Posts by earl grey

Chinese database details 2.4 million influential people, their kids, addresses, and how to press their buttons

panda boy will not be happy

to see the great republic of china referred to by so many unworthies.

AT&T’s CEO has a solution to US broadband woes despite billions sunk into the problem. You’ll never guess what it is

AT&T - stayin sleazy

Not sure why, but i always wanted to kick stinky in the nutz.

Infosys to hire 12,000 more Americans – especially the cheapest ones it can find

Indianapolis?

Midwest USA with much lower cost of living and lower salaries generally (compared to either coast). I have a feeling there will be a lot of churn on those jobs.

Life with Amazon's fitness band: Upload your half-naked pics to see how fat you'll look without exercise. You now sound stressed – relax!

mayhaps i can test their AI

i figure a manbra and large cucumber should do the trick.

Engineer admits he wiped 456 Cisco WebEx VMs from AWS after leaving the biz, derailed 16,000 Teams accounts

i'm having a hard time with this

worked for my last company for over 40 years and when they let me go i had access to my computer and the relevant systems up until i left at the end of the day.

no sabotage, no bad behaviour; just one more schmuck shoved out the door at the end of the day.

Doing something like what this wanker did should have been an instant H1B revoke, green card option permanently revoked, and time in chokey, and then shipped out of country.

Google wants to listen in to whatever you get up to in hotel rooms

Alexa, are you listening?

Yes

Turn yourself off

I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that.

Surely you can.

My name is Alexa, don't call me Shirley.

US Air Force shows off latest all-electric flying car, says it 'might seem straight out of a Hollywood movie'

where's the frikkin laser?

you know it needs one.

Bunch of mugs keep risking life and limb to 'crockery bomb' sad little roundabout

BOFH mug

wait a minute, is there still a BOFH in existence?

Sun welcomes vampire dating website company: Arrgh! No! It burns! It buuurrrrnsss!

Re: Inappropriate garb? Me? Probably daily ...

Pah, who cares about dominatrix.

Fear the Moderatrix!

Deep-root database: Kew Garden's 8 million specimen collection to find new life through data management

As an organisation with very long roots

i see what you did there.

US govt proposes elephant showers for every American after Prez Trump says trickles dampen his haircare routine

Re: Whatever

It's really just a trained red panda. If it weren't for that his pate would look like Mr. Clean.

Splunk sales ace wins sex discrimination case after new boss handed her key accounts to blokes deemed 'flight risks'

I see pants on fire here

Unfortunately, it will only be a minor monetary hit it the pocket and no one will be in the stocks.

What looks like a global pay freeze, sounds like a global pay freeze, but isn't a global pay freeze? Ask IBM

Re: Translation...

but they are in the same boat as you

No, we're on the Titanic and at least they have the Minnow.

Bored binge-watchers bork beleaguered broadband by blasting bandwidth: Global average speeds down 6.31%

Re: where do people go for video entertainment?

Surely you jest.

Re: We broke the Internet, again

we're going to need to see a change

there, fixed that

as ISPs regularly upgrade their networks.

yeah, good luck with that in lala land.

Wrap it before you tap it? No, say Linux developers: 'GPL condom' for Nvidia driver is laughed out of the kernel

TAINT_PROPRIETARY_MODULE

i'm sorry. every time i see Taint all i can think is "don't touch that!"

Who was behind that stunning Twitter hack? State spies? Probably this Florida kid, say US prosecutors

time for chokey

until he's too old to remember what twatter was.

MI6 tried to intervene in independent court by stopping judge seeing legal papers – but they said sorry, so it's OK

as they used to say in the states

smooth move, exlax

Oh what a cute little animation... OH MY GOD. (Not acceptable, even in the '80s)

Why don't people use these protections?

you may as well ask why don't idiots use rubbers...

Beijing's tightening grip on Hong Kong could put region's future as an up-and-coming tech hub in jeopardy

"won't change Hong Kong or threaten its residents"

I think the proper reply is:

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.

Windows 10 Insider wondering where Notepad has gone? Fear not, Microsoft found it down the back of Dev Channel

i miss the olden days

before MS dropped a turd every time they turned around.

After huffing and puffing for years, US senators unveil law to blow the encryption house down with police backdoors

it's not magical maths, just put in the backdoor

and bend over. we'll just get a warrant (ha ha ha) and we'll read anything we want (well, except YOU'RE not allowed to read OUR stuff).

waiting for the first time the 'backdoor' gets used on every congresscritter that votes for this.

Belief in 5G conspiracy theories goes hand-in-hand with small explosions of rage, paranoia and violence, researchers claim

5G caused infertility in men and cancer in humans

not true at all. However, it does shrink your brain to the size of a grain of sand so you do ever more stupid things.

The girl with the dragnet tattoo: How a TV news clip, Insta snaps, a glimpse of a tat and a T-shirt sold on Etsy led FBI to alleged cop car arsonist

i think super milkchan summed it up best

you dumbass!

Wow, Microsoft's Windows 10 always runs Edge on startup? What could cause that? So strange, tut-tuts Microsoft

ms is making the whole world insane

i actually upvoted bombastic bob. wtf ms?

ESET rushes to defend rival Malwarebytes in legal war sparked by vendor upset at 'unwanted program' labeling

i like ESET

long ago in a far away galaxy, i had a crappy computer with crappier software and downloaded a free ESET to try. Had a question for them and they actually emailed me back within 24 hours. try to get that from just about anyone else unless you are a big $$$ business.

Amazon declined to sell a book so Elon Musk called for it to be broken up

we still need the BOFH

someone to help his muskiness into the next world.

5G mast set aflame in leafy Liverpool district, half an hour's walk from Penny Lane

but, but ... it fried my brain

cell

Frontier: Yes, yes, we've filed for bankruptcy protection, but that's not stopping us giving key staff $38m in bonuses

what does this remind me of?

Yes, a wacko riding a bomb down from space....

not sure why.

US cable subscribers are still being 'ripped off' by creeping price increases – and this lot has had enough

Re: Sign up for your $1.32 payout

give customers the BIRD

Everyone knows about the BIRD!

'I wrote Task Manager': Ex-Microsoft programmer Dave Plummer spills the beans

Re: Why wasn't it in by design?

backside whipped on the server

i thought the only thing that got whipped was the Llama's ass.

Dude, where's my laser?

Re: ACME Corporation

And everyone knows that ACME only sells to Wiley Coyote and the darn things never work right.

A real loch mess: Navy larks sunk by a truculent torpedo

I'm not a smoker, but

The idea of using a ciggy with the fuse was so that you had a longer escape time before the cigarette burn down and lit the fuse. Cigarettes used to be made so that they would burn completely down either to the end of the cigarette or up to the filter end they didn't go out like the new ones do are supposed to. I believe the change was mostly made to prevent fires with people dropping cigarettes down the back of couches etc. I have it on good word that it works perfectly and setting off a firecracker next door to a crappy neighbor having given the miscreant airport time to get indoors and not be seen.

Apple and Google tweak key bits of contact-tracing privacy plan

so what happens

If you have wifi and bluetooth turned off all the time... or does this turn them on and run your battery down no matter what?

phone not just turned off but powered off?

oh, you don't have a "modern" snoop phone... here's one - carry it everywhere. lolololol

Travel advice for the week ahead is just: STOP

my registry is probably the thing of nightmares

The registry was always f-ed up to begin. It should never have allowed applications of any kind access to a primary system level file.

Zuck loves free speech so much Facebook will censor 'anti-state' content in Vietnam after telcos 'crippled' access

Re: So that's how you make The Zuck comply

"polish its image"

I think you mean to polish its knob.

Yes, she knows all about that, too.

Cloudflare goes retro with COBOL delivery service. Older coders: Who's laughing now? Turns out we're still vital

JCL or ECL

Both can come back to bite you in the arse.

Re: Why COBOL?

"revered error elimination"

Furthermore, the one shop where i worked we were not allowed to have any compile errors - not even warnings. That made it even more fun.

Re: Retrieve the old textbooks

Upvote for the Gestetner. I used to have to run one of those many decades ago and it was a fine machine.

Watch out, everyone, here come the Coronavirus Cops, enjoying their little slice of power way too much

i measusre my safe distance in airbags

Yes, those delightful Bulgarian airbags. Keep myself surrounded at all times.

Real-time tragedy: Dumb deletion leaves librarian red-faced and fails to nix teenage kicks on the school network

Pah, you kids

Back in my day it was a slab of damp clay and a stick.

BOFH: Will the last one out switch off the printer?

thank you

have a few

Welcome to the telco, we've got fun and games: BT inks 5-year deal to outsource mainframe management to IBM

they are well and truly forked

having worked at a place years ago that forked the employees over to I've Been Mislead, stealing employees pensions, and then having IBM dump a whole lot of those folks prior to the contract ending.... and then watching the same thing happen years later (again - some folks are slow learners) and watching as big blue proceeded to dump more and more of the experienced (yes, older) workers and try to force many more into relocation (at your own expense)...

Ah, fuck 'em.

Sunday: Australia is shocked UK would consider tracking mobile data to beat pandemic. Monday: Australia to deploy drone intimidation squads

There are some right nut-bags out there.

That's Mr. Scrotum to you sir!

Captain Caveman rides to the rescue, solves a prickly PowerPoint problem with a magical solution

ugh, all sounding too familiar

Having been employed by and worked for over 40 years for a major telco which infamously pushed tele-work to the general public but NOT to its own employees...

all i can say is Bastwards.

when i did work from home, i used my own computer as i refused to take their lappie home with me because I would be liable if anything happened to it whilst off the company premises.

glad i am not there any more.

Disk stuck in the drive? Don't dilly-Dali – get IT on the case!

Re: Deja Vu!

I hate to say it, but that reminds me of the capacitors going bad on our old 1100 systems. Smelled of fish oil and we could tell the engineers before they totally failed. Stunk up the whole computer room.

Icon - smells of fish?

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

as someone once said

It's Hammer Time!

Sure, check through my background records… but why are you looking at my record collection?

stupid tests

When i was that supervisor in the computer room (many moons ago), the company "changed the standards" by which they allowed potential candidates into various programming jobs and a friend and i were required to do a new test in a "pseudo assembler" language. We both passed, but it pissed us off enough that we made a sample test for the computer attendants to use and so many of them passed that the wanker brigade dropped the test entirely.

I heard somebody say: Burn baby, burn – server inferno!

lovely AC

Many decades ago i was hired into an unmentionable large corporation to be a computer room supervisor. Our floor was all raised and there were tiles with holes to supply extra air for the needed mainframe components. I always liked having one of those tiles right under my desk.