to actually be applied to its spoken cause? The council there is corrupt in not addressing any of the actual problems but like politicians anywhere see someone else's money as the solution to all their problems. It isn't. It never will be. The best thing that could happen to that city would be for all those big corporations to move to another city/state where idiots like these aren't in charge. When you piss off that much of the electorate to satisfy the few, you would think they were far right wing instead of far left wing politicos.

In defence of online ads: The 'net ain't free and you ain't paying

Re: Short-lived but well-received

"and in the case of porn, probably a fair proportion that is criminal evidence"

Damn straight. Those dancing bear vids are proof that someone is having a better time than i am.

Re: happy for adverts if....

"And then, obviously, there's all the really crazy stuff, like pornography, who we vote for, embarrassing hobbies/kinks, your racist relatives, medical problems you don't want to talk about, and so forth."

You left out the tools we use and the hardware we have in stock.

British egg producers saddened by Google salad emoji update

i'm going to hell for this

All i can hear is Ozzy singing "eggs for dinner".

You have suffered without red-headed emoji for too long. That changes Tuesday

1F984

At last I get a unicorn!

Send printer ink, please. More again please, and fast. Now send it faster

i would like to insert a full ream

Or maybe give them time a barrel; either way would serve.

Mirror mirror on sea wall, spot those airships, make Kaiser bawl

Thank you

Very interesting article.

Kids and the web latest: 'Won't somebody please think of the children!' US Congresscritters plead

i almost agree

We all need to implement the Libertarian practice of automatically adding "None Of The Above" to every ballot.

You need to also put on there that if "none of the above" wins, the others are automatically prohibited from running again...

I look forward to a future where the Republican Party regains its sanity.

I look forward to a future where all the parties regain their sanity.

TFTFY

Get an eyeful of the stunning galaxies near us in ultraviolet light

if mankind only gets remembered for one thing

this

Biometrics: Better than your mother's maiden name. Good luck changing your body if your info is stolen

Re: Wonder if Estonia's solution would work?

It's all good until it's broken and then it's crap like everything else. They have to originally base is on something and that's probably more of a problem.

German IKEA trip fracas assembles over trolley right of way

"quality MDF items"

unpossible.

BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave

nicely played

Have one (or more).

if dev == woman then dont_be(asshole): Stack Overflow tries again to be more friendly to non-male non-pasty coders

Re: Maybe a silly question, but...

"rock gently side to side"

Note: Use a good sized rock.

Firefox to feature sponsored content as of next week

Re: Bye bye FF...

"Which one are you going to pay for?"

ODFO

BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

Re: The value of IoT

"Always thought it was divisable by 0"

Everything is divisible by 0. There's naught to think about.

Revenge pornography ban tramples free speech, law tossed out – where else but Texas!

gun crime

It's not a thing.

Crime committed with a gun...

Crime committed with a knife...

Crime committed with a truncheon...

Crime committed with a car...

Crime committed with a lorry...

Those are "things".

Tech bribes: What's the WORST one you've ever been offered?

Never really got offered a bribe

Well, leastways not that I would have recognised. Guess i was too dumb or not worth the effort. I did manage to be "gifted" a Mapper tie which had been made in limited quantities and have a few pens from a training session that light up in different colors...very entertaining...

Everywhere I have been employed the last 50 years has had very strict rules about bribes, accepting gifts of almost any value, etc. Never got offered much and never had to worry about the value (of the item or my integrity).

Facebook faces foe formation in facial fingering fight

Re: OH dear....

But, but...then Zoiberg won't be worth billions of croutons!

Machines learned to assemble IKEA’s semi-disposable furniture

Re: Real men? w/prostrate glands

1. to cast (oneself) face down on the ground in humility, submission, or adoration. 2. to lay flat, as on the ground.

yeah, not so much like prostate.

However the hot dog at the end makes up for it all.

Yeah, used to getting the weiner in the end.

Now IBM turns redundo gun on its Digital Business Group

BOHICA

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Size does matter, chaps: Oversized todgers an evolutionary handicap

Ah, yer takin' the piss

Reminds me of the old recording of two guys taking a leak

and the one says: "why is yours so much louder than mine"

and the other says: "I'm pissing on your briefcase"

Honey, I shrunk the mainframe: Fujitsu freshens up GS21 kit

Re: Eclipsed?

As another old mainframe greybeard (starting some 50+ years ago), i offer you several of these.

Facebook admits it does track non-users, for their own good

how many kicks to the nutsack

would it take to get that scum to fix farcebook?

Re: RE: As a never-signed up non member....

Somehow that kicked off:

badger, badger, badger

in my head... I'm not quite as sick as what's his name.

El Reg needs you – to help build an automated beer-transporting robot

Beer delivery

I thought that's what the sprog were supposed to do?

Snubbed R Us: Microsoft eschews Vulture Consultants in Playmobil tech research

so how does this work

when the knight and the lady are stacked up? Just askin'

German sauna drags punters to court over naked truth

"We sell ad space next to IT stories"

Is that why while i was at work i would always get the big ad with the slinky half-dressed babes and wonder what that had to do with IT?

My Tibetan digital detox lasted one morning, how about yours?

Re: Dabsy, I disagree about your choice of phone.

zombies shuffling down the street

OH, you just had to say that....

Party Rock!

Yeah

Wooo!

Let's go!

Party rock is in the house tonight