Posts by earl grey

BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why

thanks

have a few of these

BOFH: I'm so pleased to be on the call, Boss. No, of course this isn't a recording

so that's it then

thank you

BOFH: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages

industrial diamonds are fairly inexpensive

just look for them for truing up a grinding wheel.

Accidentally wiped an app's directory? Hey, just play the 'unscheduled maintenance' card. Now you're a hero

Re: Accidentally deleted some VM's once

To quote scooby: RUH ROH

(i know, i know...but it IS appropriate)

BOFH: Postman BOFH's Special Delivery Service

'Remote Onboarding'

I'm sorry. I read that as "remote overboarding" - as the yanks say, "i lost all my xxx in a boating accident".

Drinks all around.

Microsoft drops 64-bit OneDrive into the pool: Windows on ARM fans need not apply. As usual

Microsoft drops 64-bit OneDrive into the pool

Was this before or after they threw in the toaster?

UK terror law reviewer calls for expanded police powers to imprison people who refuse to hand over passwords

Shocked I am

that no one has yet mentioned:

WHAT CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG ™

IBM's CEO and outgoing exec chairman take home $38m in total for 2020 despite revenue shrinking by billions

overpaid wankers

This is for all of them.

BOFH: 7 jars of Marmite, a laptop and a good time

well done

Beer all around (or all over if that's your thing).

Accused murderer wins right to check source code of DNA testing kit used by police

and yet

we still can't forensically check those voting machines. wtf

With depressing predictability, FCC boss leaves office with a list of his deeds... and a giant middle finger to America

Pai - "I am not the world's biggest arsehole."

No, you're the universe's biggest arsehole.

Study: AI designed to detect diabetic eye disease blinks in the real world, makes more work for doctors

Have hade my eyes photo'd for years

Even before i was told i was pre-daibetic I was having pictures taken on an "optimap" (?) system and the eye doctor would look at the images before-during-after my eye exam. Insurance does not cover this at all, but i think my eyesight is worth the investment (same if i ever can get cataract surgery). No drops; no injections; just a nice sharp picture.

America says banks can now transact using so-called stable crypto-coins. What does that actually mean?

there are other hands at work

In the united snakes the IRS wants the banks in on all the "coin" so that they can get their hands on that "asset" info and tax the hell out of it. people aren't reporting "coin" deals now and they want in on the action.

Beware the ghost of operating systems past: In which our hero is visited by an old friend

And a happy new year to all

I'm sure there will be no more borks in 2021.

Facebook appeals ruling that it stole tech. So, Italian judge issues new judgment: Pay 10 times the original fine

F-around

I'm sure that F-around is F-ing going to get what's F-ing coming to them.

Trump's overhaul of Section 230 stalls, Biden may just throw the web legal shield on the bonfire anyway

Can't we for once just throw the policians all on a bonfire?

Please, I'm not asking for much.

BOFH: Time for the MMOCC. You know, the Massively Moronic Online Christmas Call

I'll be home for Christmas

Been waiting for the BOFH forever. Thank you and merry christmas.

Search history can calculate better credit ratings than pay slips, says International Monetary Fund

NO

Or more specifically, HELL NO.

What does my neighbour's Tesla have in common with a stairlift?

wonder about the scrap value of chopped off charging cables

Asking for a friend ~_~

ACLU sues US govt, demands to know if agents are buying their way around warrants to track suspects' smartphones

time to get rid of 3 letter agencies

whoopsie

If I pedal faster and feed it spinach, my robot barman might pull more pints

I know my luck

I would have a nice exo and it would decide to disassemble and pull me apart in the process.

It's always DNS, especially when a sysadmin makes a hash of their semicolons

thank the great noodly one i never did this

I swear.

Cyberup campaign: 80% of infosec pros fear they might fall foul of UK's outdated Computer Misuse Act

let's just make everything a crime

what can possibly go wrong.

[Checks meeting agenda...] Where does it say 'Talk cr*p and waste everyone's time'?

"does BM stop talking"

I hope i'm correctly assuming the B M stands for bowel movement.

The day I took down the data centre- I mean, the day I saved the day. Right, boss?

It wasn't a network command

But the effect was similar.

Once upon a time in the long distant past I was admin on a Unisys 1100/74 (4 CPU system) that we had 3 production Mappers running and a test version. I set them to run real-time (and on Unisys that's what it really means) and the operators couldn't key into the console for 40-45 minutes at a time.....la de da.

Changed that back shortly after.

Let's... drawer a veil over why this laser printer would decide to stop working randomly

i'm frankly surprised

that no one suggested to the OP that the user check the back of the drawer for the solution and then rather sharpish slam said drawer closed (multiple times, if necessary).

Software engineer leaked UK missile system secrets and refused to hand cops his passwords, Old Bailey told

put him in chokey

and leave him there until the heat death of the universe

Ho hum: If you're so artificially intelligent, name this song while my videos go viral

and here i sit

Listening to "nothing else matters"

The vid-confs drinking game: Down a shot of brandy every time someone titters 'Sorry, I was on mute'

they'll do it every time

Oy, moved to the countryside so i could complain of the smell from the cow (pig, chicken, sheep) excrement.

Arseholes.

From the Department of WCGW: An app-controlled polycarbonate lock with no manual override/physical key

Re: Cellmate

"Neither is penal incarceration."

I think you mean penile incarceration.

BOFH: Rome, I have been thy soldier 40 years... give me a staff of honour for mine age

hot coffee out the nose

A co-worker of mine years ago (now sadly gone) and i were in a meeting with a "client" and a particular topic caused said friend to eject hot coffee in two streams right out of his nose. Painful it was.

Burning down the house! Consumer champ Which? probes smart plugs to find a bunch of insecure fire-risk tat

Re: The stupid, the lazy and the first mover

ODFO

Re: The stupid, the lazy and the first mover

Oh, noes. I've been hacked! (is it TO bits or BY bits?)

Key-cutting machine borked sideways after visit from the BSOD fairy locks things down

used a similar machine many moons ago

on the other side of the pond to get a copy of the key to my mom's house. slipped the key in and it cut the grooves, nubs and rubs in a generic blank and worked a champ.

Re: I wonder...

That's the big problem with using Windows.

fixed that for you.

O2 cuts ribbon on UK's first commercial driverless car lab where it'll blend satellite and 5G signal to stay on the road

as someone once said

Just say NO.

Help! My printer won't print no matter how much I shout at it!

the worst part

is after being retired a couple of years now i still have all the manuals for those early HP printers.

Adidas now stands for All Day I'm Disconnecting All Servers as owners of 'smart' Libra scales furious over bricked kit

i don't even like watches with batteries

I'll take the 14 week old custard in the back yard before i touch these,

He was a skater boy. We said, 'see you later, boy' – and the VAX machine mysteriously began to work as intended

can't imagine all that

at no time in the years i worked would a rollerblader have been tolerated in any of the computer centers. it would have been immediate termination with prejudice. i can easily remember the weight of an armload of 7 or 9 track tapes being moved around...

Chinese database details 2.4 million influential people, their kids, addresses, and how to press their buttons

panda boy will not be happy

to see the great republic of china referred to by so many unworthies.

AT&T’s CEO has a solution to US broadband woes despite billions sunk into the problem. You’ll never guess what it is

AT&T - stayin sleazy

Not sure why, but i always wanted to kick stinky in the nutz.

Infosys to hire 12,000 more Americans – especially the cheapest ones it can find

Indianapolis?

Midwest USA with much lower cost of living and lower salaries generally (compared to either coast). I have a feeling there will be a lot of churn on those jobs.

Life with Amazon's fitness band: Upload your half-naked pics to see how fat you'll look without exercise. You now sound stressed – relax!

mayhaps i can test their AI

i figure a manbra and large cucumber should do the trick.

Engineer admits he wiped 456 Cisco WebEx VMs from AWS after leaving the biz, derailed 16,000 Teams accounts

i'm having a hard time with this

worked for my last company for over 40 years and when they let me go i had access to my computer and the relevant systems up until i left at the end of the day.

no sabotage, no bad behaviour; just one more schmuck shoved out the door at the end of the day.

Doing something like what this wanker did should have been an instant H1B revoke, green card option permanently revoked, and time in chokey, and then shipped out of country.

Google wants to listen in to whatever you get up to in hotel rooms

Alexa, are you listening?

Yes

Turn yourself off

I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that.

Surely you can.

My name is Alexa, don't call me Shirley.

US Air Force shows off latest all-electric flying car, says it 'might seem straight out of a Hollywood movie'

where's the frikkin laser?

you know it needs one.

Bunch of mugs keep risking life and limb to 'crockery bomb' sad little roundabout

BOFH mug

wait a minute, is there still a BOFH in existence?

Sun welcomes vampire dating website company: Arrgh! No! It burns! It buuurrrrnsss!

Re: Inappropriate garb? Me? Probably daily ...

Pah, who cares about dominatrix.

Fear the Moderatrix!

Deep-root database: Kew Garden's 8 million specimen collection to find new life through data management

As an organisation with very long roots

i see what you did there.

US govt proposes elephant showers for every American after Prez Trump says trickles dampen his haircare routine

Re: Whatever

It's really just a trained red panda. If it weren't for that his pate would look like Mr. Clean.